Word Count: 28,736
Date: 10/29/04
Series: Mini
Rating: M
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee, Kara
Warnings:
Summary:
Spoilers/Disclaimers:
Prologue
William Adama sat at his desk, still clenching the piece of paper. Twelve models… and they had presumably encountered two in the past 24 hours alone… How many more are on his ship… in this fleet…if there were more survivors…. How would they know if they were human…? Adama shook his head; his mind was reeling. There were so many questions and so few answers. Sure, Baltar had fingered Doral… but how could they be sure he was right, maybe Doral had been innocent… and maybe not; there was no way they would ever know. No one had really looked closely at the program Baltar had used… but it was incredible how fast he had come up with it… such a complex formula to figure out in just a couple of hours. Maybe this man was the genius he had heard, or maybe he was one hell of a con artist. The only thing that was certain was that he didn’t trust Baltar… not one bit.
There was just something about him that Adama could not bring himself to trust. To say that Baltar was edgy would be an understatement. That man was as nervous as a Caprican pip mouse in a room full of hungry cats. Adama had seen Baltar more than once, talking to himself in a quite agitated manner… And this man was the genius that humanity would rely on… Hell this man could be a cylon himself…Adama shuddered at the thought.
There had to be another way… something they hadn’t thought of… It would have been simple if they could have stayed at the anchorage, the storm would have figured it out for them; but the cylons had made that impossible. Perhaps there was another EM storm like Ragnar out there somewhere…But what if they happened upon additional survivors? How would they screen them? Adama tossed the note on the desk and stood up, walking over to sit on the bed. He placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands. He could drive himself insane trying to sort this entire mess out. He could feel the exhaustion in his bones. No one had slept since before the initial attacks, and it was taking its toll.
Less than 48 hours ago, he had been retiring; the Galactica was about to be decommissioned, and his son was a complete stranger in his life. If only one good thing had come from what many were already calling “Judgment Day”, it was that his son was back in his life. They had yet to really talk, but that seemed like a formality at the moment. Lee’s eyes had said everything when they had met earlier. Forgiveness was good for an old soul… He hoped Lee didn’t misunderstand his reasons for delaying the already long overdue conversation, but he wanted them to both be able to devote their attention to one another, not battling the phantom exhaustion that was creeping up.
He also hoped that Lee would not be too hard on Kara… he had a gut feeling that Kara had told Lee about her involvement in Zak’s death. She still blamed herself, even though she should have never been testing him in the first place. It was the head instructor’s job, and he was off doing lords know what, leaving the testing to his assistants and signing off on the reports without so much as a second glance.... Adama sighed. He could still remember the early days after the accident. Kara had punished herself more than any court in the colonies could have. She had been so fragile. Her pain was deep, but he had helped her through it, brought her here to the Galactica where he could keep a close eye on her. She had melted right in with the rest of the crew in all aspects save one. She never let anyone get close... She kept everyone at arms length, and while she had made some friends… she never let anyone get past her rough and tumble exterior. Adama hoped maybe Lee could break through that shell she had built around herself. She needed to have someone…someone she could trust to let her guard down with. Someone who she could lean on… maybe even love again. Hell, had he been 30 years younger…
He laughed in spite of himself. Tigh would have a field day with that thought. On many an occasion, Tigh had expressed his concern that Adama and Kara were too close to be working together on more than one occasion. Tigh felt Adama turned a blind eye to Kara’s unruly behavior because he had a soft spot for her.
Maybe he did have a point, Kara did get away with a lot, but it wasn’t because of her relationship with the Adama family…. It was because she was a damn fine pilot. He had seen many a commander in his day, look past a hot temper and a volatile mouth when it came to a highly skilled pilot. In time she would cool her heels and become the disciplined officer he knew was deep beneath her rough exterior. He had seen it happen before. He remembered another highly skilled young pilot who had a penchant for bar-room brawls and stints in the brig. Cmdr. Bayrn, then commander of Galactica, had made the decision to look past certain behavioral issues and indiscretions, and had turned a wild young pilot into the man who now served as his XO, and his best friend. Funny how things had come full circle for all of them… He was probably one of the few people in the fleet who still had those closest to him. So many had been lost…
His heart skipped a beat as he realized how close he had come to losing both of them today, more than once. He could still feel the cold shock when it had appeared the ship Lee was on had been nuked. The pounding of his heart when Kara had landed her wounded Viper in the first wave of the attack; and his heart stopping entirely as Kara risked everything to bring in Lee’s crippled ship in the last moments before the jump. Kara and Lee were all he had left. For the first time in over 2 years, it hurt that Iilya wasn’t waiting for him to come home… the feeling of being completely alone in the world... Even had they still bee married, she wouldn’t be there now. But he reminded himself, he wasn’t alone. He had his son, and he had Kara. Hopefully the two of them could take care of each other as well out of the air as they did in flight…
With a resigned sigh, he lay back, closing his eyes. He could feel the exhaustion taking over; the darkness of a world lost… but a single though sparked light in the murky despair. Perhaps there was a chance for a new beginning… for everyone…
Chapter 1
Kara sat at the desk in CAG office, sorting through schedules and requisitions, her mind only half on her work. As Lead Pilot, she had taken on half of Lee’s paperwork, and half of his stress. Frak, she would much rather be in the air than behind a desk, but when she wasn’t on patrol, that’s exactly where she was. Being behind a desk gave her a lot of time to think, and right now that was something she really would rather not be doing. Thinking just caused trouble.
She had started thinking about things just after yet another surprise wedding in the mess hall a few weeks back. Kara had to admit she felt a little jealous. Why she didn’t know. She had Lee… Lee was a good friend; he always watched her back as she did his. He was always there… she could always count on that. Lee was Lee… dependable, predictable, comfortable…safe. So why did everything feel so wrong right now. Lee was her best friend, her confidante… everything she could want him to be, except for one thing… He was not in love… she could see it in his eyes. She could see it, because she saw it in her own eyes every time she looked in the mirror.
She was beginning to feel guilty for doubting their relationship; after all they had been to hell and back together. But deep down she knew she was right. They were friends… their feelings did not go beyond that. Hell yes, the physical attraction was there… it had become the foundation of their relationship… The sex was fantastic… but it was just sex… there was no emotion beyond that of friendship… hell when they were together, it was almost as if there was no emotion at all… other than the unrestrained release from the tensions that built up around them daily. Kara was starting to realize she needed more… and if she felt this way, she was pretty sure he did too… but he would never say anything. That was Lee… honorable to a fault.
She felt trapped… she didn’t want to do hurt Lee… she just wanted things to change… to go back to how they used to be… She wanted her friend back. She didn’t want the complications of a relationship with him. A relationship that was rocky, emotionless… she had seen enough of that type of relationship when she was a child. But how could she end things with him… he would be hurt… she was sure of it. He may never speak to her again… she had no choice though… to go on living like this was slowly poisoning them both. He deserved someone he could love, and who would love him back… Kara placed her elbows on the desk, burying her face in her hands for a moment to try and get a hold of her thoughts. She wasn’t going to get anything done with her mind racing like this. Lords, the minute she was off shift she was going for a good long run…
She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the knock on the hatch, or the hatch slowly opening. A low, gravely voice brought her back to reality.
“I would offer you a cubit for your thoughts, but I’m not sure if there are any left around….”
Kara looked startled for a moment; then looked up to meet a pair of concerned dark brown eyes. They were very much like his youngest son’s eyes… only much wiser, more understanding… Kara swallowed hard. She hadn’t meant for anyone to catch her in such a state, especially not him.
“Sorry Sir…” she said sheepishly. Commander Adama smiled, almost laughing and Kara relaxed a little.
“Just came down to pick up the recognitions list for the pilots for tomorrow’s ceremony.”
Lords, she had almost forgotten about the frakkin ceremony; she was more of a mess than she thought. Digging through the papers on the desk, she came across the blue envelope Lee had left for the commander. It contained all the names of those Lee and Kara had felt duly deserved commendations for their contributions over the past six months. Some even were up for full promotion. She picked up the envelope and stood, walking over to where Commander Adama stood. She handed him the envelope and smiled. “Everything is in there” she said, her voice sounding distant, even to her. The commander simply took the envelope and nodded before turning to exit the hatch. He paused for a moment then turned back to Kara.
“Talk to him… he’ll understand…” he said softly, reaching up to lightly brush her cheek before turning to leave.
Damn! How did he do that…. Kara thought to herself as she watched him disappear down the hallway. Was she really that easy to read? If she could only read Lee so easy her problems would be solved… Kara nodded to herself. He was right though, she and Lee had been involved before, albeit very briefly…and their friendship had survived… hell, maybe he was feeling as uncomfortable about everything as she was. She absentmindedly raised her hand to her cheek as she slipped back into the office to finish off her paperwork.
Lee watched as the new recruits he was teaching filed out of the classroom. He hated teaching, but there was no one else both willing and qualified. He could have ordered Kara to teach basic flight theory to the dozens of new recruits. He had asked, she had refused, and the look in her eyes told all. She still didn’t trust her own judgment when it came to instructing. He shook his head; he only hoped she would get that confidence back someday. He decided it would be best to take the first batch; he would wear her down for the next. She was far too uptight lately, and he had a pretty good feeling why.
It had been just a little over six months since their lives collided headlong into one another. Neither one had looked past the moment… they just lived… survived as best they knew how, leaning on one another every step of the way. Truth be told… they really didn’t know each other anymore. It had been just a little over two years they hadn’t seen nor spoken to one another, there was the occasional letter, but those letters never really said much. He missed Kara being able to confide anything to him… he missed being able to talk to her about anything that was on his mind. He missed having her as just a friend. And now, he was sure that she wanted more of a commitment… she had been acting different ever since the last wedding a few weeks back. He just didn’t know if he could give her that… So much had changed.
“Sir…?” A soft, feminine voice echoed in his ears, pulling back his wandering mind. A tall young woman with shoulder length strawberry blonde hair looked up at him with soft brown eyes.
“Yes Cadet Addison, what can I help you with?” He asked, his voice catching just a bit, making her smile.
“I’m having a little trouble understanding propulsion systems… any chance we could discuss it over a coffee, or at least what they’re passing off as coffee these days?”
“Sure…” he looked at the clock on the back wall. It was 1400. “What time?”
“I have mechanics until 1600… how about 1630?” Brown eyes sparkled, waiting for his answer.
“1630… Mess hall?”
“Sounds good, will see you there.” With that she turned to go, leaving Lee to his thoughts once more. He watched for a moment as she disappeared out the door, then turned back to his work.
He gathered up his papers slowly and left the ready room. It wasn’t the best classroom, he had taught in, but given the circumstances, he could think of worse. There was already a lineup of pilots waiting to get in and unwind.
Sharing space was definitely proving to be more awkward than they had originally anticipated. A lot of things were more awkward than he had anticipated… He thought again of Kara. What was he going to do…? He couldn’t leave her hanging, and he couldn’t give her what she wanted… His only focus now was how to smooth things over without getting a broken jaw and losing a friend in the process.
It seemed to take forever to walk the few dozen yards down ship to his office… He was pretty sure that she would be there, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with things right now. His mind wandered to the young cadet he was meeting with in a couple of hours. He had the feeling that he had met her before, but where he just couldn’t place it. He was actually looking forward to their meeting…even wondering if there was more to the invitation… she was very beautiful, and confident… he couldn’t see her truly needing help with anything…Frak, what was he thinking…. he still had to get things sorted out with Kara…
He was so lost in thought, he almost ran right into his father who was coming down the corridor towards him. The Commander looked almost as distracted as he felt. He saluted the Commander, who acknowledged him with a nod and a smile before carrying on down the corridor. Lee couldn’t help but wonder what had the old man looking so distracted. He stood there and watched his father disappear around the corner before turning back around and continuing on towards his office.
Chapter 2
The black, near starless expanse of deep space stretched out beyond the small window of the CAG office. Kara stood staring out into the darkness. Her mind was almost as far away as the tiny specks of light in the distance. She had to talk to Lee… now, before things got any more complicated… well, before they became officially complicated anyways. All signs pointed to her worst fears come true… but the longer she could put off the official confirmation, the longer she could stay in the air, and the more time she had to figure out how to deal with things between her and Lee. One thing was certain… she needed to resolve things soon. She was worried the direction things were taking, Lee had asked her opinion on marriage more than once in the past few days, and she had managed to avoid giving him a direct answer… she just wished he would drop the subject…
She was so lost in thought she didn’t even hear the hatch open, again. “Hey,” a familiar voice rang out, making her jump a little. Frak she had to stop drifting off in thought… this was going to get her into trouble. Lee smiled a little, he looked like he had a lot on his mind as well, judging by the look in his eyes. She decided that it was now or never… things had to be dealt with…
After a moment of very awkward silence, they both spoke in unison. “We need to talk…”
They both chuckled, though the tension was still there… “You first…” Kara said quickly, losing her nerve. She just hoped he wasn’t going to do what she most feared he would; otherwise what she had to say was going to be one hell of a crushing blow to dish out. Lee sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk, running his fingers through his hair. He was very obviously tense…
“Where do I start…?” He said softly, not meeting Kara’s eyes. “I…I just…” He paused as though considering his next words carefully. “I just don’t know if I can give you what you want…I mean… I care about you… but I just don’t know if its enough to get married.” He looked up sheepishly, as though he was expecting to have to make a run for it. Kara stood there with a stunned look on her face for a moment, before having to restrain her self from laughing. Lee gave her a very odd look. Perhaps he thought she was losing her mind…
“Lee… I don’t want to get married… whatever would give you that idea?” Kara managed to ask, still fighting the urge to laugh, mostly from relief that they seemed to be on the same page.
Lee looked rather embarrassed, but the relief was evident on his face. “I guess since you’ve been acting so distant since that last wedding…”
“I’ve just been thinking things over… about us… but not about marriage…” Kara was the one stumbling through her sentences now, carefully trying to say what needed to say without hurting her friend. “We’re really great as friends, Lee…” she sighed. “I… I think we should take a step back… go back to being just friends…” Frak, this wasn’t coming out the way she wanted it to… she just hoped he understood. There was a long silence… “Lee…?”
“You’re right…” he said softly. “We are great as friends…” he smiled. “When it was just friends, we would have never spent weeks trying to figure out how to tell the other something… we would have just said it…. And I miss that. I miss my best friend”
“And I miss mine…” Kara agreed. Lee stood up and walked over to the window where Kara was still standing. He turned to look out the window with her, neither one speaking for a while. Just enjoying the silence, and for the first time since “Judgment Day” there was no tension in the silence… only understanding.
Finally Lee spoke “So... who you taking to the banquet tomorrow?” He laughed and moved to step away; Kara delivered a scathing blow to his shoulder, laughing to herself. Same old Lee…
“This is a joke, Right” Paul Tigh said with a raised eyebrow as he looked over the list of promotions to be presented at the banquet the following night.
“It’s not…” Adama replied, and continued shuffling through the papers on his desk. He wasn’t the least bit surprised at the reaction.
“You can’t be serious…” A hint of what could almost be called panic was creeping into Tigh’s voice. Adama half chuckled to himself.
