Possibility: Different

By Emily

Word Count: 27,308
Date: 9/8/05
Series: Alternate Universe
Rating: M+
Category: Relationship
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: one rather emotionally-weighted scene
Summary: What if Gaius Baltar had decided not to give Six access to the defense systems of the Twelve Colonies? Where would the people of Battlestar Galactica be if there had been no holocaust to contend with?
Spoilers/Disclaimers: events take place after the whole first season (if it had actually existed); I don't own the characters (although sometimes I really wish I did!).

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Kara Thrace stood staring at the Vipers that flew in the sky above her. She missed flying like crazy, but days like today made it a little easier to deal with. Caprica was having another one of its typical summer days. Warm. Sunny. Beautiful. Perfect.

She would have to remember to thank Flattop for telling her this place was on the market and suggesting that since the freight business was going so well, she indulge herself in a summer home. He had been right. The cargo hauling business she had been running since she frakked her knee up five years earlier was flourishing. And a summer home was nice to have when the weather got nice and people’s demands for goods got less frequent. And the city got so hot and sticky that her little apartment just wasn’t comfortable to even breathe in.

She was happy to remember one of her contacts telling her earlier how it was supposed to cool off rather significantly that night. Good thing she had Dreg Kellerman, one of the electricians on her payroll, fix the heater that had been acting up. She would need it.

The thought of curling up in her large master bed underneath all the covers as the world cooled off made her smile. She had gotten to enjoy the simple things like that over the years. It was a nice change.

There was a brisk knock on her front door which snapped her out of her little daydream. Sighing, she put the cup of coffee she had been nursing for the past half hour on the counter and made her way to send whoever was at the door far, far away. It was probably someone asking her to take another shipment of fruit to Picon, and she just was not in the mood right now.

However, she did have to keep up appearances so she smoothed out the sundress she had slipped on earlier that morning and fixed where her long hair had slipped out of its ponytail. She didn’t bother to look through the peephole. Everyone knew, frakked up knee or no frakked up knee, she was still a force to reckon with.

She opened the door, and her heart froze while a smile leaped to her face.

He was leaning against the doorframe, looking like he had just flown two twelve hour patrols and then rolled around in some mudhole. His clothes looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in a month. His hair was a few inches longer than she had ever seen it. And it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week.

In short, he was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

“You look like shit, Lee,” she said with a smirk.

“I was hoping you could help me with that,” Lee Adama said, giving her that famous smile.

Gods. Who wouldn’t love a man who could smile like that?

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, trying her best to keep her knees from buckling because of the fact that he was actually standing right in front of her eyes for the first time in over a year.

“I had a twenty-four hour leave pass to use up. Figured that since I was on Caprica, I’d drop in.”

She noticed the knapsack tossed over his shoulder. “You have a lot of gear with you for just a visit.”

He gave her a sheepish look. “I need a place to stay.”

“You can’t tell me that the military of the Twelve Colonies couldn’t put you up in some hotel here on Caprica. You are one of their best pilots last I checked.”

“The best, now that you’re out of the game. But that’s besides the point.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Well, the military probably would have given me somewhere to stay if they knew that Caprica was where I was planning on coming.”

“I thought you said the only reason you’re here is because you happened to be on Caprica. That would imply that you knew you were coming here.”

“I had business that the whole military didn’t need to know about.” Lee shifted from side to side in impatience. “Are you going to let me in or not?”

Realizing that indeed she was still blocking the door, she took a step back. “Of course. You know I’d never turn away a visit from the elusive Apollo.”

He rolled his eyes and brushed past her. “The freight business is treating you well.”

“Yeah. Only the lucky can afford to live on beauty alone.” She glanced out the window. Even if she couldn’t live off her good looks, at least she knew that she could live in the middle of pure physical beauty. Looking back at where Lee was standing, she realized that maybe she was even luckier than she thought. Not everyone has physical beauty visiting them, too.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, noticing her smirk.

“I can’t figure out how you knew to come here. I just bought this place a few months ago. I haven’t even told anyone besides your father about it.”

“I have my ways.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “All right. I ran into Flattop at some shitty little bar on Geminon. He told me about the deal he convinced you to do.”

“I still think it’s hilarious that Flattop ended up getting into the realty business for all Twelve Colonies after he took that bad turn in his Viper. It makes me happy that at least I didn‘t end up permanently damaged when I was forced to stop flying.” Realizing that she was moving the conversation to sadder subjects, she decided to change the subject. “So, how is Crashdown doing lately?”

“Good. He says hello.”

“He knew you were coming to Caprica even when you didn’t?”

“No. But he knows that I keep in contact with you. And he always respected you for being so good of a pilot. So from time to time he asks me how you’ve been.”

“And you tell him I’m still screwing up my life like always.”

“Of course.”

“I can’t believe Crash got assigned to your little pseudo-military unit.”

“It’s not pseudo. We are a part of the military.”

She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, all I mean was I never pictured him as the undercover, secretive type.”

“Unlike me?” Lee said with a laugh. He dropped his pack near the couch and took a seat, stretching out his legs.

“I never imagined you there either. But now that you are, I have to admit that it fits you. Flushing out the remainder of the Cylon forces is something I can see you doing.”

“Because it’s the right thing to do?”

“Because you get to fly every day and make your own decisions. You always wanted your freedom.”

“And I got it,” he said with a smile while kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. His eyes landed on a pile of pictures in front of him. “Taking a walk down memory lane?” he asked as he leaned to pick them up.

“No. I just like to keep close the reminders of why I try so hard to keep on living.” He nodded, obviously understanding exactly what she meant. “Now if you‘ll excuse me, I do have a few calls to make for my business. After that, I‘m all yours.”

Lee found himself shuffling through the pictures while she was out of the room, attending to her work. There was surprisingly few for the rather hefty purpose they served. On second thought, though, it didn’t surprise him that she would only have three pictures to remind her of why she was alive.

The first one was of his father, William Adama, and her. It was taken the last day she was on Galactica. Lee had laughingly joked that they were retiring two old birds that day. Galactica and Kara Thrace herself. She looked happy in the picture even though he knew for a fact she was mad about being grounded pretty much permanently.

The second picture looked like it had been through at least four or five Cylon Wars. It was tattered around the edges, and the color was slightly faded. But that’s what you get when you keep one picture pinned up in your locker for over three years. He smiled down at Kara’s young face where his brother had her pulled into his arms. Lee himself was standing on the outskirts of the picture. It was the perfect summation of the three of them at that moment in time.

The last picture surprised him. It was simply a picture of him and Kara that someone must have taken for the decommissioning ceremony that never really happened. The ceremony had only been half complete at the time they were called to a state of war. It would take two months after he left Galactica for the ship to be properly retired.

He looked down at the picture. It had been taken during the small party after he flew his father’s old Mark II in a quick memorial fly-by. They hadn’t had much time to celebrate seeing as how one hour into the party they got a call from Caprica indicating that there was trouble with the Cylons.

There had been time for this, though. Kara was sitting on his lap and smiling at the camera in what was probably the first genuine bit of happiness she had had for a long while. He wasn’t looking into the camera at all, instead having chosen to stare at the woman in his arms.

It was odd, this moment in time. It was a memory of something that had never happened. He and Kara were still in a constant state of nerves when they were around each other. They hadn’t spoken in two years when he showed up on Galactica. He had only come to this little celebration because there was press there and he didn’t want to disappoint the Commander of Atlantia who had worked so hard to get him a few days pass to Galactica. Not that he wanted it.

He looked down at the innocent surprise on his face. So much would change for him an hour after the picture was taken. The Cylons would attack, and Kara, feeling certain she was going to die, would confess her sins to him in that hangar bay. She felt responsible for Zak’s death. He couldn’t imagine how much torture she put herself through with that stupid thought.

No, her hands weren’t completely clean, but it hadn’t been all of her fault.

“That was a long time ago, huh?”

He startled, having somehow missed when Kara came back into the room. He was quick to recover, though. “The picture doesn’t seem right. That’s not how we were that day.”

“For that one moment, we were,” she said, taking the picture out of his hand. “I like to think of it more as a sign of things that would come than a false memory.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend for that to be an insult.”

“I know. I just didn’t want you thinking that I didn’t realize that the happiness in the picture was a little bit of a lie.” Smiling at him, she motioned towards his pack that had been thrown on the floor. “You brought your running gear with you on this little excursion?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to see if I can still run twice as far as you can.”

He let out an exaggerated laugh. “You never could, Kara. You‘re just a girl.”

“You know what those words do to me.”

“I know,” he said, giving her a wink.

“I take it that means you do have your clothes. Because you sure as hell don‘t throw those words at me if you don‘t intend to give me the chance to make you eat them.”

“I haven’t even been here ten minutes and you’re issuing challenges.”

“Actually, that was just my creative way of getting you all sweaty so that you’d have to take a shower. You’re starting to smell, Lee.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s just dirt from the shuttle I took to Caprica.”

“What was on that shuttle? A whole farm?”

“I did some manual labor for them. Loaded up a shipment of what I think were Tauron ground worms.”

“That’s interesting. So the military didn’t set you up in a hotel and they didn’t give you transportation to Caprica? How shady was your business here on planet?”

He ignored her question and reached for his pack. “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to leave you in the dust.”

She nodded. There was obviously something he didn’t want to talk to her about. That was fine by her. At least for now. “I’ll be changing upstairs.”

He was already too busy rummaging through his belongings to give her more than a shrug of acknowledgment. She had definitely awoken the competitive side of him that probably hadn’t had a good challenge posed to it in quite some time.

Reaching the stairs to the second floor, Kara paused and looked back at where he stood in the room. She wanted to check one last time that he was actually there in her house. Just to make sure this wasn’t another one of her vivid daydreams that had been increasing in frequency every year. Lee had managed to play a pivotal role in all of them for the past eighteen months or so. So this could totally all be in her mind.

She looked back and immediately wished she hadn’t. This was a man still used to living a military life where there was little to no privacy, especially in the living quarters. He had already shrugged out of his shirt and was proceeding to unbutton his pants.

That would probably be too much for a weak-minded woman like her. At least, Kara was willing to admit that she was weak-minded when it came to the eldest Adama. Frankly, she hadn’t been all that good at saying no to Zak, but it was almost twice as bad with Lee.

Sighing, she began making her way up the stairs. Her running gear was sitting on the chair to the desk in her office. She had flung it there after her midnight run last night. Paperwork always made her tense, and running helped.

Once she had slipped into the familiar double tanks and shorts, she slid the tight white sheath of cloth over her right ankle and pulled it up to her knee. Flexing her leg to make sure she still had a good range of motion, she slipped into her running shoes.

Excitement was starting to build in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t run with Lee in years. It was an experience she sorely missed.

When she knocked lightly on the doorframe and entered the room, Lee automatically looked her up and down. She could feel his eyes settling on the brace she had slid onto her knee. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“I can do it,” she said shortly. Truth be told, she really wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been running every day since she settled into her life on Caprica. It was just she had never done it with an audience. Especially an audience that was as athletically capable as Lee.

On second thought, though, she really had nothing to worry about. Running had never been a competition between her and Lee. They had always played at it being a race, but their actions definitely proved it was otherwise. The few times that Kara had gotten fatigued in the middle of their run, Lee had always slowed down his pace to let her keep up. And Kara always pointed out where they needed to turn. Lee had always had the worst sense of direction whenever he wasn’t in a cockpit.

It was time to restart the tradition. “We can cut through the backyard and into the woods.”

“The woods?’

“What? Can’t handle it if the terrain isn’t the smooth concrete metal of a spaceship?”

He simply gestured at the door. “Lead the way before I leave you behind.”

“You would get lost in two seconds,” she called out as she opened the door and started into a slow jog. They never ran for speed. It was always about the distance.

The first mile or so was in silence as they both fell in line beside each other. Lee was too busy looking at the environment around him to talk, and Kara was too busy trying to decide if maybe this wasn’t actually happening. It was still hard to believe that he had actually chosen to visit her in what little free time he had. According to what he had told her through the years, he was more the type to try to get some extra work done when he got a break. He wouldn’t squander his precious time stopping in to see what she was up to. They had letters for that.

“How’s Helo doing?” Lee asked out of the blue.

“Fine,” she said, giving him a strange look. In the five years since Lee had met Helo, he had never once asked about him.

“I heard he was on Caprica.”

“Yeah. He has a long-term assignment with the military patrols. Says that it’s nice to have something permanent but he really misses the action of being out in deep space.”

“You must see him a lot considering you’re both permanent residents.”

“Yeah. He stops by every week or so.”

“I thought you said that only my father knew you moved into this place in the country.”

“Well, your father and Helo are the only two. Though it seems like the information is getting around, so maybe I’ll have more visitors soon.”

“You spend a lot of time with Helo?” Lee said, bringing the conversation back around to the Raptor pilot.

“He likes to encourage my extracurricular activities as a triad shark. It’s funny how many people are willing to believe I can’t play the game because I’m a blond. Idiots.”

“I would have thought you’d have a reputation by now.”

“I do. Helo comes up with new places for me to play. He gets the intel from his buddies on the Caprican Patrol.”

“Funny way to go on a date,” Lee said, picking up some speed.

Determined not to let him force her into dropping the conversation by making her work harder, she sped up to stay in stride with him. “If you want to call what I do with him a date,” she said, hoping Lee would pick up on both the sarcasm and the mocking laugh she let out.

“Well, what else would you call it?”

“Two kindred souls making sure that neither one of us forgets what we went through.”

“That’s very poetic.”

“I can be nice when I try.”

“You never try,” he said, shooting her a wink.

“There’s never reason to.”

They lapsed into silence again as they continued at a faster pace. Kara found herself slightly amazed that she wasn’t getting out of breath yet. Lee was definitely pushing her, but it didn’t seem to be doing anything. Maybe it was because her mind was racing at a hundred miles per second. Her heart felt like it was on vacation comparatively.

Something Helo had told her when he came to visit her a few days earlier was starting to make her uneasy. She had planned to ask Lee about it in her next letter to him, but it would seem stupid if she did that now that she had him there in person. But to be truthful, she wasn’t sure this was the kind of topic she couldn’t bridge while standing face to face with him.

Starbuck had never been one to back down, though.

“Helo told me that he saw you in some dive on Sagittaron about a month ago.”

