Word Count:
Date: 9/16/05
Series: Season 2
Rating: M+
Category: Relationship
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: romance/angst/sexual situations
Summary: This fic is about the repercussions of a one night
stand between Lee and Kara.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Pre mini, small ref. to season 1,2; I
don't own them wish I did
Kara was briskly walking to the sim room. Excitement coiling in her stomach. Her instructor had given her a pass key to use the sim room at this late hour. It was an indulgence on his part, but she knew her blatant natural skill in a viper had impressed him, so allowing her to practice higher levels seemed only appropriate.
Kara couldn't believe how well flying fit her. She never considered herself anything special, but put her in a viper cockpit and she shone, and she out shone anyone she came in contact with.
She was at the end of the first year, and even though hitting the town and getting smashed with her friends was the evening's schedule; this was her reward for a solid first year. An hour alone to put her viper through its paces and practice some manoeuvres she'd been working out in her head.
Arriving at last she hurried through the door and stopped dead in her tracks. Someone was already there, and he was punching in sequences ready to steal her precious sim time. She didn't recognise him. He didn't look like a teacher so she charged ahead, determined this flight time would be hers.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?'
The young man startled and turned towards her. He regarded her for a second, relaxed, and went back to punching codes. "Viper sims would be my guess."
"Hey, I've got permission to use this room right now, so why don't you come back later."
He turned back again and looked at her. "Listen Cadet, I'm a guest here today and I haven't been in a sim for over a year. So why don't you play nice and come back later."
Smug bastard, no one gets between Kara Thrace and flying – no one! "You must be pretty crap if you've graduated and still feel you need sim work."
"Oh, I could teach you a thing or two Cadet. I was just visiting my old haunts." He paused a second then continued, "You must be the one who can't fly if you're here instead of celebrating end of year."
"I'm the top of my year, I'll have you know."
"Really, well how about a compromise? Care for a match?"
Thoughts racing, she decided that some time was better than no time. Besides, the quiet confident way he spoke provoked her, making her accept the challenge. Kara Thrace never backed down from a challenge. "You're on Flyboy, now hurry the frak up, we're wasting time."
He chose a terrain she hadn't flown yet. An alien world with light gravity and a burnt orange hue to everything. The landscape was cracked soil, deep gullies and high winds. She was thrumming with adrenalin as she got a feel of the terrain. Then all of a sudden he was there on the attack, trying to get a lock on her within the first five minutes. She laughed through the com and easily manoeuvred away from him. She angled low to the ground, making him follow her, then faking a flight line toward a gully, she quickly went vertical in a high loop to land neatly behind him as he got trapped in there. She heard him swear and then, well then, he really started flying. He was amazing. So graceful in the air, his manoeuvres something you would want to vid and study frame by frame.
He'd been going easy on her at first. But as she showed him her natural skill, he no longer held back and pushed her to her limits. Their simulation lasted forty minutes. Forty of the most intense flying she'd ever done. She pulled a few moves that weren't entirely textbook, and was rewarded with his breathless voice yelling, "You're insane!" She whooped in response and continued to dazzle him. She realised all of a sudden that flying with this man was the best time she'd ever had in a viper. He pushed her to her limits and challenged her in a way that no one else had managed as yet. They seemed to anticipate each others moves, and the sound of his voice directly in her ear, reverberated through her bones.
Then in a move of obvious brilliance and superior skill, he got a lock on her and took his shot. The victory was his and the screens went blank. She wasn't embarrassed; he was the best pilot she had ever seen. She couldn't keep the smile from her face at how alive she felt. Only flying got her blood pumping this hard.
They both climbed out of their vipers breathing hard. "You sure you're only a first year?"
"Yup, so by the time I'm finished, you won't stand a chance against me." Giving him one of her wide and generous smiles.
The look on his face changed as she smiled at him and it made her feel self conscious all of a sudden. She tried to brush the feeling away and unzipped her flight suit to cool her skin. He did the same and freed his arms and let the suit hang from his waist. Frak! The man had a body like a god. The muscles on his arms clearly defined and his tanks stretching tautly across his sculptured chest. Kara felt her face flush and turned away from him, and started tugging her arms out of her own suit. What was the matter with her? First she gets all girly about how his voice sounds, and now she was getting all flustered over his body – admittedly a frakking hot body – but so what? Get it together Thrace, you're just hyped over a good viper match. This just reminded her that she now ranked his flying ability above everyone's, which was even more of a turn on than his body.
All of a sudden a hand was on her shoulder, the heat of his hand burning her skin. She turned around and stared full on into the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. Her breath hitched and a flutter went through her stomach. She tried for a smile again to break the tension, but his eyes completely focused on her mouth. They were in each others personal space and it was all getting too serious. She tried for conversation. "You're an amazing pilot."
He smiled and it shone like the sun. "So are you." Then he bent his head so close to hers and softly said, "You are also the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
She blushed and was locked in his intense gaze, her senses reeling from his close proximity. This had never happened to her before. She was still young, only 18, and didn't have that much experience with men. She'd only been with two guys at the academy, and neither was worth a second thought. Just a result of too much alcohol and dancing and flirting. This, this was completely different. Something in her responded to this man, she couldn't explain it. It felt like fate or future or completion. She forced words from her throat, "I bet you say that to all the girls."
He shakes his head and she can see his confidence begin to wane. "I've never said either to anybody before."
Kara gives in to her impulse and puts her arms around his neck. "In that case, those are the two nicest things anyone has ever said to me.."
He places a hand on her waist, and the other he brings up and slowly drags his thumb across her bottom lip. She swallows, and on his second pass she opens her mouth a little and he presses his thumb in and spreads moisture across her lip. Then he brings his thumb to his own mouth and tastes that moisture himself.
Kara was completely transfixed. This must be happening to someone else, it can't be her. She watched in fascination as he slowly leaned into her and brushed his lips gently against hers. She could hardly breathe. But Kara being Kara responded with gusto and opened her mouth, and immediately he groaned and slid his tongue along hers, then all of a sudden the kissing became hungered.
By the lords of Kobol this man could kiss. Her blood was racing wildly through her veins. Her body was responding of its own volition. She breathed in deeply his masculine scent and revelled in his addictive taste. She indulged herself and ran her hands down his arms. She jumped a little when she felt his hand slide under her tanks and sweep across her lower back. Then he moved his hand to the front and cupped her breast over her bra. She moaned into his mouth and felt him shiver. Then she could feel his fingers slip under the elastic and cup bare flesh. He murmured against her mouth, "So soft, so perfect," and continued to kiss her beyond thought.
A distant sound began to intrude, then they heard, "What the frak?"
They both instantly jumped apart. Kara hid herself behind him as her bra was pushed out of place and made embarrassing impressions under her tanks. Flyboy was making apologies as she fixed her bra in place. "Yes Sir! Sorry Sir! Thankyou Sir!" She never heard what the intruder said; thank goodness it wasn't one of her instructors.
Then she was being pulled along out into the corridor. "That could have been worse," he said smiling at her. He leaned in and kissed her again. She responded without thought, just instinct. Then he broke the kiss and said, "Maybe we can go have a drink some where?"
"Okay." Kara tried to chastise herself for being so easy with him, but her senses were swirling, either from the sim or the kissing, and she couldn't bring herself to care. I'll deal with that tomorrow, she told herself. "I need to change first, my room's not far."
"I want to change as well. I've been given some visitors quarters here on base."
So they stopped by her dorm room first. She quickly changed into a white skirt, which sat about a hands length above her knees, and a grey/green vee neck tee shirt, which formed flatteringly over her torso. She also had put on some girly underwear and an actual bra, ridding herself of her military issues. She quickly looked at herself in the mirror and thought he must be frakked in the head if he thought she was beautiful. The smoky green of her top enhanced the green of her eyes, which she felt were her best feature, so she decided that would have to do.
As she stepped back into the room, she found herself under his intense scrutiny. His eyes travelled hotly from her face to her toes, his look of appreciation was satisfying. "So um, those knees of yours are looking pretty good." They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
As he was pulling her along to his room, she realised that they hadn't exchanged names yet. She bit back the urge to ask. It seemed a bit awkward now to bring the subject up, considering fifteen minutes ago he had his tongue in her mouth and his hands under her top.
So now she was in the middle of his room, waiting for him. He called out from the bathroom, "So do you have a favourite bar or should I pick somewhere?"
"You can pick," She was trying to push down the nerves. Yet the heady feeling of end of year, and the flying, and meeting the most beautiful man she'd ever seen was hyping her up, her energy felt limitless. He emerged from the bathroom in jeans and a shirt still open, seemingly unaware of the devastating effect he was having on her. His chest matched his arms, muscled strength, and she was having trouble keeping her eyes to her self.
He stood in front of her, pulling his shirt together so he could start buttoning it and began, "Well there used to be a place near the academy out on …. .……….." He didn't get to finish his sentence as Kara launched herself at him. She kissed him deeply and he immediately responded with what sounded like a sigh of relief. That made her smile. She knew this was wrong but couldn't bring herself to care. Then all coherent thought fled when she felt his hands slide up her thighs, pushing her skirt above her panties. He caressed her bottom, then slid her underwear down until she kicked them off. He trailed his fingers lightly between her legs as he stood up.
She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and kissed his neck, and ran her hands all over him; back, arms, chest, every where she could reach. His mouth and hands set fire to every inch of skin he touched, and her body was responding in a way that scared her. She felt so out of control.
He was kissing her neck when he curled his fingers into her top, then broke away and pulled it over her head. The smile that broke out on his face when he noticed her bra, her obvious design of seduction with almost sheer fabric that barely hid her nipples, made her want to punch him and wipe that smirk off his face. His confidence made her doubt her own. But then his smile faded and his blue eyes went dark and he clamped his mouth over her breast. She felt the material dampen from his mouth and nearly yelped when he grazed his teeth over an extremely aroused nipple. He pushed both the straps off her shoulders and kissed the exposed mounds straining out of the top of her bra. This man was simply driving her insane. His look of hunger mixed with awe was such a turn on and she felt exactly the same.
She suddenly pushed him away and he groaned in protest, reaching out for her. She shook her head and his voice came out a little broken. "Is there something wrong?" The look of utter desperation more than made up for his superior smug smile at her bra and boosted back her confidence.
She gave him her very best sexy smile and his eyes flared with hope. Then she slowly and deliberately reached behind herself and undid her bra. His heavy breathing seemed loud in the quiet room. Then she kept her bra in place as she freed her arms from the straps. She allowed the material to slip a little and half exposed a nipple. And if he'd managed to shift his riveted stare from her breasts to her face, he would have seen her smiling at him in smugness.
She let her hand drop away and the bra fell to the floor. He just kept staring. She undid her skirt at the side and pushed it over her hips and let it drop at her feet. So there she was standing completely naked in front of him, and the fact that he still hadn't moved began to worry her.
She need not have worried. He closed the distance between them and started touching her everywhere, and kissing her with wild hunger. Somehow she managed to unbutton his jeans and push them, plus his underwear, over his ass, making sure to feel his tight warm flesh while doing so. He groaned in her mouth when she squeezed him and went completely still and held his breath when she drifted her hands to the front and took hold of him. He was so ready for her. Then she started to get a little nervous again, what if he was used to girls who were really experienced? He might find her disappointing?
She finally heard him take a shuddering breath and he stopped her movements and said, "You're going to have to quit that unless you want this over already?" He then bent his head to her breast and sucked her so hard her skin went bright pink, but the line between pleasure and pain was perfect. Then he was cupping her bottom, lifting her, and headed for the desk. There was nothing on it as this was just a temporary room. He sat her down and she felt the cool contrast of its surface to her fire lit skin. He pushed her back and gathered up her legs and parted them. He then lowered his mouth and playfully teased her with his tongue. She squirmed against his mouth and he pressed against her more firmly. Then he slid his tongue over her just so, and she nearly went blind. She needed to grab at something and twist through the sensation, because this was too much to take.
She couldn't control her long moan as his clever tongue and hot breath between her legs was a new thing for her. No one had as yet worried too much about her needs, just frakked her and left her, or was it she left them? Suddenly he was delving his tongue deep inside of her and the sounds he was making set fire through her blood. He primed her to the brink, then pulled back from her. They stared at each other, both breathing so heavy. His face was flushed and his eyes impossibly dark then he said in a low husky voice, "I can't seem to get enough of you." He then lowered his mouth to suck at her again. Her orgasm came so hard that her body bowed to the point of sitting up and she knew she must be hurting him as her fingers were in his hair keeping him firmly in place, taking as much as she could get. When she finally released him, he looked up at her with a look of pure sex and a wet mouth, and she could still feel her muscles pulsing between her legs. Then he drifted his lips over her belly and leaned forward over the desk to reach her breasts. This time he kissed and sucked her with aching tenderness, which started sending warning bells through her mind. This was too much emotion, he was being too gentle, they were only frakking for frak's sake. She looked down at him caressing her breasts with his mouth and hands, his tongue circling her nipple, then pressing his face into her softness, muffling his delicious sounds. And the aching beauty of him prevented her from changing this mood. Instead she reached out her hand and ran her fingers through his hair and brushed over his ear. He looked up at her and she could see it there in his eyes, a possibility, a hope, and he leaned up to kiss her. He kissed her with the same tenderness he lavished all over her breasts. Her eyes moistened and she silently cursed herself for being so stupid. He murmured against her mouth, "I want you so much." That sent a full shiver down her spine and she drank in his kisses even deeper.
After that he tugged her to the bed, which was only three steps away, and what he did to her there would stay with her for the rest of her life. She couldn't pretend this was a simple frak that meant nothing. The fact that it turned out to be so much more made her feel worse than if it hadn't. What if he thought she was like this with every guy she slept with? She wished she had met him and dated him in the conventional way. That would cause tonight to make much more sense. She wished she had his respect, yet how could he after what she just did? How could she explain that this wasn't her, yet it was exactly her, but only with him?