“I am.”
“Lords help us… Thrace a Captain… Are you out of your ever living mind? She has a long history of insubordination and lack of discipline…”
“And her service since the beginning of the war has been exemplary. Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves…” Adama looked up at the paled, frustrated look on his friends face. “She’s been acting as Lead Pilot, taken on half of the CAG duties, flown more patrols than any other pilot, and she hasn’t seen the brig once since the beginning of the war. As far as I’m concerned, Judgment Day wiped everyone’s slate clean…”
Tigh groaned and sunk back into a chair. “I sure hope you know what you’re doing…”
Tigh’s statement was met with a curiously arched eyebrow from Adama. He had known that promoting Kara would not be met well by Tigh. There was a lot of bad blood between the two of them. It was hard having your two best friends at each other’s throats… Adama paused lost in thought for a moment on that thought. Yes Paul had been his best friend for many years; they had served together in the first war against the cylons, and had been posted together many times during the 40 years since… but Kara… he had never really stopped to consider just how he saw her… but best friend did seem to suit their relationship well. Even when she had been engaged to Zak, he had trouble thinking of her as just a daughter-in-law, she was more important than that... However, in the months that followed his death, he had watched her mature even more through many personal battles, some self inflicted, others not. In turn, she had helped him thorough his own struggles. They had been there for each other when the center of their collective universe had burned out, and yet she didn’t drift away, rather she had grown into a companion, someone that he could talk to…depend on… a friend… yes… best friend suited her well…
“I’m beginning to worry about you Will” Tigh’s voice cut into Adama’s mental musings, snapping him back to reality. “Are you going to tell me what has you taking strolls out into deep space these past few weeks? Or am I going to have to take a guess…”
“I’m fine” Adama stated, flatly hoping it would put an end to the conversation. His gut told him that this was going to travel down the same path it had several times before… and he just didn’t want to get into it again...
“It’s only a mater of time before she winds up in the brig again…” Tigh stated.
“So you keep telling me. I happen to think she deserves the opportunity.”
“You’re way too soft when it comes to Thrace…” Adama was only half listening at this point. They had been over this ground at least once a week since Kara came aboard. Tigh was continually accusing him of favoring Kara. Maybe he did cut her a little slack on occasion, but no more than he had cut Tigh on equally as many occasions. He just wished that Tigh could see that. He was definitely not prepared for what he heard next. “Hell, for all I know you’re in love with the little hellion.” Tigh stopped abruptly, looking rather pale, as though he had said something he had only meant to think.
Adama started to laugh, half at what Tigh had said, and half at the look on his friends face. “I think you have been spending a little too much time with our friend Baltar, you’re starting to sound as crazy as he is…” Tigh began to laugh at that, though he was definitely still more than a little tense.
“I have to get back up to CIC, on shift again in 10” Tigh said, checking the time. He left quickly, still looking a little flustered. Adama just chuckled as he left, then turned back to the mountain of paperwork.
It was a while later when Adama looked up from the paperwork, his mind on Tigh’s last comment, on this time he wasn’t laughing… Maybe he was, just a little… but that was besides the point… She was a friend… nothing more… a good friend, that was true. They had weathered a lot together in the past few years, it would make anyone close. In love…? Maybe if he was 20 years younger…
Chapter 3
Kara shuffled through her locker. She knew her dress uniform was in there somewhere, but it had been so long since she wore it, she didn’t know if it even still fit. She had always made a point of being on patrol if there was a formal occasion, especially one involving promotions. She didn’t often let it bother her, but watching as everyone else around you gets promoted had a tendency to be a bit of a slap in the face. Something she was really not looking forward to tonight. She had tried to rearrange the schedules to be out on patrol tonight, twice. Lee caught it the first time. He told her that as Lead Pilot she should be there. It was good for the crew’s morale. Frak what about her morale? She sighed. The opportunity had presented itself once again, when one of the pilots scheduled for patrol had come down sick this morning. She had immediately volunteered to cover for him, since it was an emergency shift change and all. However, Lee had informed her that it was on Commander’s orders that they both be there. So, that left her here, shuffling through the locker, looking for a uniform she hadn’t worn in well over two years… A flash of soft grey caught her eye, and she pulled the uniform out from hits hiding place in the back of her locker.
She sat down on the edge of her bunk, still holding onto the uniform. A cold chill ran through her as she looked at the leather sash. A wide, black velvet band was wrapped around it, right at the high point of the shoulder. It was a tradition that the members of a mourning family were marked by the black velvet band on the dress uniform sash. She hadn’t worn the uniform since… simply tucked it away. She had completely forgotten that the band was still there… Lords, she still missed him… Zak had always kept her grounded, at least figuratively. She chuckled slightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. Sure, they did fight a lot… especially near the end… but they never stayed mad long… besides… how could you make up if you didn’t have a fight now and then…
That thought pushed her over the edge. She sniffed softly, brushing the tears from her eyes. Why the hell was she getting so frakkin emotional now? It had been nearly three years… This just wasn’t like her…Frak, maybe she should go down to the med center and get checked… but she just wasn’t willing to risk her flight status… not yet… She jumped as someone knocked at the hatch. “It’s open…” she called, wiping away the tears quickly. When she looked up, she was surprised to see the Commander standing in the doorway.
Adama didn’t recognize the voice that answered his knock. He had come down to the pilot’s quarters, hoping that someone might know where he could find his son. Lee hadn’t been in his office, and since it wasn’t official business he had with Lee, he didn’t feel it appropriate to use ship-wide paging. He certainly wasn’t expecting what he saw when he opened the hatch. Kara was sitting on the edge of her as yet unmade bed. She looked as though she was crying, and at first he assumed that it was because things didn’t go well with Lee… after all, she had obviously slept in her bunk last night. Then his eyes wandered to the uniform in her hands. He could see the black velvet band, still attached to the sash. She looked up from the uniform, her eyes were so wide from surprise and filled with tears, she looked like a frightened child.
Without a word, he crossed the room to sit next to her on the bunk. He slipped an arm around her shoulder. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder, the leather sash still held firmly in her hand. He quietly slipped his other arm around her, holding her tight as she cried.
Adama didn’t know how long she had cried, but eventually the heavy sobs subsided into the occasional sniffle. They sat there several moments longer; he just could not will himself to let her go. Eventually she pulled back, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry…” she said softly.
“Don’t be…” he smiled, brushing a tear from her cheek.
Kara looked down at the leather sash in her hand. “I had forgotten this was still on here” she said as she brushed her fingers across the black velvet. “I haven’t worn this since the funeral”
She fell silent once more, before looking up to meet his eyes. “Thank you…”
He simply smiled and hugged her gently. “Anytime…” He remembered then why he had come down to the pilot’s quarters. He wasn’t sure if he should ask… he didn’t want to upset her…
“So, what brings you down here?”
“Well… I was looking for Lee; actually, he wasn’t in his office…”
“He’s probably down teaching basic flight in the ready room…” Kara smiled “Don’t worry, we parted on good terms, it was a mutual decision” He must have looked shocked, because Kara laughed. “What? You think you’re the only one who reads minds around here?”
With that they both laughed.
Adama stood to leave, then turned back and reached for the leather sash now lying on the bunk. He carefully unfastened the black band and walked over to Kara’s still open locker. He then fastened the band around the corner of her mirror, just above the picture of her, Zak and Lee. He smiled and nodded to her, and she smiled back. With that he turned and slipped out the hatch and turned down the corridor towards the ready room; hopefully Lee was still there…
Several hours later, Kara found herself walking towards the mess hall in full dress uniform. Considering she hadn’t even tried it on in nearly three years, it fit rather well, only a little bit snug. She was hoping to be able to slip in the back of the mess hall once everyone else was already in. She had to be there… there was no mention of her being overtly visible. Her plans were quickly thwarted once she walked in; however, Commander Adama was waiting by the entry.
He motioned for her to follow him, and all hopes of ducking out early were thrown tout the hatch as he lead her to the center front table in the room. Lee was already there, and beside him sat a young woman. Kara recognized her immediately. Cadet Shelby Addison, one of the most recent recruits who had volunteered for service. Kara had helped out on the deck with the mechanics classes a few times and was actually quite impressed with how quickly she caught on to the basic repairs that were being done, Cadet Addison also didn’t take any flack from her classmates for being the only female in the class. She reminded Kara a little of herself, except much more refined, and she definitely wasn’t the type to punch someone out. Her wit on the other hand was a match even for Kara. She had to smile. If she was going to pick someone for Lee to date… she didn’t think that she could have done better herself. Although, she was pretty sure Lee hadn’t been the one doing the picking.
Glancing around the table, she noticed that she was also granted the immeasurable pleasure of sitting at the same table as Colonel Tigh. She really hoped that the meal wasn’t that good, as she was already losing her appetite. Doing her best to ignore his cold stare, she looked around the rest of the mess hall.
It was sparsely decorated, to say the least. The banners once used to represent the colonies hung across the front of the hall, a chilling reminder of what they had lost. A makeshift stage was placed in front of the banners so that the entire room could see those being presented with their promotions or commendation medals. The tables themselves were covered in dark blue tablecloths, and a white runner that stretched lengthwise down the center of the table. For a moment, things didn’t feel quite so bleak. The room was starting to fill up with people, and a low roar began to fill her ears, for the most part… people actually seemed happy… perhaps this was a good thing after all.
The meal was probably the best Kara had eaten in the six months that had passed since Judgment Day. It wasn’t standard banquet fare, but it was definitely an improvement over the synthetically reproduced slop they had been eating. There was a lot to be said for the conversation though. Kara mused. Lee’s attention was completely captivated by his lady companion. The Commander looked as though he had wanted to say something a few times, but was cut short by an icy glare from Tigh. That frakkin man was wound up so tight she was surprised that he didn’t split in half from the tension. She almost liked him better as a drunk. Almost. Uptight as he was, she knew he hadn’t had a drink since Judgment Day, and for that at least, she had to respect him.
Dinner was over all too soon and the part of the evening she was dreading the most was at hand. The promotions and commendations…frak she wished she could just think up an excuse to leave. They had removed the cloth covering the table on the stage. She couldn’t help but notice the various medals and insignia spread out on it. Almost immediately, her eyes were drawn to a set of Captain’s bars. Frak, now she really wanted to get out of here, this was going to be depressing. Well she knew at least it wasn’t one of the pilots that was getting promoted above her… she had been involved in the decision making on that end…
It seemed to take an eternity to get through the long list of commendations. At least half of the crew received Silver Clusters for their service during the initial attack and the battle at Ragnar. Each one of the lives who were lost were acknowledged and awarded commendations, with their medals going to their closest friends in the fleet, and some to surviving family members. All of the Junior Lieutenants were promoted to Lieutenant, and four of the new cadets were promoted to Junior Lieutenant. By this time, Kara was bored right out of her skull. She did notice with some hope that they were down to two Gold Clusters and the Captains bars to be awarded… this thing was finally close to being over.
She wasn’t surprised when Lee was called up to receive a Gold Cluster, for his aid in protecting the President of the Colonies, and for his services as CAG since the beginning of the war. What did surprise her, however, is when Adama called her name for the other cluster. Her legs were actually shaking when she stood up, and the walk to the makeshift stage seemed like it was miles long. She stepped up on the stage and saluted the Commander.
“Lieutenant Thrace, for your actions in defending the Galactica during the initial attack, and at Ragnar station, and for going beyond the call of duty to save a fellow pilot and superior officer, I award you the Gold Cluster” With a smile, Adama pinned the cluster to the leather sash. “In addition” he continued, “For exemplary service to the fleet, both in a viper, and in assuming the duties of Lead Pilot, it is my honor to bestow upon you the title of Deputy CAG and with it, the rank of Captain.”
Kara thought she was going to faint as Adama removed her Lieutenant’s insignia from her collar and replaced them with the Captain’s Bars. Never in the depths of her imagination could she ever have seen making Captain. Adama stepped back and saluted her. She couldn’t help but notice the warm smile that crossed his face after, lighting up his eyes… She saluted back and turned to return to the table. Upon stepping down from the stage, she was saluted by both Lee and Colonel Tigh. She saluted them both, and then sat back down at the table… thankful she didn’t have to say anything… she couldn’t have spoken if she had tried…
Chapter 4
Kara sat in the far corner of the ready room, trying to sort through a large stack of paperwork. Before long however, she found herself paying more attention to the Pyramid game going on a couple tables in front of her, than to her work. Frak! Why did she ever agree to do this for Lee? He better damn well appreciate it! She gathered up her papers and left the ready room, looking for a quiet place where she could work. It was past 2200, half her squad was sleeping so crew quarters was out of the question. She set off towards the mess hall, only to find it locked up tight. A sign posted on the door stated that it was locked up tight until 0500, something to do with security precautions. FRAK! She sighed and leaned back against the mess hall doors. There had to be at least one place on this frakkin ship where she could work in peace, and maybe even scrounge up a cup of coffee if she was really lucky.
Just then it hit her. There was only one other person on this ship who would be up as late as she was, had a desk he might be willing to share, and quite likely had a stash of coffee hidden somewhere… Leaving the locked mess hall behind, she returned to the main corridor and made her way to Commander Adama’s quarters.
The knock at the hatch was a most welcome distraction for William Adama. He had been making his way through a small mountain of paperwork for the past several hours, and human contact, no matter how brief was starting to sound inviting… Adama sighed; it was probably just Tigh dropping off some more reports that needed to be signed. With a sigh, he made his way over to the hatch, opening it slowly. He was taken by surprise by what he saw.
Standing in the doorway was a very flustered Kara holding an armful of data pads and papers, looking every bit as frazzled as he felt. “Don’t suppose I could borrow a corner of your desk?” She smirked, raising her eyebrows hopefully.
Adama had to chuckle. “Come on in… I could use the company” he smiled, motioning her through the door. He quickly moved some papers to the side of his desk, clearing a spot opposite his chair for Kara to work. She quickly grabbed a chair and set about sorting out her papers. “Thank you. Sir, I really appreciate it…” She flashed him a smile across the desk.
“Please, call me Bill off duty…” He sighed. “I don’t get to hear my name often enough anymore… even I’m beginning to think my first name is Sir.” With that they both laughed. He knew that if anyone would be comfortable dropping formalities around him, it would be Kara. As it was, only one other person on the ship ever used his first name, and that was Tigh, and only because of the number of years they had served together…
“Bill it is then,” Kara smiled. Lords, it took him by surprise how much he liked the way his name sounded when she said it. “Don’t suppose you happen to have a little coffee stashed around here somewhere?” Kara grinned, hopeful green eyes watching him intently.
Adama chuckled “Its over on the corner shelf, not made yet though…. I try not to drink alone.”
Kara laughed and got up from the desk. She quickly set about brewing up some coffee for the two of them; careful to use just enough for one cup each. Coffee was pretty scarce; there was no need to take a chance on any being wasted… A few moments later, she returned to her spot at the desk with two steaming cups of black coffee. She set the first cup down in front of Adama before sitting down with hers. She carefully took a sip of the hot liquid, her eyes closing as she savored it. “Four days without coffee is entirely too long…” she said with a sigh.
