Goodbye is the Saddest Word

By GEM

Word Count: 3,071
Date:5/27/05
Series:Pre- Mini
Rating: T
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition
Authors Note: I've been having some fun with the Dradis Content on the BSG writers Squadron list and a while back I wrote a story titled "Fury" Nancy, I believe asked if I might extend it so, I have and it also includes extensions of at least three other Dradis Entries. This story starts with Zac Adama and goes forward from there. It also includes some minor original that have either appeared or will appear in my other story "Academy Days" I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1 Accidental Flight

The Academy hospital was on full alert. The only thing Major Erin Myers knew for certain is that there was a fight accident with serious injuries. "Okay, people they will be here any minute. Let's do this one by the book."

Captain Mark Willis came running through the trauma room door patient in tow. "Twenty-Two year old male, second and third degree burns with broken right and left legs and right wrist.

When Erin first saw the patient she didn't recognize him. "Okay, People on my count. One, Two, Three!" He was lifted from the stretcher to the exam table in the blink of an eye. It was during this time that her heart began to sink. She had cut off what was left of his flight suit and was now treating the burns on his chest when she noticed his dog tags. They read clearly Z. ADAMA, Lt. JG.

"Oh, Gods. I know him!"

"You know him." Captain Willis said is shock.

"Okay, people let's get moving."

"The viper he was flying crashed on landing." Willis stated as he began to treat the burns on his legs. "He lucky to be alive."

"You, call this luck. Three broken limbs and second and third degree burns over most of his body." She was letting out frustration as she continued to work, she shouldn't be this close to this. He was family but she knew that she was the only on duty right now with enough background in this kind of injury. She has to be professional as always.

"Doctors, he's coding."

Erin stepped up on the block and began compressions and the rest of the team jumped into action and began to work just as they were trained to do.

With in a few moments Zac Adama was gone. Erin Myers was a doctor, a medical professional, a Major in the Colonial Fleet. She knew deep down that he was gone but she didn't stop. The other doctors and nurse looked on helplessly

"Erin." Mark Willis tone was hushed and rank thrown out the window. He'd worked with her before as had most of the people in the room. Mark knew the history.

Erin continued chest compression and the nurse continued to bag him. "Erin!"

"What Mark." Her response was weak.

"Call it. He's gone. We've been at this for forty-five minutes. Even if there were some way to bring him back his burns are too severe. It's over.

Erin continued to compress his chest. Hoping against hope, as she tried to get herself under control. She finally stopped and looked up at the clock. "Time of death, 15:30" She stepped down off the block, stripped off her gloves, and turned to Captain Willis. "I'll deal with the death certificate and all other notification paperwork. Can you handle the death kit and personal effects?"

"Yes, sir." Erin turned to leave. She knew Willis knew who was on the exam table in front of them he saw the chart when they brought him in.

"Sir."

"Yes, Captain."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. It's not as much as loss to me as it will be to his family especially his mother."

"Of Course, Please pass along my sympathies to the family."

"I'll do that. Carry on." The Major said as she walked out the door.

____

Major Myers sat at her desk finishing the required paperwork and thinking about Zac Adama. Her Godsson was gone. She wiped her tears away. She thought first of Caroline. She will be devastated. Lee would be just as bad but will take his feeling out in other ways. She signed the death certificate and then picked up the phone. She had to make the necessary report and hopefully call in a few favors.

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 5/27/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition

Chapter 2: My Brother

Author's Note: Chapter 2, 3,4 and 5 take place at roughly the same time. They are told through different Points of view and all Characters that aren't common to you are my creation. Hope you enjoy.

Lieutenant Lee Adama descended the stairs from his viper onto the deck. Captain Martin the Atlantia's CAG was waiting. He stood at attention and snapped a salute to his superior.

" At ease. Report Lieutenant."

Lee stood easy "Nothing out of the ordinary Sir. All quiet. It was a calm flight, sir."

"Good to hear Apollo. Carry on."

Lee saluted his CAG once more and then turned his attention to his post flight checklist and his deck hand's maintenance check.

Moments later a page came through the intercom. " Pass the word to Lieutenant Adama. Lieutenant Adama please report to the CO's quarters."

The page left Lee puzzled to say the least, why would the commanding officer need to see him? Yes, commander Sheldon was a close friend of his father but why would he need to see him?

He passed off his post flight checklist to the specialist working on his viper and left the flight deck.

--- "Lieutenant Adama reporting as ordered, Sir." Lee said standing at attention and saluting.

"At ease Lieutenant. Please sit down." The commander gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

Lee sat down and the Commander came around the desk and leaned up against it. He studied I piece of paper for a moment and looked back up at Lee.

"Have I done something wrong, Sir."

"Gods, no Lieutenant. You're a fine pilot much like someone I used to know."

Lee knew that his CO was referring to his father.

"We've just received this message from headquarters. It's from a Colonel Jackson, at the training center and there is a message attached from fleet headquarters. The message from headquarters is from Major Erin Myers. Erin was married to Major Todd Myers, his father's wingman during the war. The families were close. Erin was like an aunt to Lee and Zac. They had always had a very close relationship. Lee heart jumped up to his throat as Sheldon Continued "I am sorry to have to inform you that your brother was killed in a training accident this morning in preparation for his next mission."

His heart was already in his throat, now the wind was knocked from his lungs as well. There has to be some mistake he thought. He voiced his thoughts "There has to be some mistake." Lee could feel the emotions boil up inside of him sorrow, anger resentment. The sorrow was for his brother and mother and Kara Thrace, his best friend and his brother's girlfriend. The other emotions were reserved for one man, his father. Her was the one responsible for this. Zac would never have become a pilot if it were for the Legendary "Husher" Adama. He was the reason Zac was dead.

"Lieutenant. Lieutenant Adama. Lee!" He was broken from his thoughts and His head snapped up at his name. He didn't realize it at the time but he was shaking with sorrow and anger. Commander Sheldon put a hand to his shoulder. "I've arranged for emergency leave. I have no doubt you will be needed at home. I've given you a couple of weeks it you need more please contact the XO or myself. We'll make the necessary arrangements. I suspect your mother will be needing you a great deal."

"Thank you." Lee responded, out of habit, not really hearing all of what his commander said.

The Shuttle leaves in an hour. Here is all the paperwork and the communications from headquarters."

Lee somehow found the strength to stand and he walked with Commander Sheldon to the door. Again you have our condolences, Son.

----

Lee went back to the bunkroom and began to pack. He didn't even know where to start the real reason he was going this hadn't fully sunk in. Zac was dead. No this had to be some sort of dream. This can't be happening as Lee finished packing the CAG stepped into the bunkroom.

"I'm sorry for you loss, Lee."

"Thank you, Sir." Lee said as he stepped out the bunkroom and into the corridor for the long walk to the flight deck.

The full Magnitude of what happened didn't hit him until he climb aboard the Raptor for the fight home. Zac was indeed dead and he wouldn't be coming home. His mother. His mother would be devastated. He needed to get home for Zac and for her.

Chapter 3: I Bleed

When Dee first read the message she didn't believe it. She walked from her station to the center Dradis Console were Colonel Tigh stood.

"Excuse me, sir this message has just come in from headquarters. I think you should look at it Sir. "

He took the message from Dee. 'oh, gods' he thought "Alright, Petty officer I need to see Lieutenant Myers and tell Commander Adama I need to see him.

Dee saluted "Yes Sir." She left and went to send the page to Lieutenant Myers. " Pass the word to Lieutenant Myers. Lieutenant Myers. Please report to CIC."

---- The CAG has this one boys and girls. This games to rich for my blood. I'm out. Lauren Myers declared as she folded her Cards. The card players all started to comment by were cut off by a ship wide announcement. " Pass the word, Lieutenant Myers please report to CIC."

Geata looked across the table to the brown haired brown eyes pilot "What did you do this time?"

"Hey. That's not fair you know I'm a by the book girl."

"Yeah, a by the book girl dating the CO's son. Carrot stated.

"That not against the regs." The CAG said simply "If your name is pulled from my flight line there will be hell to pay. Do you understand Wildcard." She stood up Saluted the CAG, and straightened her uniform "Yes, Sir. Enjoy the rest of the game." She said with a half smile and laugh. "I better go up and see what they need."

---

When She got to CIC she went over to the XO and saluted "Reporting as ordered, Sir."

"Lieutenant, you are friendly with the Adamas are you not?"

"Yes, Sir. They are like family." She smiled Tigh knew that Bill was Lauren's Godsfather, but it was not something widely known to the crew. He also knew that she was dating Lee.

Tigh's façade was beginning crack but only to the trained eye. "Wildcard, you need to read this."