She needed to leave. She was afraid to close her eyes, as her body was so spent. He was wrapped so tightly around her, holding her like she meant something to him, which of course was just wishful thinking. Eventually she felt his hold on her loosen, and his soft snoring became rhythmic. Taking her cue, she slipped out of his arms, hastily got dressed in the semi darkness, and left.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee Adama woke up with a huge smile on his face. He had met the girl of his dreams. A sexy, feisty blond with gorgeous green eyes, and a mouth he could kiss forever, and a body he could love even longer. And her smile, that's what hooked him in the first place, her smile grabbed at everything inside him.
He turned to look at her and found only an empty space. Confusion swept over him. Where was she? Noticing her clothes were gone, realisation settled in. She left. He tried to squash down disappointment and feeling of loss. Maybe it hadn't affected her like it had him? Maybe it was a meaningless frak for her, or maybe she thought it was a meaningless frak for him? Hell, what was he supposed to do? And curse his stupid ego for not getting her name last night. He was just so sick and tired of women hitting on him because he was an Adama. Her obvious obliviousness to who he was, was refreshing. Her attraction to him was based solely on him. He didn't want to break the perfect spell they were under by adding his family heroics to the mix. I bet her name is as beautiful as she is. What made this worse was that he had to catch a shuttle back to the Atlantia shortly, and wouldn't be coming back to Caprica for nearly a year. They could've kept in touch and built on what they had started, if only he had gotten her name. If only she had stayed the night. Frak!
Over the next few months Lee found out just what that night had done to him. He expected to dream about her, she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. He could clearly recall what her nipple felt like under his tongue, or the way she tasted as he kissed her, or how her breast fit perfectly in his hand. He tried not to think about how hot and tight she fit him, or the way her back arched as she pulsed around him; those memories got him hard every time, and he was driving himself to despair.
What he hadn't expected was the aching sense of loss, and a total lack of interest in everything around him. Except flying of course. But even in his viper she still haunted him. She was a match for him in every way. He felt as though he was just going through the motions until he found her again. He tried to ignore the fact that she probably never thought about him, if she wanted to know him then she would've stayed.
Yet every time he got shore leave, no matter what planet, he instinctively sought out every blond, in a bar, at a game, in the street. None were ever her. After nearly two years he gave up, and even though he still looked out for blonds, he now frakked them too. Whether to expel his fantasy, or find a new one, it didn't matter. They were just fraks and didn't mean a thing. He couldn't stand a normal relationship because he felt he would be settling. Until he got over this more and her smile stopped haunting him, he would just have to live in this limbo state. He threw himself into his work by sheer force of mind, his soul was busy.
It's now been three and a half years and Lee was sitting in an upmarket bar in Picon waiting for his younger brother. Zak caught transport to Picon from Caprica specifically to meet up with Lee on his two day shore leave. Lee was uncomfortable about Zak attending the Fleet Academy. Their mother had insisted that Zak do two years of law school before he could decide about becoming a pilot. Zak had dutifully done his time, and without a second thought, joined the Colonial Fleet. Lee blamed their father for Zak's over enthusiasm, and tried to ignore that Zak also may have joined because of his high achieving older brother as well. Zak was on mid term break, and even though Lee wished Zak was still in law school, he was very much looking forward to seeing him now. They hadn't spoken face to face in over a year.
Lee spots Zak walking in the door. Zak's smile practically lights up the bar. As he heads over, Lee is reminded of his father. Zak looks so much like him, where as he himself, has more the refined features and colouring of their mother. A lot of people get surprised to find out they're both Adama's.
Zak reaches the table and Lee gets to his feet. They embrace and clap each other on the back, happy to see each other. They enjoy lunch and a few drinks as they catch up on family gossip. Zak's energy when he talks about the Academy causes Lee to lighten up on his dark thoughts on that subject. He doesn't want to argue with Zak about that any more, he just wants to enjoy his brother's company.
"So Lee, have you been seeing anyone lately?"
Lee shoots his brother a look. "No one in particular, you know how it is." Then he looks at Zak more closely, and he can see light dancing in his big brown eyes. "Why, are you seeing someone?"
Zak's smile widens. "Lee, I've fallen in love."
Lee groans. "Not again, Zak. Who is it this time?"
Zak shakes his head. "This is different, I'm really in love. She is the most amazing, beautiful, talented, gorgeous, amazing woman there is."
"You said amazing twice, and I think beautiful and gorgeous basically mean the same thing."
"She's my flight instructor, at least she was."
"Are you crazy? That's against regs!"
"Don't worry, I had myself transferred out of her class when I realised that I was falling for her."
"So you got yourself an older woman, huh?"
"She's only a year older than me, and I promise you Lee, you will fall in love with her the minute you meet her, it's impossible not to."
"So how long have you been seeing her?"
"Only a month."
Lee snorted. "Lords, Zak! One month and you think you're in love, she must be good in the …………….."
Zak's glare cuts him short. Then he says, "Not that it's any of your business, but we haven't been together yet, so this is not based on sex."
Lee is kinda surprised. Most women can't resist Zak, he was a complete charmer. "So, what's her name?"
Zak sighs. "Kara, Kara Thrace." Lee likes her name immediately, rolls it over in his head, Kara, an image of a smile he's tried so long to forget, comes unbidden to his mind. Zak's still talking so Lee refocuses his attention. "The first time I saw her was in class. She sauntered in like she owned the place and announced to everyone; `people call me Starbuck, you may refer to me as God!' I was hooked immediately. She also has one hell of a reputation as one of the best pilots the Academy has seen. I know for a fact that she beat your record for undefeated matches."
Lee was becoming intrigued and also something was starting to niggle at him, but he couldn't place it. "So what does she look like?"
Zak's whole face softened. "I wish I had a picture of her, but I don't as yet. She's breathtaking. She's almost my height, has blond hair, and the biggest softest green eyes you've ever seen. Her skin is like ivory and the way she fills out her clothes, well………..and she has a temper and she's cool and has a smile that kills you dead!"
Lee's niggling worry increases alarmingly. No, no, there is no way, it can't be her. Besides, he and Zak were brothers and it's only natural that they would be attracted to the same type of woman. So that's where the similarity must end, otherwise Lee's head is going to explode from conflicting emotion.
Lee orders a few more drinks and tries not to begrudge Zak's happiness. Why can't he forget her already? He so desperately needs to move on. He knows next to nothing about her, except what's important. How she flies, how she feels, her taste, her scent, her sounds. Lords, how she sounds. He'd almost allowed her to get a lock on him because of how distracted he got, goose bumps all over, when he heard her sultry voice through his helmet.
Lee had to shake himself out of his reverie yet again. He'd been so good lately, but listening to Zak's delighted chatter, just accused Lee of what he'd let slip through his fingers. Zak changed the subject to their father, this got Lee's mind completely off women. He set his jaw and tolerated his brother's blind exhuberance.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara was trying to tidy her apartment before Zak arrived. He'd been gone two days visiting his brother on Picon. She was feeling a little nervous, because the small break made her realise that she'd missed him. That in turn made her realise that she was falling for him. He had slowly persisted his way past her barriers, put up with her brashness. He didn't want to just get in her pants like so many men did. He was kind to her and careful of her, and it made her feel a little vulnerable.
She tried not to feel guilty about the fact that she let him spend time with her, at first, because in some small way he reminded her of a young man which her brain had turned into a myth. It was something in his smile, not his big generous smiles, his small secretive ones. It was in his confidence and intense gaze when directed at her. Yet if she looked too closely, there really wasn't any similarity at all. But if she wasn't paying attention, something would hit her in the stomach and remind her.
She remembered how distraught she felt when she had bravely gone back to that guy's visitor's quarters the next day and found him gone. She had seriously considered trying to pry the information out of Admin. as to who he was. But her feelings of unworthiness engulfed her yet again, making her believe that she would be pushing herself onto him, when all it was, was a one night stand.
The first time Zak had kissed her, her body had jumped with memory and it burned her with shame, so she'd forced him to back off. When he got the courage to try again, she was a little more prepared, and then found that it wasn't all that familiar after all.
She wished she had some sort of memory scrubber, because she was so tired of dreaming about a man she could never have again. She was sure her mind had enhanced that night; because there was no way a man could frak like that and be real. Her body tingled with the sensuous memory of him thrusting deep and hard inside her. She had wrapped her legs around him and pushed him in as far as he could go, both straining against each other. She would have been happy to stay that way forever.
Damn. She has to stop thinking about him. Focus on Zak. Yes Zak, he would be hear soon. She needed a shower to cleanse her body and wash away old feelings. The shower didn't help. It was beating on her skin in a way that was only increasing her tension. She heard her name being called from outside the bathroom door. "Kara?"
Frak! Zak was already here. Kara's brain switched off and instinct took over. "Come in here, Zak." She heard the door open and she slid across the shower door. The look on Zak's face drinking in her naked flesh as water was pounding on her, made her want him even more. "You wanna join me?" His grin was wide as he frantically started tearing off his clothes. Kara was amused at his eagerness, and her body started throbbing with anticipation. Zak was eager and ready for her, and as he took her, there was no room for any stray thoughts. It was her and Zak, and he made love to her in a way that was beautiful. No, it wasn't what her fantasy was like, but it was real and tender and full of love. She'd be crazy not to grab that with both hands..
Two months later Kara was in the kitchen making coffee in an old T- shirt of Zak's that she loved to sleep in. She sees Zak come out of the bathroom in a towel as he's running his fingers through his wet hair. His play of muscles teases her. "Did you leave me any hot water?"
"I think so, but if you would have joined me, I could have made sure."
His smile was infectious. As he headed to the bedroom for his clothes, she called out, "Where do you think you're going?" He came back into the living room and she made her way towards him. She pushed him down to sit on the couch and stood above him. She gave him one of her mischievous smiles. He just looked sexy. She tugged down her underwear and he raised an eyebrow. She stepped out of them and tossed them across the room. She unwrapped his towel and was greeted with one very aroused Zak Adama.
She straddled him and lowered herself, pushing him down flat between her legs.. She very innocently started rubbing herself along him and his groan almost made her come. Then she acted like she was doing nothing, just kept up her maddening slow stroking pace, and said conversationally, "So what do you want to do today?"
"Ummm………frak you until I can't walk."
Kara applied more pressure and slid herself along him faster. "Aaaahhhh….mmmm…..sounds like a plan" Then she broke apart above him, and his look of disappointment made her laugh, when she could catch her breath. "Don't worry, I would never forget about you." Then she tasted his mouth before she raised her hips and he stroked her with his fingers, then positioned himself, and she welcomed him inside of her. It didn't take long. Zak was already on the brink before. He grunted and released himself into her, she didn't come again. Memory intruded. She quickly locked down her thoughts of how many times she came that one perfect night with her blue-eyed flyboy.
Kara was having the week from hell. One of the other flight instructors had some family emergency, and she was picking up a lot of his slack. She barrelled into the sim room and immediately started yelling at the nuggets. She stopped mid tirade when she spotted dark hair and soulful brown eyes trying to blend into the background. She recovered quickly and did her best to ignore him. This was the day she discovered Zak had no feel for flying. Each instruction she gave him seemed only to make him worse. He was probably nervous or having a bad day. Yet she ended up teaching three of Zak's classes that week and he never showed promise, not once.
To make matters worse, because of the extra load, she didn't have any time for Zak the whole week. She was filling out reports and evaluating students, and trying not to let the fact that he couldn't fly a viper bother her. Yet it did. Though not for the obvious reasons. Over the past few months she had listened to him regale stories about his father and brother, and she just assumed he would have the same natural talent. She felt bad for him, not for herself. He really wanted his wings. She heard a key in her door and Zak let himself in.
"Hey Kara."
"Hey."
He came and sat beside her, put his arm across her shoulder and kissed her cheek. She took a deep breath and kept her attention on her paperwork. He should have called first.
He took the pen from her hand and forced her to face him. There was no hint of a smile, just an intensity she had never seen before. He kissed her. She tolerated it for about three seconds before she turned back to her paperwork. "Zak, I'm really busy."
"Can't you take a break?" His voice was even, he was clearly holding back something.
"I could but I don't want to. I want to finish this frakking paperwork, have a very long hot bath, and put this week behind me."
"I knew it. I just knew it." He got up and stood in the middle of her lounge room, fists clenching and unclenching.
"You know what?" They've never had a real fight before and she's not sure what to expect.
"You know I can't fly for shit and you want to end this."
"Grow up Zak! Just because I don't want to have sex right now, doesn't mean you get to jump to inane conclusions."
"I didn't come hear because I wanted sex. I, I've been outside your apartment for the past half hour, trying to get the courage to come in. I realise I've probably given you the wrong impression about my piloting skills. I brag about my father and brother and let you assume that I had some of their skill. Well now you know. So where does that leave us?"
"Do you think I've been seeing you because you are an Adama? Because if you know me at all, Zak, you would know that I don't give a shit about stuff like that."
"Kara, you're the best viper pilot around. I don't want you to be disappointed in me." The look of pleading on his face made her feel like she had too much control over him. She didn't like it.
"Zak, I'm not disappointed in you. But I do know how much you want your wings, so………….if you want me to, I could give you some extra training?"
"You would do that for me? You still want to be with me?"
Kara felt the walls of her world close in a little. She had never been with a guy longer than two weeks. Zak was her first actual relationship. Even though it had a guilty start, she had developed genuine feelings for him. But now he was standing in front of her, entreating her for approval. Allowing her to hold all the cards. Even though there was less than two years between them, she felt like she was his mother or teacher or something. She wished he would be more assertive and not let her have control of everything. But who was she to want so much? She was lucky that someone as kind and loving as Zak put up with her.
