Word Count:
Date: 7/20/05
Series: Season 1
Rating: M+
Category: Relationship
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: romance/angst/sexual situations
Summary: This fic is about Lee trying to deal with his feeling
for Kara.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: season 1; I don't own them wish I did
Everything seems to be back to normal on the Galactica. Kara's been back for three months now, his father is fighting fit once more, and they haven't had any contact with the Cylons for at least two weeks. Two more models of Cylon have been flushed out. Both Sharons are dead and the chief and Helo seem to be coming to terms with their losses.
He and Kara did have a rocky start at first. Both still a little angry at each other. Nothing really has been resolved, but at least it seems they have put it behind them. He still hasn't apologised for his reaction to Baltar and the things he said to her, and she hasn't apologised for frakking off to Caprica and circumventing his authority. But time has passed and now they talk again, play cards and lately back to the routine of going on runs.
Lee is no longer jealous of the Vice President. Kara doesn't seem to pay him much attention anyway. Though lately he's feeling that there might be something going on with Helo. That makes Lee grind his teeth. Yet Helo flirts with all the girls, so maybe it's nothing. Lee knows that most people can see the strain between himself and Starbuck. Lee just feels that this is the result of him not having any close friends on Galactica that really know him, so he feels kind of possessive of Kara's time. Plus she never follows the rules and she knows he needs her to follow the rules. She's always pushing his buttons.
Last month when she casually invited him to run with her had been the first step in healing the breach. They run mostly in silence, but it felt good to be in her company without fighting. And now he was keeping a steady pace a few steps behind her. He was definitely enjoying the view. Just then she glanced over her shoulder and caught him. "What are you grinning at?"
"Just admiring the scenery."
She snorted and dropped back to run at his side. "Hey, you remember Tracey back at the Academy, first year?"
"No. Should I?"
"Come on, you must remember, pretty blond, blue eyes, skinny as a rake, couldn't handle vipers, got stuck with raptors."
Lee's thinking that his attention was on a hot bodied green eyed blond who was a viper goddess, and used to leave men behind in a wake of either broken jaws or hearts. But that was just too much information for Kara to know, so he searched his brain and a vague memory of the girl in question surfaced. "Yeah, now I do, sort of. Didn't she use to hang around with a silly bunch of girls, half who couldn't even make it through first year?"
"Yeah, that's right. Well she used to have a huge crush on you and used to plead with me to run with you past her dorm so her and her girlfriends could check you out as we ran past."
"You didn't. What sort of friend were you?"
"One who thought you needed to get laid more often."
"You're such a special friend Kara. But I assure you, I've never needed your help in that department. Viper pilot groupies are a dime a dozen, or should I say were a dime a dozen."
"What do you mean `were', Lee? Please don't tell me you haven't…….you know, since being on Galactica? You've been here for nearly six months."
"Don't remind me." Lee's not feeling very comfortable with this discussion, not because it's about his sex life or lack of, but because of the implications that Kara hasn't been without over the last six months. He doesn't want to feel jealous anymore. Besides, apart from the V.P. he hasn't heard any rumours. Doesn't mean she isn't though. She just could be better at hiding it this time.
They slow down their run and start stretching, outside, near the bunk room. She starts in on him again, and he can hear in her voice a type of forced conversational quality, like she's making herself do this. "You know you don't always have to go for the groupies."
A quick surge of hope shoots through him. He tries to keep it light. "What? Find true love?" Lee is holding his breath.
"It's all or nothing with you Adama, that's your problem. No, what I mean is, you may need to find a frak buddy!"
La, la, la, not listening. All he heard her say was `frak buddy', and he immediately knew who was hers. Frakking Helo. Though he has no proof, just a gut feeling. "You're so crass, Kara. Besides the girls around here, well most of them," giving her a pointed look, "are too nice to just frak around with. I'm not that kind of guy."
"I'd say frakking around on a regular basis with the great Apollo, would be many a girl's fantasy. I'm sure you'd have no trouble locating one, or two, if you just opened your eyes."
Lee puts his hand on her shoulder and squeezes lightly. Then he pushes her back to the wall. She shoves his hand off. "Not me, you idiot!"
"Why? Do you already have a frak buddy?" Trying to keep the strain from his voice.
"That's irrelevant Apollo. You and I could never be frak buddies."
Lee is trying to stay casual, but being told by her that he will never have a chance makes him feel a little crazy. He feels anger starting to build. "Why not?" He looks at her so intently; trying to see through her skin, crack her protective shell.