He handed her print out they had just gotten. She began to read; "We regret to inform you…" the tears were welling up in her eyes. She wiped them away before they began to fall. She would not cry, not here, not now. She looked up at the colonel. The ordinarily stiff Son of Bitch was emotional as well.

"Does he know yet?" Lauren asked her voice barely a whisper.

"No, I still have to… Wildcard there is no doubt that you will also be on leave for the funeral. He' s going to need a pilot are you up to it?"

"Yes, Sir. I am." She replied with a stronger voice military training taking over. "It's the least I can do. Zac would want me to." Tigh nodded in acknowledgement.

----

They walked down the corridor neither of them saying a word. Lauren still couldn't believe what they were about to do. She couldn't believe he was gone. Poor Lee and what of Aunt Caroline, hopeful someone was taking care of her this would certainly destroy her.

Once outside of the Commander's quarters Tigh knocked on the door Lauren let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She had to keep herself in check. She couldn't lose it yet. The door open "Colonel, Lieutenant, to what do I owe the honor?"

"Bill may we come in?" the informality of his XO and the speechlessness his godsdaughter didn't go unnoticed. "Of course." He walked back to the office area of his quarter and the two officers followed. They all took a seat and Adama turned his attention to Wildcard. Lauren, what's the matter?" Lauren tried to speak but couldn't her eyes were focused on a picture on the Commander's desk. It was one of Zac and Lee. Lauren looked helplessly to Tigh.

"Perhaps, I should… We just receive a message from fleet headquarters Bill. I'm not sure how to… tell…"

Lauren looked up at the Commander and blurted it out "Zac is dead He died during mission training this morning."

Bill felt as he had just been shot. The air was knocked out of him. Saul put a calming hand on his shoulder. "Let me see the paper, please." Saul handed it to him.

He was shaking as he read it. It's not that he didn't believe Lauren. He just had to see it for himself. Lauren moved to sit next to him and put her arms around him. He was in a state that few people had ever seen him in, overcome with emotions. Lauren held him, the paper fell to the floor and at that moment she ceased to be a pilot under his command but a member of the family.

Once he calmed down and Lauren did the same Saul looked at him. "I don't know where to start. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I've arranged leave for you and a pilot he looked over at Lauren."

"I'll need to get your leave approved." He said as he slipped back into the role of a commander for a moment. "Caroline… oh gods…"

Lauren placed a hand over his. "I'm sure it's all taken Care of.."

He squeezed her hand "I'll see you on the flight desk." She nodded and let go of his hand taking that as her signal to leave. She saluted them both and walked out.

----

Bill began to pace the room and retrieve items to pack. "Saul… my boy is…" He didn't have the strength to finish. He collapsed on his bunk. Tigh was concerned about him. "Caroline and Lee, I'll have to see…"

I cannot begin to imagine what it is your feeling but all of these things will work out. Right now you need to pack and get home." Saul placed a hand on his friend shoulder "If you need anything, anything at all, just let us know." Saul walked out and Bill remained on the bunk He put his head in his hands and continued to bleed.

Chapter 4: My Responsibility

Word traveled fast to the flight school and the rest of the base. Kara did her best to continue to teach her combat tactics class, but her mind was wandering. Zac was training for a new mission. The accident that occurred was during his shift.

She wasn't feeling well. Her heart was pounding and her stomach was in a knot. The class could see the crash sight from the window. . The flames were still burning and she knew there was no way anyone could survive a crash like that.

She finished the class and dismissed them to their flight simulation instructors. She gathered up her charts and books and began to walk out of the room. She had a break before her afternoon flight runs.

"Lieutenant Thrace." A dark haired officer met her at the door.

Kara quickly transferred her books to the other arm and saluted her superior "Colonel Terry."

He gestured to the empty room. "May I have a word?"

Kara heart skipped a beat at his tone and the knot in her stomach tightened. She placed the books down on the desk and sat down. "Kara, the accident this morning seems to be preoccupying you. Why?"

"I'd rather not say sir. If you don't mind." Her eyes were turned down to the floor and her voice was small.

"Kara, please look at me." Mark Terry broke rank and began talking to his flight instructor, pilot to pilot.

Kara looked at him Her eyes told a story he already knew. "I got a call a little while ago. A doctor Myers at the base hospital was looking for you."

Kara's eyes began to well up and her breathing became rigid. She knew after hearing that name that her life would change forever. She and Zac did their best not to make their relationship common knowledge. She was his instructor, if not directly now, at some point. Their relationship, in the strict sense of regulations was forbidden. Major Erin Myers was a close personal friend of Zac's family, a second mother of sorts. Zac's Godsmother in truth. She along with a small circle of family was the only one that knew about them. Zac hadn't told the Major; he had told "Aunt" Erin. If anything happened to Zac and Erin knew about it; she would pass word along to Kara.

Kara collected herself and asked the question she didn't really want to. "Mark, What did the message say?"

Mark looked sympathetically at Kara Thrace. "No one could survive an accident like the one this morning, Kara.

Tears began to form in her eyes. "I need to know."

First, I know about you and Zac that's why I'm concerned and here for you. Second, Doctor Myers sent me a message. Zac was a member of the mission group that went up this morning.

Kara Collapsed into his arms as the full force of what he was saying hit her. Zac was dead. Mark Terry held her as she cried. "I'm so sorry, Kara. There was nothing they could do."

_____

Her life was over. She gambled with his life and lost. Her life was over. If she had shown enough courage and had the chops to stand up for what was right. She would have told him 'No, you can't do this. You're going to get yourself killed.' She was his instructor. His commanding officer, that was her job. He was her responsibility.

If she had done this he would still be an officer, a damn good one, and he would be alive. He would be sitting in this dark room with her drinking this bottle of ambrosia, with her. Instead she passed him. He became a pilot and she would have to grieve alone, in solitude, because no one knew about them. She would stand alone and cry alone, because she passed him. He was never coming back because she passed him.

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 5/28/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition A/N: This is an extension of a Dradis Contest fic I did last month. Again a reminder: Chapter 2,3,4, and 5 occur at roughly the same moment in time.

Chapter 5 Shattered World (extended)

The day was perfect the weather was beautiful. Caroline smiled as she poured herself as glass of water from the pitcher on the kitchen table. 'If only Friday could be this way,' She mused. Her youngest son, like his father and brother had joined the Colonial Fleet. He would officially be receiving his viper wings Friday morning. She was so proud. She didn't always like military life, but both of her boys took their father's comments to heart, 'a man isn't a man until he wears the wings of a viper pilot.' Bill always used to tell them. Now, they would both be wearing those wings. Zac, was already a successful officer and running mission in his viper squadron but, Friday it would be official. Caroline was brought out of her musing by the sound of a car in the driveway.

Caroline looked out of the window. She saw two officers, in full dress uniform, walking up to the front door. Her heart skipped a beat. She left the room and rushed to the door.

She recognized one of the officers immediately. Todd Myers was a close family friend and he was formally Bill's wingman. The families still lived and remained close, even after the divorce. Todd's daughter Lauren was serving on broad the Galactica as a viper pilot Caroline was also quite certain Lee and Lauren were romantically involved, although she had no proof.. The knock at the door brought her back to reality. She answered the door with a warm smile but when she saw his face her smile disappeared and her heart stopped. "Todd?"

"Caroline, may we come in?"

The formality that he used sent a cold fear through her. Something was wrong. She stepped aside and let them inside.

"Todd, what's happened?" She asked as she lead them into the living room.

"Caroline, I think you should sit down." They did so and Todd took her hands in his meeting her eyes. "Caroline there's been an accident.

Caroline closed her eyes and breathed in hard. 'Oh, gods, Lee.'

"Caroline, It's my sad duty to inform you…" the room began to spin. Todd continued to speak. The glass she was holding shattered, as did her life.

Her baby, Zac, wouldn't be coming home.

Caroline was overcome she fell into Todd's arms and began to uncontrollably sob. He rubbed her back to sooth her but he knew it wouldn't help much. He dismissed the other officer that accompanied him with a nod as she continued to weep. He was here in an official capacity but it was now time to be a family member. After a long while he lifted her from his shoulder and looked her in the eyes. She was a broken woman. His heart broke for once more as it had done earlier in the day when he first received word. He wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Lee is on his way. Lauren and Bill are also coming; I know Lee will be in tonight. I'm not sure about Bill and Lauren."

Caroline spoke in a whisper. "I couldn't face bill, not now."

Todd gathered her in an embrace "I understand."

"I don't even know what to do." She cried into his chest.

"Don't worry, we'll all be here to help."

Caroline sat up and looked him in the eye. "I lost my baby, because he wanted to be like his dad."

Todd took her hand and squeezed it

"Do you know what happened?"

Todd Myers was in a fog and didn't hear her question "I'm sorry. What?"

"Do you know what happened?" Caroline wiped her eyes. "Was he alone?"