"The answer to both those questions is yes, Zak. Okay? Now I really do have to finish this paperwork. You can stay if you want, but you can't distract me."
Zak made his way back to her side. He took both her hands in his and said, "Kara, I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I thank the Lords of Kobol everyday that you're in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. You mean everything to me. I love you."
Kara didn't know what to say. His big hopeful eyes were wide open and waiting. She had to say something. "I…….I love you too."
His face lit up and he let out his breath. "Oh Kara." Then he kissed her. Finally past a big hurdle, she relaxed and kissed him back. She did love him. He was the best person she knew. Maybe her mother was wrong and she wasn't a curse. Life wasn't about pain, it was about love, and she was the lucky woman that Zak chose to love. Once Kara Thrace decided on something, she gave it her whole. Screw the paperwork! Zak was going to get lucky tonight.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee was waiting patiently for his brother to pick him up. His transport arrived a little early and he was cooling his heals in the flight lounge. He felt a bit anxious over meeting Zak's girlfriend. This was Zak's first serious relationship and Lee was surprised that Zak had lasted this long. She must be something special to pin his brother down.
Finally Zak arrives and he looks even happier than the last time they'd been face to face.
"So where is she?"
"Still teaching. We'll go back to her apartment and wait for her there. It'll give us a chance to catch up."
They drop Lee's stuff off at Zak's dorm first and then head to Kara's. Zak's obvious familiarity in his girlfriend's apartment makes Lee a little envious. If only things were that simple for himself. He hadn't allowed himself to develop any meaningful relationships, just immersed himself in his career. There was a woman on the Atlantia that he had a casual relationship with. But it was more of a case that she sought him out than the other way around.
Zak's rummaging around Kara's kitchen and Lee goes to the bathroom to clean up. As he steps out he can see into the bedroom, and a photograph of his brother catches his eye. Ah, so this must be Kara. Lee steps in and picks up the photo and literally stops breathing. His world collapses in on itself. Right before his eyes in full colour was the woman he's been regretting and missing and wanting and trying to forget for years. Kara. Kara, her name is Kara. Lee knew she would have a beautiful name, just as beautiful as she was. That one perfect night flashed through his mind in a rush of images that only paused to emit a sigh or a moan. Zak! She was with Zak! Frak! The thought of Zak touching her made Lee feel nauseous with jealousy and possessiveness. Why did it have to be Zak? Or why did it have to be her? Never seeing her again would be preferable to losing her to his baby brother. Lee had to leave. He had to get out before she got here. Any excuse will do. He needed to gain control. Zak must never find out.
He suddenly realised that he could hear voices coming from the other room. Too late, she was here. Lee stood in the door frame and saw her. The moment felt surreal, like this wasn't even him, and there was no way this was happening. She looked different. A little older, more filled out and definitely more beautiful. Her hair was golden, her skin so pale, and the mouth that has set fire to every inch of his skin was currently kissing his brother. He took a deep breath and set his face to an unemotional mask. He stood there until the lovers took notice that they weren't alone.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Kara, this is my brother, Lee."
She turned her face and smiled at the man standing in her door frame. She held out her hand and took a step towards him. "Hello. It's nice to finally……………………." Recognition burst across her with massive force. He must have seen the look on her face and did his best to cover for her. He quickly stepped forward and took her hand and gently squeezed it mid shake.
"It's nice to finally meet you too. Zak's told me a lot about you."
Kara couldn't speak, she could barely stand up. Zak's arms were suddenly around her shoulders, thankfully giving her something to lean on. "Isn't she beautiful, Lee?"
She saw him wrench his eyes from hers and look at Zak. "You're a lucky man, Zak." His voice was quiet and soft and exactly how she remembered it.
Panic started to rise within her. She shrugged out of Zak's grasp and, moving forward, accidentally brushed past Lee's arm, sparking a shot of electricity, which made them both flinch. She made some lame excuse and closed her bedroom door behind her.
Inhaling deeply to keep the panic from rising, she slid to the floor. She couldn't think, it was beyond her. Soon there was a gentle tapping on her door and Zak's concerned voice. "Kara? Are you okay?"
She stood up and let him in. "I'm really sorry Zak. Why don't you go have dinner with your brother without me? I'm not feeling too well and I have a sudden headache."
Zak pressed his lips to her forehead. "You do feel a bit warm. I don't want to leave you. Lee's a big boy, he can catch up with friends or something."
"Don't be silly. I, I need to be by myself. I'm going to have a bath and go to bed. How about I meet you both for lunch tomorrow? Um, at that café near the base."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Now apologise to your brother for me and let me rest."
He gave her a quick soft kiss and said, We'll see you tomorrow then, say 12:30?" Then he left.
Twenty minutes later, Kara was submerged in a steamy bathtub clutching to a bottle of Ambrosia. Lee Adama. Lee frakking Adama. Her blue-eyed flyboy was Lee Adama, the brother of Zak Adama. She wondered if she could drown herself in this tub. She didn't feel guilty about sleeping with Lee; after all, it was years ago now. But she did start her relationship with Zak because he reminded her of the man she'd been secretly hoping to find again. Kara had been consciously and subconsciously seeking out Lee in every man she slept with, not that there were a lot, but there were definitely a few. Zak would be devastated if he found out. He's been trying to find his own way, out from his brother's shadow for years, and this would just plain hurt him.
She can't focus on what Lee looked like in her lounge room. She was in too much shock to take anything in. Her dread about tomorrow was taking its toll. But somehow, she was going to have to find the strength to get through the next two weeks. Lee was probably indifferent to her anyway. Or worse, he thought she was a slut because of how easily she slept with him that night. And Lords, what she did and what she let him do. A flash of heat went through her body at the memory, but she resolutely blamed the Ambrosia.
The next day, Kara was sitting at the café waiting for them to show up. She purposely got there early to have the advantage of being seated already. Her body was strung tight with nerves as she kept her gaze steadfast to the door. She tried not to read anything into the fact that she spent twenty minutes this morning in front of the mirror trying to look her best.
Then there they were. Zak looking stupidly happy and Lee, it felt strange to finally know his name, Lee looked solemn. They looked nothing alike, yet their walk was almost identical. She must stop comparing them, which can lead to nothing good.
Zak kissed her forehead like she was twelve years old, while she and Lee looked wearily at each other. Zak basically held the conversation together, forcing her and Lee to relate pieces of their lives at his prompting. Somehow she was making it through this.
Taking in his features while his attention was on Zak, she couldn't help but acknowledge that he was still the most gorgeous man she'd ever seen. He was even more built than she remembered. And his eyes, well his eyes were so blue that they took your breath away.
He didn't seem to be malicious towards her, and she tried to take that for what it was. When she was taking her part in the conversation, she had to focus on Zak, because every time she glanced at Lee, his gaze was so intense that she would forget what she was saying.
So the awkward afternoon was over and turned into ten days of constant confusion and guilt. She managed to put on a more relaxed front, but she couldn't fool Zak. He knew how she really was. He knew she was behaving like Starbuck, not Kara. Starbuck had confidence and a frak you disposition. Kara was a woman with a vulnerable heart.
She was enjoying listening to Lee tell her stories about them as children. Frankly, she would have enjoyed listening to him read a flight manual. When the conversation in her small lounge room turned to flying, Lee and her seemed to forget the awkwardness and genuinely smiled at each other. Flying was something they both had in common, besides the ability to frak each other into oblivion. She hoped her guilty flush was put down to the Ambrosia she was pouring down her throat.
Zak decidedly got uncomfortable listening to them carry on about vipers and manoeuvres. Kara envied Lee being situated on a Battlestar, and hoped she would have the same opportunity some day herself.
It was getting pretty late and Zak decided that they should crash here at her place tonight. Besides the heavy drinking she could tell Zak had other things on his mind. Zak was already in her bedroom as she handed Lee a blanket and a pillow. "I wish I could offer you a bed, but I've only got this very uncomfortable couch."
Their fingers brushed each other as he took them from her hands, sending a tingle up her arm. "I don't have to stay. I can call a cab."
"Don't you dare. Besides, Zak will want to know why." She lowered her gaze, didn't want to see his expression at the reference to the past. "Good night Lee."
He grabbed her arm before she could pull away. "My brother loves you very much. You make him happy. I……………hope he makes you happy too." He released his grip and busied himself fixing the bedding. She swallowed; her mouth had gone completely dry. She couldn't answer him. Instead she went to her room and gently closed the door.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee was lying on the couch thinking his life couldn't get more frakked up than this. There was complete silence with no hope of distraction. If he hears one sound come from their bedroom, one squeak of a mattress, he was going to leave no matter what. There was no way he would put himself through that. It was bad enough having to see Zak kiss her, he couldn't cope with anything else.
Zak's voice intruded on Lee's thoughts. He sounded angry and could easily be heard. "What is wrong with you Kara? You haven't let me touch you since my brother arrived."
"Keep your voice down Zak." Her voice was more muffled but Lee could still make it out.
"Something's wrong. I can tell. Talk to me." Zak's voice was calmer now, not as loud. And Lee was trying to convince himself that he wasn't pleased about Kara not letting Zak touch her.
Their voices went even lower, so Lee could no longer hear, thank goodness, then he heard someone quietly slip out the front door. It was Zak, because he could hear Kara's muffled crying. The sound of her in distress was torture for him. Only the love he had for his brother prevented him from going to comfort her.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In the morning Kara was still tired from a night of tossing and turning. She needed coffee, now. She climbed out of bed, wearing her favourite t-shirt, and turned the knob of her bedroom door. She almost forgot that Lee would still be here. For proprieties sake she pulled on some sweats.
She quietly opened the door in case he was still asleep. He was. He was lying bare-chested with his blanket half fallen to the floor. This man was going to be the end of her sanity. He looked lazy, warm and sleepy. In other words, tempting as hell. What was the matter with her? She has obviously built up the past to something that cannot be real. He was a crush from her past, nothing more. She was really trying to look at this rationally, but the more she got to know him, the more she was falling. Zak deserved better than a screw up like her. She was going to have to find a solution.
"Hey, can I get a cup of that?" His voice was gravely with sleep and so frakking sexy.
"Sure, sleep okay?"
He smiled and that was sexy too. "Um, if you call waking up every couple of hours sleep, then sure."
She turned her back to pour him a cup and hoped he would put a shirt on.
"Where's Zak?"
Guilt flooded over her. "Zak had some stuff to do early this morning. I'll give you a lift to the Academy later when you're ready."
She made her way over to him, grateful he now had a shirt on, and handed him a cup. There was a funny look on his face.
"What?"
He put his coffee down then tugged on her t-shirt. She felt her nipples harden at this slight interaction, and cursed herself for not having anything on underneath. He definitely noticed because a flash of hunger swept over his face, she's seen that look before. His fingers were still in her top and he said, "This used to be mine."
She didn't know what to say. Out of all Zak's t-shirts, she had to pick the one that used to belong to Lee. She wondered why Zak never said anything.
His knuckles grazed her stomach and the current running between their bodies became visible. He let go a second before she was about to climb onto his lap.
He stood up quickly. "This is ridiculous." He ran his fingers through his hair, just like Zak. "You're dating my brother." It sounded like an accusation.
"What do you want me to say, Lee? I didn't know he was your brother."
"What happened between us was a long time ago. I don't want to do anything to hurt him."
"And you think I do?"
"How should I know? My knowledge of you is a love'em and leave'em kinda girl."
"That's not fair."
"It's the truth." He spat out. She could see he was angry now, though she wasn't sure at exactly what. He looked at her hard. "I'm sure I fell asleep that night with you securely in my arms. The fact that I woke up alone told me everything I needed to know."
It hit her like a tonne of bricks. He'd wanted her to stay. She'd hurt him by leaving. She was too busy doubting herself that night to give herself the credit that this amazing man might actually want her around longer than one night. But she had gone back the next morning. Of course, he didn't know that. Confessing that now would just make matters worse. If he thought she was a slut and not good enough for his brother, then that's what she'd be. She turned and walked away from him.
"I guess we were just ships, passing in the night." He continued.
"Yup."
"Didn't mean a thing."
She couldn't answer that; the blatant lie would kill her. "What do you want from me, Lee?" She still couldn't look at him, but could feel him right behind her.
"I don't want you to lead my brother on!"
Anger and guilt flared within her. She spun on her heel and decked him right in the jaw.
Without hesitation he punched her right back. Pain flared across her cheek bone. They just stood there looking at one another. He spoke first. "I'm sorry."
She gauged him as best she could. She could see where all his pain and anger was coming from. It was staring at her through his eyes. She knew then that the connection she had felt that night, had been felt by him too. Her life had always been about letting her taste something good before ripping it away. She might as well let him in on her one true revelation.
"There's one thing you need to know about me, Lee. I'm a screw up, so try and keep that in mind."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee spent the day by himself, immersed in his own thoughts. He's never hit a woman before, this was his first time. He's also never lost that much control before either. There's something about Kara that makes him act like a frakking jealous asshole. He can't believe how close he came to pulling her onto him, and taking her, whether she wanted it or not. Yet he knew she did. The heat between them was unmistakable. Then why does his entire body feel betrayed by her. She did leave him that night. How was what they did so meaningless to her that she wilfully walked away, making sure they never had a chance? Lee's had plenty of casual fraks, and nothing, absolutely nothing comes remotely close to what he experienced with Kara. She wasn't some easy target. They flew together and she nearly had him a couple of times. His admiration and interest started in the cockpit. When the sim was over, it was her smile that stole his heart. Then she poisoned him with her body, making him no good for any one else. Yet none of this had affected her to the same degree. Here she was, happily living the cosy domestic life with his brother. The fact that the heat and tension running rampant between her and himself only confused him. Did she fool around on Zak? Or was it just him that had this effect on her? And if it was just with him, it only made him feel miserable and guilty, because she now belonged to Zak, and Lee would never want to hurt him.