"Because you would try to make it more!" It sounds on the surface like a very honest and accurate answer, except she guiltily looks away and her skin is paler. Lee wants to think that's because she would make it more too, but that is too much hope, even for him.
"You don't think I could keep things casual with you? Just how arrogant are you Kara?"
"Have you forgotten the last time you hit me?"
No point in denying that. "That was different."
"Oh? How?" She seems acutely interested in the answer.
"I was in love with you then." Lee can't believe he just said that. Hopes she doesn't catch him out. Kara can read his lies so easily, but he thinks he might be able to fool her this time. He's not so easy to read when his lie is mixed with complete truth
Pain flashes through her eyes, he can't tell if it's because he actually admitted being in love with her or if it's because of the `was/then'. Knowing Kara she was focusing on the negative. She actually seems at a loss for words, so he continues. "See, if I can admit that doesn't it prove I must be over it?"
"So you don't love me?" The way she said that almost made him crack and tell her the truth. It reminded him of when he was teasing her, trying to encourage her to walk again after busting her knee. He was teasing her, saying `that smarts, but I don't care' and she replied softly, seriously, `you don't care?' That is exactly how she sounds now, `so you don't love me?'
"Hey, we're friends, aren't we?" If he doesn't play this right he'll frak it up and make it worse than before.
She runs a hand through her hair and gives him a measuring look. "We are friends, Lee. But as easy going as you are trying to be, I don't think you really want to use your departed brother's fiancé as a frak buddy. I deserve better than that from you, even if you think I don't."
Stunned. Lee was stunned. From teasing conversation to making him feel like a complete asshole. Lee never thought she would pull the fiancé card on him, ever. Dropping his casual façade, he reached out and cupped her face and softly said, "You're right Kara. You do deserve better from me, but you don't allow me to show you. I know exactly what you deserve, but you won't let me get close."
"You want me to be honest?" She swallows and looks away, then seems to force herself to look into his eyes, but she can't keep his gaze so she looks to the floor. "I feel, somehow, that you are holding back from finding someone or even simple release, because you are waiting for me. I don't want you to waste your time. We're viper pilots, Lee. Who knows how long we have? Find happiness where you can." Then she left him there, too stunned to react.
What the frak just happened? Lee feels like every ounce of hope was punctured and leaking from his heart. His skin prickles uncomfortably and he feels like putting his fist through the bulkhead. He can feel a slight tremble permeate through his entire body. He must be the biggest frakking moron in the entire galaxy to ever think he had a chance with her. Lee's heart shattered into a thousand unfixable pieces.
Kara's standing under the hot water, sobbing uncontrollably, while trying not to make a sound. Each time she closes her eyes she can see Lee's beautiful blue eyes with such a look of pain and betrayal, that it makes her want to die. It had to be done. It had to be done. She keeps telling herself that in hope that she'll believe it.
A week later, Lee is still walking around shell-shocked. He felt so wrong inside. Every cell in his body was fighting him. He loved her completely. How can he feel that way about her? How can he be so wrong about the connection he'd always felt?
She'd managed to avoid him all week. He still saw her during shifts, but off time she was no where to be found. This morning though, she was still asleep when he got up and her curtain was partway open. She was facing the wall with the blanket pulled up to her chin. But what he was focusing on was her golden hair fanned out across the pillow. He had to force himself to stop staring.
Now he was going to play cards with Crashdown. He'd asked him to play when Lee got off shift. Lee walked in and Kara and Helo were going to play as well. Lee's pretty sure he can handle it. Like a drug addict who'd been forced to go cold turkey, Lee was needing a good Kara fix to get through the next patch of her self imposed absence.
He tried to keep himself casual and enjoy the game. Kara was more quiet than usual, and Helo and Crash were swapping dirty stories. As the game wore on and a bottle of the deck crew's best was consumed, both he and Kara managed to ease up a little. Lee was storing memories of her smile and laugh in case she never let him see them again. Kara was winning, nothing new about that, and Lee could sense the game was winding down. Helo yawned with exaggeration and let his out stretched arm fall on Kara's shoulder. "I think I'll call it a night," Helo said transparently.
Lee felt his stomach tighten. Kara glanced at him, her expression unreadable, and then she turned back to Helo. "Well go get some sleep then, kids get grumpy when they don't get enough sleep." The knot in Lee's stomach eased and Crash snorted.