"I know it was a training flight for an upcoming mission and there was and accident. He injuries were too severe. There was nothing they could do for him. Erin was assigned as his doctor, she was with him; he wasn't alone or in any pain."

Caroline fell back into his arms and cried again Zac, was never coming home her baby was gone.

Chapter 6: I Blame You

Lee arrived from the spaceport to find Majors Todd and Erin Myers watching out for his Mom. They were like a second family to Lee and he was very happy to see them.

Lee walked into the living room, after dropping his bags by the door. His mother was sitting on the couch talking in a hushed, emotionally spent tone with Erin. She looked to have aged one hundred years.

"Mom." Lee's tone was emotionally spent as well, but Caroline responded immediately to the sound of his voice. He crossed the room, as tears, once again began to flow from her eyes. She gathered him up into her arms, like she used to when his was a little boy.

"Ssh,, Mom. I'm here now. He did his best to hide the tears coming from his eyes. He had to be strong for her. He helped her walk back to couch and sat down.

"I'm so glad you're here. I couldn't possibly get through this on my own." She said between small sobs.

Lee's heart broke, into a million pieces. "We will get through this together, Mom. You don't have to do it alone."

"I don't know what to do first, Lee. There's so much; I can't even look at his room or the pictures. The arrangements, Lee I'm not going to survive this.

Lee looked almost helplessly to Todd and Erin Myers. Todd gave a slight nod. "We'll all be here for you Mom. We will take one thing at a time and get through it together. You will survive" The last part of the statement was strong. Lee was going to help her through this.

"Caroline." Erin came and sat on the other side of her. She was holding a glass of water and a couple of pills. "These will help you calm down. I know you don't want to take them but, you need to get some sleep."

A look of terror crossed her face. "Erin, I can't, every time I close my eyes I see his face." She began to shake and sob uncontrollably

"Mom, you have to sleep. I have to put my things upstairs. Why don't we go up and you can lay down? I'll stay up there with you."

Caroline finally gave in. Lee helped her up the stairs and Erin followed. Lee helped her to her room and Erin took it from there. "I'll be back Mom." He left the room and went back downstairs to collect his things.

"Lee." Todd Myers was still at the bottom of the stairs, "How are you holding up?"

"Not, so well, Sir. I have to be strong for her. I can't afford to show how I feel right now."

Todd handed him one bag and took the other. They went up the stairs to Lee's bedroom. Erin was waiting outside his door. Lee paused for a moment at the closed door beside his room He put his hand on the knob and began to turn it but stopped. "I can't do this."

Todd put a hand on his shoulder and Erin was next him in a heartbeat as his face fell. "You don't have to, Lee. You can wait. It doesn't have to happen now. " Erin put a hand on his back and guided him away for Zac's room and into his own.

Lee placed the bags down and began to unpack. Todd took his leave but Erin stayed to help. "Todd, has been with her most of the day and he can help you deal with the arrangements.

"I don't even want to think about it right now, Sir." Lee said as he crossed the room to hang his dress grays.

"Lee, drop the rank. We're not on duty. We're family."

Lee nodded in acknowledgement and sat down on the bed next to his "Aunt."

He looked at her with glassy eyes. "Is Lauren coming?"

"She's flying back with your Dad."

Lee flinched at the mention of his father. "I'm so mad at him. I could scream. The grief that Lee felt for Zac was beginning to show quickly and it was mixed with anger. Erin knew that this would eventually happen. She placed a hand over Lee's and sat quietly and listened. This was his way of beginning his grieving process. Erin knew he wouldn't do it in front of Caroline.

"A man isn't a man, until he wears the wings of a viper pilot. That's all we used to hear. That's the reason Zac went to the academy and became an officer. He became a pilot because of Dad and he joined vipers because of Dad" Lee was beginning to loose it "Now, He's dead because of Dad!" Lee fell into Erin's arms and cried. Once he calmed down she began to speak to him, but was interrupted by a heartbreaking scream. Lee's emotional state was quickly forgotten as They jumped up and ran down the hall.

Lee ran to his mother's side ad gathered her into his arms. She was crying uncontrollably. "Mom, Mom breathe. Take a deep breath. I'm here. I'm right here. It's going to be alright." He rubbed her back to try and calm her but the tears just kept coming

"Lee…Lee " The tears kept coming

"It was just a dream. It was just a dream. I'm here now." Lee said calmly. Todd and Erin took their leave. Lee held her until she cried herself back to sleep and stayed with her for a while. 'We wouldn't be in this hell, if it weren't for Dad pushing Zac to fly. He should have never been in that plane.'

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 5/29/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition

Chapter 7: Fly with Me

William Adama met Lauren "Wildcard" Myers on the flight deck a short time later. He walked across the deck to the raptor she was standing next. He stepped up onto the wing and put his bags on the raptors deck next to hers. He stood next to her as she finished her pre-flight checklist "Are you sure you're up to this?" He whispered in her ear.

Lauren looked up from the clipboard as she signed off on the check. "I'm fine, sir. I know…I know it's what he would have wanted." She finished in a hushed tone. "Besides, Sir, I'm at peace when I'm in the air. I need to do this."

"Shall we then." Adama gestured to the raptor and let wildcard enter first. Wildcard made her way to the pilots seat and began to settle in. She half expected the Commander to take the co-pilot's seat, as he usually did, but he stayed in the back in a seat next to the hatch. He was holding what appeared to be a letter and a picture She assumed the picture was one of Zac. The old man was deep in thought as they took off for Caprica.

---- As he looked at the picture he was sucked in by memories of Zac as a young boy. He had missed so much of his life because of various military assignments. He only had a few memories of his son, as a small boy. The first time he held him after he was born. The first time he played baseball with a five-year-old Zac and 9-year-old Lee. Lee hit him with a pitch that day and he ended up with a bloody nose.

The one memory that was particularly strong was the day Zac got into the Academy.

"Dad, I got in! Zac was running from the mailbox waving the letter triumphantly in the air as he ran up to his father who was on the front porch.

Bill took the letter from his son and read it then looked back at him. "That's my boy! I'm so proud of you. Now you can be a viper pilot just like you always wanted."

"Sir.. Sir" Adama was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Lauren Myers' voice. He tucked the picture and letter into his pocket and wiped the tears from his eyes. He couldn't let her see him like this.

"Are you all right, Sir." She inquired from the pilots seat.

'Too late.' he thought. "As well as can be expected, Lauren."

Lauren, nodded, "understood, Sir." 'Stupid question, Wildcard.' Lauren thought.

After a few silent moments Adama took the picture from his pocket. He really had not been the model father. He had missed countless event that eventually cost him his marriage and his family.

"You can't keep doing this, Bill. The party ended two hours ago. You just can't keep doing this to him- to them."

"I'm really sorry, Caroline. Something came up and I couldn't get away."

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to. He's eight years old now he's not a little boy anymore. They both know they are things going on between us."

"Caroline, please don't do this."

"Do what? I'm not doing anything. It's all you, Bill. You can frak with us but don't frak with them!"

'I did just that. I fraked with the kids and with Caroline.' Adama thought still looking at the picture. He forced Lee to grow up to fast and become the man of the house while he was on deep space assignments. He continued to push both of them to become pilots from afar. He did get his way they both became pilots. That move had now cost him his youngest son and he would never forgive himself.

He pulled the letter from his pocket and read it once again still staring at the picture of his son.

Dear Dad,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to invite you to my flight school graduation for vipers. It is just a formality since I started the mission rotation three weeks ago. It would be nice if you could come. I've met someone, Dad. Her name is Kara Thrace. I think you'll really like her and I want you two to meet. She was a flight instructor for my group. She is the most talented pilot I've every seen, no offence. She is also the best instructor I've had during my time here. I have a surprise I want to share about her. Hope to see at graduation.

Love, Zac

There was something about how the letter was written that gave Adama that uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was brought out of his musings by the sound of wildcard's voice over the Wireless.

"Caprica, flight control, this is Galactica Raptor, 215 on approach to spaceport. Please advise."

"Raptor 215. Clear for port landing strip. Stand by for hands on approach"

"Copy, that port landing strip hands on approach."

As Wildcard completed the final approach maneuvers, he looked back at the letter. The butterfly sensation in his stomach hadn't disappeared. He needed to find this Kara Thrace.

----

We're all set, Sir. Lauren Myers stepped back to the hatch from the pilots seat.

"Thank You, Wildcard. It was a very nice flight."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Cut it Lauren. How are you holding up?" Adama asked as he got up from his seat and collected both sets of bags.

"As well as can be expected Sir." She said as she reached for her bags that he was holding."

"I've got it, Lauren. Step down."

She nodded and stepped off the wing to the ground. They walked in silence for a few moments to the main building. "Lauren, Do you know a Kara Thrace."