Lee realises that Zak should've been back hours ago. He's also a little worried about what to say if Zak puts two and two together, and works out that he and Kara hit each other. What explanation could he give for that? Lee's glad that Zak's roommate is gone for a few days, so what ever argument he and Zak will have, won't have any witnesses.
Around 11pm Zak stumbles back to his room. He reeks of alcohol. He looks a mess. Lee's personal turmoil is quickly forgotten as he takes in his brother's appearance.
"You look like crap, Zak. What happened?"
Zak tried to focus on Lee's face, but he needed to sit down, so he flopped on his bed. "She broke up with me. Lee, she frakking broke up with me. She stood there and said we were over. She just, she just ripped out my frakking heart."
Lee could barely get any words out, had to force himself. "Did she say why?"
"What?" Zak's taking deep breaths. "That's the hardest part to understand. She just kept saying she was a screw up and would only end up hurting me. That I deserved better than her. And no matter what I said, no matter how many times I told her I loved her, she kept pushing me away."
Lee's heart is pounding in his throat. Did she do this for him? He can't stand the guilt if she did. The universe was laughing at the Adama boys, both in love with the same woman. This was his fault. He made her do this to Zak because of what he said to her. He needed to see her.
He took Zak's jeep and headed over to her place. She wasn't there. So he walked to the bar near her place that they had frequented a couple of times during his stay. She was slumped at a back table drowning herself in a bottle of Ambrosia. She looked more miserable than Zak.
He sat beside her and nudged her with his shoulder, "Hey."
She blearily looked up at him and choked out a sob. He put his arm around her and she hesitated a few moments before putting her head on his shoulder. Now that he was with her he had no idea of what to say. His guilty heart was trying to erase the image of his broken hearted brother, so he could respond to the woman in his grasp, who had her breast pressed firmly to his arm.
"I swear I never meant to hurt him, Lee." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
He kissed the top of her head and said, "I know."
She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears. Then she did the unthinkable. She kissed him. Full soft lips seeking comfort.
Lee couldn't give in, that would only make matters worse, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how long he's waited for her to come back into his life. He pulled away from her gently, to buffer the rejection. And as he opened his mouth to say her name, she leaned in again and swept her tongue into his mouth. The sensation rocked him. As she pulled back, he instinctively followed her and demanded she give him more. She melted into him, all pliable softness, and he could taste her tears. He didn't know if the tears were relief or regret, but he knew she tasted exactly like he remembered. The difference now was that before, they kissed with innocence and possibility, and now it was with guilt and regret.
Lee somehow found it in him to pull back from her. She looked at him as though he had just betrayed her. She wiped her mouth and said, "Right," and pushed him out of the booth so she could get clear of him.
He grabbed her wrist. "Kara, don't do this. I didn't mean……….."
She cut him off and said, "Don't explain. You've already forgotten. I'm a screw up, remember?" She headed to the bathroom.
Lee sat there holding his head in his hands. He knocked back her drink and wondered how did life get this screwed up? He needed to get Kara safely home, while repressing every instinct and desire he had for her. Then he needed to make sure his brother was okay. Then he needed to go back to the Atlantia, and let these two work things out, one way or another. If Zak managed to move on and find someone else, then maybe he could have a chance at happiness himself. That's if Kara wanted him.
She emerged from the bathroom and went to sit at the bar, ignoring Lee. He sat back and watched her, giving her some space before insisting he take her home. It took exactly one minute for a man to approach her. Lee didn't really blame the guy, a Major by the look of his insignia. He couldn't blame him for trying because Kara was an extremely sexy woman. She didn't try, it just surrounded her; and you either had it or you didn't, and Kara had it with plenty to spare.
The Major leaned in to whisper to her and placed his hand above her knee. Lee became paralysed, like not being able to look away from a crash. Her eyes locked with his and a look briefly flicked across her face. He knew what that look meant. I'm a screw up Lee, try and keep that in mind. Kara ran her hand up the Major's arm and indulged him with a small smile.
Lee felt like he was going to be sick. She was so self destructive, he doesn't think there is any one else quite like her. Somehow he was blaming himself for pushing her away before. His total lack of control over her is starting to eat away at him. Words are rolling around in his head, pleading, why are you doing this Kara? Why? But he can't take it and he has to leave. Doesn't want to know how this will play out. He tried to make eye contact with her again, to plead with her, but she was too busy flirting to notice him anymore.
As Lee heads back to Zak's he decides she is a love'em and leave'em kinda girl. A pilot who can't keep her pants on. He's swimming with jealousy and betrayal, and then it hits him. He has no claim on her and if anyone has a right to be upset with her, it's Zak, not him.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara did the Major in his car in the parking lot. She had to take matters into her own hands to find release, as he didn't last long enough to get the job done.
If this helps Lee to get over his guilt and hate her instead, then mission accomplished. She didn't deserve any happiness of her own; her mother was right about that. She managed to make two Adama's hate her today, along with hating herself. She needed some sort of award for the ability to frak yourself over.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning Zak was still out cold, sleeping off his hangover. Lee quickly answered the knock on Zak's door so as not to wake him.
"Hi, is Zak in?" The kid looked young reminding Lee that Zak was a few years older than most of his classmates, as he'd put in those couple of years at law school.
Lee quietly stepped out into the hall. "Zak's not feeling well. Is there anything I can do for you? I'm his brother, Lee."
"Hi, I'm Martin." The kid looked around with a concerned look on his face. "This is kinda important." He gauged Lee then said, "Do you know Zak's girlfriend?"
Lee bit back the twenty ways he could've answered that. "Yeah, Starbuck, what about her?"
"She never showed up for class this morning and one of the nuggets' old man is a guard, and rumour has it that she's in hack. I just thought Zak would want to know."
"Frak! Thanks Martin, I'll take care of it."
As Lee was being led to her cell, he reminded himself that he needed to distance himself from her. Drunk and Disorderly and Indecent Exposure, he didn't want to even think about the last charge. She was simply too much to deal with, he needed to protect his own heart.
She was balled up in the corner of the cell. She looked a mess. There was blood on her scraped knuckles and finger print bruises on her bare arms, like someone had tried to grab her. All previous thoughts flew out of his head and were replaced with worry and concern.
"Kara?"
She looked up in surprise then her face went stony cold.
"Come on, I'm taking you home." He could see her wince as she rose to her feet, hand instinctively protecting her ribs. Lee just clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to help her.
They rode in silence with too many things needing to be said. As she got out of the jeep he said, "I'm leaving this afternoon. I got an early transport."
She just nodded and headed for her apartment building. She stumbled, nearly tripping over, like her knee had given way. Lee got out and was beside her in a flash, putting his arms around her, giving her support. She tried to break free of his grasp but he wouldn't let her.
"Stop pushing me away." And that meant more than it should.
He helped her negotiate the stairs then did his best to get her settled. He put her on her bed and went to the bathroom, bringing back a dampened towel to clean her up a little. He got her some water which she drank quickly, and then she flopped back on the bed, wincing again. He gently wiped the towel over her face, removing the dirt and dried blood. She closed her eyes and was about to fall asleep.
He took off her shoes and undid her jeans and slid them down her legs. He could see the bruising along her left knee and wanted to kill the guy that did that to her. Guiltily glancing at her face to the bruise he had given her yesterday, he thought maybe he should start with himself.
Desperately trying to get this over with, before he climbed in bed with her and kept her safe in his arms, he sat her up to remove the stained top. She groaned in protest as he raised her arms to free it from her body. He wiped her limbs with the towel and pulled the covers over her in a cocoon. He needed to leave before all strength failed him. He leaned down and placed a full soft kiss on her beautiful lips.
As he pulled away from her, he heard her breathe out his name, "Lee," then she opened her eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments, eyes locked. "I came back Lee. You were already gone, but I did come back."
Lee was confused, not sure what she was talking about. Not able to handle this torture any longer, he needed to leave. "I don't know how everything got this messed up, Kara, but I'm leaving, and you and Zak need to work out what ever it is you both want. I can't get involved. I won't come between you and him." She looked confused somehow and was about to say something, he cut her off. "I can't, I can't do this." Without saying goodbye, he left.
Lee's sitting in the transport trying to push away the last few weeks, but something was niggling at him in the back of his mind. He shook his head to clear it, then continued in self-wallowing. If only she would have stayed that night, or if he had held on to her tighter to prevent her from leaving him, none of this would've happened. A smile curled his lips at the thought of tying Kara to his bed. Yet another fantasy to feel guilty about, and add to his already extensive list of her.
Then realisation slowly dawned on him. She came back. She came back but he was already gone. She was talking about that night, or rather the next morning. The implications rocked him. Whatever had made her leave in the first place didn't stop her from coming back, to give them a chance. He felt it in his soul that what they shared that night, the flying and the sex, was extraordinary and would never find that connection again. She owned him completely. He's only ever wanted her from the minute he laid eyes on her. But none of this made any difference to the fact that she was involved with Zak. Zak, his brother. Zak, who loves her.
Frustration building up in him, Lee decides that the only thing to do is what he thought before.. Give them time. Wait until Zak got over her and found someone else. He knew he was not being true to his own heart or fair to Kara by keeping his feelings to himself. But it was the only solution he could come up with that hopefully wouldn't ruin his relationship with his brother, and got him the woman of his dreams. He would just have to throw himself into his career and bide his time.
Three months later he received a letter from Kara. It was only a page and Lee searched desperately for any clues as to her feelings. He found two. First, was the fact that she wrote in the first place, giving him opportunity to finally start a relationship with her. Second, was two tiny words she ended her letter with, `miss you', and stupidly enough, that made Lee's heart thump in his chest and the pain of not being with her come rushing back in full force.
He agonised for two days about what to write back. Was three months long enough? Giving in to happiness, he started writing her a reply wondering how fast he could get back to Caprica.
A Petty Officer was clearing his throat saying, "Lieutenant Adama, you have an incoming call." Lee headed to the area where crew could take personal calls, thinking it must be his mother. He answers the phone and it's Zak. Lee's heart turned cold with guilt. He stood there for fifteen minutes listening to Zak pour out his still broken heart about Kara. Lee tried to be as supportive as he could.
When he got back to quarters, he tore up his reply to Kara, and let numbness filter through his body.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Six weeks after still no reply from Lee, Kara finally gave up. Even if he didn't want her in his life, he still could've written her a general note. Obviously the stunts she pulled to push him away had done their job permanently. She wasn't sure if this was about Zak, or the Major, or still the fact that she'd left him that night? Yet she had tried to tell him the truth, that she came back to him, but he had ignored her completely. She remembered the crease forming between his eyebrows when she told him that, but he brushed her words aside and told her to work stuff out with Zak.
She realised that she had to get over her old fantasies and move on with her life. She wasn't good enough for the noble Lee Adama.
There was a knock at her door. She opened it. It was Zak. Dear sweet Zak who had never treated her badly or made her feel worthless. He'd been persisting for five and a half months to get back into her life. He held out gifts for her; a bottle of Ambrosia and a box of stogies, and a huge grin.
"Zak, most guys bring flowers and candy."
"I'm not most guys."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Five months later. Lee's lying in bed, in Kara's bed, naked between her sheets. She walks in the room with a bowl full of strawberries and a sexy smile. She kneels beside him and pops a strawberry in his mouth. "Morning, sleepy head."
He pulls undone the tie to her robe and drinks in the glimpses of naked flesh revealed. She gives him another strawberry before eating one herself. He trails his hand up her thigh, feeling himself get more aroused every second. As she leans over him to put the strawberries down on the bedside table, he grabs her around the waist to keep her there. Nudging open her robe further to reveal her perfect breasts, he takes one into his mouth. Her moan gets him harder still, and she arches her back, pressing her breast more firmly into his face. When he goes to move to her other breast, she takes the opportunity to squirm out of his grasp. She smiles that smile that grabs at everything inside him, and kisses him slow and deep. Lee can't believe how lucky he is to have her, and tangles his fingers in her hair to keep her there. She pulls back. "There's someone at the door."
Lee's confused because he doesn't hear a thing.
Then she's saying, "Lieutenant, you have a phone call." Her voice is wrong, it sounds like a man's.
Lee wakes up in his rack on the Atlantia. "What? Sorry, what?"
"I'm very sorry to wake you sir but you have a call and the person was very insistent they speak with you."
Lee got up immediately, worried there could be something wrong. He threw a sweatshirt over his tanks, put on his shoes, and hurried out.
"Hi, Lee."
"Zak!. This better be good Zak. I'm on night shift and have had only two hours of sleep."
"Sorry, Lee, but I couldn't wait to tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"Kara has agreed to marry me."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee’s mouth hung open, no words would come out. He heard a slight crack as his grip on the phone tightened.
“Are you still there?”
“I….” Lee’s voice broke so he swallowed and tried again. “I’m here.”
“Well? Don’t you have anything to say?”
“I can’t believe she said yes. I thought you two had broken up months ago.” Lee realised he wasn’t acting the way he should, but he was still trying to process the information.
Zak snorted. “Gee, thanks Lee. We started going out again five months ago. I didn’t tell you because you saw what I was like when she broke up with me when you visited last time and my pride wanted to pin her down before she tried to get away from me again.”
“Is that why you asked her, because she hurt your pride?’
“No. I asked her because I love her and can’t live without her. She didn’t hurt my pride, I felt like an idiot because I lost it in front of you.”
“Don’t you think you’re a bit young to be getting married Zak?”
“For frak’s sake Lee! If you found a woman like Kara wouldn’t you do everything in your power to keep her?”