“Agreed…” Adama smiled, taking a drink of the precious liquid. He couldn’t help but glance over at Kara. She had already begun wading through the stack of paperwork she had arrived with. There was just something about her that he couldn’t look away… It had been a long time since he had shared office space with anyone. It was definitely a nice change… command was a lonely job.
Kara looked up and reached for her coffee just as Adama took another sip of his. Her eyes met his briefly, a smile dancing across her face just before she took a sip of her coffee and went back to work. He set his cup down and picked up his pen, determined to get back to work. Quickly, he grabbed the first file from the top of the pile. With his luck it was a file full of requests for personal quarters for newly married couples. Adama sighed. Space was at such a premium… 12 new couples requested quarters this week alone… add that to the 18 already on the waiting list… how the hell was he supposed to find enough space to put them all…? He grabbed the medical reports file, easiest way to sort out the waiting list was to go through and find out how many of these new couples were destined to be families in the near future. They would get priority… He was surprised to find his mind wandering to thoughts of children… he hadn’t thought of little ones in a long time… little ones with blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. He shook his head, reaching for his coffee.
He hadn’t really thought of grandchildren in quite a while; certainly not at all since the beginning of the war… Ironically, the woman who had sparked his initial thoughts of being a grandfather was sitting across the desk from him. He could still remember the first time Zak brought her home. He had been very nervous about their relationship. He had heard rumors of who his son was dating, and though he had not seen her since she was a young girl, her reputation had definitely preceded her… and it had scared the hell out of Adama. Zak could be a bit of a hothead at times… and from what he had heard of Kara… they could potentially be a very volatile couple. Then he had seen her. His earliest memory was of those sparkling green eyes and contagious smile. Almost immediately he had forgotten all about her reputation… His son had been a very lucky man… Had he himself been 20 years younger…. Adama pushed his next thoughts aside; he wasn’t 20 years younger… he had to stop thinking like this…
Blessed caffeine…he thought to himself as he took another sip from his cup. He was glad he had some private coffee stores in his office… it was getting scarce everywhere in the fleet. And more immediately, it had brought him company… the smile she had given him when she took that last sip of coffee had been almost addicting… at this moment, he wanted nothing more than to see her smile again… to see her eyes light up... to see her eyes… He tried once more to put himself back into his work. It was amazing how distracted he had become in such a short time in her presence… maybe if he got just one more look at her eyes…
“Out of curiosity… why are you not working in the CAG office…? Not that I mind the company…” He asked quietly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with that much paperwork either…”
Kara looked up and laughed. “It’s not all mine…” she admitted with a grin. “Lee asked me for a favor.” Kara looked a little nervous and almost giggled “He has a date…” Adama arched his eyebrows in surprise. “And that is exactly the same reason I’m not working in the CAG office…” Adama couldn’t help but chuckle as Kara’s cheeks turned slightly red.
Adama knew all too well what was making her blush. The fact that Lee’s quarters were connected to his office had led to Adama walking in on a rather intimate moment. Adama chuckled softly, then his expression softened and he looked at Kara with a bit of concern. “Are you alright with that? I know you and Lee were a couple…”
Kara was taken slightly aback at the tenderness in his voice. “I’m fine with it… we never were truly a couple. There was always something missing…something I just can’t place. We decided we were better as friends… I do need to find a new hobby though…” She said absentmindedly, before turning bright red. “I can’t believe I just said that out loud…” she groaned, hiding her face with her hands. Adama couldn’t help himself, he started to laugh.
It took a little while, but they both managed to regain their composure and set about their work once more. Adama could not keep his mind from wandering to the woman sitting across from him. He watched her for a few more minutes. Something about her was troubling him… she looked so tired… and it was more than just the late hour. She had barely touched her cup of coffee… which was odd. Kara loved coffee... He thought to himself as he went back to work. Iilya had loved coffee too… she and Kara had that in common… the only time he could remember Iilya turning down coffee was when she was… Adama froze for a moment, looking up at Kara. He was surprised to find her with her arms folded beneath her head, sound asleep. She was obviously more tired than he had thought.
He quietly stood up and moved around to the other side of his desk. He wasn’t sure if he should wake her or try to move her, but one thing was certain, he knew from experience that sleeping slumped over a desk was not comfortable… Very gently he tried to wake her, but it was no go. She was out like a light. He contemplated for a moment what to do, then thanking the Lords of Kobol that he was still in good shape; he carefully picked her up and carried her over to his bed. He held her for a moment, marveling at how fragile she looked while she slept. He gently laid her down and covered her with a warm blanket. Just for a moment, he contemplated lying down beside her… then quickly grabbed a blanket and headed for the couch.
Sleep did not come easy for him that night… there were too many unanswerable questions running through his mind. Not the least of which revolved around just how he felt about Kara. She was an incredible woman… he had known that for a long time… but there was more to it than that… perhaps more than there should be. She was so much younger than him… in years anyways, though he knew she had been through a lot, even in the six years he had known her. He felt strangely protective of her… he had recently begun to feel a twinge of fear every time she went up in a viper, a fear that she might not come back… it made no sense to him to feel this way, but he couldn’t deny that he did. Then there was his concerns about her health… something was definitely out of the ordinary. If his suspicions were correct, she shouldn’t be flying at all… did she even know? Should he talk to Lee… after all this directly affected him as well… too many questions and too few answers… Again his thoughts slipped back to Zak… He had seen Kara like this before… not long after the funeral. He thanked the Lords he was there for her then… they had both lost so much in such a short time… he hoped he never had to see her go through that again… to lose Zak had been hard enough… but the child…
Adama decided that he would talk to Kara in the morning and encourage her to go for a medical… it was the only real decision he could come to at the moment. He did eventually fall into a sound sleep, sound enough that he didn’t hear Kara slip out of the office a couple hours later…
Chapter 5
Kara’s mind was anywhere but on what she was doing. Frak! She was glad she had switched patrols with Lee earlier. She just didn’t think she could handle an eight hour long patrol right now. She couldn’t remember ever being this tired in her life… It was bad enough she had fallen asleep in Adama’s office last night… now she was having trouble staying awake in the cockpit. To make things worse, her mind was a million miles away.
No matter how hard she tried… she just could not stay focused. If there was one thing she was grateful for, it was that she hadn’t been sick in several days. That was a definite improvement. It sure made it easier to keep things quiet. If there was one thing she was sure of right now, it was that she did not want Lee to know what was going on… at least for as long as she could help it. Lee was happy and there was no way she was going to let his noble streak mess it up. He was a great guy, but she was not interested in marrying him, no matter what the circumstances… She could do this alone if need be… and besides… she had Bill.
Kara shook her head. Where the frak did that thought come from? Now she was sure she was losing her mind. They’d always had a very close relationship… there was no doubt in that. He had been there for her more times than she could count at the moment, even saving her life a couple of times. He was a good friend to have around… She had been there for him too… it had torn him apart when Lee blamed him for Zak’s death… especially when it had been her who had passed him though basic… She had finally let go of the guilt surrounding the accident not long after Judgment Day. Adama had pointed something out to her… something he had said many times, but this time it actually stuck in her head… Ultimately, it was the lead instructor’s poor judgment that had lead to the accident… Kara should have never been the one to test Zak. For her to be objective would have been near impossible… she had felt better.
He always had the knack for making her feel better. He always seemed to be there right when she needed him… and since coming aboard the Galactica nearly three years ago, they had become very good friends. It was nice to have someone around that she could spend time with, and no one speculated that their relationship was more than just friends. It had just been accepted that they were friends and no one even batted an eye over it… During the early days on board, she had spend many a night curled up on his couch, still hurting from all she had been through, and still plagued by nightmares. So she slept where she felt safe… no one even cared. So why the hell did she feel guilty for waking up there early this morning?
Maybe it was because she woke up in his bed… not on the couch where she usually slept… she knew he must have put her there, since the last thing she remembered was looking over a repair report on one of the vipers. Maybe it was because when she had looked up at him earlier and her eyes had met his, her heart felt like it skipped a beat… what the frak was that about? “Pull yourself together Thrace…” She thought to herself… “He’s a good man, and a good friend… you’re not in love with him…you’re just over tired…” Frak! Where the hell were these crazy thoughts coming from…? Well… maybe there was some basis for them… she definitely cared a lot of him… now if she could just get herself thinking straight, it would be a good thing. Hell, she knew she was tired… no matter how hard she thought about last night, she couldn’t shake the look she thought she saw in his eyes when they had met… there was definitely something there… or so her mind was trying to convince her. There was no doubt in her mind she was imagining things…
A brilliant flash of light, accompanied by the distinct sound of metal grating on metal, snapped her back to reality. She very quickly had an all too close up view of the underbelly of a cylon scout ship as it bounced off the canopy and skidded down the nose of her viper. Before she had a chance to think about it, she fired. The scout ship disintegrated into thousands of glowing pieces, bouncing off the canopy of the viper.
Within seconds, the comm crackled to life “Starbuck, this is Galactica; report.” The first transmission from the Galactica was all but drowned out by the sound of her heart pounding. “Starbuck this is Galactica do you copy”….
“Roger Galactica, this is Starbuck” She answered, turning the viper back towards the Galactica. “Just had a run-in with one of out metal friends”
It had thus far been an uneventful morning for Adama. He was somewhat disappointed he didn’t have a chance to talk to Kara, but as he reminded himself often… she was quite capable of taking care of herself. He couldn’t help but worry about her though…
As he walked into CIC, he glanced up on the Draedus console just in time to see two points of light collide. When the interference cleared, he could see that one point was still remaining… his blood froze when he heard Dee on the Comm. “Starbuck this is Galactica do you copy?”
An eternity passed for Adama as the static crackled back over the wireless. He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until the familiar voice echoed back. “Roger Galactica, this is Starbuck, just had a run-in with one of out metal friends” He could hear the distinct edge in her voice.
“Damage report?” Dee responded.
“High engine isn’t responding… controls are sluggish at best…” static crackled over the wireless, obscuring part of the transmission. “…cracked…may want to clear bay…” Adama nodded quickly to Lieutenant Gaeta who radioed down to the hanger deck, notifying them of the wounded bird on the way in. Adama hesitated for a moment; then turned to Gaeta who was still on the phone. “Tell Tyrol to make everyone scarce… no one should be visible…” Gaeta relayed the message then gave Adama a confused look. When Gaeta had hung up the phone, Adama gave him another set of orders. “I want a med team on standby just in case… and a clear path to the gym.”
“Yes Sir.” Gaeta responded… looking more confused than ever. Tigh also gave an odd look to the Commander. Adama turned to Tigh. “Only thing that’s going to be hotter than that viper when it lands is the pilot… Doing my best to keep her out of the brig and the rest of my crew out of life station….”
Adama headed for the hatch, stopped and turned around. “Start prepping the fleet for FTL jump, and radio the long patrol to get back here on the double. Inform me when FTL is ready.” With that he turned and headed down to the LSO control center. He would monitor her landing from there…
Kara wrestled with the controls of the viper, edging the nose up slightly. The landing pod was coming up a little too fast for her liking, and she did not plan on being a smear on the back wall, even though that was looking like a distinct possibility right now. She could feel the panic beginning to take over, despite her efforts to remain in control. This was too familiar… too like Zak… She shook her head, trying to regain her focus. She couldn’t think about Zak… not now… she had to get this bird landed.
Pulling herself together, and giving it all the force she could muster, she managed to edge the nose up once more, narrowly missing the deck floor as she edged into the landing pod. The viper shuddered as the front landing gear caught on the edge of the deck and tore free, pitching the nose back down towards the deck, the rear gear hadn’t deployed fully, which caused the viper to skid forward across the landing deck. Kara worked quickly to shut down the engines; she had more than enough momentum already to carry her out the other end of the pod… She tried to get the reverse thrusters to fire in order to slow her, but they weren’t responding… FRAK! She could see the outer edge of the landing pod approaching, even through the shower of sparks that was being created; she could only hope the friction was enough to slow her down before she went over. She could hear the hum of the maglocks engaging, if she could just get close enough to a pad, she would be able to stop… no sooner had she though this, than the viper came to an immediate stop, slamming her into the harness hard…
She leaned back in the seat as the viper began to descend to the flight deck, fighting to catch her breath. That had been too close… she could still see Zak’s viper exploding into a ball of flame when it hit the deck… six inches…six inches higher and he might have pulled out… Frak! She could feel the urge to hit the first person she saw; it was rising as she regained her ability to breath. She began to unbuckle the harness as the hydraulic lift touched down. With a scream she kicked the canopy open, and climbed out. Frak, there was no one around… lucky for them… she thought as she jumped down, pitching her helmet against the far wall.
The whole frakkin deck was empty. FRAK! She paced restlessly back and forth by the wrecked viper. A bit of movement near the stairs caught her eyes and she spun around to see the one person that she just couldn’t bring herself to hit, no matter how much she wanted… The blood rushing through her ears was drowning out any sound that was nearby, so she couldn’t tell if he spoke or not. He felt his hand on her shoulder, guiding her towards the hatch. She shrugged off the hand, but went in the direction he had steered her. Upon reaching the corridor, she could see that it too was deserted… Frak, he knew her better than she thought… She peeled off her gloves, throwing them down on the floor, before beginning to unfasten her flight suit… it was too frakkin hot… at least she could get it half off… she thought as she pulled her arm free of the heavy leather…
Adama motioned to another hatch. Turning into it, she found herself in the gym. The first thing that caught her eye was the large punching bag. Adama smiled at her and nodded, stepping back. She could barely hear him when he said he would be back… she didn’t care at that moment… her fist had connected with the leather and it felt damn good!
Kara didn’t know how much time had passed before she finally stepped away from the punching bag, she was exhausted… but she wasn’t in the brig… She must remember to thank Bill for that… had he not acted as he did... there would probably be a few of the deck crew who would be a long time speaking to her again… even after she got out of the brig.
She was starting to feel the hurt now… her whole body ached. Where she had impacted the harness was especially tender. It would be a while before those bruises went away, not to mention the bruises that now spread across her knuckles… she probably should have taken the time to put the gloves on. Well, all things considered, she wasn’t too worse for ware.
With that thought, she turned to leave the gym, and was overcome with an intense pain deep within. “FRAK” She yelled to the empty room, falling down to her knees as the pain subsided. “What the frakkin hell was that…” she said in a low voice, shaking. She was just about to stand when it hit again…this time she knew. “Lords... not again…” she cried, sinking to the floor.
Chapter 6
“Long patrol on final approach, Sir” Dualla announced.
“Good, report when aboard. Notify all stations to prepare for FTL jump. Lt. Gaeta, order civilian ships to begin jump on my mark.” Adama was tense… this was taking far longer than he hand planned. He hated feeling so torn. He knew he needed to be in CIC to supervise the jump... but the one place he really wanted to be was down in the gym, keeping an eye on Kara. He hadn’t wanted to leave her alone… it had taken him over 15 minutes to tear himself away from the hatch. She had seemed ok when he left… but with what she had been through, it was really hard to tell. He would be glad when this jump was over and he could get back down there.