"Yeah, well this is my last hand, then deal me out." Helo takes everything in stride and Lee has to admire that.
Crash starts yammering about this tattoo he was going to get on Picon, before the war and suddenly he asks, "Starbuck, how many you got?"
Without thinking, Lee blurts out three, while at the exact same time Helo says four.
Dead frakking silence.
Lee's vision goes blurry for a second. He's had enough. He pushes his chair loudly from the table, refusing to look at anyone, and leaves.
He hears quick footsteps behind him as he's seething down the corridor. A hand grabs his shoulder and pulls him to a stop. "Hey, wait up."
"Don't frakking touch me Kara!"
"Come on Lee, don't be like that."
"Don't be like what? He is so angry. She doesn't answer so he continues. "If I could get about ten planets away from you, I would." She looks hurt and it makes him glad. Lords know she hurts him every minute of every day.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come back from Caprica?" That did it! She was the most frustrating thing that ever was. He grabs her arms brutally and shakes her. She hisses with pain. "Let GO!"
Something inside him snaps and he shoves her and hears her head thump against the bulkhead. Her grunt of pain doesn't bring him to his senses. Instead he forces his way into her mouth; demanding, angry, hurt and completely starved for her affection. She responds immediately, which surprises him. She kisses him with almost as much desperation as himself, almost. He feels her mould her body to him and he can't breathe, because it's too much to finally know that she will be the only one that feels like this against him. He firmly runs his hands down her back to grab her bottom and pushes her hard against him. When she gasps he shoves his tongue even further into her mouth, tasting, wanting, claiming everything. He feels like he's holding her up and her fingers are painfully digging into his shoulders.
She panics him so much, she is so elusive. Even now while she's pushing his senses into oblivion with that delicious, teasing mouth of hers, he feels like he's about to lose her any second.
"Lee, Lee," she's panting, face flushed, "we have to stop this." He buries his face in her neck and licks then kisses the mole on her throat, finally he finds out what that tastes like. She pulls his head up between her hands and the fog in his brain begins to clear. He drags his eyes up from her mouth to look in her eyes, those grey, green eyes. She looks scared, turned on and defeated.
Lee finally finds his voice. "Kara. I have to have you. You don't realise. I have to have you."
She swallows then nods. "I feel the same. But you know it can't work between us, you must know this."
"Don't do this to me Kara, stop being so damn cruel." Lee grips her hip and tucks his thumb into her pants, tugging at them.
"Oh frak it, Lee. Maybe……maybe we should do it just once to get it out of our systems. Then maybe we can get back to normal. You've been driving me crazy ever since you got on board."
Once, once, is she crazy? Frak that! But Lee quickly decides that once is better than nothing, because he's been starving for her and is not sure how much longer he can survive. "Now?"
She nods, "now Lee." She leans in close and breathes into his ear, "Now, because I want to feel you deep inside me and I can't wait any longer."
How they managed to find an empty room before they stripped each other in the corridor was a miracle. They stood in the middle of the room franticly kissing. Kissing and sucking and tasting and biting and moaning and devouring one another. They had a lot of catching up to do.
Then she was pulling at his shirts and he pulled them off his body and she immediately started feeling and kissing her way along his shoulders and chest. Lee just tangled his hands into her hair and enjoyed the feel of her mouth feeding across his flesh. She stepped around him and ran her hands in long strokes over his back and arms. Then she bit him under the left shoulder blade making him flinch. She wrapped her arms around his waist, dragging her hands across his stomach and chest, while exploring his back and shoulders with her mouth and teeth. Lee doesn't move, can't break the spell of her climbing all over his body. Her hands start in on the buttons of his pants, and then she's tugging them down his legs. She completes the circle around him and stands before him completely dressed and him in nothing but his boxers.
Lee leans in to kiss her again, but she pulls back and smiles at him. She turns his head to the side and starts sucking on his neck. He can hear her deep breathes. Then she says, "Lords Lee, why do you smell and taste so good?" Before he can say something to her, he feels her hand slip under his waist band. He sucks in a breath as she takes him in hand.
Lee's breathing becomes erratic and somehow he manages to groan out "Kara," as she's kissing under his jaw and stroking him up and down.