“I must have been working.”

Kara shook her head. “No. He said you were definitely not working.”

Lee gave her a funny look but didn’t ask why Helo had been so sure. He wasn’t even sure where Kara was going with this train of thought. Like always when he talked to her, questions would only serve to confuse him more so he kept his mouth shut.

“He told me that you seemed to be having fun. I just wanted to say that it was nice to hear. Sometimes I imagine you getting too wrapped up in your job to even think about having a social life let alone a love life.” She cringed. She hadn’t meant to get that specific.

“Love life?” He let out a laugh. “Why the frak are we discussing my love life all the sudden?”

This time it was Kara who picked up the speed to hide her embarrassment. That still didn’t mean she was going to drop it. She had brought this up for a reason, and she wasn’t going to stop until she got the information she wanted.

She turned to run backwards for a few seconds and called out, “Well, Helo told me that you were with a woman and you seemed happy. I just wanted to say that it was good to hear.”

“What that I was happy or that I still like women?”

Kara’s mind flew back to their days in flight school. There had been a nasty rumor circulating that the eldest son of the great Viper pilot, William “Husker” Adama, preferred those of the same gender as him. She had laughed in the face of the first few people who told her that Lee was gay. It had seemed completely ludicrous. She had seen his face when a nasty little game of triad got particularly bad and one of the other female cadets ended up streaking across the quad in the nude so that Starbuck wouldn’t force her to pay up her marker that added up to at least half of the cadet’s savings.

Yeah. Lee definitely liked women.

After about the tenth person asked her if she knew if the rumor was true, she began to defend him. She kept explaining that Lee studied so that he would live up to his father’s expectations and not so that he wouldn’t have to be in public and have to suppress his feelings for the other male cadets in their year. The memory of her particular brand of defense always made her chuckle. If she remembered correctly, she had said something to the effect of ‘He was trying to get ahead, not avoid giving it’.

Yeah. She had always had a way with words.

Eventually, she put a stop to the rumors all together. It was a relatively simple thing to do once she thought of it. All she did was plant the best kiss she had in her romantic repertoire on him when he had a particularly successful run in the simulators. Anyone that saw his reaction to that could tell that he wasn’t into men.

“You’re remembering, aren’t you?” Lee said, cutting into her thoughts.

“It was the best time I’ve ever had squashing rumors,” she said with a laugh. She pointed to a break in the trees. “Let’s cut through there. It should bring us past the waterfalls.”

They ran in silence once more until Kara realized that she hadn’t really quenched her thirst for information about Lee’s love life. “So, who was she?”

“Who was who?”

Kara rolled her eyes. He was playing dumb, and they both knew it. “The woman you took to the bar.”

“Lieutenant Crawford. She’s a member of my unit.”

“The fraternization policy has gone lax?”

“No. They just don’t pay particular attention to us. We’re not exactly the most obedient group of pilots.”

“By-the-book Apollo isn’t obedient?”

“Those few weeks on Galactica with you five years ago killed any sort of obedient streak I had.”

“Glad to know I could be of some service.” Kara caught sight of a shallow end of the river leading out of the waterfalls and started running through it. “Time to get wet.”

“You’re enjoying this.”

“I like to keep you on your toes.” She gave him a smile. “So, tell me more about this Lieutenant Crawford.”

“When we have a spare moment, sometimes I take her out for a drink. That’s about it.”

“Helo said there was more than drinking going on.”

“Why is Helo spying on me?” Lee asked, his tone only slightly icy.

Kara had never noticed how much Lee seemed to dislike Helo. It was odd. “He thought I’d want to know what you were up to. He’s one of the few people that knows I keep track of where you are.”

“Of course you would tell him that.”

“What the frak is that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it means.”

“I have no clue what it means, so that doesn’t help, Adama.”

“Crashdown was joking the other day about how weird it was to see the legendary hellion that was Kara Thrace settling down to a nice little domestic life with one of her old comrades.”

“Helo? Crash thinks that I’m settling down with Helo?”

“Aren’t you?”

There was a slight dip in conversation as they both thought about that for a minute.

“Kara, it’s all right to tell me if you’re finally moving on from Zak. It’s been long enough. You deserve to have someone stable in your life.”

“As opposed to the unstable ones?’

“Well, you did leave a string of bodies behind back in the day.”

“Lee, that little chapter of my life ended four years ago.”

“Exactly. Helo got reassigned to Caprica about four years ago, didn’t he?”

“Just because I spend time with Helo doesn’t mean I’m planning on starting a life with him.”

She stopped at a dead halt. When Lee realized she wasn’t with him anymore, he turned around and jogged the few paces back to her side to find out why she had stopped. “What’s the matter?”

He didn’t see her fist coming at him until the pain was already shooting up his left arm. “Ow! Gods, Kara! What was that for?”

“That’s for acting like an overprotective father and a jealous boyfriend all rolled into one.” Without another word, she started running again.

She could feel him running a few steps behind her as they hit what she guessed was their sixth mile. He didn’t mention a word about her hitting him. It was the typical way she worked out her frustration with him.

Finally, after a few moments, he picked up the pace and ran shoulder to shoulder with her.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said through deep breaths. He was getting winded, but so was she.

“For what?”

“I don’t know. I just know I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Our love lives are something we don’t talk about. And I’m not surprised people think I’m involved with Helo. He’s really the only person who comes to visit me these days.”

“I came,” Lee pointed out.

“Not often enough for people to take notice.” In the back of her head, she added ‘and not often enough for my liking’. But there was nothing she could do. When the military called, Lee Adama answered.

As the house came back into view, Lee must have finally gotten the courage to continue on with whatever questions he had been dancing around for the majority of their run. “So, if you haven’t been dating, Helo, who have you been seeing? Because I know there has to be someone.”

“Unlike you, I don’t have someone at this moment in time.”

“I never said I had a girlfriend.”

“Then who is Lieutenant Crawford?” Kara asked, giving him a knowing look.

“Someone who keeps me from being serious all the time.”

A pang of jealousy rose up in her heart, and she couldn‘t hold back the words. “She make you laugh?”

Lee shook his head. “No. No one really does these days. The world I live in doesn’t allow me to laugh much.”

Kara felt a smug satisfaction come over her. She knew that she should be disappointed that Lee was still living such a hard life. But instead she was simply recalling the fact that he had laughed multiple times in the few hours he had already spent with her. She did always have a knack for keeping his sour face from staying that way permanently.

“Why don’t you have someone?” Lee said.

“That’s a very personal question to be asking.”

“I think you can handle it.”

“I just got tired of settling on whoever was available.”

“A pilot that can keep her pants on? That’s a miracle.”

“You can’t replace the thrill of flying with the exhilaration of sex. So why try? Besides, my life isn’t so hectic now that I’m out of the Viper cockpit. I’ve had the time to figure out what it is I really want.”

“And what is that?”

“Something that’s not feasible right now,” she said. All of the sudden she was glad that she had pushed herself so hard on this run. She knew her cheeks were pink from the exertion. There was no way Lee could tell that she was blushing from the thoughts that were running through her head. If he couldn’t notice, then she wouldn’t have to explain the reason why having a man in her life wasn’t a feasible option.

Because she had told him the truth. She had thought long and hard about what she really wanted now that her life was calm. And she kept coming back to same conclusion.

She wanted a man who could make her forget that she probably would never rekindle the feeling of flying a blind backflip roll in her Viper because being with him made her heart beat with excitement twice as much. She wanted a man who could understand that, as a person, she was terribly flawed, and instead of condemning her for it, he would love her because she had flaws. She wanted a man who wasn’t afraid to tell her when she was screwing up and would help her make things right when she didn’t listen to his advice. She wanted a man who she would miss the second he was gone but who would always come back to her so she wouldn’t have to spend another night on her own.

In short, she wanted Lee Adama.

But that wasn’t something she could just blurt out to him.

Still, he asked the question she was dreading. “Why isn’t it possible?”

She hesitated before answering, “Because I’m not good enough for the kind of man I want.”

Lee shook his head. “If you actually believe that, then maybe you just haven’t found the right kind of man. Because a man who could think you’re anything but the best thing to ever happen to him isn’t good enough for you.”

“I missed your corny little anecdotes. Even if they‘re completely illogical, they make me smile.”

“It’s nice to see you smile,” Lee said as they slowed to a halt. “You’ve changed a lot since I last saw you.”

“I had to grow up fast when I crashed that Viper.” She looked out at the piece of grass she called home. Unconsciously, she pulled her hands up to rub her arms. The air was already started to cool down now that the sun was setting. Maybe her contact had been right and Caprica was in for a cold, summer’s night. “I never realized how nice it would be to have a home to come back to.”

Sometimes it surprised her that she could be this happy.

Grinning at Lee for no reason at all, Kara let herself into her home through the unlocked back door. It was also nice to have such a big feeling of security that she didn’t have to worry about keeping everything locked away. That was one of the reasons why she had chosen to return to her home colony. Caprica had always made her feel safe.

She wiped the sweat off her forehead as Lee followed her into the kitchen and wondered why she suddenly felt self-conscious about the way she must look. Ignoring that little bit of vanity that was creeping up on her, she reached into the refrigerator to grab a few bottles of water.

“I don’t know about you, but I could sure use a shower,” he said, catching the bottle she threw at him.

“A shower does sound nice. I haven’t been pushed to run that far in years.” She glared at him as she took a sip out of her water. “Damn you and your crazy military fitness.”

He let out a laugh as he rolled his shoulders to work out a little of the leftover tension. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve run that hard in a long time either. No one can push me like you do, Kara.” Setting his water down, he scrunched up his face. “Gods, I feel gross.”

“Me, too.” She turned and smiled at him sweetly. “We could save some time and shower together if you wanted.”

“Very funny,” he said, tossing the empty bottle into the trash.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll only be a few minutes. Amuse yourself by looking through my possessions while I‘m gone.”

“Oh I will.” He waited until she was halfway up the stairs before yelling, “And don’t you dare use up all the hot water. I haven’t taken a heated shower in over ten months.”

“Lee, you’re on a planet now. We don’t have to ration out electricity and hot water.” Kara smiled. She could remember what it had been like when she first realized that she could take a hot shower every day for the rest of her life. Ecstasy didn’t even begin to cover the feeling she had felt.

She kicked her shoes off as she reached the top of the stairs and sighed. She couldn’t remember the last time a run had made her this tense. I mean, weren’t they supposed to be relaxing?

Then again, she was pretty sure it was the running that had made her so tense.

She stripped her clothes off leisurely as she made her way through her bedroom to the bathroom attached. Usually when she was this tense, she made for the bathtub and not the shower stall. Bubbles were a sex-starved woman’s best friend.

This time, though, she didn’t think it was a good option. If she took the time to draw a bath, then by the time she was in it, Lee would be dying for his own shower. And she didn’t fancy having to sit in a bathtub while he showered five feet away. That sure as hell wouldn’t help with the tension.

She knocked the water on, setting it to be slightly on the chilly side, and stepped in. The insistent pressure of the water felt good on the tension in her back and shoulders from all the running, but it was really doing nothing for the tension that was more inside than out.

Knowing it wasn’t a good idea, she decided she had no other option. She leaned against the wall of the shower and trailed her hand up the inside of her thigh until it hit just the right spot to make her quake. In her mind, her hands became his hands. The moans she tried to choke back were because of him and not her.

She could just imagine the intensity he would put forth into making her shiver with his name on her lips. He would slowly push into her with his fingers while lightly nibbling on her throat. The sensation would drive her to the edge almost immediately, but he wouldn’t wait for her trembling to stop. He would kneel down on the shower floor and lightly tease his way up her thighs with his tongue. Just when the beating of her heart had settled slightly, he would pull his hands away and continue his ministrations with his tongue and lips.

“Oh frak,” she muttered as a moan slipped off her lips.

“Kara?”

His voice made her freeze in the middle of a particularly good fantasy. When did he come into the bathroom? Had he heard her? Oh gods.

“What do you need, Lee?” she asked tentatively.

“Um. I was wondering if you would mind me sitting here while you took your shower.”

She squinted through the fogged up glass and saw the vague shape of him standing in the doorway. Had she really forgotten to close the door? Had he gotten to her that much?

Realizing her hand was still in a not too subtle place, she pulled it away and peeked her head out the shower door. “When did you turn into a complete perv?”

“Funny.”

Kara’s mind flashed back to the first few weeks she spent in her little apartment in the heart of Caprica City. She had felt scared any time she was by herself in her apartment. The lack of noise and blatant calmness of the situation was something she hadn’t experience since before she entered the academy.

And Lee was probably the same way.

“The quiet?” she said, giving him a small smile.

“Yeah. I’ve gotten too used to my unit.”

She gave him a small nod and pulled the door shut again. He immediately started talking about his unit and how they would put her old Viper Squadron to shame when it came to loudness. She could tell that he was smiling even though she couldn’t see him.

Thank the gods, she couldn’t see him. That would be pure torture. The water was still beating down on her, but she was frustrated to realize that the tension was twice as bad as before. Lee had interrupted, and now she had no way of fixing her little problem. Because she surely couldn’t finish with him sitting outside the shower.

Could she?

The wicked thought of what he would do if he realized what she was doing underneath the spray of the water was hard to ignore. Maybe he would take her up on that offer of a joint shower after all. And then she wouldn’t be responsible for what her hands did. Her mind could say no a thousand times, but her hands could never do the same.

She bit her lip hard as she realized her hands had already been doing a little thinking of their own. They had brought her right back up to the point she had been at when Lee called out her name.

Lee calling out her name. That wasn’t going to help convince her to stop.

Frak. Frak. Frak.

She needed to start talking to him about something safe. Something that even her warped brain couldn’t turn into another daydream about him.

Wrenching her hands away from her body, she waited for a break in his story and then asked. “How is Cally doing?”

“Fantastic. I swear to the gods, she’s better than any other Chief I’ve ever seen. Whatever accident sent her my way, I’m grateful.”

Kara laughed as she reached to grab the soap from the holder on the wall. “Well, it depends on whether you want to call a formal request an accident.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cally came to see me on Caprica about two or three years ago. She told me that her assignment as a Specialist on Pegasus was up and there was talks of assigning her a crew of her very own somewhere. The kid was scared to death. No one gets promoted that quickly.”