“Long patrol is aboard sir.” Dee’s voice snapped him back into the moment.
“Retract the pods” He replied. “Order the fleet to begin jump in sequence.”
He barely heard the affirmative response to his order. He was focused on the Draedus console, watching as the plots of light that represented each ship began to flash out of existence.
Lee sighed with relief as he felt the maglocks engage, and the viper begin to descend to the flight deck. He still had no idea why the patrol had been called in, but he intended to find out, whatever it was, it must be urgent, as they were ordered back on full throttle. Lee was just thankful they hadn’t been any further out, or there may not have been enough fuel to get back. As it was, he was pretty much coasting once he reached the landing pod. As he reached the flight deck, he noticed the crew was rushing about, securing things, which could only mean an FTL jump was pending. That in turn, meant that the cylons had an idea where they were…. Frak!
He climbed down from the cockpit and set out across the flight deck, intent on finding out just what was going on. As the flight deck began to clear out somewhat, a very crumpled viper caught his eye. The cockpit was intact… that was a good sign… The end of the nosecone was completely gone, as was two of the landing gear. The third gear was severely mangled, and most of the sheeting was gone from what he could see of the underbelly. The tailfin was broken off, and the high engine was crumpled beyond recognition.
Frak! What the hell had happened? He paused for a moment; afraid to look at the tail numbering on the viper… he wasn’t sure he wanted to know who had been flying… he could barely make it out on the twisted metal, 8547NC. Lee could feel the lump in his throat, but he couldn’t speak…. It was Kara’s viper. He didn’t hear anyone come up behind him, so he nearly jumped a mile when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun around quickly, coming face to face with Chief Tyrol.
“She’s alright…” he said, the relief evident on Lee’s face. “She left here with the Commander about 45 minutes ago. Not sure where they were headed.”
“Thank you… Chief” Lee said, his voice shaking. He was a little more than relieved to find out his best friend had walked away from this wreck. He should have known though… Kara could fly just about anything… even a viper in as bad of shape as this one was.
He quickly turned and headed towards CIC to find his father. If Kara had left with him there was a good chance that she was still at CIC, and his father would be able to fill him in on what happened out there. Frak! He knew it could only be cylons… Lee practically ran down the corridors towards CIC. How many frakking steps and turns are there on the Galactica anyways…? He thought to himself. It seemed to be taking forever to get there... He passed several of the pilots on his way there. There were a few who looked at first like they wanted to talk t to him, but he must have looked pretty intimidating, as each one had backed away at the last minute.
When he reached CIC, the first thing that caught his eye was his father, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. He kept repeatedly looking at the console, watching each ship jump. Lee could not remember ever seeing his father looked so stressed. Definitely not a good sign…
“What’s going on? Where’s Lt. Thrace?” He asked, looking up at the console.
“Cylon scout ship…” Adama said. “Jumped in right on top of Starbuck’s viper... he didn’t get a signal sent… but it probably won’t be too long before someone comes looking for it…” Adama looked at Lee. His eyes were tired, and filled with worry. “We’re jumping the fleet as a precaution…”
“And Kara..?” Lee asked quietly, he had a gut feeling that something was wrong. His father seemed to be miles away.
“She’s in the gym, burning off the adrenaline.” Adama half smiled, which quickly faded. “She’s been there a long time… over an hour” He looked up at the console and frowned. “Still 7 more ships to jump...” he muttered, his voice strained.
Lee nodded, knowing his father well enough to deduce that he needed to get down to the gym and check things out. His father was obviously worried about something, and it wasn’t the jump, yet he was stuck in CIC. Lee just hoped Kara was alright. Adrenaline could be a good thing when needed, but if that wreck was any indication, Kara would have been running pretty high on adrenaline when she landed. He was glad for a moment that he hadn’t been there when she landed… Kara wouldn’t have thought twice about using him as a punching bag. It had happened before, granted they were in college then… The commander had been able to pick up on things though, and fortunately had drawn pretty much the same conclusion as Lee. And also fortunately, his father was probably the one person alive she wouldn’t hit, no matter how high the adrenaline rush.
However, what was bothering him more was what happened after the adrenaline burned off. He knew her well enough to know what if she was injured at all, she wouldn’t feel it… and until she calmed down, there was no way you could even get a medic near her… it was a real dilemma.
His worst fears were confirmed when he opened the hatch to the gym. All he could see was her lying there, curled up like a frightened child. She was shaking, and appeared to be crying. Frak! Kara never cried… definitely not a good sign… he rushed to her, kneeling down beside her. “Kara… Kara, what is it?” He managed to ask, his voice catching in his throat. He had never seen her appear so helpless in all the time he had known her.
He barely heard her when she spoke. “It’s happening again… its just like before… Bill... help me…” She whispered between sobs. Lee was at a loss for what to do. Who the frak was Bill…wait… Bill? Dad…? She thought he was his dad… what the FRAK was going on? Since when were Kara and his dad on a first name basis? Just like before? Lee found the more he tried to think, the more questions he had…
“Kara... its Lee…” He said softly, hoping to get her attention… what he got in response was definitely not what he expected.
“No… don’t tell Lee… please…” She wasn’t fully aware... that was obvious. “I’m sorry Bill…” She cried softly, “to do this to you again… It’s not fair…”
“What isn’t?” Lee asked, thinking out loud.
“Not the baby… not again…”
“Sir, all stations report ready for jump.” Lt. Gaeta said as Adama watched the last of the civilian ships vanished from the Draedus screen.
“Execute jump” Adama ordered, it was about frakking time… this was taking too long. He needed to get down to the gym… Lee hadn’t reported back, something was definitely wrong… He was barely aware of the countdown to the jump. When he began to feel the familiar disorientation that always accompanied the jump, he realized that he had never been so glad for that feeling in his life. A few seconds later, everything was back to normal. “Report”
“All systems check. All fleet ships accounted for.” Lt. Gaeta stated. “Jump successful”
Adama turned to Tigh. “You have command.” With that he turned and left CIC, taking the straightest route he could find to the gym. As he came up to the hatch, he could see Kara lying on the ground, Lee kneeling beside her… from the way she was curled up, it was evident she was in a great deal of pain… FRAK! He knew he should have grounded her… but by the time he had woken, she was already in the air… Lords it was too late for second guessing himself right now. He had to get her to life station, and Lee looked a little too shell-shocked to be of much help.
He quickly crossed the gap between the hatch and where Kara was lying on the floor. He placed a hand on Lee’s shoulder, making his son jump. “Help me get her to life station….” He said. Lee stared at him for a moment, and then simply nodded. With some help from his son, Adama got Kara to her feet, taking most of her weight against him; Lee helped support her from the other side. They had not made it much beyond the door when Adama bent down and picked her up. Frak… his back wasn’t going to let him forget this for a while… but they were moving too slow otherwise… Lee followed close behind.
It wasn’t until they reached Life Station and were confronted by a medic that Lee spoke.
“I… I think she’s pregnant…” he managed to say as Adama laid her down on a bed. The tech nodded. “Has her partner been informed? He should probably be here…”
Father and son turned to look at one another…
Chapter 7
“Ok… Care to fill me in on what the FRAK is going on?” Lee said… his voice low and controlled.
Adama looked at his son, not saying a word. He could tell he was upset, but then who wouldn’t be? Watching someone you cared about go through this was hell for anyone… he should know. He could not recall ever seeing Lee look this way, other than at Zak’s funeral. The memories brought on by that look were enough to chill a man to the bone. He was definitely not prepared for the onslaught that was sure to come with it.
“What the frak were you thinking? Why the hell was she even on flight status?” Lee yelled, his words almost catching in his throat. “How long have…” Lee paused for a moment; he was visibly shaking at this point. “Just tell me… one thing… Whose is it? Yours or mine… or do you even know…”
Lee’s words were almost venomous. Adama stood there, hoping he didn’t look as shell shocked as he felt. Lee thought that he was involved with Kara… That the child was possibly his? Frak! He had to set things straight. “Lee…” He began slowly, trying to stay calm… “I think you’ve gotten the wrong impression…”
“What the hell impression is that? Kara is calling you by your first name… You two obviously have some kind of history… What the frak does she mean its happening again?” Lee was so furious, he was almost in tears.
“First off… I asked Kara to call me by my first name when off duty… she’s the only one who will. And yes, we do have a history, but not the kind you’re obviously thinking. We became good friends after Zak died…” Adama looked down at the ground for a moment. “She went through a lot… more then she’s told anyone, even you Lee. She didn’t want to let you down.” Adama began to pace back and forth. “She never told anyone… but she lost a baby about three weeks after the funeral. The how and why of things is not my place to tell, that is up to her.”
“So why the hell was she on flight status now? Did you know? And why the hell doesn’t she want me to know what’s going on?” Lee’s voice was shaking still, but his eyes appeared calmer.
“I only began to suspect by her behavior last night that she might be, but I had no way of knowing. I was going to force her to a medical this morning before she went on patrol… but given the fact that she changed patrols and I overslept, I didn’t have the chance.” Adama stopped pacing and turned to meet Lee’s eyes. “I can only assume she didn’t want you to know because she didn’t want you to feel obligated to her…” Adama paused as he watched an expression of sudden understanding wash over his son’s face. “All she wants is for you to be happy…”
Lee sat down hard on the bench outside the exam room. Adama walked over and placed his hand on Lee’s shoulder before taking a seat beside him. Together they waited…
William Adama had lost count of the number of times he looked up at the clock on the wall. It had been less than an hour, but it was still far too long for his tastes. He couldn’t help but slip back into the memories of the ordeal Kara had gone through before. He had only waited a few minutes to find out what was going on, not an eternity like this time. Mind you, they had needed him there to calm her… they had called him in after she had broken the second tech’s nose. Circumstances had been far different that time though… Kara wasn’t herself then… he didn’t blame her… he only wished Zak had told him long before that there was something wrong… maybe he could have helped her. He certainly would have kept a closer eye on her in the weeks following the funeral. If he had, maybe she wouldn’t have lost the baby, and spent several agonizing days suffering through withdrawals on top of it all. Damn… reliving it wasn’t going to make this any easier… What the frak was taking the blasted doctors so long…
William was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of doors opening. Doctor Kartman came into the room, looking rather solemn. “She’s sedated for the moment. She will be alright in a day or two, but I am removing her from flight status for a minimum of a week, just to make sure.” He paused. “You can go see her if you like, though she may not respond. It took a lot to sedate her.” Dr. Kartman moved off, heading back into the office. Adama motioned for Lee to go ahead into the room. Lee jumped to his feet and went in. Adama was not prepared to see Kara looking helpless and fragile again. He could still remember the last time all too clearly. He swallowed hard and followed his son in.
Lee was sitting in the chair beside the bed, just watching her; he was obviously lost in thought. He didn’t even look up when Adama moved to stand beside the bed. Kara appeared to be asleep, but he couldn’t really tell. Bits of the bruises from the Viper’s restraints could be seen above the collar of the medical gown she was dressed in. She looked so pale… and he found himself at a loss for words.
Lee brushed a tear from his eye as he stood up. He was pretty sure Lee must be reeling from everything that was dumped on him. Both the fact that he could have been a father… and that there was still so much he didn’t know about Kara… it had to be taking its toll. Adama patted his son on the shoulder and nodded, letting him know that it was ok if he needed to leave. Lee nodded back and headed for the door.
William sat down in the chair, and pulled it closer to the bed, taking Kara’s hand in his as he placed his elbows on the edge of the bed. He gently kissed the back of her hand, thankful that she was alright. She opened her eyes for a moment and gave him a small, weak smile before closing her eyes again.
Lee felt like an ass for jumping to conclusions… why the hell was it always so easy to blame his father for everything that went wrong in his world… His dad had done nothing but be a friend to Kara… A friend who was there when he was not… Why didn’t Kara ever tell him about Zak’s baby? Frak, he knew the answer to that… he had been so hung up on placing the blame and hating the world around him that he had pushed everyone away after the funeral… including Kara. What else didn’t she tell him? He wasn’t sure he wanted to even know the answer to that. Though he was certain that there was more... The tone in his father’s voice had implied as much. The one thing that bothered him the most now, was that Kara never told him about the baby she now carried. How long had she known? Would she have told him eventually? She was right though… had he known… even a week ago… he would have proposed without hesitation.
He felt so torn. He knew his best friend needed him. Probably more now than she ever had before… and yet he wanted to run to Shelby. Deep down he knew Kara would understand… in fact, he was pretty sure that was why she never told him… that was Kara, always looking out for him.
Lee slowly turned to face his father. The elder Adama simply nodded and placed a hand briefly on his shoulder. With that Lee left to go sort out his thoughts. He knew he was leaving her in good hands. He turned once before he left. His father had taken up his position, sitting on the chair near the bed. He had taken Kara’s fragile hand in his, and seemed to be lost in a silent prayer. It was then he realized just how close Kara and his father were… There was definitely something there, even if the two of them were too stubborn to see it. He was pretty sure that he should feel awkward about it, but it seemed strangely alright…
He walked back across the room and placed a reassuring hand on his father’s shoulder, as his father had done to him many times in the past. “She’ll be ok, Dad…” he said softly.
Chapter 8
The past few weeks had been a living hell for William Adama. If anything else went wrong… Hell… he didn’t think there was much else left to go wrong. Just a little over two weeks ago, they had a run in with another cylon fighter, a few days after that there was yet another. The fleet was rapidly depleting their tylium supplies from the FTL jumps, and fleet wide morale was sinking fast. Even Tigh had recently taken up drinking again… and for once, Adama couldn’t blame him.
The only explanation that anyone could think of for things was that there had to be a cylon among them somewhere… but the entire crew had been scanned and came up clean. The same had been done for the rest of the ships in the fleet. Damn. If that was the case… then Baltar’s program for detecting the trace synthetics was inaccurate. The thought had also crossed his mind that Baltar himself was a cylon…The one thing that was certain was that people were becoming more and more restless.
A situation definitely not helped one bit by President Roslin’s condition. Somehow word had leaked out that she was gravely ill and getting worse. Though it was only a matter of time… Her frequent visits to the Lenna Dell could only go unnoticed for so long before people started to talk. Roslin had hoped to establish a government before her illness became apparent, but that just hadn’t happened. There was just too much unrest among the refugees that no one wanted to take on the concerns of governing. Now it looked as though Adama might have to impose a military government just to keep the fleet together.
He sighed, looking at the stack of papers on his desk... a stack that just never seemed to get any smaller. The only time he could recall that paperwork didn’t seem so bad was the night he and Kara sat at his desk, both wrapped up in their own work, and yet it just didn’t seem as much of a long and daunting task. He sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes for a moment. Kara… she was his other concern. She had been out of Life station for over two weeks. They had kept her there for a few days, she had been sedated quite heavily the first two, and Adama couldn’t help but worry what that had done to her. He knew she was not as strong as she led everyone to believe, and yet even he had nearly forgotten at times how fragile she could be.