Lee smiled bitterly to himself. No, actually he wouldn’t. He had already proven to himself that if the price for Kara would cost him his brother, he couldn’t do it. And this decision is costing Lee his heart and soul and any possible chance at happiness. “You’re a lucky man Zak.” Lee took a deep breath. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks Lee.” Lee could practically feel Zak smiling through the phone.
“Okay…….um I hate to cut this short Zak, but I was asleep and only have a few hours before my shift starts.”
“No worries. Before you go, I know you are coming for my graduation in six months, but do you think you could get a few days leave now, or soon? I want us to celebrate and to surprise Kara.”
Lee could hear the hope in Zak’s voice. But he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. Especially since she had made that one effort to write to him and he never replied. She probably thought that he hated her. Well maybe that was for the best. “I may be able to get three or four days next month.”
“That would be great Lee. Oh, and don’t mention anything to mum and dad, Kara wants us to keep it quiet until after I graduate, but I know she won’t mind if you know.”
Lee was shaking his head slightly to himself. ‘I won’t say anything. Are you going to tell her that you told me?”
“I’ll try to hold out until you get here, though I may crack. Hey, you can help me pick out a ring for her.”
Lee could not feel his own body. He was completely numb. Apparently your heart could break into only so many pieces. “Sure Zak.”
“Okay, now you can go back to bed, and let me know exactly when you’re coming.”
“I will, and congratulations again.”
“Thanks Lee, bye.”
Lee made his way back his bunk room in a daze. Too many emotions were warring with each other for him to think clearly. Without remembering the walk, Lee found himself standing next to his bunk. He was about to get in when the dream he was having before the phone call, rushed back into his mind. ‘Kara leaning over him pressing a breast firmly into his mouth.’ He couldn’t do it. If he closed his eyes now, he knows he will betray everyone. Anger started to slowly build in his gut. He felt so cheated and guilty at the same time. His hands started clenching into fists. The need to yell was burning his throat. Lee made a quick decision and headed for the gym.
An hour and a half later, Lee was crumpled to the floor weakly grasping the swaying punching bag. The bones in his hands felt like water. Sweat and angry tears were mixed together. Yet Kara’s image was as bright as ever in his mind.
He hauled himself to the showers, needing to wash away more than his sweat. As he entered, the specialist he had been seeing on and off was just coming out of a stall. Lee hadn’t been with her ever since Kara had come back into his life. The woman was none too pleased but had shrugged it off and said that if he ever changed his mind…….
Lee stalked past her and claimed the stall she was exiting. She grabbed his arm and asked if he was alright. Lee just bore a hole through her with his eyes then took her elbow and yanked her into the stall with him. He searched her face for fear or approval. She looked surprised but grinned when she realised his intent.
He shoved her against the wall and waited. She took the hint and removed his towel and let her towel drop to the floor, then leaned in to kiss him. He turned his head so her lips landed on his jaw and he suddenly couldn’t stand to see her face. It was the wrong one.
Lee’s breathing was heavy and angry and the woman seemed to be turned on by this. She rubbed herself against him while sucking on his neck. Lee gripped her shoulders and spun her around to face the wall. She let out a gasp but spread her legs with anticipation. He slid his hands down her flat stomach and roughly fingered her; she was definitely ready for him. Lee gripped her hips and lifted her slightly and impaled her, she let out a long groan that echoed in the stall. Lee just frakked her as hard as he could, keeping his eyes open wide to keep Kara’s face from forming. When the woman started pulsing around him, he didn’t come. She was a wrong fit, her sounds didn’t make him harder, and her hair was the wrong colour. She smelt wrong, her breasts were too small and she was all bones and not enough curves.
He stopped thrusting and slipped out of her still hard, still angry. She turned around and offered to bring him release but Lee turned away from her, he didn’t want anything from her, and turned on the water. She picked up her towel and left, her knees only giving out slightly once.
Lee rested an arm against the wall and let the water beat heavily on his back. He reached down and finished the job himself with his eyes screwed shut and Kara’s sweet face, flushed with desire for him, etched behind his eye lids.
After his release came his remorse. He was the worst brother ever. He was going to make an even worse brother in law. Lee knows that Zak will make him Best Man and he is sure that that is going to be the worst day of his life.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara has been engaged for exactly three weeks. She still isn’t quite sure how Zak had managed to get her to say yes. She felt like she was using him to shield her from the rest of the world. But Zak was loving and made her feel wanted. Zak had wormed his way into her heart. Every reason she gave him as to why he shouldn’t want her, he gave her three as to why he does.
Waking up next to Zak was definitely a wonderful thing. He was warm and safe and gave her a feeling of peace. She was lying on her stomach with Zak tucked against her side. She could feel his erection pressing into her hip. She feigned sleep, curious as to what he would do to her this morning. Zak had become twice as hot for her ever since she had said yes.
Zak pulled the sheet off them allowing the cool morning air to kiss her skin. But warmth returned as his hot hand lazily caressed her back. He swept her hair aside and leaned over to nuzzle the back of her neck. She shivered.
“You awake baby?” Zak’s voice was husky with sleep and desire.
“No.”
“Okay then. Let me know when you wake up.” He pressed his lips to her neck and nibbled at her.
She was smiling to herself keeping her face turned away from him, just enjoying the currents of heat he caused with his lips and hands. Once his hand reached her bottom she felt a rush between her legs and jerked in response. Zak paid particular attention to that area while frequently kneading the tops of her thighs and causing her to spread her legs just a fraction.
“Mmm, like that do you?”
Kara just wiggled her bottom a little making Zak chuckle. He brushed his hand along her inner thighs and gently grazed her between her legs. He was just plain torturing her now. So she wiggled herself against his hand and she felt him stiffen harder against her hip.
Getting ideas of her own, she rolled to her side facing him and took him in her hand. Zak let out a groan. She started pumping him, exactly the way he liked, and he rolled onto his back immediately giving in to the pleasure. Kara watched him intently as he came in her hand and was terribly glad that he no longer reminded her of Lee. She wiped her hand on the sheets and kissed him deeply.
“Lords I love you Kara.” He was slightly out of breath.
“I wonder why?” She sat up and straddled his stomach and Zak ran his hands up her thighs and squeezed her hips. He reached around to cup her bottom and tugged her forward.
“What?” She asked in confusion.
Zak gave her his most depraved smile and said, “Hang on to the head board.”
Kara very obediently leant forward on her knees and held on to the furniture. Zak snaked his way down until his face was under her and firmly gripped her hips, lowering her into position. She could feel his hot breath tickling her and she bit her lip in anticipation. Long seconds went by with nothing happening.
“Is something wrong?”
“You’re so perfect baby.” He said in awe. Then he turned his head to the side and kissed her inner thigh. Kara blushed with the realisation of what he was doing. She raised her hips to get off him but he wouldn’t let go. Before she could raise a protest his tongue flicked out and hit her sweet spot causing electricity to shoot through her blood.
“Ohhh frak me!”
Zak didn’t respond, well not with words. He assaulted her tender flesh with his mouth and she could feel that this was going to be one hell of an orgasm. If he wasn’t holding her steady she surely would’ve suffocated the poor guy, her need to grind down into him was strong.
Not being able to see Zak’s face made her mind dream it up, every thrust of his tongue, every suck of his mouth. Then in flickers, images of Lee kept interspersing with Zak. She forced her eyes open to try and banish his image. But no, Lee was the first one to do this to her and he had given her, her first full soul shattering orgasm. She felt herself get more aroused as memories of Lee engulfed her. It was only Lee now and his blue eyes impaled her and the image of him smiling up at her with his mouth wet and eyes lust blinded made her buck almost violently. With a shooting rush she came hard against Lee’s mouth……”Oh Lee…….oh Lee…..”
As pulse after pulse of pure pleasure slowly ebbed out of her she realised what she had done. Zak was now still and she feared more than anything the next words that were to come from his mouth.
“Damn Kara. I don’t think you’ve ever come like that before.” His voice was thick with emotion. She climbed off him, knees completely weak and collapsed beside him. For some marvellous reason, he seemed not to have heard her. Thank the Lords of Kobol.
He leaned over her and rested his head on her breasts, listening to her fast pounding heart. She threaded her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes with exhaustion.
“What did you say before?”
Her eyes snapped open. Frak, frak, frak. Telling her first blatant lie to Zak she quietly said, “Frak me.”
Zak looked up and held her gaze. “That’s what I thought you said.” He then kissed her forehead and went to have a shower.
Kara rolled over and muffled a small cry into the pillow. She was the worst fiancée ever. She didn’t deserve Zak. She was only going to bring him heart ache. Lee already hated her and eventually Zak would too. She really was a screw up.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee made sure that he booked a room this time. There was no way he was going to stay with Zak and Kara. He’d been dreading this for nearly four weeks. They had been engaged for three weeks and four days and Lee was about to spend three miserable days with the happy couple.
Lee wondered how Kara would receive him. Would she pretend to like him to make Zak happy? Would she ignore him like he was a nobody? As horrible as this is going to be, a sick part of him is desperate to see her again. Lee is pretty sure that he has prepared himself to witness their happiness. Well, as prepared as a man hopelessly in love with his brother’s fiancée can be.
Zak had just picked him up and they were driving to Kara’s apartment. For some reason Zak looked less happy than Lee thought he would be. He caught Zak looking at him a few times without saying anything. Lee had this irrational fear that Kara has told him about that night they slept together. But he couldn’t put his foot in it and ask outright. So Lee’s nerves just wound tighter.
“So Zak, did you tell her that I know about the engagement?”
Zak grinned. “I was tempted about a hundred times but she doesn’t know a thing. In fact I never even told her that you were coming. She’s smart and would work it out in a second.”
“She’s going to kill you Zak, springing my visit on her like that.”
“I told you before that I want to surprise her. No one knows of the engagement and I think she needs to get used to being part of a family. She won’t let me say anything to our parents and keeps so much to herself. She still won’t tell me much about her past either. So at least she’s met you and I want her to get used to having a brother in-law at the very least.”
Lee just allows the words to wash over him. He can’t dwell on his pain or he won’t get through the next few days. Forcing a smile he says to Zak, “So, it looks like I’ll have a sister in-law.”
“Yep. She’s good for me Lee. She’ll be good for the whole family. I promise.” Zak was sounding very proud and Lee couldn’t fault him.
As they climb the stairs Lee is fairly sure he will be able to handle seeing her. Forget the past, Lee. Start afresh. This is not the woman of your dreams; she’s the woman of your brother’s. A few deep breaths and Lee is ready.
They enter and Zak calls out to Kara. No response. Zak shrugs and tells him that she must’ve gone out for a bit.
“I’m sure she’ll be back soon. Maybe I should’ve told her that you were coming after all.”
“Maybe.” Lee let’s out his breath and is grateful for the extra reprieve.
“Frak it. I was supposed to be getting something for her and I forgot. She thinks that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ll be twenty minutes Lee. Make yourself at home. There’s some beer in the fridge.”
Before Lee could protest, Zak grabbed his keys and headed out the door.
Lee looks around her apartment. It looks the same. She doesn’t have many frivolous things, just stuff that looks well used and functional. He hopes Zak makes it back before she comes home. He’s not sure what will happen if they came face to face alone.
He goes to grab a drink and stops to look at his hands. His upbringing forces him to wash up first so he heads for the bathroom. Lee opens the door, walks in and stops dead.
Kara was immersed to her waist in wet soapy bubbles.
Lee hasn’t looked at her face yet because all he can see are two perfect breasts glistening with water and the occasional bubble.
“Lee?”
The sound of his name from her lips caused him to finally look up and meet her eyes. She looks stunned and confused. Her eyes were wide and her lips were parted. The steam from the bath had curled pieces of her hair to stick to her neck. And she still hadn’t covered herself up. And he still hadn’t turned around or looked away.
She simply took his breath away. They locked eyes with each other and at least a full minute went by. They were both breathing heavy and the tension in the room became a third person.
Just when Lee was about to lose the battle with his body that was determined to lift her out of that water and kiss her, she spoke.
“Get out.” She stood up, letting the water run down her body and reached for a towel. “Get out now.” She stepped out of the tub and covered herself. It took a few seconds for her words and tone to force their way through the desire that was fogging his mind.
He reached out for her, not sure what would happen if he actually got to touch her. She avoided his grasp by taking a quick step past him and slipped on the pool of water that had accumulated at her feet.
Reflex took over and Lee caught her before she fell and she tripped against him landing with both hands on his chest. He was gripping her shoulder and his other hand was splayed against her hip. Her hip. The towel was on the floor between them.
Lee saw her face flush and her pupils dilate and before some angry words could escape from her open mouth, he kissed her. It was hard and bruising and desperate. Some kind of painful sound escaped his throat and he had both hands now on her hips. He squeezed her and tugged her flush against him, lifting her slightly.
Then the tide turned.
Kara let out a sob and met his kisses with equal strength. He felt her hands grip tightly around his neck and she tried to climb up his body. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him with a death like force. Lee turned sideways and pressed her back against the door so he could free a hand to touch her, remember her.
Every nerve he had was on fire, he couldn’t catch his breath and Kara was kissing him and his knees were going to give way and he had Kara wrapped around him and his heart was breaking and Kara was still kissing him.
Then they heard the front door close loudly and Zak call out. “Where the frak is everyone?”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Light shifted and reality rushed back. They let go of each other and Kara refused to look in his eyes. She snatched up her towel and covered herself. Not one single thought would form coherently in her brain.
“Are you in there Lee?” Zak’s voice was so close it felt like he was in the bathroom with them.
“I’ll be out in a sec, Zak.”
Kara looked up at Lee, amazed at how steady his voice sounded. But that was the worst thing she could’ve done. She could see everything Lee was feeling, on his face and in his eyes.
He whispered to her. “Zak thinks you went out. I’ll get him to take me back to my hotel. I’m going to go back to the Atlantia.”