He always knew she was a take charge kind of woman, but in this he really had no clue just how amazing she was. Yet Lee has never been one to give up control so easily, but if he doesn't stop her now, it will be all over before he even gets a single piece of her clothing off. He grips his fingers into her hair and tugs back her head. He kisses her so hard it makes her forget what else she was doing. Then he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth and then runs his tongue along her top one, her tongue darts out to meet his, tasting and caressing. Then he'd kissing the creamy column of her throat and pays particular attention to the flutter of pulse at the base of her neck. He slides his other hand down her back to squeeze her bottom. Her little sounds of pleasure drive him insane.
Suddenly he needs to feel her naked against him, so he takes her hand and pulls her to the bed. He unzips her sweatshirt and slides it off her shoulders, then leans in to give her a teasing kiss. She pouts when he pulls away, making him smile, so he kisses her again and sweeps his tongue across that pouty lip. He drifts his hands up softly along her sides causing her to shiver. He runs his thumb under the bottom edge of her running bra, grazing her soft breasts; that makes him shiver. She raises her arms above her head waiting for him to take it off. He stares into her eyes and slowly peels it off her body. She steps into him and he can feel her nipples graze his chest. He runs his hands along her sides again and brushes his fingers over the sides of her breasts, her eyes roll shut.
He takes a step back from her and feels the bed behind him, so he sits and then he's staring in awe at the utterly feminine beauty of her. She undoes her pants and lets them drop to the floor, he swallows hard. He reaches out for her and she comes to him. He wraps his hands around the back of her thighs and kisses her stomach; she threads her fingers through his hair. He caresses her bottom and drags her underwear down while drifting his lips low on her hip, discovering that fourth tattoo. As she steps out of her underwear he forces his mouth away from her to look at her, all of her. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Her response is to bend down and kiss him slow and deep.
He turns her in his arms and sits her on his lap. He runs the flat of his hands all over her back, then sweeps away her hair and kisses the back of her neck. Then he finally allows himself to do what he's been dying to do. Breathing heavily at her neck, he brings his hands around to gently cup her breasts. The sensations almost kill him. He starts rubbing her with increasing pressure, delighting in the feel of her taut nipples under his palms. Her breathing definitely increases too. Then he uses his thumbs to rub over her nipples, causing her to cry out, her sound makes him buck against her, frak, he almost came. She arches her back, pressing her breasts hard into his palms and her ass, hard into his groin. Lee is barely keeping it together as he's squeezing her breasts and feeling so hard it hurts.
She breaks free from his hold and stands up to face him, pulling him up also. Then she bends down to free him of his underwear and before he realises, he feels her mouth enclose him and start sucking. His groan of pleasure is loud and he feels her smile against him. "Kara…..Kara…..mmmmstop….please…stop…..please! She pulls back from him, her wicked grin proof that she knows exactly what torture she's doing. She licks her way back up his torso, under his chin, and playfully bites his jaw.
He grabs her shoulders, turns her and gently pushes her back onto the bed. She goes willingly and lazily stretches herself out while he stares in wonder. He climbs in after her and kneels between her parted thighs. He bends down over her, supporting himself by pressing his hands either side of her, their bodies grazing lightly. He kisses her hotly then snakes down and sucks in a nipple into his eagerly waiting mouth. He's so hungry for her. He greedily sucks and kisses over both her breasts, her moaning increasing every second. He laves her nipple with his tongue, saliva stretching in a fine string as he breaks away to taste the other one. While his mouth is busy he drifts his hand down her body and caresses her hip.
She lifts his face up and kisses him with such tenderness that Lee feels his heart constrict. There is no way he can protect himself from her now, so he meets her sweet kisses with his heart wide open. He lovingly dips his tongue into her mouth again and again, mingling sweetly with hers, stroking and sucking, lips sliding perfectly against one another. He cannot begin to describe the pain he feels because of how much he loves her.
Lee breaks the kiss and they stare into each others eyes, breathing heavily, chests heaving. "Kara, I….I…"She quickly captures his mouth and swallows his words. So he kisses her deeper and she moans in his mouth.