A smile came across Lauren's face. Yes, I do. Lee and I both graduated from…" she paused and Adama stopped. "What?"

Tears began to well in her eyes. "We graduated from fight school together." The tears that were in he eyes began to slowly run down her face. "I'm sorry; it just reminds me about why we are here - about Zac.

"Lauren, Do you know if she is close by?"

"Yeah, she's a flight instructor on base." Lauren walked over to the duty officer and handed him the paperwork he needed the commander followed.

"Welcome home Lieutenant, Commander Adama" The officer saluted. "Is there anything you need arranged?

"Transportation to the on base housing please." Lauren smiled

"Of Course and for you Commander?"

"The same please, Lieutenant."

. "I'm staying at home so I'll be close to Lee and Caroline. I'll check on them. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything, Uncle Bill."

Adama put the bags in the car for her and went to the window. "You do the same. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything I'll see you tomorrow."

Adama was left in thought as Lauren pulled away. "Commander. The Lieutenant reappeared.

"Yes."

"This way please, Sir, the base Commander would like to speak to you."

The Lieutenant picked up the Commander's bags and led the way. As the Commander followed he dreaded the meeting with the base head flight instructor but it would be as good a place as any to begin in this situation.

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 5/30/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition

Chapter 8: Face to Face

Bill followed the Lieutenant into the base commander's office "Commander."

"Yes, Lieutenant". The Commander asked, not looking up from his paperwork.

"Commander Adama, to see you sir."

The Commander looked up and took off his glasses. "Thank you, Wester that will be all. The young sandy haired Lieutenant stood at attention and saluted both officers before leaving the room.

Commander Robert Forester walked over to Bill Adama. "I wish this meeting could be under better circumstances Bill."

"So do I." The men shook hands and Forester gestured to the seat in front of his desk. "Please." Adama obliged and Forester sat back behind his desk.

"I want to extend my condolences personally Bill, not just as a friend but as Zac's commanding officer. "He was a fine officer and Pilot. He will be truly missed."

"Thank You, Rob. Has there been any determination as to the cause."

"Bill, you know that these things take time."

"Don't Frak with me, Rob. We've known each other too long. You were out there you saw the crash sight any feeling for what happened."

"You're just trying to get yourself worked up Bill. Please don't do this to yourself.

HE WAS MY SON! Adama's emotions got the better of him. Rob just let him go he knew what it was like to lose someone like this.

Bill took a deep breath and spoke almost in a whisper. "I'm Sorry I didn't mean… He was my son; I just don't understand how this could happen.

"No need to apologize, I completely understand. My honest opinion is that it was either mechanical failure or just a plain accident. We won't know right away."

Adama nodded. " I guess we have to start making arrangements then.

"I've talked to someone at affairs they are taking care of it. I'll need your signature on a couple of release document and the address of the funeral home. I didn't want to bother Caroline with this." He handed the papers to Bill

"As well, you shouldn't." Adam said as he read and signed the release papers.

Forester collected the completed paper and looked up to his old friend. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Both men stood up, "I don't think so Rob, Thanks for everything.."

Anytime Bill. I'm sorry I had to be under these circumstances. They walked to the door. "Actually Rob, there is one thing.

"Name it."

"Where might I find a Lieutenant Kara Thrace?"

Rob's eyes lit up. "Now there is one hell of a pilot and instructor. I could see why you'd want to meet her. She should be around Hanger C -maintenance She came in from a training run about an hour ago.

"Thanks, Rob."

----

Once he put his things in temporary housing and called Lauren to tell her about the arrangements for Zac He made his way to the training facilities on the base. He approached a group of maintenance specialists outside of Hanger C. "Excuse me, Specialist.

The young enlisted saluted. "Yes, Sir."

He saluted back. "At ease Specialist. Do you know where I might find Lieutenant Thrace?"

Yes, Sir. She right over there Sir, by the Raptor.

Adama could see a young woman with short blonde hair speaking with a member of the base's ground crew as they were working on a raptor as well as another office that may have been another instructor. "Thank You." He replied as he made his way over to the area.

She glanced over her shoulder as she continued to talk to the ground crew member about the status of the Raptor, that's when she first saw him. He was a spiting image of the man she was silently grieving over. He was also her worst nightmare. 'Not now, not today, please, gods. I'm not ready to face this.' He was getting closer as the person next to her continued to talk. "Can we continue with this later?"

"Of Course, Starbuck." He saluted and she saluted back and then as he turned to leave, he turned back to her. "Looks, like you've got company."

She didn't say anything as the other officer walked away. She just thought to herself 'Yeah, I noticed that, thanks.' She didn't turn and face him until she heard her name. His voice was deep and calm much like Zac's. She closed her eyes for a few seconds then opened them again, turned and to the officer. He saluted and she saluted back.

"Are you Lieutenant Thrace?"

"Yes, Sir." She replied in what he would consider a shaky voice. Her voice was not shaky with nerves but with something else.

He looked at her. "I'm commander Adama, Zac's father.

"I know Sir, I'm sorry, Sir. I was going to come see you tomorrow after the funereal

"No need to apologize. " Adama gave her a slight smile. "Walk with me Lieutenant." He had to get to know her, if his gut feeling about the letter was right he owed Zac that much.

They walked away from the Raptor they were standing next to on an impromptu tour of the training base. "Zac told me you were an amazing instructor. He wanted my to come to the graduation to see him get his wings."

"I know I read the letter." Her tone was even but her body language told a different story.

"Then perhaps you can tell what he was hinting at. A surprise, about you." They stopped walking Kara turned to him and then quickly looked at the ground and back again. It appeared she was gathering her thoughts. "It's not important… It'll just…" She stopped mid-sentence thinking about her next statement.

Adama didn't give her a chance to complete the sentence. "You were engaged, right?"

Kara couldn't look at him. "Yes." Was her reply if you could call her whisper a reply? Adama thought that she might have been ashamed to tell him about the relationship that she had with his son.

"Don't be ashamed of that Lieutenant." Adama said. Looking at the officer next to him. The brave face that she was wearing before had long since crumbled but she still hadn't shed a tear.

"Kara." She looked up at him, again holding back tears. "My name is Kara. If it's not to far out of line for to ah…"

"No, I don't think that is too far out of line."

They stopped for a moment and found a secluded place to sit for a few moments. "I'm not much for military regulations but you probably already guessed that."

Adama was smiling on the inside. Zac had done well and he was right. He did like this girl. He could see why Zac liked her too. She was feisty and had a great sense of humor.

"I can see that, Kara. Lords knows I don't like them all either but don't tell anyone."

Kara gave him a smile. She really did like him. Zac was right. They continued to talk about her time at the academy, Zac and even Lee whom Adama was surprise was close to Kara as well. They finally began to walk towards the temporary housing were Adama was staying. While walking he noticed that she seemed to be putting up a brave face once again. He extended a hand to stop her from walking for a moment.

"Kara, you know it's alright to grieve from him. It's all right to be sad, to cry, to be angry. Whatever you're feeling let it out. If you hold it in it will only eat at you.

Kara looked him in the eyes as much as looking in those eyes that were so much like Zac's she had to explain this to him. "I'm only his flight instructor.

The realization hit him hard. "I know Kara, but that is when you're on duty. When you're not, when you're with me, you're his fiancé first and Commanding Officer later. Is that understood Lieutenant?"

She was fighting a battle inside herself. She didn't have any family to speak of and she was grieving on her own. Would it be appropriate for her to except what Zac's father was offering? He was a superior officer, would it be okay to do this?

She only nodded in acknowledgement of his statement "Commander"

Adama looked her straight in the eye. It was an unnerving experience as if he was looking into her very soul "Yes, Lieutenant."

"I just wanted you to know that I do grieve for him. Zac and I… Well are relationship wasn't exactly in line with the regulations. Although as I said I was never much for the regs, my call sign is "Starbuck." You can use your imagination. I've never been one to keep my mouth shut or my hands to myself. I live outside of the box."

Adama put a hand up for her to stop and she did. "I've heard all about you, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I used to know an officer or two just like you. One day I'll tell you about them. "

"I will never be ashamed of what Zac and I had. I love him and I always will. I grieve in my on way and during my own time. Don't think I don't because I do.

Adama put a hand on her shoulder "You don't have to face this alone Kara. We can face it together. I'll come get you in the morning. We will do this together."

Kara was lost now she really didn't want to cry in front of this man but she had all she could do to keep it together. She only responded with a nod. Adama stayed a moment until she composed herself " I have to get back."

"I am sure you do. I have to see to a few things myself. I'll see you in the morning Lieutenant. If you need anything don't hesitate to come and find me."

Kara wiped away a stray tear, straightened her uniform, and saluted "Yes, Sir." He returned the salute and gave her a small smile and they went their separate ways.