“You can’t go back. We need to sort this out.” Her voice was shaky.
“This was, this ……..I don’t know what this was, but you’re engaged to my brother and I’m not sure what to say. Actually I do. This was a mistake. It has to be.” He said the last four words like a plea.
He straightened his clothes and splashed water on his face and exited the bathroom. She could hear their voices, but was too confused to listen. The front door shut and Kara was left alone to deal with the guilt of her heart. Her body slid to the floor, shaking almost violently.
She couldn’t focus on Zak yet, not when every inch of her skin was screaming out for Lee. She opened her towel and looked at her body, trembling and flushed with arousal. She felt disgusted with herself. Suddenly she hated Lee. Lee, who rejected her kisses after she had broken up with Zak nine months before. Lee, who had left her without saying goodbye after she told him that she did go back to him. Lee, who never wrote back to her after she told him that she missed him. She had tried to go on making the best of her life, convinced that Lee was never an option. This is why she lost all control. He had kissed HER this time and it was everything she had ever wanted from the first day she had met him.
She got off the floor and went into her bedroom. Without thought she took out of her draw the tee-shirt she slept in. The one that was Zak’s but she found out last year was really Lee’s. That tee-shirt now seemed to represent all her pain. It was Zak but really was Lee. Zak, Lee.
“Frakking Adama’s” She yelled at the ceiling.
Zak came home an hour later and found her lying on the bed clad only in his tee-shirt and bare from the waist down. She must’ve drifted off, her mind refusing to torture itself any longer. She felt his weight dip the bed as he sat beside her. She couldn’t look at him. She recoiled from his touch as he tried to run his hand down her thigh. Everything went still. Then he put his hand back as if testing her. She passed this time.
“Kara. Get dressed; we’re going out for dinner. And I have a surprise for you.”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Zak had excused himself from the table to go make a phone call. The number was in his jeep so he went to the parking lot.
Lee just looked at Kara who was looking at him. Honestly, she looked like she was going to beat the shit out of him. He swallowed and said, “About before.”
“You said it was a mistake, I heard you. Loud and clear.”
“It’s not what you think. There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t have the right.” He hoped he was making some sense, that she would get his meaning.
“You kissed me, Lee.” Her face softened but her eyes were pained.
“You kissed me back.” And the sudden memory caught in his chest.
“And you said it was a mistake………………….and you never wrote back to me.” Her eyes went accusing.
Lee reached out and grabbed her hand. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let go. “Actually Kara, I did.” She stopped struggling. “I just never sent it.”
“Why not? Were you trying to spare my feelings?”
Lee shook his head. “You know perfectly well how I would’ve responded.”
“All I know is how you did respond – with nothing.” She took a deep breath. “And the last time we saw each other, when I told you I came back to you and your response was to tell me to work things out with Zak and then you left without saying goodbye. Well, after that it took me months to work up the courage to write to you and, and ……and you didn’t want me.”
All the resolve Lee had managed to get back, slipped from his grasp and dissolved. His precious future was sitting before him giving him yet another chance to claim her. His love for her was finally starting to outweigh his guilt.
“Kara….I….”
There was a sudden commotion going on outside and they heard people shouting. Lee rushed out with Kara close behind him. There was a small group of people standing around a man lying on the ground. Lee’s heart leapt in to his throat at the same time hearing Kara’s scream.
“ZAAAK”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara stood trembling beside the hospital bed, holding Zak’s hand. He was still unconscious. Zak had seen a woman being mugged in the parking lot and tried to play the hero. The woman had told the CCPD (Caprica City Police Department) how Zak had come to her rescue. The man had a weapon of some kind and had hit Zak in the head, causing him to drop like a stone.
Lee came back into the room. The doctors had needed Lee to sign some papers. “They said they can’t be sure of any damage until he regains consciousness.” Lee’s voice sounded thin and broken.
Kara refused to look at him. She could only stare at Zak’s unmoving face.
Lee continued to talk from near the doorway, as if he was afraid to look at Zak too closely. “I’ve called my mother, but she wasn’t home, so I left a message.”
Kara wishes that Lee would just shut up. She felt him move up behind her and he then rested his hand on her shoulder. She immediately shrugged him off. She could hear his erratic breathing behind her head and steeled her heart from caring.
She squeezed Zak’s hand and moved closer to him. “Wake up Zak, you’re stronger than this. Wake up.” She thought she was sounding brave but tears were rolling down her face. Warm strong fingers brushed across her cheek.
She spun around this time and her face froze. Lee’s face was contorted with pain and worry. Still holding Zak’s hand, she felt trapped between the two of them. They both needed her. But her own self loathing and guilt couldn’t hold the balance between the two men.
Lee stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. With his face buried in her neck she could feel the dampness from his cheeks. Her free arm hovered as if to return his embrace, but she dropped it down to her side and squeezed Zak’s hand instead.
Lee let go immediately hurt and confused. She turned back to Zak and kissed the palm of his hand, then quickly left the room.
Kara burst into the bathroom and threw handfuls of cold water onto her face. She looked at herself, the image jarred her. Guilt was written all over her. She desperately wanted to lose herself in Lee’s embrace and find the comfort he gave her soul, she wanted to soothe his pain and tell him that Zak was going to be fine. But if she gave in to the smallest emotion where Lee was concerned, she would never be able to forgive herself.
Zak needed her. What her and Lee had been discussing behind Zak’s back, like his feelings didn’t matter, tore at her heart. She was going to fix this. She was going to make it up to him. She was going to love Zak Adama to the best of her ability. She was going to be the best fiancée and wife a man ever had.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee realised with cold shock what had just happened. Kara was choosing Zak. Holding the same hand of Zak’s that Kara had just been holding, Lee whispered to him. “Please open your eyes Zak. I need my little brother.” He swallowed. “Kara needs you too.”
Lee couldn’t blame Kara for reacting the way she had. She was doing the same thing he had been doing all along. Lee knew in his heart that Kara and he belonged together but he had allowed to slip from his grasp every opportunity she gave him to claim her. His reason had only ever been Zak. Lee could never put himself before his brother. How could he blame her now for doing the same thing?
Lee resolved to make it up to Zak. What he and Kara had been discussing while Zak was lying unconscious on the ground, made him sick with guilt. He was going to do his best to stop feeling the way he did about her and behave like the brother that Zak deserved.
Zak opened his eyes.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Zak was the definite beneficiary of Kara’s guilt and new resolve. She loved him better. She doted on him, gave in to him, argued with him less and frakked him more. She finally told Zak some of her childhood secrets and agreed to meet his mother, but still wanted the engagement kept quiet. She doubled her efforts in trying to make him a better pilot, for Zak had informed her that no matter what, he was going to get his wings. Kara did her best.
When Zak’s flight instructor was hospitalised from a freak viper training accident, he was put in her class, along with a third of his fellow nuggets. She was going to have him transferred to one of the other classes but Zak made a pointed comment on how glad he was that she was going to be the one to give him his wings. He only had couple more months to go ‘til graduation, what’s a couple more months? So Kara gave in.
She was standing in the kitchen waiting for the frakking coffee to hurry up and be ready. No matter what resolves she made, Kara still had a few guilty secrets. One of them was Lee’s old tee-shirt. She wore it less often but sometimes she needed to feel enveloped by……..
“Good morning beautiful.”
Kara twisted her neck and kissed Zak who was standing behind her. “It will be if this coffee will hurry the frak up!”
Zak slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck where it met her shoulder. While dropping little kisses he slowly dragged his hands under her top and caressed her breasts. He rubbed in big circles and tormented her nipples. She soon forgot about the coffee. She leaned back into him and raised her arms above her head to grip his hair while he caused heat to flood her body.
“I heard from Lee yesterday.” Zak’s words were punctuated between kissing and fondling.
Kara froze.
“Turns out he finally managed to find the time for a girlfriend.”
A physical pain squeezed her heart. Here she was engaged to be married and still, jealousy ripped through her at the thought of Lee with someone else.
“Ow. Frak Kara, that hurt.” Zak realeased her breasts and rubbed his head.
“Sorry Zak.” She actually had a few strands of his hair in her hands. She went to check him, but he backed away from her.
“So why does finding out that Lee…………” He shook his head and took a deep breath. Holding out his hand he said, “Come here.”
Kara tentatively reached out and Zak pulled her into his warm embrace. “I love you Kara. I want you to be happy……….. Are you happy?” His voice cracked slightly.
These words were so similar to what Lee had said to her once, here in this very apartment that it threw her a little. This has to stop. She breathed in at Zak’s neck and let peace wash over her. Taking his head between her hands, she looked deep into his eyes. “I love you, Zak.” She then kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Kissing him again, she let all the love she had to offer flow into his mouth.
Zak groaned, and nearly squeezed the life out of her. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, baby.”
“Well instead of me just saying it, how about I show you as well?” Kara then took Zak back into their bedroom and did exactly that.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee was trying. He really was. He started seeing the specialist again and he was interested, most of the time. She knew this wasn’t love and never made him feel guilty for all the parts of himself he kept hidden from her. She did ask him once, when they had forty-eight hours of shore leave, who Kara was. Lee was stunned. Even though they had been frakking on and off for quite a long time, this was the first time they shared a bed and actually slept together. Well, slept beside each other. Lee couldn’t think of anything worse than not having his own space when sleeping. Okay, so maybe he did once want to keep a woman wrapped tight around him while he slept, but what was the use, she still got away and left him alone. So Lee had mentioned Kara’s name in his sleep, he knew he didn’t do it during sex.
So while he was trying, and he really was, apparently he couldn’t control the dreams. The one that hadn’t left his mind for two months was his bathroom fantasy. While the only night he had ever spent with Kara was the best thing his body had ever experienced, and that included flying, what happened in her bathroom two months ago had surpassed it.
Those five glorious minutes now had more meaning than the entire night he spent exploring her body, being buried so deep inside her that he thought he would never have the strength to pull out.
Why? It was simple. Love. Surrender. Promise. The violent emotions they released upon each other in her bathroom, was the final nail in Lee’s coffin. He would never feel that way about someone else again.
So naturally his mind finished that scene and frakking Kara in a tub was Lee’s new fantasy. In the tub, on the floor, against the wall, in the shower, on the bench, Lee had dreamt them all. A single phrase kept rolling around his head and Lee got hard just thinking about it. He could see in his minds eye Kara sitting waist deep in a bathtub and hear her sensuous voice saying, “wanna give me a bath?” Please Lords YES! So while he could try his best during the day to not think about her, waking up with those images in his mind and a raging hard on was beyond his control.
Lee was trying, he really was.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“You passed, Zak. By the skin of your teeth, but you passed.”
“I don’t want you doing me any favours.”
Kara knew that she really should fail him for busting three of the test manoeuvres, but regardless of Zak’s words she had felt a kind of pressure to pass him. He wasn’t a bad pilot and he had improved a lot. She was quite confident that with a little more help from her that he would improve even more. Having his wings should make him more confident. Yes it all sounded logical in her head.
She crawled back into bed with him and reassured him. Zak showed his appreciation by frakking her sensless. They were getting so good at sex with each other; it made her think of the term ‘practice makes perfect,’ she hoped this carried over to viper flying.
As she arched her back as Zak kissed his way down her collarbone, her body heated and responded, eager for his touch. His mouth reached a nipple and he teased it until it stood erect and the skin around it puckered. Zak let out a groan as she ran her foot along his hip and thigh, spreading her legs a little wider so he fit snugly against her. He plunged into her with hot deep strokes and she twisted her fingers into the sheets letting him fill her, frak her. He curled his fingers under her right knee, bringing it higher to spread her more. Kara’s eyes flew open and saw him grinning at her. He was grinding into her as deep as he could. She clenched him hard and his smile faltered. He quickly got back to business and soon they were both coming and clutching at each other. The echoing distance of ‘I love you, I love you,’ swirling in the air.
Two days later, Kara emerged from the bathroom wearing a short white skirt and sky-blue thin cotton top that showed plenty of midriff. She had put on some lipstick and her dancing shoes. “Come on Zak, I don’t want to be late.”
She looked up finding Zak staring at her. “How I ever managed to get a woman like you, I’ll never know.”
Taking a few sexy steps towards him she said, “If you dance the night away with me, I may let you keep me.”
“Is that so?” He placed his hands on her hips and nibbled her ear.
She swayed her hips from side to side and put her arms around his neck. “Yep, because your ceremony flight isn’t until tomorrow afternoon and I get the day off. It’s hot, I’m in love and I want to dance with my sexy fiancé.
“Speaking of sexy fiancée’s ……” Zak slipped his hand under her skirt and pressed a finger between her legs through her underwear.
Kara jerked as shooting sensations pooled where he touched her. He tugged her underwear to the side and slid in a thick finger. Kissing him became hard as he swirled his finger, causing the breath to stop in her lungs.
Then the frakking phone had to ring.
Zak pulled out of her and answered the phone. Kara was left shaking and wanting, her entire body was now on edge. She dimly heard Zak give directions to the party they were going to.
“That was Lee; he managed to get here early, so I told him to meet us at the party.” Zak was smiling very wide and looking rather pleased.
Kara only felt the smallest twinge at hearing Lee’s name; she knew he would be there for the ceremony tomorrow, so seeing him a few hours earlier was no big deal.
“He brought his girlfriend along.” Zak’s smile was all teeth.
Kara’s hot state quickly turned cold.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee had taken the time for a quick frak at the hotel, before heading to the party. He needed to make sure his body was drained so it wouldn’t make its usual responses to seeing Kara.
They entered the house and were assaulted by loud music that set beats pounding through bodies. Lee recognised one of Zak’s friends. “Hey Martin, do you know where Zak is?”