He could still vividly remember finding her in that little apartment, three weeks after Zak’s crash. He still didn’t know why he had went by there… but he was glad he had. She had been a mess… he still wasn’t really sure what it had been that she was taking… but the withdrawal from it had been a nightmare for them both. It was after that he decided to do his best to keep her close, and had pulled more than a few strings to get her stationed to the Galactica. However, the Galactica was to have been decommissioned… all of the long term medical records had been packaged up and sent back to fleet headquarters… Her medical history was a mystery to most of the techs who worked in life station. Even Dr. Salik had only been there a few weeks prior to the decommissioning.
She had seemed alright when they released her, and yet she wasn’t back on flight status yet. That was something that troubled him. Kara grounded was never a good thing. He must talk to Lee about that; find out what’s going on, she should be back in the air by now… He shuffled through the stack of papers, noticing that the flight reports for the day were missing… Kara was never late turning her reports in… something was definitely not right. Adama laid his glasses on the stack of papers and grabbed his jacket, “Looks like sleep is going to have to wait for another night” he muttered to himself as he left his quarters to go investigate.
Kara lay on her bunk, fighting to fall asleep. She had given up on trying to finish her reports tonight… her hands were shaking so bad that she just couldn’t write any more. Better a little late than not readable, she had thought to herself as she left the CAG office earlier. Now, here she was, lying on a bunk in a room full of loudly snoring people and she couldn’t sleep if her frakkin life depended on it. Her whole body ached still, and it was definitely worse now than it had been in a while. She got up and went over to her locker, grabbing the small bottle of painkillers that Dr. Kartman had prescribed her. Hell… she had taken one only a couple hours ago… the frakkin things weren’t working, and what was worse, as long as she had to take them… she was grounded. She downed another one and lay back on the bed.
Half an hour later she was up again, pacing back and forth in the small space that ran between the bunks. Frakkin hell… she wasn’t going to get to sleep like this. She grabbed a sweater and threw it on over her pajamas and slipped out into the hall. She needed something to help her sleep, and there were only two things she could think of that would help. One was out of the question since she was quite single at the moment, the other she could get, she knew where… it just meant she might have to grovel a little… but right now that idea didn’t seem too bad. She turned down the corridor and headed towards his quarters in hopes that he wasn’t on duty.
Upon arriving, she stood for several moments outside the door, summoning up the nerve. However when she knocked, and he answered… not a word was spoken. No questions were asked. He simply stepped aside and motioned her into the room, closing the hatch behind her.
Adama had just about been all over the ship and he had seen no sign of either Kara or Lee so far. The few crews who were up at this hour hadn’t seen them either. He found himself standing outside the pilot’s quarters. It was a very rare place for him to be, as he liked to give his crew as much privacy as possible… but then, he wasn’t here as the commander right now, he told himself… he was here as a concerned friend. Quietly he opened the hatch, letting in just enough light to see by without disturbing the sleeping crew. He was sure he would find her sound asleep; then he could go and get some sleep himself.
His heart sunk when he noticed her bunk was empty. Where the hell could she be? He noticed that her locker was still wide open. From where he stood in the doorway, he could just make out a small brown bottle on the shelf of her locker. Oh frak… he thought as he stepped inside the room and walked over to the locker. He grabbed the bottle and slipped back out into the corridor where he could read it under better light. With a heavy sigh, he clenched the bottle in his fist as he headed down towards the Life Station. He had no idea what doctor was on duty this late at night, but he had to know what exactly they were, how long she had been on these, and how much she was prescribed… because this bottle was almost empty…
“Morphine Sulfate…” The tech told him. “It’s a fairly potent painkiller. We’ve only recently started to use it because we’re running out of everything else, and this is easy to produce.” She handed the bottle back to Adama. “I wish I could be more help, but I don’t have access to prescription records. You’ll have to talk to Dr. Salik when he returns from the Lenna Dell tomorrow night.
Adama nodded and turned to leave. It didn’t matter right now how much had been in the bottle... any amount was too much. He had to find Kara… now. He ran down the corridor to the CAG office. The outer hatch was open so he let himself in; then knocked on the hatch that led to Lee’s private quarters. There was no response, but he just kept knocking until he heard the sound of the latch turning. He was soon standing face to face with a very tired, rumpled and rather grouchy looking Lee. “It’s three in the morning… what are you doing here?”
Tigh watched, speechless as Kara Thrace walked into his private quarters and plopped down in his chair. It took him a moment to register the absurdity of the situation. It was no secret that she didn’t like him… and the feeling had become quite mutual in the time they had served on board the Galactica together.
“Care to tell me what the hell you are doing here in the middle of the night?” He snapped. He had just come off duty less than an hour ago, and was quite looking forward to a drink and some sleep, now he had to deal with her.
“A drink…” She muttered.
“Excuse me?” he asked… not because he didn’t hear her, but because he was pretty certain he hadn’t heard her right. He knew that she used to drink… her record was clear on that… but he hadn’t seen her touch a drop in the three years she had been stationed here.
“A drink, all I want is a frakkin drink.” She slammed her fist down on the table. “Frak… If I have to I’ll fight you for it…” Tigh could see that she was shaking. He sighed, knowing all too well how she was feeling. There was a look of desperation lingering in her eyes that he was all too familiar with. He had seen it in the mirror just about every day…
“Alright…” he said flatly. He walked over and pulled out two glasses from the small cabinet, along with a half full bottle of ambrosia. He filled a glass and passed it to her, then poured one for himself. He sat down on the edge of his bed and watched as she downed the first glass like water. Well, one should never drink alone… he smirked to himself as he filled her glass once more.
Chapter 9
“It’s three in the morning… what are you doing here?” Lee asked, still half asleep and sounding very agitated.
“Have you seen Kara?” Adama replied… trying to sound calm.
“Frak, why are you looking for her at this hour of the morning… and why here? She’s probably sleeping…”
“She’s not… at least not in the pilot’s quarters…I was hoping you might know where she could be.”
“I have no idea… try the ready room…” Lee grumbled.
“Lee… what is it?” a sleepy feminine voice called from the darkened room.
“I’ll be right there… don’t worry about it…” Lee called back over his shoulder. “Look... can’t this wait until tomorrow?” Lee grumbled.
Adama shook his head in frustration. “Actually, no it can’t. One of your pilots is in serious trouble and you’re too wrapped up in your personal life to notice.” He grabbed his son’s hand and slammed the bottle down into it before he turned and went back out into the corridor, leaving a stunned looking Lee standing in the doorway.
Where else could she be? Frak... this was not going good… he knew she was in trouble… he could just feel it. He was thankful that alcohol was so hard to come by otherwise things could be so much worse. He head no sooner finished the thought when it hit him. There was one place she could go… it was a long shot and he hoped to hell he was wrong… However, the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach was telling him he was probably right. He set out at a near run. Just as he rounded the corner, he could see a roughly dressed Lee step out of the hatch and start moving down the corridor in his direction.
“Frak… it’s been too long… Didn’t expect it to hit so fast…” Kara slurred, managing to stand up. “Time for bed for me…”
It was all Tigh could do not to laugh. She definitely did not live up to the reputation she had earned in the academy. She hadn’t even finished her third drink yet… and the ambrosia had been diluted a couple of times in the past months to stretch it a little further… He couldn’t resist “Oh, I’m impressed… the mighty Starbuck out after only two rounds…”
“Frak off Tigh,” She grumbled, taking a step forward and nearly falling. Tigh smirked. She looked as though she had been out all night and hung out to dry. He decided it wouldn’t be good for either of them if she passed out in the corridor, as he did have the only known stash of alcohol on board. He wouldn’t want it to become known that he actually shared… That; and he really didn’t want the paperwork of sticking her in the brig again. He stood up just in time to catch her as she stumbled again. “Easy does it Thrace… You’re not in any shape to go anywhere.” He steadied her a bit and led her over to the bed. He gave her a light shove down to the bed. “You can sleep it off here…”
He grumbled and looked around the room. Looks like he was going to be sleeping in the chair tonight he thought as he grabbed her unfinished drink and downed it. “No sense in this going to waste” he smirked. This night was going to bring him hours of amusement at the hot shot pilot’s expense, he thought as he sunk down into the chair and put his feet up on the desk.
A few moments later, there was a loud pounding at the hatch. “Frak, what is this…? Picon central control?” Tigh grumbled as he got up and went to open the hatch.
Just as the hatch began to open, Lee reached his father’s side. “Care to fill me in yet again?” He asked, his voice a mix of concern and sarcasm. William could not find it in himself to answer right away. He was too focused on the hatch in front of him. He hoped to hell he was wrong. He barely realized he was holding his breath as the hatch opened.
“What brings you here at this hour?” Tigh asked, looking genuinely confused. Adama couldn’t yet see the whole room, but the two empty glasses on the table were indicative enough that his worst fears could be true. Without a word or even a second thought he pushed Tigh aside and entered the room.
Kara was lying on the bed, it looked as though she had either fallen there or been dumped rather ungracefully onto the bed. He only needed to take a few steps forward to know she was in trouble. She was very pale, and her lips were almost blue. “Lee, call life station, get a team up here NOW!” he commanded, rushing to her side. Her skin was cool and damp, she was still breathing… but just barely.
He stood and turned to face Tigh, his eyes full of rage. “How many drinks…?” He asked, managing to keep his voice calm for the time being. Tigh simply gave him a blank stare, which infuriated Adama. Although Tigh was several inches taller, Adama grabbed him by the lapels of his uniform jacket and slammed him against the wall, lifting Tigh’s feet off the ground. “How many drinks did she have damn it!”
“Just two…” Tigh managed to say, just before he was unceremoniously dropped to the floor. Adama grabbed the bottle of ambrosia that was on the table and smashed it onto the floor. Tigh got back to his feet, a scowl crossing his face. “What the frakkin hell was that for…? Do you know how hard it was to get that…?”
“There will be no more of it on this ship...” Adama growled. “Its bad enough I have to pick up your slack, but I don’t need you providing drinks to my pilots when I need them most.”
At that moment, Lee came back into the room. “Med team is on the way…” he said, Tigh looked furious and Adama was checking out all of Tigh’s known places for stashing alcohol.
“What? It’s not my problem that the little lush can’t hold her liquor, it was just two damn watered down drinks…” Tigh growled, trying to wrestle another stashed bottle from Adama. His words were the last straw. Adama spun around and landed a blow square on Tigh’s chin, sending the larger man reeling backwards into the wall, and eventually slumping down against the wall. Adama smashed the last bottle into the sink, and then went back over to Kara, checking to make sure she was still breathing…
The medics arrived only a few seconds later, Adama and Lee stepped back out of the room to allow them room. Adama and his son followed them when they took her to Life Station, and once again Adama found himself staring face to face with a rather angry looking Lee. He dreaded the words he knew were coming next.
“Ok… Care to tell me what the FRAK is going on… AGAIN!” Lee was furious. No one seemed to really care that he was left completely in the dark about everything around here. Add to that he was scared half to death. He had just seen his best friend taken into Life Station. He could tell that something was seriously wrong… Kara had been pale… so pale that at first he thought she was dead. Had the medics not been acting so quickly he would have been certain she was, but it was quite obvious from their actions that she was very close to. “What happened to Kara…?” He asked, his voice shaking.
“Morphine and alcohol…” his father began. Lee felt like he had been hit by a transport. “The medics didn’t know her history and prescribed her morphine…”
“What history? I didn’t know anything about allergies… I should have been told…”
“Its not an allergy… She was addicted to a variant of it after Zak died… she overdosed three weeks after the funeral.”
“And you didn’t think it was important to tell me this?” Lee exploded. “How the frakkin hell am I supposed to do my job if everyone insists on keeping me in the dark? I should have been told that there was a potential problem! I could have made a point to watch out for her.”
“Six months ago I wouldn’t have had to tell you to look out for her…” His father replied, his voice sounding somewhat bitter. “You’ve stopped paying attention Lee… honestly you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed any change in her behavior? Or have you been that wrapped up in your new life you don’t notice when your pilots are struggling…”
“That’s not fair…” Lee replied his voice cold and shaking. “I’ve been doing the best I can given the circumstances. We’re not exactly living in an ideal world…”
“All the more reasons that you should be paying extra attention to the behavior of your pilots, especially the one you rely on the most! In case you haven’t noticed, morale is pretty low these days. A quarter of the crew is still under suicide watch and its been over 9 months since the initial attacks. Don’t get me wrong… I am happy you found someone to care about in the midst of this living hell we call an existence, but don’t forget those who still need you…” Adama’s voice was shaking, Lee didn’t know of it was from anger, frustration or exhaustion, maybe a bit of them all. “She’s hurting Lee, losing the baby may have been more than she could take”
“And I’m not?” Lee choked. “In case you have forgotten it was my baby too…” Lee could feel the tears stinging his eyes. “Do you have any idea how that feels?” Almost before he heard his words ringing in his own ears, he wished he could take them back. Of course his father knew the pain of losing a child. The look in the elder Adama’s eyes spoke louder than any words he could have. “I’m sorry…” Lee turned and walked towards the door.
“Lee… Wait.” Adama spoke softly, his voice somewhat shaky. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you… she asked me not to tell anyone; I had to honor her wishes. She means a lot to me. She’s practically family.”
Lee paused and turned back to his father and smirked slightly, saying softly before he turned and left. “I think she’s a lot more than that to you …”
Chapter 10
Memories, both good and bad, have a way of popping up when you least expect them. Sometimes the darkest memories can lie buried in the depths of the unconscious mind, waiting for the moment when you find the need to face your innermost demons. However, often within the darkest moments are points of light that can sustain you when all else seems lost, these too seem to get tucked away with the darkness, only to resurface when you need them most.
For Kara in the depths of her drug-induced coma, the Galactica had ceased to exist… it was as if she had gone three years back in time, reliving the worst three weeks of her life... three weeks she had tried to drown out with too much ambrosia and several other things that she couldn’t even recall the names of.
Until now, all she had remembered of that time was the hurt and pain that followed in the aftermath of Zak’s death. The funeral had been four days ago… she barely remembered Lee stopping by the apartment to tell her he was leaving Caprica… she couldn’t even really remember where he said he was going. She had all but shut him out, not because of the things he had said to his father at the funeral… but because she felt those things should have been said to her… if not for her passing him through basic flight, he might still be alive. At the time it hadn’t seemed to matter that there were several training levels in-between basic and the test flight that had taken his life… what had mattered to her is that she had started the ball rolling. That had been two days ago, and it felt as thought the walls had begun to close in. No one had called… no one had stopped by… she was alone.
She had left the city after that, and went off to the cabin the Adama family had kept for years. Zak had taken her up there a few times, and after the funeral, William Adama had told her if she ever needed to get away, she was welcome to use it. It was time she took him up on that offer. The cabin was just over an hour from the city… nestled in a valley between two mountain ranges. At least here she didn’t feel like she was living in a tin can. Here, there were still good memories. Since arriving, she had managed to make it through most of the day without touching the ambrosia… she had straightened the cabin up… tried to read a book, and now found herself sitting in the dark, in front of the vid screen, trying to find something distracting, a glass of ambrosia in hand.