Chapter 9: Broken Hearts

When Bill arrived at the house things began to seem more real. Zac was gone this was no longer a dream. He knew Caroline would be heart broken but he couldn't stand not to do anything. To leave her alone, he had to do something to help her work through the pain. This is something they had to do together. He would not fight with her but he needed to do this.

He knocked lightly of the door moments later Erin Myers answered the door. "Hello, Bill How are you holding up?"

"I'm here, that's really all I can say." Erin could tell he was tiered she gave him a sympathetic smile as the walked through the hall to the dinning room

"How is she?"

"She broken Bill but she's surviving. She asked for you after Lee left. I'm glad you stopped."

"Lee's pretty pissed at me isn't he?" Bill asked already knowing the answer.

"He'll get over it. Give him time." They walked into the dinning room "Try not to get her to worked up."

Bill gave Erin a side glance "I'll try. I'm actual surprise she said she would see me." Bill walked up to Caroline and put a hand on her shoulder. She took his hand and began to cry. He knelt down next to her and gathered her in his arms.

"Oh, Bill. He's gone. He's never coming home." She wept into his chest and for the first time since he arrived home Bill allowed himself to cry for his son.

After a while Caroline calmed down and worked her way out of Bill's embrace. She wiped her new tears away and began to speak. "I didn't think I could face you."

Bill sat in the chair next to hers. "I didn't think I could face you. Caroline, you must hate me. I took him away from you…from us."

"I did blame you for a while." Caroline stated "But then I thought about Zac, this was truly what he wanted to do. When we were together we pushed both of the boys to do their best and follow their dreams. That's what Zac did. I was an accident. I don't hate you.

"I don't want to start fighting with you. All I want to do is help with whatever I can."

The Military Liaison office called all the paperwork was in order Lee went to take care of it and the proper military protocol and such.

"I took care of the paperwork this morning."

"I still have to clean out his thing here. Lee took care of the stuff in the on base housing. "

"We don't have to worry about that right away, Carol."

Bill watched as the color began to drain from her face. She was beginning to lose it again. "How can you be so calm! Our… my baby is gone and you're treating it like some kind of military exercise.

Bill's emotions were beginning to get the best of him 'Calm down, don't get her worked up.' He told himself. 'Too late.' He thought 'You've got lousy timing.' "He was my son too Caroline!" His statement was firm and calm. This didn't need to get anymore out of hand. They were both grieving in their own way. He needed to stop this before it ended up in a fight. He began to walk away.

"I want him back, Bill." That statement stopped William Adama cold.

He turned back to his ex-wife. "Don't you think I want that too? What I wouldn't give, Caroline. What I wouldn't give to do it all over again so we… you wouldn't have to go through this.

Caroline got up quickly "I can't have this conversation now. Thank you for offering but we'll be fine." She exited the room leaving him alone.

Todd and Erin must have heard the outburst because they were both there within minutes Erin went to the kitchen to see to Caroline and Todd went up to his friend

"Husher"

Adama looked up at his old friend "Hey, Blackjack, What'd you hear?"

Todd smiled

"I don't want her to do this alone."

"She's not we're all helping. She talked to Lee today after speaking to the Funeral home. That Son of yours is amazing. He's holding up but I think it would help out if you could finish the arrangements with the home. Lee is taking care of most of the military protocol and such. Caroline is in no condition to finish and frankly I think Lee is about ready to collapse. The only thing I know for sure is that the lead of the honor guard is out of commission. Bill looked up at his friend "What about Lauren? Do you think she would be willing?

Todd smiled "I'll take care of it. You take care of the other arrangements."

Adama nodded as the two friends walked to the door. "They'll both love this."

"It'll be fine they have already put in the request just see it through.

"Will do."

"What do you tell my son and his mother? I don't know if you've really talked to my ex-wife but it seems I'm not too popular with my son at the moment."

Todd gave a sad half smile. "Don't worry Hush, I got your back."

Chapter 10 A Brother's Grief and a Mother's Sorrow

Lee hadn't seen his father, truth be told he had no desire to see him. He was the one that caused this to happen. He is the one that is responsible for the nightmares suffered by his mother. The nightmares that wake Lee with his mother's cold blood curdling screams and then Lee must ran from his room to hers and hold her while she cries until she finally cries herself to sleep. His father was the one who did this and it didn't matter if Lee ever saw him again.

He learned while talking to his mother after he came home that his father had been by to see her and help with the arrangements. "I don't understand how you can just let him in here?" Lee was sorting through papers while Caroline was sipping tea, staring at the same spot on the wall. "He's your father." She replied flatly.

Lee walked back to the dinning room and sat down next to her "Yes, and to be honest with you, I don't care if I ever see him again." Lee was so full of anger he couldn't sit still he started to get up and walk back to the kitchen when his mother put a hand out to stop him. "Look at me Lee." Her voice was as strong as it had been in recent days. He looked her in the eye.

"I'm grieving for Zac, so are you. Your father has lost a son as much as I have; and you… you have lost a brother. I understand how you feel. You need to understand that I can't just shut your father out. We've been apart for years but before we did everything together. We've lost a son…" Lee could tell she was loosing her composure again.

Lee took her into his arms and took a deep breath "I just wish you could understand that I'm not grieving for Zac. I can't because I 'm so angry with Dad that I can't grieve. I wouldn't have to grieve for Zac if it weren't for him."

Caroline had stopped crying and was listening intently to her Son. "Mom, he killed my brother, it's all Dad's fault." Now it was Lee that had lost his composure and Caroline that gathered her Son into her arms and tried to calm him. She too cried but this time it wasn't for Zac but for Lee and the pain that he felt and the anger that he felt toward his father.

Lee knew that he shouldn't have burdened his mother with this but he couldn't keep it in anymore. He couldn't help himself he was so angry with his father. "I blame him. He said through his tears. I blame him.

Caroline knew deep down that her ex-husband, the man she so easily leaned on today and dismissed in the same breath, was not to blame for Zac's death, but trying to explain this to Lee, or even to totally convince herself would be almost impossible.

Caroline let her son out of the embrace and took hold of his chin like she did when he was little. She looked into his deep blues Adama eyes "You have to understand…"

"You don't have to do this." Lee statement was almost a whisper.

"I do, Lee because you have to understand. We'll be standing on opposite sides of Zac tomorrow but we both truly love him. Your father and I just show it differently. I will grieve for him outwardly Your father is not that kind of person. He will grieve for him in his own time.

Lee hugged his mother. "I do understand. I just can't forgive him."

Caroline held her son tightly "I don't blame him Lee, not for Zac's death It was an accident, not of your father's doing. Lee walked in the kitchen without another words and cameback a moment later. He sat and opened the planning book. "Everything looks like it's in order. I can't believe we have to do this tomorrow." His last words were spoken softly He'd just turned Zac's funeral into an everyday military occurrence and his remarks reminded him of those sometimes made by his CAG.

Caroline walked into the living room. She picked up a picture of Zac and sat in a nearby chair. Tomorrow she would bury her son she would say her final good-bye. How would she ever make it through this?

After putting some things away Lee made his way to the living room. He went over and put a hand on her shoulder "We'll make it, Mom. Lee said quietly as if reading her mind. She reached up and covered his hand with hers they both were looking at the picture. Lee still blamed his father for putting them through this. Caroline, for her part, hated military life but knew it ran deep within all of her boys. This was just another stage of her military life one that will forever leave a mark. She will continue to deal with it but she will never blame Bill for it. She hoped that eventually Lee would understand and stop blaming his father but deep down she feared he never would be able to move past it.

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 61/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition

Chapter 11: Strength to Move On

The Knock on the door was a welcomed diversion from Kara's personal Hell. She couldn't take it anymore she didn't have the strength to move on He meant too much to her. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she pushed herself up off the floor. She put her robe on over her sleeping attire and answered the door. The visitor was not who she expected at least not this early in the morning. "Commander Adama, Sir."

"Morning Kara. How are you holding up?"

Kara answered with an uncharacteristic shrug and then walked away from her door. Adama followed.

Kara disappeared for a few moments as Bill looked around. It was not at all what he had expected. He knew she wasn't much for regulations but what he saw disturbed him greatly. She had not been taking care of her place or herself from what he could tell. Her uniforms and other clothing articles were thrown all over the space as well as empty alcohol bottles; tissues and picture were thrown around as well.

Kara reappear wearing the same thing she was when she answered the door and in the same mood although he did thing that he presents would change that. "So, he began… I couldn't sleep. I figured maybe you couldn't either and took a chance that you might be looking for someone to talk to. Looks like I guessed about right." Adama looked her in the eye. It was the first time since he'd met her that he noticed the red, puffiness and dark circles under her eyes. She'd been crying and it certainly looked like she hadn't slept in month. 'Loosing a loved one will do that to you.' He thought.