“Hi, Zak’s brother, right? Lee nodded in response. “I think he’s outside on the back porch”
“Thanks.” They went in search of Zak. Lee’s vision narrowed as he approached his brother. Zak was leaning against a balustrade and had Kara tucked tight against him, her back leaning into his chest. Zak’s hands were low around her exposed stomach with a couple of fingers tucked into her top of her skirt. Lee’s brain froze as he remembered that skirt. That short white skirt. He remembered deliberately lifting it up and then slowly pulling down her underwear…………… Lee felt his blood begin its downward rush and did everything in his power to control himself.
“Hey that girl’s wearing a top the exact colour of your eyes.”
It was enough to make him drag his eyes away from the tops of Kara’s legs and look at his girlfriend? Lover? Substitute? Prop? Whatever she was, she sure as hell wasn’t Kara.
“That’s my brother and his fiancée.”
“Oooh, she’s really pretty, you’re brother’s quite cute too.”
“Lee, you made it.” Zak’s voice was easily heard over the music. The two brothers embraced and Lee was watching Kara who was eyeing his date. A zing of triumph shot through him as he recognised a small flash of jealousy wash her features.
“So introduce us, Lee.”
“Zak this is Audrey.” He reached out and shook her hand warmly. Zak then reached behind him for Kara and dragged her forward.
“It’s great to meet you Audrey, and this is my fiancée, Kara.”
The two women just stared at each other and Audery said, “Oh, your name is Kara, I think I’ve heard that somewhere before.”
Lee groaned inwardly. He forgot that Audrey would put two and two together and work out his dirty little secret.
Later on, Audrey had pulled him aside and said to him, “Listen Adama, I know we’re not in this for love and happy endings, but I never realised what a sick frak you were. Do you have any idea how you look at her? Is your brother even aware, or is this some twisted family secret?”
“You don’t know what the frak you’re talking about. I’m here for my brother’s graduation tomorrow; if you have a problem with me or my family then you can leave.”
She glared at him and went and got herself another drink. He looked for Zak and Kara; they were dancing, wild and sensuous. They actually looked good together, Zak’s hands managing to touch as much of her as possible as they writhed and swayed. That part was not looking so good to Lee.
Lee had the sudden urge to take Audrey fast and hard, up against a wall somewhere, but he doubted she would let him. Zak was looking at him and nodding for him to come over. Lee pushed his way through the press of people and Zak handed Kara over to him. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Then he left.
They looked at each other for a few long seconds. She turned to leave, so he grabbed her arm, pulling her back. A bolt of electricity shot between them. “I’m sure we can manage to dance together.” His voice was a challenge and she took the bait.
She gave him a smile and all of Lee’s defences rushed up. He silently begged her, don’t smile Kara, I have no resistance from that. But she put her hands around his neck and her smile broadened. That smile pulled at everything inside him. It was that smile that made him fall for her in the first place. There in the sim room he had challenged her and this was the smile he got, this was the smile that hooked him.
They swayed to the music; they were at odds with the rest of the couples. It was like Lee and Kara danced to their own tune, out of sync with everyone else yet completely natural. They simply were in a world of their own.
Lee rested his hands on her hips, fingertips grazing her warm silky flesh. She tucked a few fingers under the collar of his shirt, stroking ever so slightly. They danced unknowingly to the edge of the crowd and Lee’s date intruded, snapping them out of their intense staring.
“Why don’t you both just frak and get it over with.” She seemed to be focusing all her hate on Kara.
Kara’s voice came out cool and controlled. “Lee and I don’t have twelve hours to spare right now.” Then she tipped Audrey’s drink so it spilled down her top. Turning back to Lee she said, “Nice date,” and walked off.
Lee watched Kara stride away and caught Zak standing off to the side watching them all. Zak looked like a man who had just had all his worst suspicions confirmed. A look passed between the two brothers, Lee will never forget that look.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara needed a drink. Kara needed to get frakking drunk. Zak came and stood beside her and watched her knock back her fourth shot in a row. He took the glass from her hand and pulled her outside, where it was less noisy.
“What was all that about?” His voice was quiet and controlled.
“Lee’s date is a stupid bitch.” Watching that woman hang off Lee’s arm like she owned him or something, had stirred some dangerous feelings inside of Kara. And then to blurt out what she did, well she was lucky that spilling the drink on her was all she did. Stupid, pointy faced, bony bitch. Kara felt like punching her in the face.
“You seem to have taken a strong dislike to Lee’s girlfriend.” Zak’s over pronunciation of the last two words made Kara turn her glare on him.
What she saw made her heart stop. He knew. His eyes were so incredibly sad that Kara’s heart cracked. “It’s not what you think.” She reached out to touch him, to reassure him, but he took a step back from her.
“What do I think, Kara?” The slight tremble in his voice made her heart crack more.
Kara shook her head, refusing to answer.
“Do I think that there is something between you and Lee, that neither of you will admit to me? Do I think that every time my brother’s in town you refuse to let me touch you? Do I think that once when I had my face buried between your legs, I heard you moan my brother’s name?”
Just then Kara noticed Lee standing behind Zak. Zak spun round and gave a twisted little laugh. “Hoping for a secret rendezvous Lee, behind my back?”
“You’ve got it wrong Zak.” Lee’s voice was tight and he was refusing to look at Kara.
“Oh I don’t think so, big brother.” Zak took a step toward Lee. “Tell me. Have you ever had her? Have you been inside her?”
Lee’s guilty hesitation was all it took for Zak to connect his fist into his brother’s jaw. Lee didn’t even try to defend himself, nor would he retaliate.
Kara screamed at Zak to stop. Zak shoved her away and hit Lee again. He didn’t stop until two more punches got Lee’s blood on his fist.
They stood there in some sort of nightmare triangle, each at odds with the other. Kara spoke first. “Zak, it was years before you and I met.”
Deep in her heart she knew this was dishonest, letting him think that the time distance lessened any feelings her and Lee might’ve had for each other. But she needed to remove the pain in Zak’s eyes.
Zak looked at her incredulously. “YEARS before we met?”
She nodded. “And it was only once.” She caught Lee’s tortured eyes and amended her statement. “Only one night.”
The stand off was broken by the intrusion of Lee’s date. She had an ugly green Ambrosia stain down her yellow top, and was ready to make Lee’s life hell. “Take me home, now.” She finally noticed the blood on Lee’s teeth and mouth, and looked at the three of them, from one to the other.
Before she could open her mouth and make matters worse, Lee took her arm and led her back through the door. Coming back to Zak, he said, “We need to finish talking about this, how about I come by tomorrow after the ceremony?” Lee’s voice was quietly pleading with Zak to let him fix this.
Zak’s usual happy features were contorted in confusion, he looked at Kara then back to Lee, he nodded and Lee’s face washed over with relief.
Kara let out the breath she had been holding. Lee might be able to fix things with Zak, but could she?
The drive home was silent and heavy. Zak wouldn’t get out of his jeep, so Kara refused to get out as well.
“Go inside Kara.” He sounded tired.
“Aren’t you coming?” She was trying not to cry.
“I’m going to sleep back at the Academy.” He was refusing to look at her. “I need some time to think.”
Kara suddenly felt angry. “Time to think? What? To decide if you still want to marry me?”
He didn’t answer her. That hurt her more than anything. “I love you Zak. Do you hear me? I love you. I want to marry you. I want to be your wife.” She was crying now, not hard, just tears running down her cheeks.
“I love you too, Kara.” His voice broke.
Those words made her throw her arms around his neck and shoulder. He was still gripping the steering wheel. He wasn’t making this easy for her. She held his face and made him turn to her. He had tears in his eyes; her heart broke just seeing it.
She whispered to him, “I love you,” once again and kissed him. She kept kissing him until he kissed her back. She could taste his desperation to believe her. She did her best to convince him.
This was the first time she felt that the loss of Zak would kill her. The panic was rising higher in her, threatening to erupt. She couldn’t live without Zak. He had become her life.
He gently pushed her away and said, “I still need time by myself. You have to give me that. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.” He gave her a quick kiss and stroked her cheek, brushing the hair from her face. “It’ll be fine, I promise.”
She sniffed and nodded and reluctantly got out of the car. She watched him drive away. Her head was pounding, her heart was breaking and she knew she didn’t deserve anybody as wonderful as Zak Adama.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next day Zak Adama died. He crashed his viper in what should’ve been a text book landing. There was no control malfunctions. It was listed as pilot error. It could’ve happened to any one.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee was stuck in the middle of some demented nightmare. Two days ago, his brother had died. Two days ago, he was sitting with his mother watching Zak and his squad perform the viper fly by ceremony, when he saw his viper erupt into a ball of flame and twisted metal as it hit the ground. Lee couldn’t feel. He couldn’t comprehend what had happened. He couldn’t leave his hysterical mother. His father was arriving soon and all Lee could think was that this was his father’s fault. He had pushed both of his kids to be viper pilots. And now one of them was dead. Now that Lee had something to focus his anger on, he let it all come out. The anger helped Lee to deflect any personal guilt he felt in Zak’s death. It was an accident, wasn’t it? This had nothing to do with Kara and himself, did it? Lee couldn’t go there. His grief at losing his brother was threatening to overwhelm him.
Lee heard his father’s voice in the house, and then his mother’s renewed wailing. Finally Lee could get out. The funeral was tomorrow and Lee needed to find the bottom of a bottle or five before he could cope with anything else.
He still hadn’t seen or spoken to Kara. Something deep inside him was afraid of what he might see if he found her. What he might hear if he talked to her. His first instinct had been to go to her, comfort her and seek the comfort only she could give. Comfort he would find by just being in her presence. But Lee was punishing them both for the guilt he pretended not to feel. He had no right to be with her. Also there was the tiniest fear that she would reject him completely. She probably hated him.
He sensed his father at the door. Lee looked up from Zak’s old bed to see his fathers drawn face. Lee was ready to unleash the tirade he had been keeping inside, when his father’s words stopped him.
“I met Zak’s fiancée, a short while ago. Kara Thrace.”
Lee looked at his father in amazement. “She told you?”
“She didn’t have to. I had a letter from…..” His father took a breath. “…….From Zak. He mentioned that he had a surprise about her.”
“Was she okay?” Lee tried not to look as desperate as he felt.
“She actually seemed fine, on the outside. I don’t know her, but I could tell that she was barely keeping it together. She seems to have thrown herself into her work, maybe to keep her distracted from the funeral? I don’t know.”
Lee knew that they were both using this conversation to stall what was about to happen. Because what was about to happen, was going to cause the three remaining Adama’s to go in three very separate directions. His parents could barely stand to be around each other since their divorce. Lee was going to have to be the one to help his mother through this. But now at least he could get a few hours to himself, if he wanted them.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara was in complete denial. She abandoned her neat little flat and holed up in some rundown unit. She couldn’t sleep in the bed she shared with Zak, couldn’t breathe in his scent that lingered on the pillows. She couldn’t look at his toothbrush. She couldn’t handle seeing his aftershave with the cap left off. His clothes, his books, everything was a reminder to her and she needed to not think.
She went to work and found herself staring off in space more often than not. Graduation was over but military life went on, she needed to prepare for next terms graduating nuggets. After two days of accomplishing nothing, she realised that she couldn’t do this anymore. Changing apartments was not enough. She needed a new life, because her old one was being buried tomorrow. If she breathed too deeply the pain threatened to spill out of her. If she closed her eyes she only saw a viper in flames. If she ate she threw up. If she let herself cry…….. she might never stop.
Meeting Zak’s father was easier than she expected. As unworthy as she was, she accepted his kindness. She knew she was weak and being a coward, it was her fault that Zak was dead, but Kara had no one, not even Lee, so she allowed William Adama to take her in.
Standing in front of Zak’s coffin, Kara was still feeling numb. Lee was standing across from her with his arm around his mother. She never made eye contact with him. She felt abandoned by him because he, as of yet, had not seen or spoken to her. It never occurred to her that she had taken herself beyond his reach.
William Adama was standing beside her and when he held her hand she felt the first tears threaten to fall.
When the funeral was over William Adama informed her that she was now under his command. In three days she was going to the Galactica with him. She stood trembling with relief and he hugged her, making her let out her first sob. She pulled back and put her hand over her mouth, the dam was about to break, she could feel it. As she ran from the graveyard, she heard Lee call out to her. She never stopped, she couldn’t. Now that she knew what her immediate future held, the grief and guilt were going to consume her. She only had three days to get it under control.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee had spent the night before the funeral sitting outside Kara’s apartment. After nearly two hours, a neighbour informed him that Kara had moved out. He sat there for another half hour, slowly knocking the back of his head against her door.
At the funeral she ran away from him. She never looked at him, never spoke to him. Watching his father hold her hand had set off irrational feelings of possessiveness. Lee should be the one comforting her; Lords knew that he needed her, even if she didn’t need him.
The day after the funeral, he went to the Academy to find her. She no longer instructed there. He now had no way of finding her and it made him desperate. He couldn’t go back to the Atlantia without seeing her. He needed to know if she was going to be okay.
That night he staked out her favourite bar. She didn’t show up. The next day he went to all the places that the three of them had gone on his earlier visits. He never found her. Time was running out. He would be leaving soon, the next day in fact.
Lee felt worried for his mother, both he and his father were going back to their respective ships the next day and she would be all alone. In fact the three of them were going to be all alone, each needing to find a reason to keep on living without Zak.
It was getting dark and Lee was giving up. He couldn’t justify spending his last night away from his mother to sit in some bar in the hopes that Kara might walk in. No matter how much he really wanted to do that. So he decided to visit Zak’s grave one last time before his departure.
As he approached the grave he could see a curled up lump in the increasing darkness. Hearing a sob escape from it, his heart constricted and he rushed toward her.
“Kara.”
She looked up at him and his knees buckled. Sinking down beside her, he was so damned relieved to see her, but he was angry too. It was because of all those years of not knowing where she was that he had learned to hate the sensation. Completely unaware, she had always played emotional havoc with his life.