“But she’s really good,” Lee interjected.

“I know. I told her that. Told her she had a lot of fraking potential that she shouldn’t be wasting away working under someone on a ship. I asked her if she wanted to be the best at what she did. Do you know what she said? She said that maybe she already is the best and just no one knows it yet.”

“That sounds like Cally.”

“I think my year with that kid did some good. Anyway, then I told her that if you want to be the best, you need to surround yourself with the best. Which was when she brought up the fact that the military had brought up the idea of her working on a mobile unit considering how much Chief Tyrol insisted that she worked best when she was under pressure. I told her that you had mentioned that you were going to sign up for some crazy Cylon bounty hunter unit.”

“I never called it that.”

“But that’s what it is all the same,” she said with a laugh. “Anyway, she said that she knew already. The kid did her research. She said that she wanted to work with you. That she knew she could trust you with her birds.”

“I’m grateful for that because she’s the only one I trust with them, too. She sure is one hell of a crew chief.”

The admiration was thick in his voice, and Kara found a few pangs of jealousy ring through her body as she grabbed some shampoo and worked it through her hair. Cally got to see Lee every day. She got to joke with him and make him laugh. She got to see that wonderful face light up in a smile when he completed a mission, and she got to be there to see him give his all to make the world a better place.

Something suddenly occurred to Kara. “I think I recommended that she request your unit because I knew I could trust her, too.”

“That makes no sense. You obviously weren’t going to have to depend on her to fix your Viper anymore. Why would you need to trust her?”

“I needed to trust her to keep you alive. To me, that’s practically the same thing.”

She cringed as soon as the words came out of her mouth. There was no way she had meant to admit to Lee that she was worried about his safety. They were both officially trained pilots of the Military of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol. They were taught to worry about no one’s safety but their own.

She needed to change the subject quick. “Hey! Did you know that Cally developed quite a crush on you when you were on Galactica for the decommissioning ceremony and the Cylon hunting afterwards?”

Lee let out a chuckle. “Yeah. She told me about that. I felt honored.”

“She was such a little innocent girl back then, though.”

“Not anymore.”

Kara’s hand froze in midair as she took in the hidden meaning to his words, and soap slipped right into her eyes. “Damnit,” she hissed to herself, frantically massaging the stinging area until the soap was out.

After a moment, she remembered why she had slipped and caused herself so much pain. She stuck her head out the shower door and gave him the best death stare she could muster up, even though the soap residue was keeping her eyes from focusing. “I swear to the Lords of Kobol and everything this world holds sacred, if you did anything to seduce that girl, I will frak you up.”

“Whoa there, Kara. I did nothing of the kind.”

She let out the breath she had been holding and pulled herself back into the stall to get rid of the remnants of shampoo. Lee made it a habit to never lie to her. And he knew better than to frak with the people she considered her friends.

“And anyway, to be honest, all the seducing was on her side.”

Kara knocked the water off. She could have sworn he had just said that Cally seduced him. “Would you repeat that?”

“What? Just because I haven’t had a meaningful relationship in awhile, you assume there hasn’t been anyone in my life. I’ll have you know that Cally was probably the only really significant chance I had at loving someone in a long time.”

“And she seduced you to get you to admit that?”

“Well, it’s kind of lonely out there on the run. And she said that I sure as hell hadn’t changed a thing about myself that had attracted her in the first place.” She heard him let out a whistle. “Boy. I never would have thought that Cally was capable of what she did. I have no clue where she learned to do that, but it was pretty damn effective.”

Kara felt herself clam up. She didn’t want to know this. This hadn’t been the safe topic she was searching for. Granted, in the beginning, it did its job. But now it seemed to be heading back down the route she had been trying not to take and the faint tension in her lower regions was coming back. “Hand me a towel, Lee,” she demanded, trying to keep herself mostly in the shower. She didn’t want him to see even an inch of her naked. Somehow he might figure out how on edge she was. And she did not want to explain why.

She felt the fluffy towel hit her hand and quickly wrapped it around her body. She stepped out of the shower and immediately wished she hadn’t.

She had expected to see Lee sitting on the counter in his running clothes. He had been wearing them when he came into the bathroom a few minutes before. She definitely hadn’t expected him to be dressed in only a towel with the running clothes carelessly discarded in a pile on the floor. Though it made sense to some degree. He had admitted that he felt incredibly gross and she had taken an awfully long time in the shower. Plus they had been getting really chatty. How was he supposed to know how much longer she would be?

“It’s all yours,” she said, giving him a quick smile before she dashed out of the bathroom. Two more seconds in that steamy room with him and her hands were going to start walking to places they didn’t belong.

She grabbed a fresh shirt and pair of sweats out of the closet and, after putting them on, practically ran down the stairs. If she stuck around in her room, her mind might actually begin to dwell on the image of Lee naked in her shower. And she was beginning to truly understand how much her willpower disappeared when he was near.

Her eyes fell on the coffee maker as she entered the kitchen to lock the back door. Lee had been drinking the synthetic crap the military served up for longer than she could remember. Smiling, she plugged it in and watched it slowly fill up with what she considered the world’s best brew.

She flipped on talk radio to give her something to listen to other than the naughty voices in her head. There was a story on about the trial of Dr. Gaius Baltar.

Now there was a strange man. He was credited with being the main reason the Cylons were unsuccessful in their attempt to extinguish humanity. Days before the Cylons attacked, he pointed out several fatal flaws in the defense system of Caprica. These flaws were generalized across the security of all Twelve Colonies. People worked around the clock supposedly, and the problem was resolved only hours before the Cylons showed their hand. Without that defense system, humanity would have been sitting ducks for the toasters to prey on.

And now Gaius Baltar, hero of all Twelve Colonies, was on trial for killing one of the President’s military advisors with a toaster. How was that for semantic irony? When the Marines hauled him in, he had been quoted as mumbling something about Six made me do it. That this Six person was in his head and she controlled what he did. That he did it only because she was mad at him for making the Cylons have to wait another thirty years.

Kara shook her head. Personally, she thought the good doctor had seen one too many bad science fiction movies. Pretty, blond women residing in your head? That never would happen in real life.

It was a pity to see such a great mind of their time fall to such lows. Especially the mind of this man. People thought he was going to be President one day, and safe to say, he wasn’t a complete flop with the ladies. In fact, one of Kara’s bunkmates on Galactica had claimed to have spent the night with him while on leave in Caprica City. She said it was very delightful. Kara just thought it sounded gross. The man had this weird, slimy pervert quality to him. She wouldn’t be caught dead writhing in the sheets with him.

She wasn’t surprised as the radio went on to discuss her old XO Saul Tigh’s appointment as the judge on the case. The Caprican government liked to give him all the high profile crimes since he was part of the most successful Battlestar command crew during the Cylon attacks. It was their idea of a reward for years of service. To her, sitting in a hot courtroom for hours listening to the incessant rambling of a lunatic she didn’t even know how to begin describing was not her idea of a dream job.

“Pathetic. That‘s what the dear Doctor is. Pathetic,” she said with a laugh, focusing on the task at hand.

A better reward for the XO might be keeping his frak-up of a wife twenty miles away from him. Then maybe he could kick that nasty alcoholism habit that was circulating the gossip circuit. Now that she really cared. She and Tigh had never really gotten along that well.

She shuffled some more things around in the area in front of her as she tried to push her old XO’s current situation out of her mind. She was done with that part of her life.

It took her ten minutes to dig out the bottle of ambrosia that she had been given upon leaving Galactica. By that time, the newscast had moved on to detail the latest discovery in Cylon counter-intelligence. She didn’t feel like listening to that bullshit right now. Long ago, she had decided if she couldn’t do anything to stop the toasters, then she didn’t want to hear about them.

Looking down, she saw there was over half the bottle of ambrosia left. She had only been drinking it on special occasions. And she figured Lee taking the initiative to come see her new home was a very special occasion indeed.

“What are you doing down there?”

She smiled over her shoulder from where she crouched on the ground and wiggled the bottle in the air. “It’s time for some of Starbuck’s infamous coffee.”

Lee let out a long moan of pleasure as he took a seat at the table, and Starbuck was content to know that her decision to give him a taste of home had been right on the money. As she turned to pour the cool green liquid into the steaming hot coffee, she thanked the gods that Lee had taken the time to locate some clothes in his bag.

It was the little things that made her grateful, she thought to herself with a laugh. Handing him the cup, she managed to make eye contact with him for the first time since the shower incident. She immediately noticed that he was still as scruffy as when he first came in. “You didn’t shave,” she commented.

“No, I didn’t.”

He didn’t elaborate, and she figured it wasn’t her place to ask. Anyway, it was probably something stupid like he thought shaving would break the winning streak of his favorite pyramid team. Men can be so stupid sometimes.

In the back of her head, a small voice kept asking her if she had forgotten the time she hadn’t washed dishes for three weeks while the Picon Starbucks were going 10 and 0. Some of her old classmates at the Academy had been on that team, and they told her that she better not jinx them. So no dish washing until the pyramid team lost a game.

Determined to keep her mind off both the stupid topics such as her own superstitions and the dangerous topics such as every single thing relating to Lee, she waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, she searched for a topic that would be relatively safe. It wasn’t like the silence was uncomfortable. She just found it harder to keep her thoughts where she wanted them to be when there was nothing to keep her occupied.

“How did your last mission go?” she asked, taking a seat in the chair next to him. “You usually mention to me how many Cylons you’ve killed within the first twenty-four hours of finishing an op.”

“I only killed one,” Lee said, setting down his coffee cup.

Kara could feel the seriousness enter the room as the small smile that had been on his face vanished. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. In fact, my last mission was actually part of why I wanted to come see you in person. It put a lot of things into perspective, and I figured that you wouldn’t want to hear the news from talk radio or something stupid like that.”

Kara set down her mug and took a deep breath before looking up at him. “You’re starting to scare me, Lee, so I’m not sure I should even ask. But I will. What news?”

“Cally received a tip about a week ago to what the last Cylon human replica model looked like.”

“Then you know all twelve?”

“Correct. It makes my job a lot easier to finish.”

“So then what’s the problem? You should be ecstatic.”

He shook his head. “You’re not paying attention, Kara. I said that Cally received a tip. Cally. Doesn’t that seem odd to you?”

Her eyes lit up with horror. “Oh my gods. Did something happen to Cally?”

“No,” Lee said shaking his head emphatically. “I wouldn’t have let her within one thousand yards of anything that would be dangerous.”

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot that you two were involved.”

“Don’t be like that. Cally is the only person who really gets what drives me to keep hunting down Cylons.”

Kara looked down at her hands and mumbled, “What about me? I thought I got you.”

“You’re not around when I need you.”

Her head shot up, and she knew no matter how hard she tried, the pain wouldn’t leave her eyes. “Wow.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’re here on Caprica. The military takes me to some out of reach areas. I can’t always be calling you or writing you when I need to hear that it’s okay and that I’ll make it through the day.” He reached out and grasped her hand in his as he looked at her seriously. “There are so many times when I wish it was you flying as my wingman or playing triad with me during the downtime. If I could, I would have you by my side.”

As much as the words made her want to break out into a wide smile, they also made her want to cry. They both knew that she couldn’t fly with him anymore. It was a stupid pipedream, and it hurt to know that they both had it.

It also hurt to know that he wanted her by his side as Starbuck, the greatest pilot and triad player in the Twelve Colonies. He didn’t want Kara Thrace, his best friend and the royal frak-up.

“We got off track,” she pointed out pulling her hand away from him and grabbing the cup to take another drink. “You were telling me how odd it was that Cally got the tip and not one of you pilots.”

“Well, it wasn’t necessarily odd. It just sent off red flags that this wasn’t going to be another target-lock-shoot kind of mission.”

Lee sighed and stood up. Kara watched as he poured a good amount of ambrosia into his empty mug and quickly swallowed it all. “That bad?” she said, knowing that the fear was rising in her voice. Lee never beat around the subject. The last time he acted like this had been to tell her that his mother, the woman who had watched over Kara when her youngest son got killed, had died from cancer. She couldn’t imagine that what he had to say could be as bad as it was that day.

He walked over to stand beside where she sat. “It was Galen Tyrol. He contacted Cally because he thought it wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary. He was her old boss, and they still talked at least a few times a week no matter how remote a location we were stationed in at the time.”

“The Chief was the one that tipped you off? Last I heard he was trying to live the easy life with Sharon on their little farm on Aquaria. When does he have time to flush out Cylons?”

Her joke didn’t make him laugh, which meant this really was serious.

“Kara. I’ve been thinking this over and over in my head for the past twenty-four hours, and I can’t come up with one way to ease the blow. So, I’m just going to say it, and you’ll have to forgive me.” He sighed and grabbed her hand, ignoring the fact that she was trying to pull away. “It was Sharon.”

“What was Sharon?”

“The Twelfth Cylon Model. It was Sharon.”

“What do you mean ‘was’, Lee?”

“I tried to take her into custody, Kara. I swear to the gods, I tried my best. But I just couldn’t. She took the life of a civilian, and I had to take her down.”

“Then you didn’t try hard enough. Sharon wouldn’t have killed an innocent unless she had to. She’s not that kind of person.”

“She’s a machine.”

“She is not,” Kara hissed, finally yanking her hand away from him. “You take that back. Sharon Valerii is an honorable veteran of the Twelve Colonies. She would not kill someone unless she was forced to. And then it would only be because they threatened her first. It‘s the way we were taught the first day of flight school. She would never be heartless enough to do what you‘re implying. You must have made a mistake in assuming it was murder just like you made a mistake thinking she was a Cylon.”

“She killed Galen,” Lee said. She could see his lip tremble slightly. He was doing his best not to turn away from her, not to give himself the luxury of ignoring her pain. Lee was often selfless like that. And he didn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t make something like this up. So then it had to be true. But it made no sense.

She stared at him, mind racing from blind belief to complete doubt, as neither of them said a word. She could tell he desperately wanted to give her some sort of physical comfort to the harsh news, but she just couldn’t let him. Touching him would make his words real. “I… I can’t believe that.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Boomer was one of my friends on Galactica. I helped her along when she first started. If she was a machine, I would have known.”