"I'm sorry for the appearance I really wasn't expecting you, Commander." Kara voice was small much like that of a little girl who had just gotten yelled at by a parent. She slid to the floor in front of her couch.

Adama stepped up next to her "May I?" he asked gesturing to the floor.

"Certainly, if you'd like, Sir."

Adama sat down on the floor next to her. "First off, can we cut the Commander and Sir crap? I'm really not up for it today. Call me Bill."

Kara gave him a sad look of acknowledgement. He took her hand and she looked at him again. "He wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." He stated gently looking around the living area at the bottle thrown on the floor and other disarray.

She began to shake. She really didn't want to breakdown in front of this man she hardly knew but he body had other ideas. The shaking got worse and the tears began to follow like a river from her eyes. "It's the only way I can at least numb the pain I'm feeling."

Adama gathered her up in his arms as she wept for Zac and he allowed himself to also morn for his son. Wiping the small tears away "I can tell you from experience that it not all it's cracked up to be. I really doesn't help much

"I know that now. I don't want to forget but I can't move on. " Kara was silent for a moment and then looked into Bill's eyes. "We make a great team, don't we?"

"Yeah, we sure do. " Adama said as he got up off the floor and offered Kara a hand. "Come on Kara."

Kara took his hand and stood up. "I'm not sure I can do this. I've been like this since the accident. . When I'm on duty I just go through the motions and when I come home… I half expect him to come to the door when I walk in and tell me it was a joke. I know now that that won't happen and I don't think I can face this."

Bill squeezed her hand. "I told you before and I'll tell you again. you're not doing it alone. I don't think I can get through it either but you know what I will. That's what happens life goes on. I know my Son, Kara Thrace and he wouldn't want you or I to do this to ourselves."

For this first time in days, Kara cracked a half smile.

"What?" Bill asked watching her expression

"He's probably laughing at us right now."

"Yeah, probably." Adama smiled

"Would you look at that?" Kara said in amazement "08:00"

"Time flies. We should get going." Adama stood up and extended a hand to Kara. Go on get ready.

Kara flinched a little she hadn't really thought much about what would happen when the time came. Bill must have noticed because he began to speak again those words that he had spoken so many times in the short time since they'd met.

"Kara, We'll face it together. I know you can't show it outwardly because of the status of your relationship but don't be afraid to if you need to. You'll be okay.

Kara nodded and went into the bedroom to get ready leaving Bill alone with his thoughts.

'She's so fragile, Zac. She needs you so much. Why do you do this to her…to all of us? I have to help her get through this. She so self-destructive and I don't want to leave her alone. She needs a family'. Adama was brought back to reality when Kara came back into the living room.

"I'm ready…" Her voice was like a frightened little girl again.

Bill went up to her and took her hand. "Today isn't the end Kara you will always be a part of this family. Do you understand?"

Kara squeezed his hand in silent response. They walked out the door together to the waiting car that would take them to the service.

Chapter 12: Dress Grays

Lee woke early the next morning and made his way downstairs quietly. He did his best not to wake his mother as he went through the living room into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. When he went over to the counter to get the coffee pot he noticed a fresh pot had already been made. 'She must have been up earlier.' Lee thought as he got a cup and filled it.

When he walked into the living room, with coffee cup in hand, he noticed his mother was indeed awake. She was sitting on the couch, with her back to Lee and a tissue in her hand. "Lee." Her voice was shaky and hardly a whisper. Lee made his was from the doorway to the couch were his mother was sitting.

"I'm here, Mom." Lee put his cup on the table and sat down next to his mother. As he comforted his crying mother once again, he also allowed himself to cry. They would be burying his brother in a matter of hours and his mother was the only family he had left.

-----

The house had become busy very early that morning. The Myers were over helping with the last minute preparations and Lee was glad to have the extra help. He finally had gotten a chance to slip away to get ready himself. Lee was fastening the last button on his dress uniform and put his sash in place when he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

When he turned to see who it was He saw a short dark haired woman in a dress uniform standing in the doorway. "Hey." He said. She walked over to him and put her arms around him.

"Hey, yourself, sorry I couldn't be here sooner." Lee picked up her hand and turned around to face her.

"You were here with my Mom. That's what I needed. Thank you for that. And for being here now."

"You're Welcome." She let go and walked over and sat on his bed as he continued to get ready. "Lee?"

"Yeah, Lauren."

Lauren hesitated for a moment "How much do you know about what happened to him?"

Lee stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. "I know he died in a training accident. I know your mother was the trauma surgeon on call."

"Did you also know that my mother withheld one item from his personal effects?" "No, I didn't" Lee said as he voice drifted away. He had been so busy with everything that he didn't have chance to look through Zac's things to see if anything was missing.

He sat on the bed next to Lauren. She removed her white dress gloves and took something out of her inside pocket. She played with the item in her hand for a moment and then took hold of Lee's hand and placed them inside. It was a pair of Zac's wings. "He would have wanted you to have them."

Lee held them in his hand "Thank You." His reply was weak. Lauren reached over and held him in a tight embrace as he broke down, as did Lauren.

"I'm so mad at him." Lee finally calmed down but was still holding Lauren. She pulled away and looked him in the eye. "Lee." Lauren's tone was strong but supportive also she was a bit stunned at his statement. "I know you're upset with your father. I know you blame him but please try to remember that are friendship has grown into much more. I love you. I love Zac I love your family but when this is over I have to go back to work. Lee threw her a questioning glance. "The point is your father is my commanding officer. Please don't ask me to choose sides, I can't do that."

Lee took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes. "I love you, I know how you feel about my father and I would never ask you to choose sides." He kissed her lightly on the lips and then looked at the wings in his hands. "Thank you again." He stood up and straightened his uniform. Lauren did the same and replaced her gloves. Lee finished with his uniform and placed the wings in his pocket. He extended a hand to Lauren that she gratefully took and they walked downstairs to the rest of the family.

----

Once Lee spoke with the Myers he walked over to his mother and knelt down next to her. This was becoming more real by the minute Lee was in dress grays and his mother in a black dress. Lee put his hand over his mother's as she cried. "We have to go, Mom. We'll get through this."

"It's the uniform." Caroline Adama said through her tears. "It did hit me until I saw you in uniform. You look so handsome. Zac did too." She wiped her tears with a tissue.

Lee rubbed her back in an effort to calm her. He never gave much thought to the dress uniform. He never thought it would bother her so much "I have to wear it, Mom, its protocol."

"I know dear, I want you to. Lee gave her a little smile and help her to stand. He put some extra tissues in his pocket and offered her an arm. They walked out the door to the waiting car. The driver came out and opened the door for them. The other family had already left for the church. He helped her into the car and sat next to her. "We're ready." Lee said to the driver as he took his mother's hand. Ready for what Lee wasn't sure.

Lee sat next to his mother during the church service. He did his best to keep calm and to lend her support. When they arrived Lee noticed that his father was seated across the aisle, with Lauren's family and some others.

The military honor guard carried the flag draped casket down the aisle and placed it in the center. Lee's mom couldn't control herself as the guard retreated to their seats off to the side. Lee looked over to his father and he noticed for the first time, an equally distraught young blonde officer leaning on him for support. Kara, he had somehow during all of this forgotten about Kara. As the church service continued Lee felt a pang of guilty. How could he block Kara out during this all the turmoil?

The service at the church was very nice; it was short, though it didn't seem it. The honor guard stepped forward and surrounded the casket. Lee noticed for the first time that the officer leading the honor guard was none other then Lauren Myers, 'no wonder she was wearing the gloves. Dad must have asked her.' Lee thought as he continued to hold his crying mother the precession and honor guard passed them and then Lee stepped out into the aisle behind the casket and escorted his mother out of the church and to the car for the ride to the cemetery.

----

The day was beautiful. Zac would have loved it but Zac wasn't there. Lee helped his distraught mother up the hill following the honor guard carrying her son, his brother to his final resting place.

When they reached the graveside Lee saw his father and Kara standing on the other side of the casket. Lee placed a supportive arm around his mother.

Lauren led the honor guard in the protocol as they folded the Colonial Flag that was draped over Zac's casket. Lauren saluted the member of the honor guard as she received the flag from them. She held the flag protectively as she turned to Zac's commanding officer with perfect military precision. Colonel Ayden Jackson saluted as he received the flag from Lauren and dismissed her. She retreated in perfect military precision and stood by the casket half way in between his Dad and Mom's sides to the side of the Chaplin.

Colonel Jackson walked down to where Lee and his mother were sitting. He stopped in front of Caroline Adama and knelt down in front of her holding the flag. "Mrs. Adama, this flag is presented to you in the memory of your Son, Zac, for his faithful military service. I'm sorry for your loss ma'am he was a fine officer." He presented the flag to her and placed his hand over hers.