“Lee, he’s gone.” Her voice was thick with tears. She had been drinking; he could smell it, grief and alcohol. He put his arm across her back, her body stiffened, so he took it away. He stared at Zak’s grave and the utter sense of loss engulfed him. He’s never felt so alone. His breath hitched in a shudder as he tried to control the tears. That’s when Kara took notice that she wasn’t the only one grieving.
“Oh, Lee.” Then she put her arms around him and pulled him close. Lee just held on to her for dear life and silently cried into her hair. He could feel her body quaking in spurts as fresh waves of grief washed over her. They stayed that way, in each others arms, for what seemed like hours.
Kara had dampened the front of his shirt, her eyes were red and puffy, but at least now her tears seemed to have stopped. He had stopped crying an hour ago, but it seemed like the most important job in the world to hold Kara while she was still crying. She tried to struggle out of his embrace, but he only held tighter.
“Lee, I can’t feel my leg. You have to let me go.”
He let go and gave her a weak smile. “Sorry.” He helped her up. She wobbled on her feet and lost her balance. Lee caught her against him, grateful for any excuse to keep her close. She didn’t seem to mind.
“Let me take you home, Kara. Though I don’t know where that is at the moment.” He tried to keep his voice even, so he wouldn’t betray how hurt he’d been when he couldn’t find her.
“I couldn’t stay there. It hurt too much.” She was going to cry again, but she took a deep breath instead. Before they left, Kara said a prayer to the Lords of Kobol. They stood there, side by side, holding hands, and Lee let Kara’s words wash through him and cleanse him. He squeezed her hand as he echoed with her, “So say we all.” She squeezed back.
As Lee entered her new place, he tried not to look too disapproving. He acknowledged her reasons even if he didn’t understand them. While she had removed herself from anything that reminded her of Zak, he had spent the whole time reliving as many memories and surrounding himself with as much of Zak as he could.
She had hardly any furniture. There was a ratty couch and a mattress on the floor in the corner. She had tins of paint lined up against the grey walls. This was nothing like her neat little apartment, and it made him feel sad envisioning her spending time here.
Lee put the groceries he’d brought down on the bench and made them both a sandwich. He smiled when he noticed that she still had her coffee machine, so he turned it on. She had gone to take a shower to wash the grass stains, Ambrosia and tears from her skin. Lee was desperately trying to ignore the twisting sensation that was curling in his gut. He wondered how long they were going to pretend that they could spend normal time together, before she freaked out and made him leave. He should probably find the strength to leave her first, taking away the burden of asking him to go. But he was going to make sure that she ate something first, it was the least he could do.
She emerged from the bathroom in an oversized sweatshirt that nearly went to her knees. Still drying her hair with a towel, she put on some sombre classical music and Lee couldn’t look at her anymore, it was too hard, she affected him too much. She belonged to Zak and now she always will.
He brought her the coffee and set the sandwiches on the low coffee table. As he grabbed his keys he tried to make her promise to eat something.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave me?”
“What else am I supposed to do, Kara?”
“How about stay? I want you to stay. This is the first time I’ve felt remotely normal since it happened. Unless you can’t stand to be around me?” Her voice quavered at the last part, breaking Lee’s resolve.
“I want to stay too.” He put his keys back down and pulled her into his arms. She gripped him fiercely and Lee refused to feel guilty about something that felt so right.
To break the tension he got bossy with her. “Okay then, if I’m staying you’re eating.” He sat on the couch and made her sit on the floor between his feet. He put a sandwich in her hand and took the towel from her other. She looked confused but relaxed when he started drying her hair. She had put one arm around his knee to brace herself and Lee had to start fighting his feelings again. Tonight was going to test him to his limits.
He threw the towel on the floor and she passed him a sandwich over her shoulder. After she ran her fingers through her hair to fix it, she took a sip of coffee and passed it him; he drank some and passed it back. They sat there eating and sharing and listening to the music. Their comfort level around each other was actually frightening. So Lee brought up Zak.
“Do you want to talk about him?”
She got up and sat beside him. “I can’t. I just want to rest here with you and not talk. Is that okay?”
“That’s exactly what I need too.”
She looked relieved and put her head in his lap and curled up on the couch. So Lee settled back and let the music filter through his body, while gently rubbing the backs of his fingers along the side of her neck. After a while he realised she was crying again, causing a wet spot on his jeans. Kara seemed determined to christen all his clothes tonight. He rubbed her arm and tried to soothe her. He bent down and kissed her hair, she stopped crying.
Lee was silently kicking himself for being so careless. “I’m sorry.” He muttered softly.
She rolled over to stare up at him. Her expression was serious. “Don’t be. I’m not.” Then she put her arms around his neck and drew him down for a soft chaste kiss.
Alarm bells were going off in Lee’s head, but one by one his heart silenced them. Maybe this was just kissing and wouldn’t go further than that?
She stopped kissing him and he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t disappointed. He felt like an emotional yo-yo, but the one thing that had never changed was his desire for her. She had been in his blood since the day he met her. And it’s only gotten stronger as the years go by. Engaged to Zak or not, he knew in his heart that she belonged to him, because, Lords of Kobol help him, he was hers. And Lee was pathetic enough to accept any role in her life than she chose to give him.
She got up and stood before him. “Lee, if you push me away again, I will never forgive you.” Her eyes were big and sad. Here she was again, giving him yet another chance. Had he gotten so used to the role of martyr that he was afraid to emerge from behind it?
He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m not pushing you away.” Then he leaned in and kissed her properly. She sagged against him, allowing him to take control and prove himself.
They stood there kissing for quite a while and Lee refused to let any guilt about Zak overshadow this moment. The history between him and Kara went way beyond Zak, and even though they were both suffering from his loss, this was something they could fix here and now. He had never needed her as much as he needed her now. This wasn’t the right time to tell her that he loved her, but his body could show hers, and for tonight it would have to be enough.
He led her to the mattress on the floor. “Are you sure?” Her answer was to start undoing the buttons on his shirt. Lee’s hands trembled slightly. His emotions were threatening to overwhelm him. He has dreamt about her for so long that his first time with her had turned into a dream. But this was real and it was happening now.
She was fumbling with his pants, so he helped her out. She seemed as nervous as him. Kara started kissing his chest and he slid his hands under her sweatshirt to remember the feel of her soft warm skin. Her skin was on fire. He lifted it up off over her head and she immediately stepped back into him and kissed his mouth. He didn’t get a chance to see her but he could feel her pressed up hard against him and it was better than he remembered. He pushed her underwear down to her thighs and she kicked them the rest of the way off. Now they were both completely naked in each others arms.
As he squeezed her hips and her waist, she whimpered his name into his mouth. Lee kissed her with more force and held her tighter, he couldn’t help it. Even though he didn’t realise it, he was half afraid that she would say Zak’s name instead of his. His relief freed him to let go a little more.
She broke from his embrace and laid down on the mattress. Her beauty took his breath away. Her ivory skin seemed to glow and her breasts were flushed. His mouth watered at the sight of her. Not saying I love you was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He loved her; he was in love with her. There was no simpler truth than that.
He stretched out beside her and kissed her from head to toe. He took his time and savoured every curve and texture she had. She arched and writhed with such fevered response that it sent his blood pounding through his veins.
His control was slipping fast. Lee had to let her take charge. He didn’t trust himself. All that he felt for her was compressed behind a very thin wall. Cracks were forming. As if reading his mind, she pushed him onto his back and started her own personal assault on his flesh. She pinned his arms above his head and kissed him until he lost his breath. Her mouth became a branding tool, and if any part of his body was unsure if it belonged to her, there was no doubt anymore.
Her name tore from his throat in desperation, so she took pity on him and centred herself above him. Poised like that, allowing the tip of him to barely touch her, they stared at each other. Everything was written in their eyes, pain, love, loss, hope. He gripped her hips and pulled her down and he swelled harder inside of her as the feel of her possessed him. She breathed out his name again and he hardened even more.
He thrust up into her and pleaded, “Please, Kara.” Her response was to grind down into him and start her slow torturous pace of backwards and forwards, up and down. She was surely trying to torment him slowly but he was so lost in her that he forgot his own name. How they managed to last so long, he’ll never know, but when she finally gripped him in pulse after hot pulse, he slammed into her hard and felt paralysed by the sheer intensity of his orgasm.
She collapsed on top of him, trying to catch her breath. “This was so much more intense than before.”
He lifted her chin and between short breaths he kissed her lips lightly. “It only happens like this with you, Kara.”
Her eyes went liquid and she nodded. “For me too.” She slipped from his body then and faced away from him. He could tell that she was crying again.
He wondered how many times his heart could break. Right now it was breaking for her. She must feel more confused about this than him. What was propriety in situations like this? Just because it felt right between them to be together in this way, didn’t mean people would understand and not judge them. Personally, people be damned, but his nobility challenged him to make her life easier, not harder. So he determined that he would take the pressure from her and give her space. He knew where she was now; he would keep in contact with her and wait the appropriate amount of time. Maybe he could get transferred back to planet side?
Stroking her hair he said, “We’ll get through this, I promise. You and I are an undeniable force of nature. We’ll just have to be Starbuck and Apollo for a while, but I promise you that Kara and Lee are our final destination.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara turned over to look in his eyes. Those words meant so much; he was the only thing that was keeping her from self destruction. But she was dreading telling him about her transfer to the Galactica. She knew from Zak that Lee and his father had major issues. And William Adama’s exclusion from Lee and his mother at the funeral, spoke volumes. Yes, her and Lee needed some time and space to grieve Zak properly and maybe Lee would understand her choice. Please let him understand.
“I’m transferring to the Galactica in a couple of hours.” She held her breath because she didn’t intend for it to come out so blunt.
“You’re what?” His voice went quiet and hard.
“You heard me.”
“Kara, my father is a cold hearted bastard. He only cares about his damn ship. He didn’t even come to Zak’s graduation, even though Zak only got his wings to get his approval.” He was pulling back from her now.
“You know what Lee, if it wasn’t for your father, I wouldn’t have even made it to the funeral. He was the only thing keeping me upright. His offering me a place on Galactica saved me from myself.”
“Why don’t you let me be the one to help you?”
“Because you said it yourself, we need to take some time.”
“It’s because of him that Zak is dead.” He was getting angrier.
Before she could respond he got up and started putting on his clothes. Words wanted to escape her throat and tell him the truth, that it was her fault that Zak was dead. But as strong as Kara was, she had never been emotionally strong and she knew it. If she could avoid it she did. If it was the easier way out, she took it. This only fuelled her self loathing and made her do screw up things. She was a screw up. And she was going to let Lee Adama walk out of her life. If only he realised that she had taken the most emotional chances with him. That she only functioned on half thrusters without him, that she needed him like air.
He turned his heartbreaking blue eyes on her and the look on his face was pleading with her to give him a reason not to walk out. Her mouth opened but no words would come out.
“If this is how you want it Kara………….” He never finished what he was going to say. He simply tucked in his shirt, picked up his keys and left.
Kara didn’t cry. She had no more tears left. Plus she wasn’t crying over two Adamas at once. What sort of woman was she, anyway? She couldn’t have screwed things up any more, even if she had tried. Maybe she was a masochist; her life wasn’t complete unless she was suffering. Her mother had told her that she was born to suffer. That life was a testament to pain. Kara gripped her fingers in memory and then Zak’s face appeared before her. Zak who loved her, Zak who always tried to make her happy. The only true happy calm she had ever experienced was what Zak had given her.
Zak had deserved so much better than her. Tears threatened again but she took a breath and stemmed them. Kara Thrace picked herself up and packed for Galactica. She wasn’t going to regret her night with Lee, she had needed him and he had needed her. She wasn’t going to regret her decision to join Galactica. But Kara was going to have to find a way to live with passing Zak, when she should’ve failed him. Hopefully one day she would be able to find her contrition.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee and Kara spent the next two years trying not to think about each other. The amount of times they started to write a letter or pick up a phone were the only outward clues as to what was inside them. Lee allowed his resentment towards his father to increase, silently blaming him for taking away Kara as well. Kara in turn fell in love with the old man, and he became the most important Adama in her life. She gave him her complete respect and would follow him to the ends of the galaxy.
Kara came close a couple of times to confessing her part in Zak’s death to the old man, but her emotional cowardice won out every time, she needed him too much.
Lee was going to leave the Military. He put himself on the Reserves and was dutifully filling out his remaining tour. When he received the summons to participate in Galactica’s decommissioning ceremony, he was a pure mix of apathy and nervous anticipation.
When Lee watched her doing push ups in the brig, his heart was pounding in his throat. But their conversation turned quickly to painful subjects. At hearing her talk about his father, how obviously close they had become, Lee felt more resentment and jealousy towards him. The result was William Adama becoming the victim of Lee’s venom..
Then the worlds ended.
Its funny how what seemed the most important to you, holding a grudge, refusing to give in, loses all meaning when disaster strikes. Lee needed to see two people, Kara and his father. He needed to apologise for what he said to his father after the publicity photos. But he absolutely needed to see Kara first. She would’ve died if she was out with her squadron. The thought sent icy chills through his body. He approached her; she was working under her viper.
“Hey” It was all he could get out. He couldn’t stop smiling. She was smudged with grease from her viper and yet it did nothing to hide how beautiful she was. The look on her face was amazement and shock. She actually struggled for words.
They tried to make it light, he teased her. But he was still holding her hand. She let go and took his teasing with self depreciation. “Everyone has a skill.”
Then she smiled. Lee’s expression turned serious, he was searching her eyes, remembering all the times she had smiled at him like that. He had no defence against that smile, he never had. That smile pulled at everything inside him. His heart swelled.
And just like that, Lee Adama was lost.
Fin.