At first, she didn’t hear the key in the door… But a few moments later, the door swung open, and she was surprised to see a very haggard looking William Adama standing in the doorway, a small duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He looked equally surprised to see her.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know anyone was up here…” he said, his voice sounding defeated, and he looked down at the ground “Iilya… she… decided it’s over…” Kara could tell he was fighting to keep his emotions in check. Damned Adama men… They were all like that… holding everything in until it explodes…
Kara stood and went over to the door, gently leading him inside and closing the door behind him. He looked to her almost as torn up as she felt. Silently she embraced him in a gentle hug, which he returned, holding her tight. She could feel him shaking, silent tears dampening her shoulder.
Kara didn’t know how long they stood there, just holding one another. At some point her own tears began to fall, and they grieved together… For Zak, for one marriage that never had a chance to flourish, and for another that had struggled to hold together long after it’s time had gone. It was Kara who stepped away from the embrace first, taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. They sat together in silence for a while, half watching an old movie on the vid screen, but neither was really paying attention to it. It wasn’t long until they began to talk, and they ended up spending what seemed like hours, each talking about random memories… He told her of the first time he had met Iilya. They had become neighbors as children, about the same age that Kara and Lee had been when Kara had moved in next door. He had decided then that he was going to marry her someday… Kara couldn’t help but laugh. Lee had said the same thing only a few days after they had met, they were both 11 at the time… and Kara had responded with a quick right hook.
Kara grew quiet after a while, and he must have sensed something was bothering her. He gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Tell me” he said simply.
She found herself unable to speak at first… she was afraid. Lee had taken every bit of his frustration out on his father… when it should have been her. “Zak… Zak should have failed basic flight…” She bit her lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall once more. “He was so determined… but he was also a dreamer… I thought… if I gave him a chance to try… I could work with him… It was what he wanted more than anything… I… I couldn’t fail him… but I should have. He would still be alive…” Kara was unable to fight back the tears any longer. She expected him to walk away… but instead he pulled her close, holding her tight, gently stroking her hair, soothing her.
When the tears had stopped, he lifted her chin up once more to look her in the eye. “Kara… don’t ever blame yourself… Zak made the decision to pursue that career… there are a lot of steps between basic flight and a Viper… you know that as well as anyone… It’s not your fault, understand?” Kara nodded, brushing the tears from her cheeks.
“It’s late… I should get to bed…” Kara said, getting to her feet. “Goodnight Bill” she said, giving him a gentle goodnight hug.
“Goodnight” He smiled, brushing a stray tear from her cheek. “Sleep well”
Kara nodded and slipped off to her chosen room. She turned and watched as he grabbed his bag and headed off to the other room. She quietly turned and closed the door behind her. She sat for a moment, running her hand across the homemade quilt that lay across the bed, before slipping between the covers and falling fast asleep. The glass of ambrosia she had poured hours before, still sat on the table in the tiny living room, untouched since Bill’s arrival.
It was late morning when Kara finally woke. The sun streaming through the window felt warm and comforting on her face. In all honesty, it was the first really good sleep she’d had in several weeks, and she was somewhat reluctant to get out of bed. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon frying soon roused her from the cozy cocoon of blankets she had buried herself in. The room was chilled… it was getting late in the year, and the nights were getting colder… she quickly grabbed her sweater and slipped it on, very tempted to crawl back into the warmth of the blankets. She quietly walked across to the door of the room, slowly opening it.
Bill was in the tiny kitchen, cooking up what looked to be a fabulous breakfast. At first glance, through sleepy eyes, he had looked just like Zak… especially dressed in old faded jeans and a t-shirt. It was only the soft grey of his hair, and a few well earned extra pounds that gave it away. Kara stood there for a few moments, just watching, remembering the many times Zak had been the one in that same kitchen, cooking up breakfast for just the two of them.
“Good morning sunshine,” Her thoughts were interrupted by the gentle voice.
“Morning…” she smiled, still somewhat lost in thought. “Smells wonderful in here…”
Bill gestured for her to sit down at the table. If there was one thing she knew about the Adama’s they were good cooks, every one of them… Zak had cooked many a dinner for her. Iilya had tried to teach Kara to cook, but she didn’t have the knack for that Zak did. The two of them didn’t talk much over breakfast… and yet it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence… if anything it was quite the opposite. Neither one felt the need to say anything; they just enjoyed one another’s company over a good meal.
Kara had planned to spend the afternoon reading; she took her book outside and sat down in the shade of a tree. Lords, how long had it been since she had read a good book. Well ok, so this wasn’t a classic or anything, but romance novels had their merits too… Bill was working around the yard; fixing little odds and ends that had been put off for so long. He seemed to be enjoying himself, Kara thought as she picked up her book. A short time later, she found herself watching Bill as he chopped wood for the fireplace, her book long since forgotten.
The weather had turned warm today, and he had taken his shirt off in the hot sun, and she was amazed at how much he reminded her of Zak… they had the same build, they moved the same… he even got that same distant look Zak had at times, whenever he would stop what he was doing for a moment, just letting his mind wander. It was during one of these long pauses that Kara noticed the scar… it was near his shoulder, and distinct enough that Kara could see it from several feet away. It was a glaring reminder to her that he had lived through a war.
She picked up her book and slipped back into the cabin… determined to do something for him, he had given her so much without even knowing it. He had helped her remember all the little things that had been overshadowed by the accident. She set about tidying up the small kitchen, and made an honest attempt at dinner. It might have turned out ok, but she found herself distracted by the sight of him working just outside the kitchen window… so distracted she burned dinner to a crisp. She almost started to cry, until the absurdity of it all hit her and she had to laugh. She was still giggling when he came inside… He stood there in the doorway watching her try and clean up the mess she had made, amid trying to scrounge up something else for dinner. She must have turned a thousand shades of red when she noticed him, because he began to chuckle. Without another word, he came into the kitchen and began to help her clean up. They later dined on canned pasta and a salad... the one thing she didn’t manage to burn from the original dinner.
Long after supper was finished, Kara sat out on the edge of the lake, looking over the water as the sun began to set. In all honesty it was probably her favorite time of day. The golden red glow slowly began to spread across the water; leaving the sky a myriad of blue and mauve. Somehow when the sun was setting, all seemed right with the world. She was soon aware of someone sitting beside her, watching with her. Without so much as a second thought, she leaned against him, a smile crossing her face when she felt his arm around her shoulders.
The sun was long gone and the air growing chilly when they finally went back inside.
The following morning, Kara decided to try her hand in the kitchen one more time as Bill continued his work around the yard. She hadn’t realized just how much he enjoyed working outside… but then she couldn’t blame him… most of his time was spent onboard a battlestar. Even in the wide expanse of space, it could make a person feel pretty claustrophobic. She carefully packed the lunch she had prepared into a basket, along with a bottle of homemade wine. She spent most of the early afternoon just puttering around the cabin; continually checking to make sure that she hadn’t forgotten anything.
It was mid afternoon when she grabbed the basket from the table and went out into the yard. She carefully slipped off into the wooded area behind the cabin, taking care not to be noticed. She knew there was a clearing only a few yards in. It was the perfect picnic spot.
She took the quilt from on top of the basket and spread it out over the ground, then placed the basket in the center. It felt a little strange to be sharing this spot with someone… this had been Zak’s favorite place…
She lingered a few moments, just lost in thought, before turning back towards the cabin.
Bill had just finished up with fixing the fence around the small flower garden.
“Come on…” she called to him, “we’re going for a walk.”
He gave her an arched eyebrow in response, but eventually he came to walk beside her. She led him down several paths that wound through the woods, and along the lake; skirting around their eventual destination. Along the way, they talked, of how much they both loved this cabin. Bill had bought the cabin when Zak was a baby… he had wanted a place where they could go as a family, away from the city… it had become a sanctuary of sorts over the years. Whenever the world seemed too much for one of the family, they would inevitably end up here. That tradition had extended itself to Kara as well. She could still remember the first time she came up here with the Adama’s for a weekend. It was incredible... at 15; she had never been out of the city. She hadn’t known such wide open spaces could exist… Somewhere along the way, she had taken his hand, and they now walked quietly to the clearing.
Seeing the basket there, he turned and gave her the warmest smile she could ever remember. He took the lead from there, pulling her into the clearing and to the quilt. She was somewhat reluctant to let his hand go as they sat down… it had felt so good to hold on to someone…
They were so absorbed in dinner and conversation, that neither noticed the dark clouds moving in. They had barely finished eating when the first drops of rain began to fall. Despite quickly gathering up their picnic, the rain had begun to fall in sheets, soaking them both before they could get back to the cabin. Once inside, Bill set about starting a fire in the fireplace. Kara slipped into her room and changed into some dry clothes… at least she wasn’t getting colder, but she certainly wasn’t much warmer… when she returned to the main room, there was a good fire going. Bill had changed as well, and had brought out another quilt which was spread out before the fireplace. The picnic basket sat in the middle once more.
He smiled “No point in letting a perfectly good picnic get spoiled by a little rain…”
Kara just shook her head and joined him by the fire. She dug two glasses from the basket as Bill opened the wine. They toasted to family and then to friends... and to whatever else they could think of. By this time, the rain had developed into a raging storm. Thunder rattled the windows, and the wind must have broken the connection between the generator and the cabin, as the power was long since out. This also meant no heat… and despite the warm fire and the wine, Kara still felt chilled to the bone.
Bill must have sensed this… he took the large afghan off the couch and wrapped it around them both, blocking out the cool night air. It wasn’t long before Kara felt comfortably warm. She remembered the scar she had seen the day before… now seemed as good a time as any to ask…
“The scar on your shoulder… where did you get it? It’s not like anything I’ve seen in Viper related injuries…” Kara bit her lip, hoping it wasn’t too personal of a question.
To her relief he smiled. “No one has asked me about that in years… I got that just at the end of the war… we were on a ground patrol and I was shot by a Centurion… spent the last six weeks of the war at Picon Fleet Hospital.” He paused for a moment, “It was pretty scary… to tell the truth…”
Kara reached up and placed her hand over where she remembered seeing the scar the day before. Absentmindedly she brushed her hand over, then moved to lightly touch the scars on his face…Whether it was the firelight or the rain on the rooftop, she didn’t know… but something came over her at that moment… she slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a gentle kiss… At first she was afraid he would pull away… that he would be upset…. but he slipped his arm around her waist, and kissed her back…
It seemed an eternity had passed when she broke the kiss. She could feel her cheeks going red. “I’m sorry… she whispered, burying her face against his chest.
“Don’t be…” he said, equally as soft, gently stroking her hair. Somewhere in the moments that followed, Kara drifted off to sleep, still warm and safe in his arms.
Chapter 11
William Adama slowly awoke, not really ready let go of the dream he had found himself in. But then, it wasn’t really a dream… it was a memory… a memory that for the first time he didn’t feel a twinge of guilt when he recalled it. It had been one kiss... nothing more… yet he had done his best to forget it. Now... he wanted nothing more than to hang on to that moment in time. He sat, reclined back in the chair, eyes closed for several moments, until the sounds of a shift change in Life Station infiltrated his thoughts. That meant it must be 0500 already. Lords… he hadn’t meant to fall asleep there. He sat up straight, looking around; it was quiet, except for Dr. Salik, moving through life station, checking on the patients. Adama moved to stand up, every muscle screaming in protest. Damn… he was too old to be sleeping in a chair.
Dr. Salik approached. “How is the hand?” He asked, taking Adama’s bandaged hand and looking it over.
“It’s a little tender…” Adama stated flatly… hell it was downright painful… but he wasn’t about to admit it.
“Well… the swelling has gone down some, but you won’t be using it for a while. You’re going to need to find yourself an assistant until that’s healed” Adama simply nodded. He hadn’t meant to lose his temper… but seeing Kara like that had brought out the worst in him. If any good had come from it though… when Tigh had realized what had happened, he had voluntarily admitted himself to Life Station, he was determined to break free of the alcohol this time.
Adama looked over to Kara’s bed. She still looked paler than usual… but her color was slowly returning. It had been over 48 hours… “How is she?” He looked at Dr. Salik.
“She’s stable… but not showing any signs of waking… it could be a while…” Dr. Salik said quietly, patting Adama on the shoulder. “Stay as long as you like… the company is good for her…”
Dr. Salik moved away, leaving Adama standing by her bed. Before long he sat back down… even though he knew he should check in at CIC, he couldn’t leave… He had seen her like this before… and he knew when she woke, she would need someone there. He took her hand in his good one and closed his eyes, the memories of that time flooding back to him.
He couldn’t believe how vivid the memories of that night in the cabin were…he could still hear the rain and the thunder... could still taste the faint hint of wine on her lips when she kissed him… Lords… that kiss had been incredible… but deep down he knew, she was lonely, just looking for comfort, just as he was. When Kara had decided to leave the cabin the day after the storm, he had told her to call him if she needed anything at all. He wasn’t sure that she would… but she did. In fact it was just over a week later when the call came in… she was practically hysterical… all he could get out of her over the phone was that she was at the hospital…
He rushed back to the city and to her side. It wasn’t until he arrived that he found out what had happened. Kara had suffered through a miscarriage... not even knowing she was pregnant before it happened. Unfortunately, there was little that could be done for her at the hospital. They released her and sent her home. Adama had taken her back to her apartment and stayed with her through the rest of the night, just holding her as she cried. The next day, she seemed to be doing a lot better… He had been reluctant to leave, but she assured him that she would be fine… he promised to check in on her every couple of days while he was on leave. He spent most of the first day sitting in a café across from her apartment… he couldn’t bring himself to go home. Iilya had moved out of the house… and it was cold and empty. Ironically, that was just how he felt. He had often thought of the grandchildren that may come… now it was sinking in just how much he had lost. Zak was gone… Lee had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with him… and now a grandchild he never got the chance to know… It was long past dark when he finally left the coffee shop and headed for home. He would come by tomorrow… he told himself.
The first two times he stopped by, she seemed to be doing alright… the apartment was falling into a rather unkempt state, but he could hardly blame her… with all she had been through, the fact that she was up and dressed every time he stopped by was good enough. He had stayed for a while each time, playing a few friendly hands of pyramid, and being very glad that they were only friendly games… damn she was good at that game.
Things took a change for the worse on his third visit… it had been nearly a week since he had picked her up from the hospital. When he stopped by the apartment, there was no answer… he tried the door and found it unlocked… Cautiously he stepped inside… the apartment looked worse than it had before… there were chairs overturned, most everything was pulled down off the shelves… broken glass covered the kitchen floor. He cautiously moved into the living room. On the table was an empty bottle of ambrosia, the prescription the doctor had given her… also empty… and a few other pills scattered across the table that he didn’t recognize. Lords… what had happened?
Had it not been for the cold breeze blowing through, he may not have noticed the open patio door. He brushed the blowing curtain aside, and saw her… sitting on the railing of the balcony.
“Kara…” he said softly, not wanting to startle her. She didn’t move. His first instinct was to grab her and pull her in… but he knew that was not the right approach… He took a cautious step forward.
“I can’t do it…” her voice was shaky, barely a whisper “there’s nothing left…”
He stood silent for a moment… unsure what to say… “You have me…” he said very gently, stepping closer. “Please, Kara… come inside…”
She didn’t move… didn’t say a word, just stared blankly at the ground below.
