Word Count: 1,535
Date: 07/02/05
Series: One
Rating: T
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee, Kara
Warnings:
Summary: My
dead lover's brother, the Captain to my Lieutenant... Lee Adama was, in every
sense of the word, my undoing.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Through "You Can't Go Home Again".
If only I did own them, no infringement intended.
I was the Fleet's most notorious screw-up. The only thing that saved me from being washed out and hung out to dry was the fact that I was also the Fleet's most notorious pilot. Of course, notoriety worked both ways and balancing my two reputations was a high wire act. One wrong step, I'd land on my ass in the brig. One micron off in my Viper and Tigh's rumored death wish would become my reality.
Still, chaos in the cosmos suited me. It kept me on edge, my senses sharp and my reflexes even sharper. The only problem was that my emotions didn't like running with scissors. To hide my paper-doll feelings, I painted my face thick with colorful insolence. My artistry worked just fine until he came along.
My dead lover's brother, the Captain to my Lieutenant... Lee Adama was, in every sense of the word, my undoing.
Our reunion on the Galactica was typical, in that Lee was typically pompous and I was typically behind bars. It didn't take us long to fall back into our familiar routine, where he felt the need to play the protective older brother and I was determined to star as the undisciplined brat. But, he wasn't my brother. He was Zak's and the only person I need protection from was... well... Zak's older brother.
How could this have happened? I wasn't supposed to be attracted to someone that I made fun of secretly and frequently. Apollo was everything that I wasn't. He was the mythological sun, my bright, rational counterpart. How much I wanted to tarnish his veneer, just a little. It would serve him right for making me his shadow, for calling me "Kara" instead of my chosen name, for treating me with kid gloves when he knew damn well that I could deck him in one round.
By the Gods, I wanted him.
I knew it wasn't possible to seduce him, so I decided to torment him, instead. I would exchange one type of pleasure for another. In battle, I out-shot and out-maneuvered him. I even saved his cute but sorry ass from the Cylons, only to goad him about it afterwards. He tolerated my taunts with a patience that I didn't understand. I never thought I could be annoyed and turned-on at the same time.
Lee's relationship with his father turned out to be his Achilles' heel and I just happened to be handy with a bow and arrow. The old man treated me like the daughter he never had. I was grateful for Commander Adama's affection. I was even more grateful for the opportunity to outshine the Fleet's golden boy.
Of course, I knew that Lee's anger was misdirected at his father. I was the one who got his brother killed by listening to my heart instead of my head. I just wish I knew which fracking organ I was listening to when I decided to tell Lee the truth about Zak. It must have been my guts. I certainly was spilling them.
Maybe, my launch tube confessional was chosen out of fear. I didn't want to be blasted into a fireball with a big, guilty sin streaming behind me like the tail of a comet. If I was going to die, I wanted it to be in a blaze of glory and with a clean conscience, relatively speaking. I really didn't have enough time to recount minor infractions. Besides, Tigh would never link them to me, anyway.
I returned from battle alive but grubbier than ever. That was when Captain "Shipshape" decided that it was time for me to tidy up my act. Because he knew my secret, I decided it was in my best interest to play along. Not that it mattered. Lee tattled on me when I washed out the Nuggets during my own attempt at guilty stain removal. Maybe, he was trying to help me like one of those three-step programs towards Apollo-like integrity. He could have warned me about step two, though. It was a doozey.
I took Commander Adama's reaction to the truth in stride, considering that devastation moves in slow motion anyway. I often wondered if Lee knew how literally I would crash and burn afterwards. I don't even think I knew until my parachute dragged me towards a certain, not to mention sand-spewing death.
This was not the way I wanted my life to end. If I was really the Fleet's most notorious screw-up, now was a good time to prove it.
I cut through one tangled mess after another, freeing myself from my own trap of self-loathing. The Raider, on the other hand, provided with me a dual opportunity, to save my own skin while getting under a certain somebody's. I don't know what tickled me more, showing off my new Cylon flying skills or suggesting that Lee Adama give me a bath. When he showed up later in the infirmary, I bluntly asked which one annoyed him the most.
"You really want to know?" Lee tried to lift my covers to take a peek at my injured knee.
"You're stalling." I slapped his hand away.
Lee shook his head. "Knee looks pretty banged up, Kara."
"That's okay, I have another," I said, grinning up at him. I toyed with the edge of my blanket as a new approach unfolded in my mind. "How about we play show and tell? I'll show you both of my knees and you can tell me your next plan for bringing me down on them."
I meant it as a joke. Judging by the expression on Lee's face, he wasn't amused.
He swallowed hard, unable to answer me, turning his head to the side so all I could see was a vein throbbing near his temple. If I didn't know better, there were tears in his eyes. Completely unnerved, I fumbled for his hand.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my own voice failing me. I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean any of it, that all the sarcasm and insult that I directed at him was really meant for myself.
Lee's fingers tightened around mine. He shot me a pained look and said, "Do you have any idea what we went though looking for you? What I went through?"
"Tell me...." I held my breath.
Lee sat down on the edge of my infirmary bed and began to describe the rescue operation. Snorting in frustration, I fell back against my pillow. "Lee, I already know how much fuel was used and how many Vipers were deployed. Tigh stopped by earlier with an invoice that he expects me to pay in full."
"Fine," he said. "I don't suppose Tigh told you that we were at each other's throats because of you."
I leaned up on my elbows. Now, this was the kind of detail I wanted to hear.
"Tigh accused me of allowing my personal feelings to cloud my judgment," Lee conveyed. "He was right."
I nodded eagerly, urging him on.
"You were our last connection to Zak," he confided. "It was like losing him all over again. I thought I'd moved on, but..."
I felt a familiar sting in my eyes and tried to disentangle myself from his hand. He held on firmly. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories, Kara," he apologized.
"You need to let go," I whimpered.
"That's just it," he explained. "I thought I had."
"No stupid," I blurted out. "You need to let go of my hand."
"You're crying, Kara," Lee said, sounding confused. I swiped my eyes with the back of my now freed hand. How dim could he be? The Lords help us all if this man was supposed to be the brightest bulb in the pack.
I tried to jostle Lee off the bed with my good leg, but he didn't budge. "Frack," I muttered, as he gently lifted me from the pillow and wrapped his arms around me. This wasn't what I expected, but snuggled against his chest, I decided to take advantage of my opportunity. I sobbed and sniveled, pausing only to wipe my nose on his flight suit. Once I'd left my mark, I felt infinitely better.
Pulling back, I faked punched his arm. "Thanks, sir, I really needed that."
Lee glanced down at the stain and smiled. "Anytime," he offered, getting up from the bed. Turning to leave, he paused and said, "By the way, Kara, don't ever ask me to let you go. This time, I'm playing for keeps."
"This time?" I called after him. "When the hell was there a last time?"
Lee never turned around. I realized then that Apollo had finally outmaneuvered Starbuck and it felt good. I didn't care that for now, it was all just a head game. At least, I got him playing. And, he was playing for keeps.
The End