“The Cylons are an extremely intelligent race of machines. If they didn’t want you to know, there would have been no way to find out. The only reason Galen knew was because he became privy to the warning signs of a human Cylon. Sharon had been having blackouts that started shortly before the Cylons made their move to start the second war. She was an insider agent so discreet that not even she was aware.”

Kara shook her head. She didn’t want to think of her friend as an insider agent. She bit her lip and looked at the man sitting across from her. And suddenly she knew that there was only one solution to this. She had to let him talk. She had to know all the facts. Taking a deep breath, she rubbed the sides of her head and said, “I still don’t understand what happened. Could you tell me again?”

“My unit went in. Crashdown and I were posing under the guise that we had another assignment on Aquaria. We went to visit Galen and Sharon. Crashdown was always really close with Sharon since they both got reassigned to the same Battlestar and Raptor when Galactica was decommissioned. All we were going to do when we got there was take Sharon into custody and test her to see if she really was a machine. It was going to be simple.”

“Something went wrong.”

“Galen couldn’t stand the deception. He told her that we were coming and there was no need to be alarmed because there was no way she could be a Cylon. She agreed and then shot him point blank four times. When we arrived, he was already gone.”

Kara stared at him, confused. “How did you know that was how it happened?”

“Sharon told us when we got there. Her Cylon programming had taken over, and she seemed to want to brag about fooling us for so long. I had my whole unit to watch out for, so I didn’t waste time over thinking. I shot and killed her.” His voice faltered slightly before he continued, “If she could kill Galen without a second glance, then there really wasn’t anything human left in her. So I had to do it. There was no other option.”

This time, Kara was the one to reach out for him. She took his hand in hers and pulled it to her chest. She knew that he could feel her heart beating fast from the shock of the news, and she hoped that he would understand the meaning of the action. Being close to one another had always kept them grounded throughout the years.

First, it had been after Zak’s funeral. No one knew it, but that night Lee snuck through his mother’s house to the side of her bed. She had been in the process of crying herself to sleep. They didn’t even have to say a word. He just pulled the covers up and slipped into the bed beside her. They had cried themselves to sleep together that night, his arms gently enclosing her, her head and so much more resting on his stable shoulder.

The second time had been when the Cylons attacked humanity while they were both stationed on Galactica. That night, after doing their best to block the first wave of attacks on Caprican air space, she had found herself crying again. She couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if the Cylons’ plans had been able to come to fruition. Civilization would have ended.

Lee’s arm dangled from the temporary bunk he had taken above her that night. She reached up to hold his hand, thinking that it would help her understand that they were still alive, that humanity was still there, without him ever having to know she used his presence for comfort. Then he squeezed her hand, and she knew that his arm hadn’t unintentionally dropped down. They were thinking the same thing.

The third time was when Caroline Adama-Rose had died. This time, he just held her in his arms as she cried in the empty cemetery. Neither one of them had been able to make it to the funeral and burial for their own personal reasons. William Adama had been there, so they didn’t feel guilty. Plus Caroline was never the type of person to worry about keeping up appearances. They had made it to her grave when it was the right time. When they could be there together. Where they could grieve in each others’ arms.

She pulled herself away from the memories and gave him a small but brave smile. “It must have been horrible for you.”

She could tell he was thrown off by her shift in sentiment. She could understand why. Sharon Valerii had been her friend and a part of her military family. She had teased Kara about how much whenever she had a spare moment during that precious time when he was stationed on Galactica, she would give Lee grief about being her superior officer. Sharon had always shown confidence in Kara and bet on Starbuck to win big in triad every single time. Kara had been the first person to whom Sharon admitted that she was in love with Galactica’s Chief.

They had been friends in times of war and times of peace.

But Sharon Valerii didn’t exist. She never had.

This life she was living had always had a cruel undertone to it, and Kara had been hurt too many times to not expect pain at every turn. She had loved and lost. She had flown and had her wings clipped. And she couldn’t even begin to explain the pain of loving the man who was sitting in front of her right now with a look of confusion on his face.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Kara adjusted herself to the news. They had both gotten upset arguing about it, so the moment of pause was good.

“Thank you for coming to tell me,” she said when she felt like she had herself back under control and released his hand. Getting up out of her chair, she followed his lead and swallowed a glass of ambrosia as quickly as she could.

“I had this time off all of the sudden, and like I said before, I didn’t want you to find out from anyone but me.”

“Why all of the sudden?”

“What?”

“You said you had time off all of the sudden. I thought you said you had a military pass.”

“Well, my superiors thought it would be good to give the unit leader, the lead pilot, and the crew chief some time off.” When she looked at him confused, he realized that she must still be slightly dazed by what he had told her. “Crashdown, Cally, and I. They gave us downtime because of our connection to Sha- to the target. So I suddenly had a military pass. I was grateful in a way because it gave me the opportunity to finish the business I had been putting off here on Caprica. Plus I hadn’t seen you or my father in too long.”

“You went to see your father?”

“I stopped in. He seems to be enjoying his retirement.”

“If by enjoying you mean he’s crabby and complains all the time, then I believe it.”

Lee let out a laugh. “It’s good for him to not have the stress of running a Battlestar. He’s finally able to enjoy all the things he sacrificed before.”

“Like having a son who wants to know him?”

“If you’re fishing for another thank you because you repaired my relationship with him, I told you two years ago I was done. I’m grateful but I refuse to be at your service for the rest of my life.”

“All right. It was worth a shot.” She leaned back in her chair. “So what does the old man think about the mountain man, slash homeless person look you seem to be going for?”

“My beard is not that bad.”

“Says you. Why don’t you shave it anyway? You never said before.”

“You don’t think it makes me look ruggedly handsome?”

In the back of her mind, she felt herself answering you always look ruggedly handsome. Deciding that was not the response she should actually vocalize, she tried, “If you call looking like an overgrown ape ruggedly handsome.”

He chuckled. “What can I say? It helps put the people I need to get information from for an operation at ease.”

“You looking like you haven’t showered in days makes people feel comfortable?”

“The kind of places I go to, yes. My job is not a glamorous one.”

“But it gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment,” she finished.

“I say that a lot, don’t I?”

“At least twice every time I talk to you.”

They lapsed into silence again, and Kara found her attention drawn to the sky outside. The stars were out. It was on nights like this that she found if she just closed her eyes and let go of everything around her, she could imagine what it was it had been like to fly a Viper through the atmosphere. The gentle pull of the universe’s forces on the wing. The slight buck of being in control of such a powerful object. And the way her heart would beat fast as she pulled on the stick to make the ship roll..

Only two things made her heart beat like that. A Viper and Lee. She wasn’t even going to let herself start thinking about both occurring at once. It had been hell the few days she flew with him five years ago, especially when she had almost lost him. She didn’t like to remember how distracted being his wingman could make her. Or how much she really wished she still was.

“It’s a nice night,” Lee said, obviously noticing where her attention was even though he had no idea the direction her thoughts had been going. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Sure,” she said, sliding out of her chair. She grabbed the sweater she had left on the counter a few days back and slid it on. When she turned to walk to the door, she noticed that Lee was standing in front of her looking surprised. “What?”

“Is that mine?”

She looked down and felt herself begin to blush. She had forgotten. “You left it behind on Galactica.”

“Five years ago?”

“It was a good sweater,” she insisted, knowing it sound way too defensive for him to believe that she had only kept the piece of clothing because it wasn’t completely tattered and word.

“Tell me about. I went back to Atlantia and couldn’t find it. I looked for weeks. Thought my bunkmate had stolen it.”

“I hope the loss of it didn’t cost any permanent damage.”

“I got a new one eventually.”

“Then you don’t want the old one back?”

Lee reached out and brushed a finger along the collar and, unintentionally, her neck. The shiver that went down her spine was not an easy thing to keep Lee from noticing. “It was a nice sweater. But you can keep it.”

She smiled and opened the door. “Thank you. I think I‘ve grown attached to it.”

They walked silently for the first few steps as they adjusted to the cooler temperatures of the planet.

“Kara. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“How is my father doing? Really you‘re the only one who seems him on a regular basis.”

“He’s happy, I think.”

“Okay. I was worried that he was just putting up a front for me. He was pretty much booted out of the military as soon as the Cylon crisis died down. I was sure that he would do something drastic.”

“You thought your father was going to kill himself?” she said, staring at him wide-eyed.

He shook his head. “Gods, no. That would be too easy on all of us. I thought he would take the President of the Twelve Colonies hostage until he agreed to reinstate my father in some position that wasn’t behind a desk.”

“Yeah. Your father quit that stupid desk job they assigned him within days of being placed there. I don’t know what they were thinking placing William “Husker” Adama behind a desk.”

“He was uncomfortable at times commanding a Battlestar, and a Battlestar flies. A desk job can‘t do that.”

“He seems happy now though,” Kara said, circling back around to her original point. “He’s been giving some of the small kids in his neighborhood lessons on how to fly. I think he’s trying to make up for never having the chance to do that with you or Zak.”

Lee smiled and went back to staring out into the night. This was one of those noticeable changes he had made through the past five years. He was no longer resentful for his father not being around as he and his brother grew up. It had been a really painful time, but Lee had forgiven his father. Kara always suspected that once he understood how important the Old Man was to the Fleet as a whole, he would understand why William Adama had such a hard time making his family his number one priority. Lee had learned the responsibilities attached to having people under your command.

It was nice, being able to talk about the father figure in both their lives and knowing it wouldn’t end up in an argument filled with hurtful comments. There had been too many of those between them throughout the years.

“Tell my father that if he wants me to put in a visit in my full flight gear that I wouldn’t mind.”

She smiled at him. “I’ll do that. I’m sure the kids will love it.”

“I bet they’re the envy of everyone else in their school. They have a famous Battlestar Commander teaching them how to fly. And I’m willing to bet they get guest lectures from a certain legendary Viper pilot.”

“I try to put in an appearance now and then.” She laughed. “I had forgotten what enthusiasm children have. They remind me of myself when I was young. All I could think of was when could I first get myself off the ground and up into that sky.”

“You miss it,” Lee said. It was neither a question nor a comment.

“I have other things to focus on now.”

“Like?”

“Like figuring out why I can’t seem to get rid of you. I have been trying for years, but you just keep coming back. I would have thought when I made sure to get my knee permanently fraked up and therefore end all chances of running into you on the job, it would have stuck. But you’re too damn persistent.”

Lee shook his head and started walking again. “You can never just have a serious conversation, can you? It always has to be sarcasm and biting comments.”

“It’s the only way I communicate,” she replied, running a few steps to keep up with him.

“It’s the only way we communicate,” he corrected.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. “Are you angry with me?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “But sometimes I get a little tired of the dance we seem to always be doing.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. Bewildered, she let go of her grip on his arm and pulled her hands back together, unconsciously playing with the small silver band on her left thumb. It was a nervous habit. She watched as Lee’s eyes dropped to the source of the movement. If it was possible, his eyes became even sadder.

“You still wear his wedding ring,” Lee said, voicing the thought that was in both of their minds.

She nodded and bit her lip. It was something they never talked about. She had never told him why, and he had never asked. He still wasn’t going to ask. She knew that.

But suddenly she wanted to tell him.

“I put it on the day after Zak’s funeral. I woke up and couldn’t remember what he looked like. I felt completely lost, and that was not something I was used to after years of having Zak beside me. Now I understand that it was probably just a mild panic attack at the idea of never being able to see the man I loved alive with my own eyes again. And if my memory does become a little hazy some days, I have photographs to look at. So it‘s not like I could ever forget Zak.”

“Kara, you don’t have to explain. You don’t owe me anything.”

She ignored him. “So I put the ring on to remind myself that even if I forgot what he looked like, I would always remember the way he made me feel. I didn’t know before what it was like to feel so… so…”

“Loved? Special?” Lee offered. His words sounded hollow.

She shook her head. “Wanted. He made me feel wanted.”

“I understand where you’re going with this.”

“No, you really don’t. In time, I came to understand that those feelings he had awoken in me weren’t going to fade. I still felt wanted by the people around me on Galactica. He had taught me how to be happy even after he was out of my life. He was gone, but I still had a home.”

“You still kept the ring on, though” Lee said quietly. “I saw you wearing it during my stay.”

“I wore it to remind me of my mistake. I let someone in close to me, and I lost them. I forgot what was right and did what I felt he wanted me to do. And he died. For those two years, I couldn’t let go of the fact that I had done that to him. The ring reminded me that letting people in only causes pain.”

“Kara,” he started.

“You don’t have to say it, Lee. I know.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But seeing you and your father begin to talk again. That was my contrition. I had suffered and I had felt the pain of losing him every night when I closed my eyes and every morning that I woke to find myself alone. And somewhere along the way, mixed in with all the pain and suffering, I formed a family in you and the Old Man. Then, for reasons I still don’t understand, I risked it to do what was right. I wasn’t selfish for once. And because of that, I knew that no one meant for me to suffer as much as I was.”

She shrugged her shoulders at him. “So I found myself wondering if maybe I should just take the ring off and store it away with the other pieces I have of Zak. But then I recognized something. This ring stands for a lot more than just the love he and I had. It’s my way of showing the world that I was happy once. And that no matter how many times I screw up, I deserve that. I deserve to be happy. And that’s why I still wear it.”

She suddenly felt shy at having spoken so candidly and tore her eyes away from him. He hadn’t said a word during the last bits of her explanation so she wasn’t sure if he even believed her when she said what the ring had become. She found herself wondering when the frak it had become so quiet around her.

Lee’s fingers brushed her cheek lightly, and he pulled her chin up so that she could look into his eyes. “Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look in the moonlight?”

Her heart dropped out. She had not expected those words to come from his lips. She had no clue how to respond. Frak, she didn’t even know what he had meant by saying she was beautiful.

She lowered her eyes and, stepping back from his touch, pulled the sweater in tight around her. They stood facing one another but not looking at one another, not talking, just being, for what felt like forever.

Finally, she let out a deep breath and glanced over at him. “We should get to bed. You probably have an early start tomorrow morning.”

He stared at her a moment before nodding. “You don’t mind that I’m taking advantage of your new home?”

She laughed and shook her head at him. “Lee. My home is always open to you. Always.”

Pushing open the back door, she took notice of the coffee cups still on the table and the empty bottle of ambrosia. Had they actually finished that up? She couldn’t quite remember.