He could feel the desperation rising… he had to do something… he had to save her… he could feel the tears stinging his eyes. He stepped closer, close enough to touch her… “I… I love you Kara… please don’t do this…” His voice was shaking; he had said the first words that came to his mind… It seemed like an eternity passed, then she leaned back, he slipped his arms around her and pulled her in from the ledge.
His relief was short lived however, within moments she went limp in his arms. She was pale, her skin was cool and damp… he immediately called for emergency assistance, and carried her downstairs to meet the medics.
It was nearly 72 hours before she regained consciousness… and in that time… he had done his best keep things quiet and get her transferred to the Galactica. The last thing she needed then was to lose her career and her wings, and he had made sure that wouldn’t happen.
Now, almost three years later… he sat in the same position. This time though, he knew that he couldn’t protect her from the Doctor pulling her flight status… but he could be there for her… he would be there for her. It would take time. It would be three months before she would be allowed to attempt the recertification… that was standard procedure in such cases…
He pondered, the doctor had said he would need an assistant while his hand recovered… and he could think of no one he would rather have. He would talk to Lee and get her as much time in the simulators as was possible… it wasn’t the same, but it helped… even he still took a run in the simulators, just to whet the appetite.
He had begun to drift off in thought once more, when he felt a faint squeeze on his hand.
He looked up to see Kara, her eyes just barely open. “Guess I really did it this time huh?” She managed a weak smile. He knew then she would be alright… her sense of humor was intact.
He stood and gently kissed her on the forehead.
“Just rest… we’ll sort it all out later.” He said softly, then went off to find Dr. Salik to let him know she was awake.
Chapter 12
Kara was going frakkin insane. It had been three months since she had been behind the controls of a real viper… and this simulator just wasn’t cutting it. Sure, it kept her skills honed... but it wasn’t the same as the real thing. She knew she should be thankful for the simulator though, they weren’t something that was normally found on a battlestar. However, they had brought two old simulators on board as part of the museum project. They were to have been used as an attraction for the people visiting the museum. Thanks to chief Tyrol and his crew, they were now a fully functioning part of the flight training program that was now so necessary… But they still weren’t real vipers! Only two more weeks… and one flight test… and she would be back in the air. Frak, the next time she was about to do something stupid, she hoped that Bill was there to stop her. Kara smiled. Hell… as long as he was around she was happy.
If one good thing had come of the past three months, it was working alongside Bill every day. She hadn’t realized before how much she enjoyed his company. He had a way of making her feel special… much like Zak used to… only this was different. Or was it? The more she started to think about it, the more she realized how much Zak had been like his father… the only difference was Zak never understood her need to fly. He had wanted to be a pilot… but for him it had been a choice… for her… it was in her blood. Her first flight instructor had said it best… She had Tylium in her veins… Bill understood this. She had seen him many a time slipping quietly into the simulator late at night, when the deck was mostly quiet. Flying was in his blood as much as it was in hers.
Kara climbed out of the simulator. She looked around the starboard flight deck. It was still not in regular use, due much to the fact that there just weren’t enough planes or personnel to make it operable. The past few weeks she had seen several of Tyrol’s crew coming and going from the far end of the hangar bay, an area that even earlier tonight, when she entered the simulator, had been curtained off. The curtain was gone now, and the bay was lit just enough that she could see the distinct red and white nosecone poking out of the bay. Lords… she hadn’t seen a viper in over two months. After the first two weeks of not flying, she just could not bring herself to go down to the flight deck… Now… here was a bird just a few dozen feet away. She could not help herself. She walked down the hangar bay, the sounds of her steps echoing through the otherwise empty room. As she got closer, she could see that the bird had been on the receiving end of a lot of work. It was in excellent condition… She walked slowly up to the viper, reaching out to touch the cold metal of the nose. She stood there for some time… just staring at the viper before her. Lords, but this was a beautiful sight. She couldn’t help but wonder whose bird it was going to be… She slowly moved around the side, looking up at the side of the cockpit, where the pilot’s name and call sign were displayed. Her heart skilled a beat when she saw it… Capt. Kara Thrace - Starbuck… This was her viper! A hint of movement on the deck above caught her eye, and she saw several of the young techs hiding in the shadows. She couldn’t help but smile at them… they couldn’t possibly know just how much this meant to her… but she knew there as one person who did… and who was most likely the one behind everything. She turned quickly, just in time to see someone slip into the simulator. He wasn’t going to get away that easily.
Kara ran back over to the simulators, grabbing a helmet and slipping into the empty one. With a smirk, she punched in an old instructor password, and synced up the two simulators. She watched carefully as the simulator went through the launch sequence that would put her out into the simulated space beyond. Once “airborne” it didn’t take long to spot the image projected of the second simulator. She flipped on the comm system. “Viper 7242, this is Starbuck, thought you might like a little bit of company out here, Husker”
She could almost hear him smiling when he replied “Roger that Starbuck, good to have you along.” A few seconds later, he added “Lets see if you can keep up” Kara had to laugh as she kicked in the thrusters. It wasn’t long until they had lost all track of time in a seemingly endless game of cat and mouse, followed by several rounds of combat simulation. She could have easily gone several more… until a rather smug sounding voice came over the comm. “We’d better call it a night… you’ve got a busy day tomorrow…”
“Paperwork doesn’t require that much sleep…” she laughed.
“Who said anything about paperwork…?” Kara followed the other simulator through the landing sequence. Their comm connection terminated, so she assumed that he must have left the other simulator. What the hell was he talking about; paperwork had become the focal point of her existence. She quickly unbuckled and climbed out of the Simulator, determined to catch him before he got away. He was being particularly secretive the past couple of days. She saw him just before he was about to leave the simulator platform… She quickly ran over and blocked his exit. “You’re not going anywhere…” she grinned. “Until you tell me what you meant…” He simply grinned.
“First, you’re booked in for a med exam 0800, pass that and you’ll be going for recertification at 0930…”
Kara couldn’t believe what she was hearing… “But I though... another two weeks…”
“You’ve been out of the air long enough…” He said softly. She was so overwhelmed that she couldn’t even speak. She simply wrapped her arms around him in an enormous hug. No matter how hard she tried… she just couldn’t bring herself to let go right away… it was just too comfortable. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You’re welcome…” he said softly. Kara smiled, closing her eyes… lords but it felt good to have someone hold her close… Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them… Kara looked up quickly, pulling away from the hug. She almost had to laugh at the very confused and embarrassed look on chief Tyrol’s face.
“Sir… I… um… have those reports you asked for…” Tyrol did his best to keep a straight face, but Kara wasn’t so lucky…. She was forced to flee from the deck in a fit of giggles.
Kara could hardly sleep... 0800 seemed an eternity away. Within just a few hours she would be back in the cockpit… She was still overwhelmed that Bill had done this for her… She knew this wasn’t the first time he had called in a few favors on her behalf… but all the work on her viper… and now getting her flight test bumped up two weeks… it was more than she could have hoped for. She found her mind wandering to the moments after he had told her… the warm, strong feel of his arms around her. She was very thankful for the curtains that surrounded her bunk, as she could feel her cheeks reddening at the memory of the look on Tyrol’s face…
Without even thinking about it, she grabbed the gold wedding band she kept on the shelf above the head of her bunk. It was the ring she had been going to give to Zak. Why she kept it, she really didn’t know… but every once in a while she just felt the need to hold onto it… like now. She lay there, rolling it over in her fingers, thinking. She was beyond happy about taking the flight test... that meant she would be back on the flight roster… back where she loved to be… so why the hell did she feel sad at the same time? She was going to miss the long hours spent working with Bill… they made a good team… but it was more than that… she was going to miss his constant company… his smile…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the curtain of her bunk moving. Sharon was there; grinning from ear to ear. “Shove over girl… we need to talk….” Kara moved over against the wall and Sharon climbed behind the curtain, pulling it closed once more. “So… are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to beat it out of you…” Sharon mockingly punched at her.
Kara gave her a puzzled look. “What the frak are you talking about?” She asked, trying to keep her voice low.
“You know damned well what I’m talking about… What’s up with you and the Commander? And don’t you dare try denying it… I was there… but I don’t think you were paying enough attention to notice…”
Kara could feel her cheeks turning very red. “It was just a simple hug…”
“Yeah… and I’m the new CAG… There was more than a simple hug there… no matter what you may want me to believe...” Sharon grinned. “Lords… you don’t even realize it… do you… Girl it’s written all over your face… take it from someone who knows…”
Kara was too stunned for words. Did she care for him more than she let herself believe? She had to admit, she damned well knew she did. But what exactly was it she felt? She looked at the ring in her hand. Was it the same as she had felt for Zak? Could it be? He would never feel the same… rank and age were a huge factor… well maybe not huge… at least not for her. She was sure others would think that way though… but then... since when did she care what others thought… It was then she realized she was more concerned for Bill… She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of Sharon’s voice.
“Is that a wedding ring?” She was practically bouncing.
“Shhh...” Kara tried to quiet her down “You’re going to wake up the whole squad… It’s not what you think…” Kara blushed “It would have been Zak’s…”
“But... you’re not thinking about Zak are you…” Sharon grinned. “Relax… I think it’s great… really. To be able to find someone you love amid all the destruction… Look at Galen and I… a year ago we had to hide our relationship… but those rules are gone now…. And really, so what if he’s a little older than you…” Kara gave her a puzzled look; it was as if Sharon was reading her mind.
“You have a point…” Kara said softly… still looking at the ring in her hand.
Sharon smiled. “I better let you get some sleep… I hear you have a test in the morning…” With that, she slipped back out into the darkened room, leaving Kara to her thoughts. Kara was more confused than ever about how she felt… Maybe she did care about him a little more than as a friend… but was it love? Did it really matter? He sure as hell wouldn’t be in love with her… Within a few minutes, Kara had drifted off to sleep, still holding the ring tight in her hand.
The medical exam went off without a hitch, and before long, Kara found herself soaring through the vast expanse of space once more. Lords how she had missed this. The test flight was so routine she could have done it in her sleep…. But at least she was flying. She completed the test run , and was about to bring her viper in, when she saw a second viper launch.
A familiar voice crackled over the comm. “Bored yet?” Lee asked. “Thought you might like a little company…”
Kara was more than glad to be able to stay a little longer out in space. “Company is always welcome, bossman... Thought you were teaching class…”
“I am… they’re watching on the view screen… I figured we should put those museum cameras to good use and show the cadets just what a viper is capable of. That is if you think you can keep up…”
Kara laughed and kicked the thrusters in. “I think I can manage…”
It was nearly an hour later when Lee decided it was time to head in… the class was almost over… Kara nodded, as she brought her viper up alongside his. “Just one more trick up my sleeve…” she called over the wireless. “This one is for an old friend…” Kara had remembered hearing many times of this very stunt… only one pilot she knew of had ever done it… though she had been tempted to on so many occasions. Now was her chance, for both of them. She kicked in the thrusters, arcing back towards the Galactica and plummeting towards the landing deck. At the last moment, she pulled up, rocketing through the landing pod at full throttle. With a quick flip of her wrist, she rolled the viper over. She couldn’t help but laugh as Lee called to her over the wireless “You are frakkin insane!”
William Adama found it increasingly difficult to focus on his paperwork. He found his thoughts continually wandering to the time he had spent with Kara. He had come to the realization some time ago that she meant a lot more to him than he had been willing to admit at the time. It was only now, sitting alone in his office, that he realized just how much he missed having her nearby. He knew she was flying today… he had been the one to arrange it… if there was one thing he understood about Kara… it was that she was a pilot down to the core. She would never admit, but the desk job was slowly eating away at her. He couldn’t stand it any longer. He had pulled all the strings he could to get her back in the air… as soon as he had a date to aim for he had pulled a few of the deck crew together to get her viper fixed up in their off hours.
He stood and walked over to the tiny window in his office. He could just see the occasional glimmer of white. Kara was out there right now… A few minutes later, she was joined by a second Viper. He knew Lee had planned an aerial demonstration for the cadets he had been teaching. After all... he’d had to get Adama’s permission to use the resources to power up the cameras and the vid screen… since power was at a premium. Adama had hoped he could get a better view from his office… but he soon realized that was not the case. He quickly slipped out of his office and down to the observation deck where the vid screen was set up. He took great care to slip quietly into the room, not wanting to call too much attention to himself.
The vid screen had been split on two sections… the top section was filled with the images from the outer cameras, where the Vipers could be seen locked in an incredible aerial dance. Lords but those two could fly… he noticed that across the bottom of the screen, was a strip that showed the inside of the landing pod.
Just after what Adama had assumed to be the end of the demonstration, one viper broke off. He watched as it angled back towards the Galactica, picking up speed as it approached. It was coming in at an angle to the landing pod. He watched as it suddenly banked up sharply, flipping end over end to level out. Lords... that had to be Kara… he thought as the viper pitched forward and came into view on the lower portion of the screen… Lee just wasn’t crazy enough to try something like that. A quick glimpse of the tail numbering confirmed that it was indeed Kara. About halfway through the pod, the viper pitched into a barrel roll and shot out the other side. The room was filled with shocked gasps and excited chatter. Adama just smiled… he couldn’t believe she had done that… Until now… he had been the only one on record crazy enough to do it… but that was so many years ago… many pilots have set out to do it… but they had all backed out, settling for a slower paced even fly through… He could remember the many times he had told that story to Kara and his sons… Back when Kara and Lee first entered the academy, she had told him then that someday she would do it for him… and she had… He could feel himself bursting with pride as the lower portion of the screen showed the two vipers coming in for a landing. They would be up here any minute.
The room had become a chattering mass of excitement as they cadets waited for the two pilots to come up from the flight deck. Lee was the first one through the door. Adama had to laugh, as he still looked a little pale over Kara’s stunt. He was an excellent pilot… but Kara was more than a pilot… she flew as if she were part of the viper itself… He watched the door at the far side of the room, waiting for her to arrive…
When she came through the door she took his breath away. She looked so incredibly beautiful to him at that moment… Her hair was damp and tousled, her eyes were wide and bright… her cheeks were slightly flushed… and she had the most incredible smile. He could not remember a time when she looked more attractive… You’re a crazy old fool Adama, he thought to himself. She’s so young… so vibrant… so beautiful… she would never be interested in an old man. He could live with that though… He knew deep down that as long as she was happy… he would be happy too.
She must have seen him, because she flashed him the biggest smile he had ever seen and slowly began to move through the crowd. Only a few steps in, however, she was stopped by a handsome young cadet, who seemed very intent on keeping her attention. He sighed and slipped out the nearby hatch. She deserved to be with someone her own age… he told himself, don’t be such a fool. What he didn’t see, was Kara breaking free of the young man’s attention, and scanning the crowd for him, some of the sparkle leaving her eyes when she noticed he was gone…
Chapter 13
Kara took one last look in the mirror before leaving for the chapel. She still could not believe that Lee had talked her into this. When he had asked her to stand in as his “best man” at his wedding, she hadn’t even hesitated. Lee was her best friend; it was an honor to be asked. What she hadn’t counted on was wearing a dress… Kara usually did her best to avoid dresses and such frivolity. She lived in uniform, both on and off duty. However, at some point over the chaotic course of the previous week, she had agreed to wear a dress. An agreement she had nearly forgotten about, until Shelby had shown up with it yesterday. One thing Kara was thankful for was that it was not a frilly ruffled dress like many of the others she had seen at weddings. It was just a simple black dress.
