Word Count: 1,689
Date: 4/28/05
Series: PreMini
Rating: K+
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: William, Zak, Joseph, and Lee
Warnings: none given
Summary: Adama thinks about his father
Spoilers/Disclaimers: none given
He walks into his quarters on autopilot, and stops short when he sees a familiar old man smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of his whisky.
“Hi son, Nice work on the model,” Joseph Adama says.
“Dad, I must be dreaming,” Bill says.
“That’s one explanation,” his father replies.
“If you have a better explanation, enlighten me?” Bill says realizing that he’s using one of his father’s favorite expressions. His father was always looking for enlightenment.
“I’m here to help you see opportunity,” Joe replies.
“What opportunity?” Bill asks. “You’re clear as mud as usual,” Bill thinks to himself.
“First are you going to live or die? You’re on the edge. If you choose to live there’ll be a lot of pain. You can let go. You need to know that it’s OK to let go,” his father says in a soothing voice.
“What happens to the Galactica if I die?” Bill asks. He realizes he’s lying in life station near death. But he isn’t in pain and he isn’t afraid.
“May I suggest that you ask a broader question with more long term impact? For example, if I live what can I do to help save humanity?” his father coaches.
“Why can’t you just answer the question I ask? Why do we always have to discuss the question? I’m not a lawyer,” Bill retorts in frustration.
“I was trying to teach you how to think, how to think in broader terms,” Joe replies.
“OK, what about humanity?” Bill asks.
“Do you love Lee?” Joe asks.
“Dad, we were talking about saving humanity,” Bill reminds.
“Do you love Lee?” Joe repeats.
“Yes I love Lee, even though he’s just betrayed me. He’s my son. I’ll always love him,” Bill says with extreme frustration. “Why can’t we just talk? Why is it a philosophical discussion or a cross examination?”
“We always had the toughest time understanding each other. Our minds are just wired differently. Remember?” Joe asks.
“I’ve tried to forget, Look Dad. What do you want,” Bill says.
“Bill, you screwed up being a husband and a father. You assumed that if you were generous financially, Caroline could take care of the rest. Caroline’s a very good girl but she needed support. She relied on Lee for comfort and understanding way beyond his years. Not only does he have abandonment issues with you and guilt about your divorce, he’s self esteem was damaged by Caroline’s need to confide inappropriately.” (Pause) ”Bill, do you remember how upset you’d get when Zak would look to Lee to see if he should do what you told him? Remember worrying about Zak’s immaturity when you found he’d gotten into bed with Lee?”
“Yes, I sometimes thought things were odd,” Bill admits.
“Lee was responsible for Zak that much to young and much too often. Lee was as much Zak’s father as you were. It’s called age inappropriate behavior. It cost Lee,” Joe states flatly.
“OK, I screwed up. Zak and Caroline are gone and Lee is his own man,” Bill replies hotly.
“When you first regain consciousness you’ll have a brief opportunity to effect destiny. You’ll need to have courage and make a leap of faith. You need loudly insist you love Lee and you need him. Because you’ve almost died, Lee will put aside his anger. He’ll be able to show his love for you,” Joe says.
“It’s too late. We don’t talk. When we do Lee misunderstands,” Bill responds.
“You have to reconnect with Lee. He has a lot of potential but he’s not ready. You can give him what he needs to grow. Lee is humanities best chance of survival,” Joe says with certainty.
“Dad, Lee is a grown man. He’s makes his own decisions including choosing to betray me. I don’t have anything he wants,” Bill replies.
“Bill, don’t be argumentative,” Joe says sternly. “Lee has to let go of his anger and self doubts to live up to his potential. He was able to let go of his anger with you about Zak and has forgiven both you and Kara for your parts in it. You’ve been given last chance. Use your head, take the opportunity.”
“Grandpa, Let me try and explain,” Zak says. Bill turns around at the sound of his dead sons voice.
“Zak, are you OK? I’ve missed you,” Bill blurts out.
“Dad, Relax. I’m fine now. I know you love me,” Zak assures lounging comfortably on the sofa with a glass of his father’s whisky in his hand. “Maybe you should join me in a drink. Sit down and rest.” Without being aware of moving, Bill finds himself seated across from Zak with a generous serving of whisky in his glass.