"Thank you, was her whispered reply before she began to cry again Lee held her tightly and even allowed himself to shed a tear.

Colonel Jackson stood and saluted the grieving family. Lee saluted back as Colonel Jackson stepped away.

Caroline's sobs of anguish were heard again as the graveside service began Lee placed an arm around her and held her tight to his chest as she held the flag close to her heart.

"For Lieutenant Zac Adama, son of Caroline and William brother of Lee, Life was too short but we take comfort in knowing that one day we will be reunited again." As the Chaplin continued, Lee stepped forward taking the pair of gold flight wings that Lauren had given to him and placed them on the top of Zac's casket. He covered them with his hand and stood next to his brother one last time before returning to his mother's side.

"Before we conclude our prayers for Zac his brother would like to say a few words. The Chaplin stepped to the side" Lee squeezed his mother's hand and then stepped to address the family.

"I honestly don't know where to start, Zac. You will always be my brother and I will always love you. Lee tried desperately to hold back his tears but to no avail his voice was also giving out. "I will miss you…your laugh, I did my best to be a roll model for you. He stopped for a moment to wipe the tears from his eyes. Truth be told you were the one that kept me grounded brought me back to my roots. I'll miss and I love you. Lee was shaking now. Lauren stepped forward to offer some support as he began to walk away. It was a little squeeze on the shoulder but for Lee it was just enough to get him refocused on what he needed to do. He went back over next to his mother and put an arm around her as she cried. The Chaplin finished the service then the present arms order was given Everyone in uniform including Lee Stood at attention and saluted Lieutenant Zac Adama one last time as the shots rang out.

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 6/1/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition A/N: This was one of my Dradis entries a couple of months ago and one of the comments I got asked it I would consider and extension. This story seemed the prefect time.

Chapter 14: Fury

Kara stood next to Bill Adama tears threatening to fall from her eyes 'it's all my fault, I'm sorry. It's all my fault we're here. You passed by the skin of your teeth but you passed, Zac.' Her mind was going wild. She must not have been covering her discomfort well because as Kara took another deep breathe and wiped the new tears away from her eyes; Bill reached over and took her hand in his. It was, she decided as much as gesture of comfort for her as it was for him.

The Chaplin continued to speak about meeting again and then they asked if anyone would like to step forward and say a few words. Lee stepped forward and reflected on Zac's life in a way that Kara knew that Zac would be proud. The service was closed with a final prayer and then the present order was given. Kara stood at attention and saluted as did everyone present in the military. As the first shot was fired, Kara flinched, her breath was caught in her throat, and the tears began to fall this was their final goodbye.

---

Everyone gathered around the family at the end of the service. After shaking the hand of the Colonial Chaplin, Bill returned to were Kara was standing and talking to Lauren Myers

"Ladies."

"Sir." Wildcard saluted. "Sorry, Sir. I do it out of habit."

"Fine Lauren. It's not a problem. I want to thank you for what you did today. I know it wasn't easy for you. " His heart was caught in his throat as he continued. "The days have been difficult for all of us."

"It was the least I could do Sir." Lauren response was a mere whisper.

Adama stepped forward grasping her shoulder and kissing her on the forehead. I'll see you in a few days, Wildcard."

"Yes, Sir." Adama walked away deep in his own thoughts and Lauren turned her attention back to Kara Thrace. Lauren read the question written in her face. "He keeps to himself. He's always been like that. when he's ready he'll let you in. You mean a lot to him Kara. How are you holding up?"

"Not so well." Kara said as she looked over at the casket, the tears began to flow freely

Lauren was quick to put a supportive arm around her "He'll live on Kara, as long as we remember him. He'll always be alive in us. He wouldn't want you to…"

Kara wiped the tears from her eyes "I know…. But …I can't I miss him so much." Kara was once again overcome by emotions Lauren led her away from the family gathered so she could collect herself.

They sat under a tree for a few minutes so Kara could calm down. "I really should go express my condolences

Lauren looked over and smiled "She's been asking for you the last couple of days." Lauren stood up and brushed off her uniform. She then extended a hand to Kara who gratefully took it and stood herself. "I told her you were being well taking care of."

"So that's how his old man found me."

"It wasn't me." Lauren smiled. "He asked your C.O."

Kara slapped her on the arm.

"What was that for?"

"You, threw me to the old man without as much as an introduction. I didn't even know him until the beginning of this week."

"Hey, he's easy to get to know. He's a lot like Zac… " 'Stupid, Wildcard. Why would you say that to her now?'

"I don't mind you bringing it up. You're right I feel as if I known him for years. He's the father I never had.

Lauren and Kara made their way back to the family surrounding Caroline Adama. It was then that Kara saw Lee for the first time.

"I'm so sorry, Kara. If you need anything?"

"Thanks Lee. I'll be okay though Zac wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

Lee offered her a short hug. "You're right."

Kara looked to both Lee and Lauren "If you, two will excuse me." Lee and Lauren both nodded as Kara walked over toward Caroline. ----

"She seems to be doing well." Lee said as they watched her walk away.

"Your father seems to giving her a lot of support." Lee put his arms around Lauren and embraced her tightly. "Love you."

She smiled "I love you too. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I have something I have to do. Would you stay with Mom?"

Lauren knew that tone very well and turned around in his arms. "Don't do anything you'll regret do you hear me!"

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "Loud and clear." He whispered in her ear. He let go and started to walk away.

---- Lee finally found his father and walked up to him his back was turned away from Lee "Must be nice." Lee's voice was cold and seething with anger.

"Excuse me?" His father turned to face him.

"I said it must be nice. You finally got your way."

Bill's voice was even "Lee, you're upset. You don't want to have this conversation now."

Lee took a step closer to him. "No, now is exactly the time." His temper was beginning to boil up. "You got your way. He became a pilot; you killed him. You killed me! You killed Mom! I can forgive you for certain things but not this. Never for this."

He was ready to sit in that cockpit Lee. He had the best training; Kara was the one who trained him or have you forgotten." Bill voice was beginning to rise in intensity.

Lee did his best not to laugh out loud he actually felt like screaming 'She was sleeping with him at the time.' But he thought better of it. Lee was so angry with him he had trouble put his thought into words.

---

Kara walked away from the crowd surrounding Caroline Adama. Lee was nowhere to be found, neither was his father. She finally found them. All she had to do was follow the sound of their raised voices.

"It was an accident that you caused! You used to lecture us every time you came home about how important it was to be a viper pilot. Well, we did! Zac took those lectures to heart and got himself killed! You were the reason for that old man. You are the reason I have to listen to my mother scream in agony every night when she closes her eyes!" Lee was furious, "It's your fault! You're the one who pushed him to fly!"

"I've lost a son, Lee or have you forgotten." Adama's voice was cold.

Lee eyes looked like ice as he stared down his father "He was my brother." Lee emotions were beginning to give way.

---- "Lauren, have you seen Lee?"

"Not for a while." Lauren sat down beside her and took her hand in comfort as people continued to offer condolences.

Caroline turned to Lauren Myers. "Lauren, I'm afraid Lee is taking this rather hard. I been so consumed in grief I haven't had as much time as I'd like to listen to him. I'm afraid he may try to take it out on his father. He blames him for what happened to Zac, for Zac becoming a pilot

'Oh, gods' Lauren thought to herself. The conversation they had before playing in her head.

"Lauren, Please try and find him. I would prefer he wouldn't do anything that he would regret. He needs his father, even if he thinks he doesn't. He may not have been the model father but Bill is still family.

Lauren got up and walked away at a quick pace once she was far enough away from the crowd she broke into a run. She stopped quickly soon after when she found Kara hiding behind a tree Lauren came up and stood next to her. They both watched as the two men in question were having a heated discussion.

Kara hoped Lee wouldn't take this conversation too far.

"It was an accident, Lee!" Adama said for a second time trying to say something to get through to his Son.

"An accident that killed my brother! An accident that never would have happened if you'd been a father, and opened your eyes!"

'No Lee, don't play that card.' Kara thought, as she watched from a distance.

"I never wanted to see you again! You killed him! You're not my father! You killed him! Lee was screaming so loud at his Dad it was amazing no one else heard. Lauren and Kara stood behind the trees in pure shock. Lee fell to the ground in pure frustration and exhaustion.

Adama tried to offer his son help but he pushed him away. "Lee if this is what you want. I'll go but remember you will always be my son. I will always be here for you."

Lee looked up at his father with dark eyes. "Go Away!" He started to get up using the near by tree Lauren and Kara were standing behind. Adama walked away broken hearted.

"Oh my Gods." Both Lauren and Kara whispered to each other.

"Caroline was afraid of this. She sent me to find him before…" Lauren's speech drifted off.