She was very glad that the wedding was finally here. The past week had been crazy beyond belief. Until now, she had forgotten how much work went into a wedding, and she honestly didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Even when she had been preparing her own wedding she thought it was too much, and that had been spread over several months, not a single week… she had definitely made up her mind that if she ever did get married, it was going to be quick and simple… none of the decorations and guest lists, the worrying over matching colors and who would sit where.. It was enough to make a sane person run screaming.
The worst part of the whole thing though, was that between helping out with the wedding and her regular duty shifts… she had not seen Bill all week, other than brief moments in the corridors between shifts. It had been over a week since he arranged for her to recertify for flight early, and she had yet to have the chance to thank him properly. Even at the rehearsal yesterday, she never had much chance to talk to him… They were being pulled in different directions, each trying their best to make the wedding perfect for Lee. There was one moment… an all too short moment when their eyes met… she could swear that he wanted to say something to her… she sure as hell had a lot to say to him… but the words wouldn’t come… and before she could say anything, they were pulled in different directions once more. Maybe today… but what would she say… baring her soul was not one of her strong points. Especially when there’s a really good chance the person you’re baring it to doesn’t feel the same… What would he say?
“Kara… lets go…” Lee was pacing back and forth in the corridor just outside the hatch to the pilot’s quarters. Kara could tell that he was very nervous. It would have been funny if she didn’t have such a good idea of how he felt. He was taking a big step… taking a chance… and she knew how that felt… She closed the locker and stepped out into the corridor. Lee looked positively frazzled. She flashed Lee a reassuring smile.
“Ok… ready…” Kara stepped through the hatch and followed Lee towards the starboard hangar bay, which had been temporarily converted into a chapel and dance hall for the wedding.
Despite having been there just the night before… walking into that bay took her breath away. It was as if a moment in time had been frozen. All seemed right with the world… like they weren’t really thousands of light-years from where they had always called home; with nothing to turn back to… like their worlds hadn’t come to a screeching halt just a year ago…
It was a blur from that point on… Kara stood near Lee throughout the entire ceremony, and yet, she couldn’t have remembered anything that was said if she tried… her thoughts were preoccupied with memories of the past, and thoughts of what could be… Her mind traveled between thoughts of what her own wedding may have been like… thoughts of how she used to feel… and how close those feeling were to those she had for Bill, who was standing just off to her right, and how incredible he looked in dress uniform… Several times she had to force her mind back to the present… to what was happening in the here and now. As the ceremony drew to a close and blended into the reception, Kara’s mind was still a thousand light-years away…
William Adama had a speech all prepared... he had spent hours agonizing over every detail, rehearsing line by line in the corridors as he moved through the ship. It was a perfect speech… And the moment he was at that podium… looking out at the gathered crowd… at her… it seemed so inadequate… When she had walked into the bay earlier... she had taken his breath away… He had never seen her wearing a dress in all the years he had known her… she was absolutely beautiful… He had been tempted right then to tell her… but he was afraid to drive her away… there was no doubting it though, he loved her…
It seemed an eternity to him before he found his voice. He laid down the notes he had prepared and started to speak… from his heart… to her…
“Only a year ago, we were faced with the destruction of everything we knew… left clinging to fragile hopes and dreams. It had seemed that all was lost. And yet, in the midst of the destruction and chaos, a new understanding has grown. An understanding of our capacity to love…” He looked up, his eyes meeting hers… he felt as though he had lost the ability to speak momentarily… all that existed were those eyes… they were the most incredible shade of green…
He pulled himself back to the moment, forcing himself to look at the bride and groom… he had to stay focused on why he was there… deep down though… he knew that the words were for Kara.
“In the past year I have watched as relationships blossomed out of the devastation. Many of these relationships would have never had the chance to flourish were it not for the social and political changes brought about by our situation…”
Kara felt breathless when his eyes first met hers… it was as if a bolt of electricity had shot through her… For that brief moment it was though his words had been just for her… and then he had turned to where Lee sat with his new wife. Kara shook her head, trying to collect her thoughts. Of course he wasn’t speaking to her… this was his son’s wedding…
“No longer are we bound by outdated conventions which dictated who we were permitted to fall in love with. There was a time not long ago, when it was believed to be detrimental to care for someone who’s rank fell below yours,” Kara could relate to this… she and Zak had only been a step apart in rank when they became engaged… but it was still frowned upon by so many… and For Lee now, as Captain and C.A.G., to be free to marry a cadet who was not only a student, but who would be under his command once she earned her wings… it was a huge milestone... Love truly knew no bounds… hell… she had fallen in love with her commander… “Or to love someone with a different social standing, many even chose to separate humanity along the lines of race… even age.” His eyes fell on her once more, not faltering… gazing right through to her soul… it was almost intoxicating… There was something those eyes she hadn’t seen before… something she had never dreamed she would see… “ These rules have all but vanished, not because a political party decided the were no longer necessary… but because in the face of the crisis, the one thing that held us together, was the love of those who chose to ignore what was perceived as proper… their love and devotion to one another is a lesson to us all… Friends have come to realize that they are so much more…” Was he trying to tell her in his own subtle way that had happened for him… as it had for her? “Relationships that once would have been deserted before they had a chance to flourish because of rules or social niceties; now have the room to grow.” She was sure he was… she could feel the butterflies in her stomach as the realization came over her, that it was quite possible he cared as much for her as she did for him…
“In a world where we must face the reality of losing those close to us unexpectedly to the battles that rage around us, we have to learn to not let the old conventions dictate to us. We have to learn to accept love when it finds us… and embrace it without hesitation.” Adama left the podium and returned to his seat, the seat right next to hers… She could feel herself shaking on the inside as she quietly grasped his hand… her heart racing out of control when he gently squeezed back. It wasn’t until they had to move the chairs out of the way for the traditional first dance that she let go…
Kara watched as Lee and Shelby danced. Zak had always loved to dance… they used to go out dancing whenever their schedules allowed… Lee had come on occasion, but she could not recall ever seeing him dance. As the music for the first dance drew to a close, and other couples began to join the dance, she couldn’t help but wonder if Bill liked to dance as much as Zak had. As if he had heard her thoughts, Bill slipped his arm around her waist and led her out to the dance floor.
It had been years since he had danced, but Bill just could not pass by the opportunity to dance with Kara. It was a wedding after all… and she was far too beautiful to stand in the sidelines. The smile she had given him when he escorted her to the dance floor was intoxicating… her eyes full of sparkle, full of life… Lords! How could anyone not fall in love with her?
Deep down he wished he could hold on to her forever… she felt so good in his arms… it had been so long since he had held anyone… to have her so close was almost overwhelming… so close he could breathe in the soft scent of her hair… and the way she held on to him… so close… he could almost allow himself to believe that she cared as much for him as he did for her… almost… but she was so young… and he had seen every pilot watching her since she walked into the room earlier… They were finally seeing her for what she was… a beautiful woman… who was he to keep her from the attention she so greatly deserved?
He could hear the song drawing to a close… all too soon… he didn’t want to let her go… longing for just a moment longer… his wish granted, as she seemed as reluctant as him to end the dance… one more song… he thought to himself as the music started up once more.
By the end of the second song… he wanted to tell her... everything… and yet he could not find the words… his opportunity cut short by a young pilot, coming to steal her away for a dance… he let her go… slowly… holding on to her hand just one moment longer. He watched for a moment, before turning to leave… he was a fool, he knew... to love her… but it was a feeling that was just not going to go away. He set out from the dance and headed towards his quarters. If he stayed any longer, he may do something that he would later regret… and yet, he knew that deep down, when it came to Kara, there was nothing he would regret as much as not taking a chance.
Chapter 14
Kara reluctantly let go of Bill’s hand as she was led off to dance by one of the new pilots… she couldn’t even think of his name at the moment. She could barely concentrate on getting through the dance… she couldn’t see Bill through the crowd… she had to find him… she had to talk to him… the moment the song was over she left the dance floor to find him.
She looked around the crowded hall; unable to tell if he was across the room or not. Frak! If only she were just a little taller… and standing up on a table was probably not the most ladylike thing to do. Only moments later she turned around to se a rather worried looking Lee.
“I saw dad leave a few minutes ago… he didn’t look to good, I’m worried about him…” Lee was practically out of breath “Would you…” he began.
“I’ll go check on him…” Kara cut him off, a relieved look crossing Lee’s face. “Now go, enjoy your wedding… everything will be alright.” Kara turned and made her way out of the hangar bay and towards the commander’s quarters. Lords she hoped he was alright… he had seemed fine when they were dancing… By the time she reached his quarters, she was almost frantic. She knocked quickly… an eternity seeming to pass before the hatch creaked open.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him. He had taken off his uniform jacket and his hair was wet, but what she noticed most was the smile…
First thing William Adama had done when he arrived back at his quarters was toss his uniform jacket on the chair, and go splash some cold water on his face. Lords but that felt good… What the hell had he been thinking…? How could he let himself fall for someone so young? When he had held her… the rest of the world seemed to melt away. She was far more intoxicating than the sweetest ambrosia… only a few moments in her presence had sent him reeling out of control. He ended up sticking his head under the tap, letting the cool water pour over him for a moment before grabbing a towel.
He had no sooner stepped out into the main quarters, than a knock came at the hatch. Lords… who would be here now? Everyone would be at the reception… He hesitated, contemplating pretending he wasn’t there… but in the end, he opened the hatch. When he saw those beautiful green eyes looking at him he was very glad he had… He stepped aside wordlessly, motioning her inside. He could not help but smile at her.
H walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bunk, watching her. He could tell something was on his mind, and he had a feeling he knew what it was. His speech hadn’t exactly been subtle… part of him had hoped that she had returned his feelings, after all, she had taken his hand after… and the dance… had been incredible… and yet, he couldn’t help the sinking feeling that he was about to get let down hard. His fears were all but confirmed when he heard those words that never end well…
“Bill… we need to talk…” she said softly, sitting down beside him.
Well she'd started the ball rolling… but could she keep it going? Even to her ears her words had sounded like a frakking death sentence… and the sad look in his eyes was enough to indicate to her that it had sounded the same to him… why could she not just make the words come out that she so desperately needed to say…
She stood up and began restlessly pacing around the small room… she could feel him watching her… waiting for her to say something. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she was completely unable to speak what was on her mind. It just would not come out. What if she was wrong… what if she had misread everything...? No… she couldn’t have… The speech, the way he looked at her when they were dancing… she had to be right.
Kara summoned up every ounce of courage she had. She could feel herself shaking inside. It was all she could do to take the few steps towards him… her knees felt like jelly.
Lords… she hoped she wasn’t about to make the biggest fool of herself she could imagine. With a final step, she bent down, placing a hand on his cheek as she leaned in close. His eyes met hers… she knew in that moment she was right and yet she could still hear her heart pounding in her ears… her legs couldn’t hold her up any more… and she was forced to sit down on his lap as her lips lightly brushed against his in a gentle kiss. In the seconds that followed... Kara was certain her heart had stopped beating completely…
He didn’t pull away as she had feared he would. Instead she felt strong arm slip around her waist, pulling her closer… She tentatively deepened the kiss, gradually increasing the pressure of her lips on his. She sighed softly as she felt his lips move against hers, parting slightly and then capturing her lower lip. He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against hers. “Kara… this is crazy…” He said softly, catching his breath. “I…”
Kara placed a finger gently against his lips. “It may be crazy… but I love you Bill…” Kara said, cupping his chin in her hands, lifting his eyes to meet hers.
“Lords Kara… I love you too…” His eyes were flooded with emotion… tears threatened to run over the brim. Kara leaned in and gently kissed them away. In that moment, Kara found the courage to say what she wanted to… no matter how crazy it may sound.
She bit her lip, still a little nervous at what she was about to say “Marry me Bill…” an impish smile played across her face at the surprised look she received in return…. A look that soon softened to tender longing... He brushed a hand against her cheek and kissed her gently.
“Yes…” he heard himself answer without any hesitation… Lords he was as crazy as she was… and it felt damned good. Though nothing could have stopped the look of surprise at her next words…
“Tonight...” She said in barely a whisper. “I don’t want to waste another minute… I’ve wasted far too many already.”
“What will everyone say?” He asked, a little stunned, and yet feeling every bit as she did that they had taken far too long …
“We don’t have to tell everyone… not yet… not until they’re ready… We go see Elosha… in the sanctuary… everyone else is at the reception…”
“We’ll need witnesses…” He reasoned. Lords, this was crazy, but something in his heart was telling him to take that step… to marry Kara would be the right thing to do… now… before he could no longer deny himself the longing he saw reflected in her eyes.
“Tyrol and Sharon…” Kara said with a smile.
He couldn’t help but chuckle. Those two were probably the best secret keepers in the fleet. They had managed to keep their relationship a secret for over a year, even from him, until after the war had broken out. He knew that Tyrol was an honorable man, and that Sharon was one of Kara’s best friends… “Perfect…” He said, pulling her close for a gentle kiss. “Go find them… and meet me at the sanctuary in an hour…” One more kiss before he reluctantly let his arms slip from her waist.
He walked with her to the hatch, stealing one more lingering kiss before he let her walk through. “Go…” he said, breathless. She simply nodded and slipped through the hatch.
He simply stood there a few moments, reflecting on the events of the evening. He had said before he was a crazy old man, and now he was really starting to believe it. Crazy or not though… he loved her… and she loved him… It was going to be complicated… He was still her commander… but they had always been close… this was just one step closer…
He turned finally, and walked over to a shelf full of books, where a small wooden box sat. He took it down from the shelf, opening it carefully. Inside was a single item… a ring. He picked it up and smiled.
It was a gift that had never been given… His first tour as Commander of the Galactica… nearly 10 years ago… they had been on a survey mission of a potential tylium mine site… And he had found the most beautiful stone… it shimmered in a wide spectrum of colors, and was nearly perfect in shape. It was tiny… and yet held an incredible beauty. He had shown it to his chief engineer when they had returned, and Chief Raddison had offered to mount it in a ring… he made jewelry as a hobby. Adama had consented, with the intention of giving the ring to Iilya as an anniversary gift.
Raddison had done an incredible job with the limited resources. He had crafted a delicate band from a coupling used to repair the viper’s maneuvering system, and yet it looked as soft and delicate as any master crafted jewelry. The stone shimmered against the silver of the band, sparkling like a captured star… It would have been perfect.
But Iilya hated everything to do with space flight… she hated to be reminded that her husband was gone so much, and what it was that kept him away… before he could give her the ring, she had told him that she never wanted him to bring her anything back from his travels… she didn’t want any memories… And so the ring had sat in the little wooden box on the shelf in the commander’s quarters for ten years… and now it would find its home on the finger of an angel.
He clenched the ring in his hand and made his way to the hatch, slipping out into the dimmed hallway beyond.