“Dad, Lee doesn’t deal with his emotions by talking. Emotions are illogical and irrational. They don’t fit into Lee’s need for reason and order. Lee’s more comfortable showing his feelings. Lee never stopped loving you. The main reason you don’t lend books is because you inherited some from Grandpa and a lot of them were presents, especially from Lee. He got you a membership to “the classics book club” with his first stipend from the academy. He kept your membership up even after he stopped talking,” Zak says. “Remember how Lee was too shy to call Colonel Tigh Uncle Saul?”
“Yes, I remember, Tigh was hurt. I was embarrassed,” Bill says.
But he was the one who wrote away to the military achieves and to the magazine publishers of Uncle Saul’s military histories. Lee got them bound when he found out that Tigh no longer had copies.”
“Lee! Not your mother? The card was from both of you,” Bill asks.
“Lee put my name on lots of presents. It’s what big brothers do,” Zak says happily. “ Lee always protected me and kept me company. When we were real young Mom would say, “Lee, play with Zak. Let him have a good time. Zak needs to win sometimes.” Well he did. It’s part of why he blames himself for my death. Lee thinks that if he’d been more honest, maybe I’d have known I wasn’t cut out to be viper pilot. He’s wrong of course. I could see he was faster and brighter than the other kids. Kids I knew were faster and smarter than me. But I wanted to be like him and like you. I did what I wanted,” Zak says pausing to take a drink. “I always did what I wanted even if I had to stretch the truth.”
“I knew how to make sure that Lee remembered that I loved him. I’d make sure we touched everyday we were together, even if it meant knocking him down and pretending to wrestle. His idealism and his certainty that I loved made him a pushover for my little deceptions. Dad I’m telling you this stuff for two reasons first so you’ll know that Grandpa and I are right about reconnecting with Lee. Second I want you to know what Lee has been beating himself up over my death. If you think he’s been hard on you, you don’t know how brutal he’s been on himself.
I told Lee I loved Kara. I wanted her to have a nice place to live, so Lee rented her the room in his condo that he was saving for me when I finished flight school. I told him she was a flight instructor. I lied and told him that Lt. Roscoe “Rocco” Watts was my flight instructor. Lee would have had a fit if he’d known that Kara was my flight instructor. Near the end he found out but kept quiet. I was doing well academically and Kara assured him I had what it took to fly. He’s guilty about not turning in Kara and me for fraternization. We hid behind him. She was his roommate and I was his brother. Kara and I led people to think she and Lee were together. He thinks his moral lapse killed me.” Zak pauses again looking just little embarrassed.
“Dad, you and Kara each did what you did for me because you loved me. Lee didn’t willingly step across the line for me. I tricked him. He’s got to let go of his exaggerated sense of responsibility. I had a much better childhood than Lee because he was my big brother. He was the one who took care of mom and me. I really need him to be free,” Zak says.
“Bill do you understand now?” Joe asks.
“I need to reconnect with Lee. Lee’s guilty about Zak’s death for no reason. Lee needs to let go of his anger and his insecurities. I’ve got to tell him I love him and need him,” Bill replies.
“You have a limited window of opportunity. You’ve got to call for him immediately upon regaining consciousness. You must tell him that you love him and need him. Make sure you let others know too. Lee is your primary objective. Use your gut to run Galactica. You’ve got one opportunity to get him to let you in. Don’t blow it. Keep him close. Get him into the habit of demonstrating his love for you. You make damn sure you return his love. You’re to rebuild trust and build him up.” Joe orders.
“Stop having your father son relationship in the hallways or hanger bay. Use these fancy quarters to get him to relax. Father’s are concerned about their children’s well being. Feed him. Make sure he takes care of himself,” Joe instructs. “And the stop Frakking sparing. Boxing is your sport not his and it’s dangerous. Thirty years and thirty pounds don’t balance each other out. He keeps his guard up and punches but he never puts together a combination. He’s afraid he’ll hurt you. He’s letting you get out your anger on him.”
“Remember this is the big one. If you pull it off you’ll be remembered as a war hero and the Father of Lee Adama. You blow it, there’s no one left.