“We should wash these,” Lee said, walking over to the table and picking up the cups. “My mother always taught me to leave the house clean before I went to sleep.”

Kara nodded and pulled some soap out of a cupboard beneath the sink. “This shouldn’t take too long.”

“You can tell me all about your business and how well it’s doing while we’re cleaning,” he suggested.

“Did I tell you about the riot I started on Aerilon when I went to deliver a shipment of gimbals for their military Viper maintenance bay?”

“A riot?”

“Yeah. Full scale. It was poetry in motion.”

Lee laughed and started washing the first cup as Kara hopped up to sit on the counter. “So what did you do to start a full-scale riot?”

“Well, I simply mentioned that they should be making a little more money for working so hard. You know that Aerilon has one of the largest calls for repairs because they have such a high turn over in pilots. They constantly have nuggets flying their birds, and we all know that usually ends in catastrophe.”

“So you suggested they ask for a pay raise? How did that end in a riot?” He held out a towel and one of the clean cups.

Sighing, she began to dry as she continued with her tale. “Well, they seemed to really get what I was trying to tell them. So they decided that they were going to hold my shipment of gimbals hostage until the Aerilon Chancellor agreed to their demands. Turns out that those gimbals were meant to fix the historic Vipers used in the first Cylon War. The ones that Aerilon was giving to the President of the Twelve Colonies as a show of appreciation for helping negotiate the end of the Second Cylon War. So they couldn’t exactly wait to fix the planes.”

“They sent in the Marines, didn‘t they?” Lee asked with a laugh as he handed her the second cup. “And we both know how hard it is to stay calm with those goons in the picture.”

“Trust me, I know. Because I don’t think anyone would have come to blows if the Marines had been a little nicer to me.”

“You started the fight.”

“Yeah, I kind of did. But you don’t understand. They were blaming me for delivering the parts that the maintenance crew was holding ransom. I told them that I just get the orders and fly the goods. I have nothing to do with the items after they’re flown to the right coordinates. In fact, I told them to step out of the way so I get my towing Raptor back into the air because I had another shipment to deliver on the planet.”

“They didn’t get out of your way.”

“No, they did not.”

“Fraking morons.” Lee shook his head and sat down on the table, facing her. “You punched the one blocking your way.”

“Yeah, it was a typical Starbuck fight. But the crew had gotten a little attached to me considering I was the first outsider to ever point out the problem that they all knew they had but didn’t want to speak up about. So they got offended when the other Marines trained their guns on me.”

“Just tell me. No one died, right?”

She smirked. “The only thing to die was the pride of the Marine who got in my way. He got beat down by a handicapped woman. I don’t think he’s going to be rid of the teasing and taunting for the rest of his career.”

“That’s what happens when you get in the way of the mighty Starbuck.”

She laughed, and they fell into silence as her story was obviously done being told. “You hungry?” she finally asked.

Not waiting for an answer, she got up and started shuffling through the fridge. “I don’t have much, but there are some leftovers from the meal Helo made me a few days ago.”

“He cooks, too?”

“Let’s not get into this again. Helo bails me out because I can’t even cook an egg to save my life. He makes me food and I keep my eye out for any supply of his favorite Picon ambrosia.” She handed Lee the container and watched as he peeked cautiously under the lid. “It’s not going to bite.”

Kara glanced at the clock as Lee began to dig into the food in front of him. It was after two in the morning. If Lee wanted to get out of here at a decent hour in order to catch the morning shuttle back to whatever ship he was hitching a ride on back to his base, then he needed to get some sleep starting five minutes ago. But she had already suggested it once. She wasn’t about to again.

“Did you hear about the new candidate in the running for a Vice-Presidential nomination?” she asked, knowing that Lee was still an avid follower of the political world. Truthfully, she found it boring. But at this point, she would have said anything to keep him talking. They never had time to just sit in each other’s company.

“William Keikeya? Yeah, I’ve heard about him. He was the old assistant to the Secretary of Education before she died of cancer.”

“Yeah. It seems like she must have been a good teacher because a lot of people I talk to on my shipping runs seem to like the kid. I can’t believe he’s only twenty-five.”

“He’d be the youngest Vice-President in history.”

“He’s cute.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s cute so he has my vote,” she said with a smile. “There are too many long, boring addresses and public appearances for me to have to stare at some old, decrepit man or spinster of a woman. I want something young and attractive to look at.”

“I didn’t know you liked them so young.”

“Eh. I’ll take what I can get.”

“Word is that he’s taken.”

“Really? Do you have some juicy gossip?” She gave him a stern look. “Lee Adama, you’ve been holding out on me!”

He laughed. “Not really. It just so happens that my father still talks with your old Petty Officer from Galactica.”

“Dee?” Kara said, her face lighting up. “How the hell is she doing?”

“Quite well it seems. She’s engaged to marry the young and attractive Mr. Keikeya.”

“Engaged? Dee? No way! The girl has too much fire inside her to let a man tie her down.”

Lee let out a laugh. “The same could be said about you. I never could understand why you said yes to Zak when he proposed.”

“I was in a good mood,” she joked with a shrug of her shoulders. “So, Dee and the future Vice-President? That girl knows how to be in the right place at the right time.”

“She knows to follow her heart,” Lee said.

Not sure how to take his words, Kara found the kitchen filled with silence again and began to fiddle with the tie to her sweatpants. She couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t come up with anything else to ask him. When she was writing him letters, they turned into novels in seconds. But now that he’s right here in front of her she couldn’t think of a thing.

It didn’t help that he was staring at her so intently.

Why was he staring at her?

“I like the hair,” he said finally, unconsciously answering her question.

She reached up to self-consciously touch her now rather long hair. “I just haven’t had time to cut it.”

“It suits you.” He smiled at her knowingly. “You know, when I pictured you as I was writing my letters, I never saw the shift.”

“What shift?”

“You’re a lot softer than when you were a pilot. I always had trouble remembering that you were just another one of the guys. Couldn’t quite grasp the fact that you were a woman.”

“And now?”

He got up to walk over to where she sat perched on the counter and reached out to tug her hair lightly. “Now there’s definitely no doubt about it. All woman.”

She rolled her eyes. “You are such a charmer.”

He smiled widely at her, but he still kept his finger entwined in her hair. “I should probably stop rattling on and let you go get some rest. I’m sure you have shipments to do tomorrow.”

At the moment, future shipments were the last thing on her mind. No, she was definitely more focused on the fact that he was biting ever so slightly on his bottom lip. And didn’t she just want to know what that it would feel like if she was the one biting on that same spot?

Thoughts like that spelled trouble. Majorly, big trouble.

She slid off the counter and started to walk out of the room, willing her hormones to calm down. “I wish I had a bed to offer you, but there hasn’t been time to set up a guest room. And I’m not even sure if I’m ever going to have many guests. There’s not many people who I didn’t rub the wrong the way.”

“The couch will do,” Lee said, walking past her and sitting down on the furniture in question.

“Good.” She smiled at him from the doorway. “Promise me that you won’t just sneak out in the morning.”

“I’ll say goodbye.”

“Not goodbye,” she corrected.

“Because I’m not going anywhere. Not really,” he said, finishing their little routine.

Kara had refused to say goodbye to him for all the time she had known him. The life of a Viper pilot was so dangerous that she felt like it was asking the gods to take one of their lives. Almost as if they were shouting we wrapped our relationship up all nice and neat so you can just take one of us now and there’ll be automatic closure.

She liked things messy. If she lost him or he lost her, she wanted there to be pain and grief. She wanted the bottom to drop out of her world. That’s how it was supposed to be when you loved someone as much as she loved him.

She shook her head as she walked up the stairs. Why was she thinking about Lee’s death so intently? He was careful. He was a good pilot. He wasn’t going to die.

“Yeah. You just keep telling yourself that, Thrace.”

After throwing her sweatpants and the sweater Lee had so generously allowed her to keep into a pile on the floor, she pulled the bed covers back and slipped in. The bed enveloped her, and she shut her eyes, willing sleep to come to her.

Thirty minutes later, she was still wide awake. The knowledge that Lee was under the same roof as her, not even a ten second walk away, was not helping. And that damn tension had come back. She wasn’t about to give in to her weakness now.

Groaning, she turned over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She didn’t think any of the tricks like counting backwards from one thousand or trying to focus on the noises of the night would work. Normally she would just go down to the kitchen and make herself some sort of drink and just watch the sun come up. But if she did that, she knew that it would wake Lee. And he needed his sleep. He still had a rather dangerous job to do. And she wasn’t going to be the one to make him waste his temporary leave.

She sat up with a grumble and grabbed a hair tie off her dresser stand. The long hair might suit her as Lee said, but it just got in the way most of the time. Maybe she would have it chopped off.

A voice in the back of her head nagged that maybe Lee wouldn’t think she was so beautiful if she did that.

She ignored it.

Flinging herself back down, she kicked her covers around until they were permanently messed up. She hated when things were neat. Once satisfied, she burrowed herself in deep and pleaded with every ounce of will that she had to stop thinking about her best friend and go to sleep. And that’s when she noticed the slight creaking to the house.

She had spent countless nights trying to fall asleep and yet she had never detected the sounds the wind created as it hit the house. It was soothing and completely terrifying at the same time. She found herself wondering if she had locked all the doors before coming to bed. Lee had her so distracted that she wasn’t sure.

Granted, it would be easy just to walk downstairs and check. But it had only been about an hour since she had left Lee. He might still be awake.

Gods. Why was she so terrified of being around him all of the sudden?

“Oh that’s right,” she muttered to herself. “Because lately you seem to have no control over your hormones when he’s near.”

She flipped over and shut her eyes tightly. She was going to fall asleep if it was the last thing she did. There were ten shipments to go on tomorrow, and she couldn’t frak up any of them. They were for a new and particularly influential client. Maybe she should hire another pilot to help her on these important flights that she didn’t trust to her normal crew. There was probably someone from Galactica that would like a nice, comfy job like hers.

The next thing she felt was a slight tap on her shoulder. Automatically, she flung her hand out and made contact with whoever was in her house and had taken it upon themselves to enter her bedroom.

“Gods, Kara,” Lee hissed, holding his jaw and taking a seat on the bed.

“Lee!” She sprung up to sit on her feet and reached out to touch where the skin was already swelling. “Oh gods. I’m sorry. I’m not used to having people in this house with me at night. And you scared me. What the frak are you doing in my room anyway?”

He glared at her. “The heat’s not working, and it’s really cold down there.”

“Fraking Kellerman! That bastard told me he had gotten it fixed. I am going to kill him. I am going to rip his cheating little eyes from his head. And you better believe that when I‘m done, children won‘t be an option anymore.”

“All right. Glad to see some things never change with you. The only problem is I’m still shivering on the couch.”

Sighing and knowing it was probably a horrible mistake, she scooted over to the other side of the bed. “Get in. My covers are better than the Galactica-issued heat maintaining blankets. They’re the only thing that got me warm after all my time in space.”

“Thanks.” Lee lied down on his back next to her and shut his eyes. “I’ll try to be invisible.”

“It’s not like I’ve never had to share a bed with someone before,” she joked. Then she scolded herself for bringing up that damn touchy subject again.

“But I’m sure it’ll be hard to share a bed with a person in addition to keeping your hands off of them.” He let out a small chuckle, and she glanced over to see him still talking with his eyes shut. “Though I know it will be twice as hard because it’s me.”

If he only knew.

“I’m tired. Shut up and let me sleep,” she growled, opting for agitation to mask the fight within her to keep her impulses checked.

Lee nodded and rolled over onto his side, facing opposite her.

After ten minutes, it had finally seemed like he had settled in on his half of the bed. And now she could finally try to stop dwelling on the fact that Lee was no more than an arm’s length away from her in the bed. Her mind had leapt right to the idea of what she could be doing with him if she just had the courage to throw caution to the wind.

Okay. That wasn’t the way to go if she wanted to stop obsessing over the current situation and actually fall asleep.

It also didn’t help that her mind kept pointing out the small detail that when he had come into her room before, he hadn’t really been wearing much clothing. She had always been annoyed by Lee’s habit of sleeping in his boxers no matter the weather, but this particular night it was downright infuriating. In quite a few ways, actually.

Sighing, she turned her back to him and stared at the small paint chip in the wall as she tried to calm down her hormones. Eventually, the rather inventive ideas of what she could do to him dwindled down to only one or two particularly wicked scenarios. She could actually feel herself beginning to fall asleep again.

Of course, that was the moment he chose to turn and shift himself so that his arm draped over her waist.

Her eyes flew open and she could feel her body tense completely. Even while every nerve ending she seemingly had dwelled on his touch, her mind kept insisting that at least there’s still space between them. She could handle this. She knew she could. If only those nasty thoughts weren’t coming back.

The pressure of his hand increased as it slowly slid down to where her body met the bed. She held back a gasp as his grip tightened and he pulled her in close to his body. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. And the heater must have finally started working because she was definitely warm.

She felt the stubble on his chin that he had so stubbornly refused to get rid of. Suddenly she understood that there are other benefits to it than just putting the scum he had to beat information out of more at ease. She bit back a moan. This was trouble if him just holding her close was getting her this worked up.

His hand started to make lazy circles against her stomach, and she had to resort to biting her lip to keep from making any sound. Obviously, he was sleeping rather soundly.

She felt herself wanting to shift so that she could see his face. The few days she had spent with him while he was on Galactica for the decommissioning ceremony and during the time it took them to beat down the first wave of Cylons had given her a glimpse of what Lee was like when he wasn’t awake and guarded. He had been moved from bunk to bunk seeing as how he was only a temporary addition to Galactica. On the nights he had been given the bunk that was directly across from her, she had sacrificed her own chance to sleep to stare at him. She had to confirm that he was actually there, sleeping beside her.

As cliché as it sounded, he looked peaceful when he slept. She guessed that was the reason why she finally decided to admit her part in Zak’s death. She wanted to fix it so that he was peaceful while he was awake, too. It seemed like the least she could do for him.

His hand stopped its motion but still held on tight to her body, and she felt herself pulled back into her present situation. Gods. She really wanted to look at him.

She would just twist slightly for a quick look, and then, when satisfied, she could try to go to sleep once more. She bit her lip again, this time in nervousness, and turned her head. What she saw made her stomach drop out.