Kara put a hand on her shoulder "Well, You found them. We were just a little late the damage I am afraid is done. Speaking of which I should go find Bill." Lauren gave Kara a sad smile as they both went their separate ways.

Kara looked back at Lauren and motioned to Lee "Good Luck." Kara watched for a moment as Lauren walked over and helped Lee to his feet. She took him in her arms and began to talk to him. 'Men, they always have to be right. Well, Apollo, my boy you're wrong. It's not your Dad's fault it's mine.' Kara walked away from the scene 'Now, we'll be picking up the pieces until the end of the world.'

Title: Goodbye is the Saddest Word Author: GEM Feedback: Please send it good or bad Gemmcgonagall@msn.com Date written: 7/18/05 Rated: T Word count: Story Timeline: Pre- Mini Category: Drama/Angst Focus: The Adamas and Kara with some minor OFC's Warnings: Character Death Summary: We all react differently to the death of loved ones. Spoiler: Slight Mini and Act of Contrition

Chapter 15 Healing Process

Lauren Myers spent the remainder of her leave with Lee and Caroline. Their healing process had begun, albeit slowly. Lee leaned on Lauren, Lauren on Lee. Caroline became the mother, in this instance; watching from afar and leaning on her own friends for support namely Erin Myers.

"I just hope they can both move on from it? Caroline said while watching them both cuddling in the living room.

"They will, I'm sure of it. How about you?" Erin said reaching for Caroline's hand.

"I'm fine. Erin. The pain will never go away. It'll just become different. Mark is helping a lot."

"What does Lee say?

"He hasn't said much."

"I think it's still new for him. Mark wasn't around much for the past month. He's been away on business he wasn't at the funeral and I think that bothered Lee."

"He might think that Mark, was putting you second like Bill and Todd used to do to us."

"We're taking it slow. We're really just friends and he tried but couldn't get away when it happened."

Erin smiled as she collected the cups and followed Caroline into the kitchen.

----

Lee looked up to his girlfriend. "When do you leave?"

"0800." She replied burying herself deeper in his embrace "You?"

"0700." He replied holding her tighter "I don't know if I can do it though.

"What?'

"Fly, I don't know if I can get in a Viper again."

"Lee, let me say something to you Okay? Lauren sat up and turned to look him straight in the eye. "Stop beating yourself up. I know you blame your Dad I remember that conversation, trust me, but I also know you blame yourself as much as you blame him. He wanted to fly remember that Lee. Your childhood was no different than his. You weren't brainwashed, or told this is it." You both made a choice. You'll be able to get back in that Viper because Zac would want you to, and you know it. How many times do I have to make this speech because we're running out of leave time?

Lee smiled and tackled her to the floor and kissed her "What would I do without you Lauren "Wildcard" Myers.

"I honestly have no idea and I don't know what I would do without you. It has affected me too Lee, Don't forget that He was like a brother to me. I'll love him always and I'll miss him just the same."

----

Kara sat in her room staring at the same photograph of Zac, tears staining her face. "She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't teach. She couldn't stand the pain. She had nothing left. She had to get out of here. Kara got up and grabbed her overcoat and left her room.

She walked in the rain for what seemed like hours until she reached his door. She knocked and waited.

William Adama came to the door a few minutes later. "Kara." Adama immediately noticed she was shaking and crying again. "Come in before you catch cold, Starbuck." He reached out and put his arm around her and guided her inside.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sir." She said as he placed a blanket around her.

"I told you anytime."

"Bill, I can't do this anymore. I can't teach. I can't stay here."

"Kara?"

"I went to work today and the nugget I was training fracked up a 360 degree combat turn and I froze. All I think about is Zac and what happened to him. I know it could just as easily happen to any of the new nuggets. I've lost my focus. I thought I would do fine I thought I was moving on."

"Kara you don't move on in three days, it isn't humanly possible."

"I'm afraid… I can't do this alone… When you leave. I won't have anyone to confide it. What do I do then?"

Adama was silent for a moment thinking about her words. "Try and get some sleep Kara." He helped her to settle in on the couch and left the room.

---- Adama made a few calls that night and by the next morning was satisfied that Kara would be just fine. He walked out into the living area of the temporary housing. "Good Morning Starbuck."

"Good Morning, Commander. Thank you for last night sir. I guess I need a friendly face. I should be going. Kara got up and collected her coat after slipping on her shoes.

Kara, Thank you for everything, I'll see you soon. Just remember you can do it Lieutenant." Adama walked over to the door a placed a kiss on her forehead before she left.

----

Kara returned to her bunkroom to find an official letter from the Admiral of the fleet. 'Wonderful', Kara thought. 'Now, there's a formal inquire.' She ripped open the letter and read the contents.

Lieutenant Kara Thrace is officially transferred effective as of this date to the Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Group 75, William Adama Commanding. Please report to the Commander and Commander Air Group as of 1400 hours

Signed Admiral Negalla, Picon Fleet Headquarters

Kara was astonished the Old Man really was amazing. She began to pack immediately and the Shore Patrol arrived with Colonel Terry at about 0900 to help her log in her stuff for transfer.

"I'm going to miss you, Starbuck, you were a damn fine instructor. If you ever change your mind."

"Thanks, but I need a change of scenery."

Terry smiled as he picked up one of the boxes. Kara picked up her last set of bags before taking a last look around. There were so many painful and pleasant memories here but she needed to do this. ---

"Welcome back Wildcard."

Lauren saluted "Thank You Sir." She replied stepping down from the Raptor. "I can't wait to get back in a Viper."

"Ripper" Spencer smiled "I bet you can't. You'll get your chance inspection is two weeks from tomorrow.

"Great." Wildcard replied as she carried her duffle off the flight deck Captain Spencer Continued to follow. "Something else, Sir."

"Actual there is. We're getting a new pilot today, The Commander gave me specific instructions to have her report to him and he said you were to show her the way."

Lauren looked perplexed "No problem."

"She comes in at 1400 I'll meet you on the flight deck at 1350."

"Yes, Sir."

---

Wildcard returned to the flight deck and met up with the CAG at 1350 just as instructed.

"Sir."

"Wildcard. The raptor just touched down."

"Once Lieutenant Thrace has reported to me you are to take her to the Commander."

Lauren smiled. 'It would be just like Uncle Bill to get her reassigned.'

"Something funny Lieutenant? Ripped asked as the Raptor hatch open and Starbuck stepped out. "No Sir."

Kara stood at attention once she reached the deck. "Lieutenant Kara Thrace, Starbuck, reporting for duty Sir."

"Lieutenant, Captain Jack "Ripper" Spencer, I'm the CAG aboard Galactica. Welcome aboard. This is Lieutenant Lauren "Wildcard" Myers. She will show you to the Commander"

"Hey Wildcard, long time no see."

"You know each other?"

"Yes, Sir." Lauren replied, "We went to flight school together."

Ripper smiled.

Myers turned to the CAG "With your permission Sir."

"Of Course. Carry on Lieutenant"

Lauren extended a hand to show her the way. "Welcome aboard. I'm glad you're here." She led Starbuck thought the maze of corridors to the Commanders quarters.

"How's Lee?" Kara asked as they walked down the corridor.

"He's had a rough go of it.. He's improving though, it will never be the same." Lauren looked to Kara sympathetically "How about you?"

"I can't stand to teach anymore. I went to the Old Man last night before you left this morning just to have someone to talk to and I ended up joining you. Lauren smiled.

"You knew." Kara asked.

"He said something about it possibly happening."

"How is Lee dealing with…? Kara stopped "I wish there were something we could do to fix it between them."

Lauren walked passed her and then back again. "Listen, if there is one thing I've learned out the Adama men is that you can't talk them out of… or force them to do anything."

They continued to walk down the corridor Lauren then stopped at a Marine guarded door. The Marine Saluted Kara and Lauren, they Saluted back and then Lauren knocked on the door and stepped in, after dismissing the Marine guard.

"Hello, Wildcard, Starbuck."

"Sir." Wildcard saluted, Adama saluted back.

"You're dismissed, Lieutenant. She saluted once more and then turned to Starbuck. "I'll see you later."

Adama smiled at the ladies exchange. He knew this would be good for all of them. "Hello, Kara. "

Kara stood at attention and saluted "Reporting for duty, Sir." She said handing him her orders. He saluted back, "at ease. Have a seat."

He sat behind his desk Kara sat on the other side. "How are you doing, Kara?"

"I'm happy to be here, Sir. Thank you"

Adama knew exactly what she meant by that statement and he smiled. "It wasn't me."

Kara smiled. She only knew him for a short time but she knew this was his way of telling her not to say a word. Life would never be the same again for William Adama or Kara Thrace. The days ahead would be different not easier, some would be extremely difficult, but they would not face it alone. They would have each other and in that way life would become easier to get through. It was the beginning of a long perhaps everlasting healing process but somehow they would survive.