Lee wasn’t sleeping.

Instead he was staring at her wide-eyed, looking particularly guilty. However, he wasn’t moving his hand. She didn’t have a fraking clue why that suddenly seemed important.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

He simply shrugged his shoulders at her in typical Lee style. When he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t say anything at all.

They continued to stare at each other for a few moments. She saw a flicker of something in his eye that made her want to run as far as she could and pull herself in closer at the exact same time. Instead of following either impulse, she struggled to find her voice. “Lee?”

She saw his eyes glaze over at the sound of her gravely voice, and she silently cursed herself for not trying to get rid of the sleepiness in it. She knew from previous experiences that it was the kind of thing that drove guys crazy. She guessed even the one guy she couldn’t have was susceptible to it.

And then something shifted in his face. He pulled her in so that she faced him with her whole body and his hand rested firmly on her back.

“What are you doing?” she asked hesitantly.

He paused for a moment before answering honestly. “I’m not sure.”

“Oh.”

“You’re soft,” he said as a way of explanation.

“Oh.”

“And warm.”

“Oh.”

She reached out and touched his face gently with her fingertips. When the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile, she felt the need to explain. “You’re warm, too.”

“Okay,” he said with a smirk.

“And I just wanted to make sure this was real.”

“You dream about me in your bed often enough to get confused about reality and fantasy?” he whispered softly.

Suddenly she was glad that it was a dark night. He wouldn’t see her blush that way.

This had to end before it went too far. “I think the heat’s back on,” she pointed out. “I’m burning up.”

“It’s not back on.”

The silent implication of his statement made her thank the gods that it was dark for the second time that minute. Why wasn’t she pulling herself away from him?

The answer was simple, really. She didn’t want to.

But that didn’t explain why he had her in his arms to begin with.

Again, she found herself staring at him and was surprised to see the very thing she had always wanted for him. There was a feeling of peace in the way he was looking at her. It was something she had never seen him have before when he was awake. It looked like he had finally found it.

“Kara?”

His words broke her out of her trance. “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

She could feel his hand begin to rub the small of her back lightly. Trying to ignore it, she swallowed and gave him a smile. “It’s all right, Lee. I understand. It has to be hard out there, constantly on the move, having no place to settle for more than a night. It only makes sense that you would want to be close to the first warm body you’ve had a chance to be with in quite a while. I understand.”

He shook his head, and she found herself biting down on her lip again. This time she wasn’t sure if it was to hold in the nervousness or the moan that was still on the tip of her tongue.

“No. That I’m not sorry for.”

“Then what?”

“I’m sorry for fraking everything up between us.”

“You haven’t,” she insisted.

“I’m about to.”

Her heart froze as well as every other part of her body at the sight of the slight smirk on his face. Before she had time to register what had just shifted between them, he leaned down to nuzzle the side of her neck softly. After a moment, she felt his tongue dart out to tickle her slightly.

“You taste just like I always imagined,” he whispered against her skin.

“And have you imagined it often?” she said, biting her lip as his hands let go of her back and worked their way around to rest on her abdomen. She suddenly was self-conscious of the fact that she had gone to bed in just a shirt. There really wasn’t that much clothing between the two of them.

“Too many times to count,” he said, looking at her sleepy eyed. He waited for a moment before placing a small, light kiss on the tip of her nose. It was such a sweet gesture that she suddenly wasn’t sure if this was real no matter how solid he felt in the bed next to her.

Had anything that went on that day actually occurred? Was Lee even really here?

Kara didn’t get a chance to figure out an answer to that question as she felt him press his lips to hers. She let him take control as he tasted her. She found herself wondering what he thought she tasted like. She knew for certain what he tasted like. Sandalwood. Sweat. And just a little hint of vanilla.

She had found that out for herself when she had kissed him that one time in Academy. Throughout the years, she found herself wondering if she had been right about the utter maleness that was the taste of him. And it seemed like she was about to get her answer.

“What are we doing, Lee?” she asked, pulling back from him slightly but still keeping her hands tentatively on his arms. She knew the right thing to do was question what was happening, but that didn’t mean she necessarily wanted to stop it. There was a definitive battle going on between her id and superego right now.

Drives versus morals.

Somehow she felt that her drive to be close to Lee was going to win out.

“I still don’t know,” he said, finally answering her question. “All I know is that you’re too far away for my liking.” His hands gripped her hips roughly and pulled her right up against him. She could feel the hardness of him against her, and it made her want to let out a sigh. She had always imagined that it would feel right to be this close to Lee. It was nice to know that was another thing she had always thought which turned out to be right.

She let herself shift her hips to grind against him slightly in a move that was so simple and made him groan ever so slightly. She knew her encouragement of what they were on their way to doing was not the right thing for her to do. But that didn’t stop her.

She saw his eyes flicker with something. Was that desire? And the next thing she knew his lips were on her lips and his hands had worked their way up to cup her breasts and all coherent thought she had had only moments before disappeared.

The kiss combined with the sensations of his hands on her was unbelievable. It didn’t have the timidness of before. It was hot, bordering on carnal. And she felt like she was going to explode. She had been holding this in for too long.

“Lee,” she whispered. She had intended for it to come out like a request for him to slow down, but she wasn’t all that surprised to hear it actually sound more like begging.

“Whatever you’re going to say, Kara, I don’t care. I don’t care if this is wrong. I don’t care.” He touched the side of her cheek lightly. “I am going to go insane if I can’t have you.”

She pulled back and studied him for a moment before slowly nodding. She understood the feeling. Without a word, she sat up and pulled the shirt off her body. His reaction was instantaneous as he grabbed her wrist and yanked her back towards him. She had just barely let out a laugh at his sudden impatience before his lips were on hers in a move that was both brutal and somehow gentle at the same time, taking her by surprise.

Only with Lee could she laugh and joke while being in such an intimate position.

She felt his hand sneak down slowly to cup her breast, gently rubbing the erect peak, and scolded herself at her quick intake of breath. She hadn’t been this hopped up on sexual energy since that little fling she had with a superior officer during Academy. The thrill of it had been mostly due to the forbiddenness of the affair.

This current affair went so far beyond forbidden that it was positively sinful.

They both felt the other slowly adjust to the change that had happen so quickly between them. The tone shifted from a frantic need to be close to a sudden need to not rush it. Lee had no idea why this was little impulse of his was actually working, but he smiled as he felt her shift her body so that she rubbed up against the steadily growing bulge in his boxers. Their interaction was starting to become a little less one-sided. He liked that.

He liked that quite a lot actually.

When he had been trying so hard all day not to imagine doing this very thing and being totally unsuccessful in it, he hadn’t even begun to comprehend how quickly she would set him on edge. The feel of her hair against him was tickling his neck in a way that made him wonder if he could handle this woman in her full glory. There had been stories about her, and he had never once doubted that they were true. He knew first hand what a handful she could be.

He had a feeling he was about to find out.

Lee wanted to take it slow, knowing that this might be the one and only chance he has to do this right. Too bad his body and his senses both weren’t cooperating as he lowered his mouth to her right breast, seeking out the immediate pleasure of hearing her gasp and moan under his touch as he slowly kissed his way around the nipple, content on just teasing her at the moment. He could feel it stiffen under his ministrations.

His attempts at torturing her were rewarded as she shifted slightly again in an unconscious effort to give him more access. He could feel her muscles tighten as she clutched onto the blankets that they had thrown off sometime in the past few minutes. He could hear her whimper slightly as he kept up his teasing movements. Her responses only drove him to tease her more.

She must have finally given up the small fight she had put up at first to keep this from happening. He had to admit that he had been fighting it himself even as he felt his hand reach out to rest itself on her waist. He hadn’t meant to do it, but having her so close was something he didn’t know how to handle.

He wasn’t sure the exact reasons she had fought it or if they were the same reasons as his. Right now, he was surprised to discover that he didn’t really care. She wasn’t fighting it now. That was all the mattered.

A small fear formed in his heart as the implications of what he had done sunk in. His actions had been so quick that even he couldn’t have stopped them. How was he to know that she wanted this? She probably hadn’t even had the opportunity to realize she could make him stop this with the smallest hint of resistance. He suddenly wasn’t sure whether this was their mutual choice or if maybe he had persuaded her.

“Kara. Do… do you want me to stop?” he found himself asking even though he was afraid of the answer. He wasn’t sure he could stop. But he also wasn’t sure he could keep going if the small, nagging worry of whether she was only letting him touch her because she didn’t know how to tell him no still resided in him.

She didn’t respond with words. Instead, he felt her grab his neck roughly to pull him into a seeringly hard kiss that would probably leave bruises on both of their lips in the morning. There was his answer. Loud and clear. He could feel his heart start to race as her touches pulled and tugged at everything inside of him.

Damn. She had been holding back on him.

Lee didn’t mind her taking control of the situation at all, but he found that he couldn’t let himself relinquish all of the control. As much as he would love to see how far she would take this by her own choice, he just couldn’t keep his hands off of her.

Lee coaxed her mouth open, unable to wait any longer in desire to touch that soft tongue he had been staring at the whole time they were drinking the special coffee she had made earlier. She was beginning to buck gently against him almost as if she didn’t care he was still clothed. It was an infuriating reminder that he still hadn’t felt her completely bare against his.

Knowing they were both thinking the same thought at that moment, she continued to test the depths of his mouth with hers while slowly moving her hands over the muscles of his chest and downward.

“So this is what it’s like to be in bed with a gods,” Kara said against his lips. He could feel the corners of her mouth turn up in a slight smirk. Playfully, she leaned down to place a small lick on his throat and then a quick and painfully pleasant nip. “I always wondered.”

He didn’t know where this playfulness had come from, but he wasn’t about to complain. Now when she was making all of his sense go haywire just by being near him. He didn’t even want to imagine what she would do if she actually did more than tease. Lee suddenly realized that if this was going to last anywhere near as long as he wanted it to, they needed to slow down.

She must have come to the exact same realization because she brought her hands up to his face. With one finger, she lightly traced the scar on his chin before licking it slowly and sensually with her tongue. “I remember the day you got that,” she winked at him. “You were protecting me.”

“More like trying to get the fight over with before you ended up killing someone.”

She touched the scar lightly with her fingertips. “Got any more I don’t know about?”

“You’ll just have to find that out for yourself.”

“Challenge accepted,” she said while snaking her hands around to feel his backside through the cotton cloth of his boxers. It was something she had imagined doing for longer than she cared to remember. All those times when people asked her if she had ever managed to sneak a touch and if it was as great to feel as it was to look at. She had gotten tired of lying to people, of telling them she had never wondered that herself and it was odd to think of Lee in that sense. In actuality, she thought about that very thing every time she saw him in that damn flight suit.

She had no idea who was responsible for the Colonial standard uniform for a Viper pilot, but she fully intended to write them a letter of thanks one of these days. The stolen glimpses of him in passing whenever they were stationed on the same Fleet lasted her through many a lonely night. She could remember the feelings she had driven to the surface with only her hands and the memory of Lee in a flight suit.

Right now he was causing the same feelings inside of her. And she had to admit that the reality was much better than her phenomenal fantasies.

And this new picture of Lee out of his flight suit was even better than the one of him in it. There was a thin layer of sweat on his chest and shoulder, and she could smell a faint sweaty heat rising off of him. It was masculine and sexy and made her damp between her thighs. He really was a god.

After a few moments of relishing in the sight of him, she let her hands work their way around to the front of him. Lee could feel her teasing touch around the waistband. She had adjusted nicely to his little proposition to risk the nature of their relationship. Honestly, he had thought she would end up decking him when she turned around and caught him in the act of making a move to cop a feel.

Suddenly, he remembered the look in her eyes as she had turned around to face him. She had been surprised to see that he was awake, but she definitely hadn’t been angry at what he was doing. In fact, she seemed downright aroused. And knowing that he had done that to her was almost too much for his already tense system.

Lee moved his hands slowly down to the last piece of clothing she had on her body. He knew that once her underwear was off, there was no hope of his being able to stop. Frak. There probably was no hope already.

“I’m not going to stop you,” she whispered hoarsely in his ear, almost as if she knew what he had been thinking

Lee took a deep breath as he reached his hand down to slowly draw the tiny piece of fabric down her thighs. Her words were bringing him dangerously close to giving in to his sudden impulse to rip off his remaining clothing and take her right then and there with probably a lot more force than he had ever intended.

She had always had that sort of effect on him.

“No one has kept me on my toes the way that you have,” he said, brushing his fingertips over her. She instinctively pressed herself against his hand, urging him to stop teasing her. In actuality, he thought that she would have put up a little more of a fight than this. He knew she was a complicated kind of woman, but as he parted her tenderly with his fingers and delved inside, he realized in this setting she wasn’t that complicated.

In the back of his head, he realized there was still one thing that might screw everything up. If he let her take any little bit of control, he might be ending this little encounter a little sooner than he wanted to. Control was not a thing he gave up to her without a fight when it came to this particular situation. He wanted this to last. He wanted her to see how stupid it was for them to have not done this before. A lot rode on him taking his time and getting this right.

Knowing she was already almost ready to topple over the edge, he pulled back from her and shed his boxers in one swoop. He might want to take his time, but it was getting downright uncomfortable in those things.

Kara felt him sit back and knew that he was staring down at her. Normally shameless staring wasn’t something she let those she was intimate with get away with. But she wanted his eyes on her. Gods, she had never wanted anything as much as she wanted to keep the feeling of him looking at her.

And judging from the smoldering look on his face, he wanted to keep looking at her just as much. After a moment’s hesitation, the warning ringing through her head that maybe she was making a mistake came flooding back. It caused her to hesitate a few seconds, but the sight of him naked before her soon made her forget anything but how good it felt to be with him.

Frak doing the right thing when the wrong thing felt so good.

“You are amazing,” he said softly.

It was at this moment, for the first time, Kara noticed that he was looking at her with the normal fires of passion in his eyes she had come to expect from the men she took as lovers. But there was something else there that she couldn’t quite put her foot on at the moment. This was the first time in years that she had ever had trouble reading a man when he was vulnerable in front of her. Then again, this was the first time in a long while that she actually cared about what was going on inside the man in front of her. She hadn’t been in a position like this with someone she actually cared about in so fraking long.

“You are so damn beautiful,” he said, touching the side of her face gently with his hand.

“So I’m told at least ten times a day,” she said, using humor to mask the feelings of both fear and uneasiness at her failure to have an immediate reading on the situation completely. She also wanted to hide the precious few seconds she had been delayed in responding to his honest comment. No one had been that blatantly adoring of her in so long. It made her heart ache with a joy she didn’t think she’d ever feel again.

She reached out for his hand and pulled him down on top of her. “I want you to show me.”

He gladly took up her challenge and let himself get used to the way she fit so nicely against him once more. Her skin felt as if it was on fire even thought there still was no heating in her house, and the heat radiating off of her was making him more and more satisfied with his decision to come to her bed.

“Gods, you don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he choked out as he felt her hand boldly grasp his shaft and rub it slowly.

“Tell me then,” she managed to spit out before pushing him over so that she was straddling his body. She was so stuck in the throes of passion that she didn‘t even take time to scold herself for giving in to him so easily.

Kara had spent five years making sure that she understood how much her friendship with Lee meant. She had come up with reason after reason as to why she should never act on her feelings for him. How it would only end in more pain and suffering if she did.

And she had thrown away the logical thought from all those years at the first chance she got.

There was no going back now, she thought, as she slowly began to stroke him with a little more force. He almost sounded as if he was in pain, which only egged her on. He fiercely grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her mouth to his. Again she was surprised by the brutality of his actions. She knew that if it had been anyone else, she would have been less than pleased.

But knowing this was her kind and gentle Lee, losing himself to the passion of being with her, made anything and everything he did completely acceptable.

Her Lee. She felt herself smile against his lips at the thought of that.

Lee felt himself groan loudly as she bit down on his lip roughly. It seems like he wasn’t the only one getting carried away in the heat of the moment.

And speaking of getting carried away, he was going to have to stop what she was doing to him with her hands if he didn’t want to get carried away. Again he reminded himself that he only had one shot at getting this right.

He reached down to cup both of her wrists together in one palm and yanked her until she was once again flush against his body. Figuring it was his turn to do the torturing, he reached down to cup her breast. In the back of his mind, he knew that what they were doing would irreparably change them.

But in his heart, he didn’t care. If he only got one night with her, that would be enough to last the rest of his lifetime.

Her nipple pressed into his palm, and Lee let his thumb rub over it, circling, flicking. When he couldn’t take it any more, he leaned down and took her into his mouth, sucking ruthlessly. He rolled his tongue over her nipple again and again until Kara thought she was going to orgasm on the spot.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he said simply as he switched over to her other breast. “I want to feel you tremble.”

“Oh gods,” she whispered huskily as she felt him nip her breast playfully. “Did they teach you how to do that in war college?

“No. This is all more of a field experience situation than something I learned from a textbook.” He rubbed himself up against her thighs, and for one blissful moment, she thought he might take her right then, fast and hard. “I also learned that it can be much more fun to give than to receive.”

She gasped as he inched his hand away from her breast and down her stomach. The pressure of his fingertips was heightening her awareness of her surroundings. For a brief second, she wondered if there was any possibility that Helo or the Old Man could stop by for a surprise visit. She had never made sure the doors were all locked.

All thoughts about being discovered in a compromising position flew from her mind quickly, though, as his hand circled her opening, and he pushed one finger carefully deep inside her.

The roughness of his hand combined with the gentleness of his touch was almost too much for her, and it seemed like he was only just getting started. Kara tried to stifle the giggle that suddenly wanted to come out of her mouth as she realized just what she was in for.

All thoughts of laughter disappeared, though, as Lee opened his mouth on her throat, sucking her skin in against his teeth, while her hips moved in rhythm with his thrusting finger. She could feel the tension building deep within her.

“Oh gods, please,” she muttered, reaching her own hands down so that they rested on top of his.

He knew that she wasn’t normally the kind of girl who begged for anything. But in bed, under his hands, it seemed he had her doing the uncharacteristic. He almost lost the small amount of control he still had at the idea of what power he had over her.

Adding a second finger, Lee worked her back up to that level of pleading he had slowly let ease as he came to the realization that he might be achieving a response that was so uncharacteristic of this stunning woman. She moved her hands out onto the sheets again and grasped them as tightly as she could manage. In her arching and writhing, her breasts moved towards his waiting mouth, and he felt a sudden need to be touching her in two of her most sensitive areas. He wallowed in the intimate feel of her as she began to moan under the movements of his hand and tongue. Small tremors coursed through her body causing her to let out a loud groan of pleasure.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “You’ll wake the neighbors.”

“I don’t care about my stupid neighbors. You have had me so on edge all fraking day, Lee” she admitted, pulling his face up so that she could kiss him on the lips.

“Let me help you with that,” he said with a laugh that sent shivers down her spine.

He kissed his way down her body, through the valley between her breasts, pausing at her belly button to marvel at the tattoo he knew hadn’t known was there a few years earlier, over her hipbones, to the one place he knew she was desperate to be touched.

It also happened to be the one place he was desperate to touch her.

He allowed a moment pause to get a little more control over himself. He wanted this to be just right.

Kara felt his tongue dart around where his fingers were still buried, urging her until he found the spot he was searching for. The sudden intrusion made her sit up and push back against the headboard of the bed while parting her legs to accommodate this new sudden longing to stay this way forever.

In the back of her mind, she still found herself wondering how she had gotten so lucky as to have him here in her bed. What had she done that was so right that the gods sent him to her doorstep as a reward?

Oblivious to her thoughts and suddenly rather determined to have her climax, Lee teased her mercilessly, drawing her into his mouth and sucking softly, insistently. His eager tongue was flicking expertly against her flesh. She gripped damp handfuls of his hair and pushed herself against his mouth, demanding. His growl of satisfaction reverberated through her body.

He shoved her back down onto her back and lifted her legs up high, parting them even further. He rubbed her with the roughness of his tongue until moments later she let loose a tearing moan as an orgasm raged through her body. He moved with her bucking and squirming until she had calmed down.

“Damn,” she whispered pulling him up to her when she finally had her breath and frankly the basic ability to move her body, back. “They definitely don’t teach that in the military.”

With a laugh, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. “Don’t relax quite yet. Because I am far from done with you, sweetheart.”

She both eyed and felt his still present erection. “I can tell. We’ll just have to do something about that, now won’t we?”

His pupils shot wide as he saw her lick her lips. He had been right to suppose that this woman would be the death of him, and right at this moment, he didn’t mind the prospect of dying.

“I want you inside me,” she said huskily. “All the way inside me.”

Kara didn’t know where the words came from. This was Lee she was talking to. They had been through so much together that this should have been chocked full of fumbling and embarrassment. She shouldn’t be feeling so confident in herself. But she was.

“Don’t make me wait anymore, Lee,” she insisted.

It was all he could do to not push himself into her to the hilt at her use of his name. But instead, he remembered once more how he wanted this to happen just right. So instead of taking her hard and fast like his body wanted him too, he teased her lightly, rubbing himself against her so that he entered her just ever so slightly.

Somewhere in the middle of all this madness, he had suddenly understood that teasing her was almost as pleasurable as the actual fulfillment. This was really unlike any other situation he encountered. It was also better than any fantasy he could have ever dreamed up.

Unaware of his current thoughts, Kara found herself thinking along the same lines. Making love to Lee was both everything and nothing like she had imagined. It was so much more.

Lee could feel her squirming underneath him. The anticipation of what he was about to do had finally gotten the better of her, and she closed her eyes in agonizing pleasure. She felt herself surrendering to his control.

“Look at me,” he growled.

Her eyes flew open at his insistent tone.

“I want to see your eyes when I do this.” Without any more hesitation or teasing, he pushed himself into her with one long, groaning slide.

Kara leaned against him and sucked in air, adjusting to the fit, feeling the thrill of having him inside her. Her hands caressed his back with a tenderness that brought unexplained longing to her. She should have known that she couldn’t just let this be two lonely people coming together in the night. Already her heart was begging for it to be more.

And then she felt something shift in both of them. All the self-control they had both been trying to muster up had gone flying out the window when they came together as one. Withdrawing himself completely, Lee slowly began to work up a rhythm while still managing to tease her.

Knowing what was so close to being within her grasp, she felt herself finally growing impatient with him. With a look of determination, she locked her legs around him and held him deep inside her with an unsurprising strength as she rocked with him, thrust for thrust. All of the sudden, it was she and not he that was setting the pace.

“Oh gods,” he muttered, resting his head against the mattress and closing his eyes. He was almost drowning in the feel of being deep inside her.

“Look at me,” she practically cried in pleasure. When his eyes flashed open at her command, she added, “I want to watch you scream.” She tightened her heels on his back and pushed hard up against him as he buried himself in her once more.

He slid his arm beneath the arch of her back, pulling her into him as tight as he could. Shocked gasps jerked out of her with each heavy thrust. The gentle intimacy that was once there was completely shattered. Somewhere this had turned hard and primal. He felt his control begin to wane as he realized that she was excited by the brutality of his movements. It was almost too much to know that she trusted him as much as she did.

He took a moment to look down at her. Her mouth was gaping open, her body was heaving against his, and her soft thighs were clenched around him. Almost in disbelief, he watched as she cried out again and held herself around him as tight as she could as she went through yet another shakingly violent orgasm. She was unbelievable.

She was unbelievable, and he was hopelessly in love.

As soon as she could focus again, Kara rolled over without breaking contact so that she was on top of him. She had no idea how he had been able to hold on while she had completely lost herself. All she knew was she wasn’t going to let the situation stay that way for much longer.

Raising her body up until he was almost out of her, she let herself sink back down onto him. The groans erupting from his lip just spurred her on, and she rose up and took him in again in a hot, slow glide of pressure. Rocking against him, she felt the heat rise up and slink slowly back down again and again.

A man has his limits, Lee thought. And this sensual, slow pull that she was creating had him about to go insane. He couldn’t take anymore. His fingers bit into her waist, and his hips bucked as he seized control of the rhythm. All she could do was gasp and hold on for the ride which shifted effortlessly from deep and pounding to a sensual dance that slid over and over her.

His held-back climax finally began to rip through him. He shouted, groaned, and, exactly as she had demanded in what seemed like ages before, screamed as she continued to take his thrusts while he poured himself into her. Her walls tightened around him, and he felt her finally let herself go into one mind-bending orgasm that made him want to start all over again.

With a satisfied whimper, she rolled off of him and fell down by his side. He knew it was just about the worst thing he could do, but still he felt himself laying his head down against the bed and there was nothing he could do to stop it. She had taken a lot out of him, which was a hard thing to do. Now he was just plain exhausted. Too exhausted to even think of what might happen if he fell asleep without telling this woman lying next to him that he loved her.

He knew that if he didn’t tell her now, there would never be a time. Her defenses would come back up, and it would be over. Even as his mind screamed at him to keep his eyes open, he felt himself slowly drift off to sleep.

Fortunately for him, she was already fast asleep, completely worn out by their encounter. She unconsciously burrowed herself in close to his side, and he wrapped his arm around her.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Kara woke up with a lazy yawn and stretched her body out as she slowly opened her eyes. She looked around her bedroom and smiled, remembering that this place was her own. It was her home.

Then, she remembered what had gone on last night. “Damn. That was one hell of a dream,” she said with a laugh, pulling her hands over her face. She knew that she must look positively content.

After a quick glance at the clock told her that she still had three hours before she had to be running her first shipment of the day, she slid out of bed, picking her shirt off the floor. Her eyes caught on another piece of clothing thrown recklessly nearby.

She didn’t remember ever owning a pair of boxers.

She turned to look back at the bed and scrunched up her face in deep thought. The bed looked like a hurricane had run through it. The blankets and pillows were strewn everywhere, including a few of the smaller pillows having been thrown all the way to the other side of the room. She knew that tossing and turning in her sleep was a common occurrence, but this was bordering on ridiculous.

And that was when she heard the faint sound of water running from her bathroom.

“Oh gods,” she said, staring at the half-open door. “It wasn’t a dream.”

The water cut off, and she realized that she didn’t even have time to decide what she should do. Running, which was her usual response to things like this, wasn’t an option. This was her home after all.

Still unsure of what else to do but knowing she had to do something, Kara took a deep breath and let herself into the bathroom. Lee was casually standing in front of the mirror, a towel thrown carelessly around his hips. Her mind immediately started suggesting to her how easy it would be to just reach out and pull the soft cloth away from his body and then she could just…

She shook her head to make the thought stop before it finished. That was not a place she wanted to be going right now. Her eyes locked on Lee’s in the reflection of the mirror. “Hi,” she said, taking a few more tentative steps into the room.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?” The words made her cringe. How stupid was that question right now?

“Well, I was thinking about finally shaving, but I haven’t done it in so long that I keep cutting myself.”

Looking at his face, she realized he was right, and she suddenly thought of what a pity it was to see such a beautifully rugged face like his all cut up. So forgetting the awkwardness and the still undefined something that had gone on between them, she walked over to stand next to him and slowly eased the razor out of his hand. “Then let me do it.”

He stared at her as she hopped up on the counter and motioned for him to come in close. The soft terrycloth material of the towel rubbed against her thighs, and she cursed herself for not taking the time to put on anything beside the one shirt.

Trying to focus on this nice uncomfortable mess she had just volunteered for, she lightly touched his cheek with one hand to hold his head steady and moved the razor carefully along his other cheek. It felt like his eyes were bearing a hole right into her heart. He was staring at her so intently.

She did her best to just focus on the job at hand, trying to remember all the things she had been taught when she asked to do this for her father when she was little. Shaving her father’s beard had never felt like this before.

Lee’s hands reached out to rest on her thighs, and she cursed as she felt herself growing damp again. Would her desire for this man ever be satisfied?

Knowing that the answer was no, she shifted her position so that she could shave the other cheek. She hadn’t realized how sensual drawing a razor across the curves of his jaw would be. Now she understood. It was making her want to lick the new smoothness of his cheek in order to taste him and then it would only take a small push to put the bathroom counter to good use.

Frak. Those thoughts she didn’t need right now were back.

Sighing, she drew the razor across his throat as he looked up, although he still somehow managed to keep his eyes locked on her. It suddenly occurred to her the amount of trust he had placed in her. She knew that the blade of the razor could seriously cut him if she made a wrong move. But he trusted her not to.

Her heart began to hurt as she realized how much she loved this man standing in front of her. No one had ever shown such blind faith and trust in her before. It was things as simple as letting her shave his face without one ounce of hesitation that made her understand how special he was.

With a start, she realized that she had fulfilled her obligation to keep the most handsome face in the Twelve Colonies cut-free. Smiling brightly at her handiwork, she held the razor out for him to take. “All done and not a cut on you.”

He took the razor from her, but instead of stepping back which she had expected him to do, he simply set the razor down on the counter and stayed put. “Lee,” she said hesitantly.

“Shh.” He held a finger up to her lips in order to keep her from saying whatever she had been about to. “There’s something I have to do.”

He slowly lowered his lips towards hers and was happy when she slid her arms around his back and pulled him in the rest of the way. The kiss was tentative and light and yet it was full of all the passion they both knew they possessed if last night was any indication.

Sighing, Kara pulled back and looked up at him. Her rational side was starting to kick in. She couldn’t let herself do this anymore. Lee was still a part of the military, and she knew what that meant. Long undercover missions. Risking his life every day to keep the Twelve Colonies safe. Not being sure where he was going to wake up the following day.

She couldn’t be a part of that.

It was the life he wanted to lead, but she also knew that she couldn’t just sit back and experience the pain of having to be a powerless bystander. Having to wait to hear from him to know he was still alive. Being unable to be beside him when the yearning to have him inside of her got too strong. Knowing that at any moment he could realize how big of a mistake he had made and she couldn’t be there to convince him otherwise.

It would hurt too much.

She gave him a brave smile. “You need to be leaving.”

“What?” he said, confused at where that sudden outburst had come from.

“You have to get back to your unit. They won‘t appreciate it if you overstretch your military pass. I don’t want you to get into trouble just because I was greedy for your attention.”

“But I think it can wait for just a little longer,” he said with a wink.

It was so tempting to just agree and let herself go where the moment took her. Especially when she had a feeling that the moment might lead her to being pressed against that shower door, naked with him inside her as the water beat down against their bodies.

Frak. There were those thoughts again.

She moved off the counter and walked over to the other side of the bathroom. Space between them would help her keep her hands to herself. “I can’t do this, Lee. I’ve tried. But I just can’t. Don’t you understand?”

“No,” he said, crossing his arms in front of him. “I don’t.”

Crap. He was giving her the I’m-about-to-kill-you look that bordered on downright pissy.

“I’m only going to screw up whatever this is between us. That’s all I ever do. And I can’t let myself be responsible for causing you that kind of pain.”

He couldn’t believe she was actually doing this to him. After all they had been through, she was actually pushing him away. Lee looked at her for a moment before wiping the remnants of the shaving job she had just done off his face with a towel. Then, without turning to even glance at her, he walked past where she stood, pausing just long enough to toss the towel into her hands, and then he was out the bathroom door.

She suddenly felt compelled to make sure he didn’t think she was trying to hurt him deliberately. Because she hadn’t meant to destroy their relationship completely. She had just wanted to make clear that they couldn’t keep opening themselves up to one another and not expect to get hurt.

So she dropped the towel onto the bathroom floor and quickly grabbed her sweatpants off the bedroom floor and slipped them on. Then, she found herself following him down the stairs and into the living room where he began to pull his pack together.

She stood in the doorway to the room and watched him for a moment before the silence got to be too much. “Lee, you’ve been the only constant in my life for what feels like forever. I can’t screw that up. You see, I have changed a lot. I know when I’m making a mistake. And ruining what you and I have fought to build for over a decade would be a mistake. I can’t afford to screw this up, and that would be what would happen if you missed that shuttle.”

He stood up and slung the pack over his shoulder. “Newsflash, Kara. You already screwed it up,” he said sadly. Walking over to where she stood, he leaned over and gave her a light kiss on the top of her head. “I love you so much, but I can’t take this torture if you don’t feel the same. Goodbye.”

She watched in shock as he gave her one last smile and walked out the front door.

It took her a few minutes to realize what he had just said.

He had told her he loved her. Those were the words for which she had been hoping and dreaming for so damn long.

And then he had said goodbye. The word he had never said to her in all the time they had known each other because it was too final. It left things too neat and tidy.

He was gone. He loved her, and he was gone.

And then it hit her. He thought she didn’t feel the same way.

How the frak could he think that after what had gone on between them last night?

“Because you screwed it up again, Kara,” she said to herself.

Suddenly, she didn’t want to have to be rational anymore. She didn’t want to have to do the right thing and let him go because being with him would be hard on both of them. She just wanted to be happy. And Lee was what made her happy. He had been what made her happy for so long.

Stumbling, she made her way to the front door and stepped out onto the porch. She scanned the dirt road that led into the outskirts of Caprica City. There was no one on it.

He really was gone.

She had hesitated, and he was gone.

Sinking to the ground, she pulled her hands up to her mouth to hold back the sobs that were threatening to come out. Why had she been so stupid? She could have fought through all the pain and hard times and wondering if he was still alive out there. Everyone had always told her what a strong woman she was. She could have done it.

She would have done it if only she had been smart enough to take the chance.

The tears fell gently down her face.

No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she changed, one thing was obviously not going to change. Kara Thrace would always be a screw-up.

But her mistakes in the past had never hurt as much as this one did.

She buried her face into her hands and let herself go, the sobs shaking her whole body, as she mourned the loss of the last piece of happiness she had had left.

Minutes later, she was surprised to realize that the tears didn’t seem to want to stop. A feeling of such hopelessness filled her up that she suddenly wondered why she had thought her life was so satisfying in the first place. She lived by herself in a house far away from the fast pace of Caprica City. She only really had two people close by who she would call her friends. She had a shipping business that was nice and all, but it paled in comparison to flying a Viper through a roll at 6 Gs. And her best friend was physically millions of miles away on a normal day.

And now she had pushed him into being a million miles away from her in every other sense.

The despair started to close in around her.

And that was when she felt a pair of arms reach out to encircle her. Surprised, she looked up at the man in front of her. “Lee?” she choked out, hating how fragile her voice sounded.

“Oh gods. I didn’t mean to make you cry, Kara,” he said, pulling her in tight against him.

“What?” she said, still not sure if he was really there or if it was her mind playing another cruel trick on her.

“I got a mile down the road and then realized that I would be stupid just to let you end this without putting up a fight. This is just too good to let go. We have both worked too hard for me to just let you ruin it all like you normally do.”

She shook her head at him. “I don’t understand.”

“I love you, Kara. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way. I love you. And I can’t live without you in my life anymore. I’ve already waited far longer than a man should have to.”

“You’ve been waiting for me?”

He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her lightly. “For so damn long.”

When she just continued to stare at him with those doe eyes that said she was scared to death of what he was saying, he figured it was time to lay all his cards on the table. “Damnit, Kara. Don’t you realize that this-” He paused to shake her lightly. “-is the only thing that matters? Forget the regret that’s constantly building inside you. You’re letting yourself miss all the good things in life by holding yourself back. I can’t control the way I feel about you, and I don’t want to. I love you. And I’m not going to let you slip away from me.”

It surprised him when she suddenly grabbed his head in her hands as tightly as she could and crushed her lips to his. It was like she was afraid that this was the last moment they would have together, and she wanted to make it last. He wasn’t complaining as every single thought he had ever had in his life was erased by her lips. If this was his last moment alive, then so be it. He had everything he would ever need, and it was all there in this one kiss.

“I’m not slipping,” she said after pulling away to catch her breath. “You seem to have caught me.”

He pulled away to look at her and smiled. The tears had finally stopped. Shifting slightly, he pulled her in so that she leaned against him. His arms held her tight. It felt so right to be sitting on the porch of her home, staring out at the planet they had called home for all their lives.

After a moment, he broke the silent peace. “You’re right. I did catch you. And I don’t plan on letting you go.”

When she didn’t say anything back, he figured now was as good of a time as any to start explaining the pieces of the puzzle he had left out before. “I want you to know that I had been planning to visit you even before the whole mess with Boomer forced the military to give me leave. You see, Crashdown didn’t just hint at the fact that you were getting serious with Helo. He told me that Helo had asked you to marry him and that you had said yes.”

“Where does that moron get his information?” Kara demanded.

Lee’s heart rose at the faint sound of anger in her voice. It was much better than the hopelessness he had heard in her cries as he came back towards her house. That sound had caused him to drop his pack in the middle of the road and start sprinting as fast as he could. He had been with Kara for some really hard times, but she had never sounded as desolate as that very moment.

“I could kill Crashdown,” she said, still obviously dealing with a few anger issues.

“I don’t know if you should. Because what he told me… it got me to do a lot of thinking.”

“About what?” she asked.

“About whether or not I was happy that you had found someone you could love.” He grasped her hand in his and intertwined his fingers with hers. “I realized that if I didn’t come and see you as soon as I could that I would regret it. If I didn’t find you and let you know how much I love you, have always loved you, that I would be losing the best thing that had ever happened to me while also losing the best woman I could have ever loved. If I just let you go without a fight, I couldn’t live with myself.”

She found herself wondering how she had resisted this man for so long. “Lee.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for coming back,” she said, playing with the hand she held in her own.

“After all that, I couldn’t believe I was just going to let you push me away,” he said with a laugh. “I spent so much time trying to figure out what was happening between you and Helo and making sure that you were really and truly over Zak. And I was just going to let it go.”

“Lee?” she said again tentatively.

“What?”

“You were wrong you know.”

“About what?”

“Me not loving you.”

“Oh.” Her words sunk in, and he knew that the grin on his face could be classified as goofy. But he didn’t care.

Lee hadn’t known it was possible to be as happy as he was at this exact moment.

“I think that I’ve loved you since that day I looked up from my cell in hack and saw you smirking at me from behind those bars.”

“That long?” he said, kissing the top of her head.

“Maybe longer. I’m not sure.”

“You know, I couldn’t tell you when I first fell in love with you,” he admitted. “But I know when I first admitted it to myself.” He played lightly with the band on her left hand. “It was when you went completely insane and lodged the nose of your Viper in mine during that first wave of Cylon attacks.”

“You were dead in the air with that stupid fraking engine gone,” she said as way of explanation.

“But what you did went against everything we had been trained to do.”

“The Old Man told me to bring you back,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. She had never told Lee why she did what she did that day. At the time, she thought it might hurt to know that the father he had so callously cut out of his life cared about what happened to him.

“So you only saved me because you knew my father wouldn’t be happy if I got left behind?”

“If you mean his whole world would have ended if you didn’t come back, then yes, that’s why I did it.” She pulled her head back to look up at him. “Not to mention that my whole world might have ended to.”

He smiled at her. “That explains it.”

“What?”

“The look you gave me when the Chief finally cut open the Viper cockpit hatch you had managed to completely jam. You gave me this really frightened look. And then you punched me in the jaw.”

“I couldn’t just let you think that you could go and die on me whenever you wanted.”

“That look was the moment I first admitted to myself that I loved you. And the punch made me understand that it wasn’t going to go away any time soon.”

Kara twisted around to face him. “You remember how I said Zak made me feel wanted?”

He didn’t flinch at her casual mention of his brother and the relationship they had. If he no longer felt guilty when she talked about how much she loved Zak, then maybe they really did have a chance of figuring out this thing between them. “Yeah. I was hoping that maybe I could show you how that feels again.”

“He was the first man who ever made me feel that way,” she said. “But with you, it was always different. You are the first man who has ever made me feel needed.”

“I don’t think I can live without you,” he said simply.

She sat up and tried to shrug out of his arms. It wasn‘t surprising when she felt them tighten around her. “Lee, you’re going to have to let me go and learn to live without me. Because no matter what, you still have a ship to catch and your unit to return to.”

“Not for long.”

“What do you mean?”

“That was the other reason I came to Caprica. Something shifted in me after I saw what Sharon Valerii had done to her life, after I was forced to kill her. I just knew that this life wasn’t for me anymore. I might have quit sooner if I hadn’t seen the Cylons’ viciousness firsthand like I did those first few days on Galactica.”

“You quit?”

“Yeah. I went to the Military Headquarters here on Caprica and turned in my resignation.”

“What about your men?”

“They’ll be fine. I left them in the hands of Crashdown. And they have Cally still to make sure that no one dies.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s that girl,” Kara said with a smile.

“So, anyway, it looks like in a few weeks I’m going to need a place to stay.”

Kara stared at him for a moment. Future memories began to flash through her head.

She would be able to wake up with him next to her in her bed for the rest of her life. If she got scared, he would be there. If she wanted comfort, he would be there. If she needed a laugh, he would be there. If she just needed to feel, he would be there.

She would get to do all the things she had always dreamed of. Dancing outside in the grass while the sun set. Making love in the rain. Eating at all the romantic restaurants on Caprica she had always wanted to go to but had never had someone who loved her enough to take her.

She had pictured all of those things she dreamed of happening with Lee. And now they could.

The most vivid image was the one she had never allowed herself to imagine.

Walking down the aisle, escorted by the Old Man. Seeing Lee standing there waiting for her. Telling him she loved him as all her friends looked on. Knowing that somehow the gods had given her a second chance to make things right.

She would be the mother of his children. Little copies of her and Lee combined. Slacking off and working hard. Screwing up and succeeding. Causing hell and bailing others out of it. They would be the best damn pilots the Academy could imagine with the genes of Starbuck and Apollo in them.

She would grow old with him. They would sit on the porch of this very house and remember the day that he had been too stubborn to let her push him away. They would remember the day that he changed her life by refusing to let her go.

For the first time since Lee had shown up on her doorstep the day before, she knew that this was really happening. It wasn’t just another daydream or fantasy. There was no doubt about it. He was here, right in front of her.

And she finally admitted to herself that she deserved this. She deserved to be happy.

There was a small buzzing through the house as her alarm clock started to ring upstairs. The noise pulled her out of her daydreams, and she glanced over at Lee who was still patiently watching her and waiting for an answer.

Well, Kara figured that she had said she needed another capable pilot for her business anyway. Maybe this was the gods’ way of making sure she got the best one available. Because Lee Adama was the best thing for her in every sense of the word.

Letting a faint smile of promise come to her face, Kara wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a gentle kiss. “Welcome home, Lee.”