Then he sits back up resting on his knees between her legs, and lustfully takes in every inch of her skin. She lays there splayed before him, without any embarrassment, and lets him look all he wants. He reaches out for her right leg and lifts it up high in the air; he grips her ankle and sucks behind her knee. She wriggles and a small laugh escapes her, he found a ticklish spot. But what he was doing was definitely not funny and she soon eased as he kissed and licked his way down her inner thigh. Before he reached between her thighs, he put down her leg and did the same to the other one. He was driving her insane, he could tell. He stopped short again and put down her other leg. She was breathing so hard and had her fists clenched in the bedding. He needed a moment's breath before he could go on, to control the urge to plunge straight into her. But she was determined to damn him to hell, and she drew up her knees and spread them wide, revealing every intimate part of herself. Lee forgot to breathe. In a heady rush he attacked her with his mouth. Tongue and lips delving and tasting with frantic hunger. Her cry echoed in the room as she pushed greedily hard against his mouth. His blood was roaring in his ears and desire was bolting in shoots through his body. He slid his tongue as deep as he could go and ran his thumb over her swollen nub and firmly pressed. She jolted sharply and he heard a muffled cry. He looked up and she'd put a pillow over her face to drown out her sounds. He smiled to himself. She was going to need that pillow. He got back to the task at hand and swapped his position. He slid two fingers deeply inside her and circled her swollen flesh with his tongue. Her taste was driving him wild. He sped up his movements with his fingers and she started bucking against him. He dragged his mouth away and moved back up her body, while keeping his fingers deeply buried. She sensed his movement and pulled the pillow from her face. He could tell she could barely focus, her mouth was open and as he stroked inside of her again, he captured her sounds with his mouth and kept kissing her and stroking her, until she came, hard.
Lee, being the generous man he was, allowed her a few minutes to come down and amused himself with rediscovering her breasts all over again. She was running her hands along his shoulders, and each time he dragged his teeth over a nipple, her nails dug into him. He'd kiss away the sensation and draw his tongue in slow circles around her nipple and then blow cool air to make her gasp.
She pulled him back up to her and kissed him again, and Lee was going to lose it as he felt himself sliding up and down her slick heat with their movements. She circled her legs around him and drew him down tight against her, he kept rocking back and forth, and her breathing became fast yet again.
"Lee." She somehow managed. "I'm going to come again."
Lee mumbled into her neck. "Good."
"No. I want you inside me this time. I have to have you inside me."
Lee couldn't speak, he was on the brink. He swept his tongue inside her open mouth and pulled his hips back to position himself. She lifted hers to meet him. Finally, Lee slid home. Heat swelled through his whole body and they both let out a sigh. The heat and tightness of her was drowning his senses. He knew right then that there could never be anyone else for him. He had to use every bit of will power he had left not to hurt her. So he set a slow and steady pace, driving himself crazy with the tight drag and pull of her passage. She tightened her legs around him again and pushed him in so deep he stopped dead. He was so frakking deep inside of her. He opened his eyes and she was staring at him. She leaned up to kiss him. She stroked her finger down the side of his face and whispered, "Frak me hard, Lee. I promise you won't hurt me."
His brain basically stopped functioning, and he tested her once with a deep hard thrust. Her eyes slid shut with a satisfied smile on her face. He did it again, then again. He couldn't get over how she felt and his hunger for her was only increasing. He was now pounding her hard and fast. Her back was arching, and the sounds she made were etching themselves in his memory. He couldn't help it any longer. "I love you, Kara."
Her eyes flew open at his words and all of a sudden he felt her constricting around him, pulsing, and her whole body contracted as shuddering pleasure ripped through her in wave after wave. He paused in his movements until she finished, then drove deep into her again. He was close, so very close. He continued to thrust into her hard and deep, and she enveloped his body even more, if that was possible. The gentleness of her hands along his shoulders seemed in stark contrast to the fierceness of his movements. He opened his eyes to look at her again and she was crying, it confused him.
Then she says like an angel, "I love you more, Lee." And in perfect response his body releases itself into her, and he muffles his cry on her breast. Hearts pounding loud against each other, Kara lovingly wrapped her arms around him. He goes to pull out of her, but she keeps him to her. "Not yet, Lee," as she kisses his neck. "I love the way you feel inside me."
Lee forces himself to speak past the thick emotion swelling his throat. "I'm so in love with you Kara. I refuse to spend another day without you."
"Then don't, because I'm in love with you too."
Lee doesn't know if it's right for anyone to be this happy after the destruction of their worlds, but he's going to take what he can.
Five days later, Kara and Lee were exchanging vows in a private ceremony performed by Elosha, with two unknown civilians as their witnesses.
Back on Galactica, standing outside his father's quarters, Lee held Kara's hand tightly and squeezed. "Are you ready?"
"I'm so nervous, Lee. I hope he understands."
"Well there is no frakking way I'm spending another night without you in my bed, Mrs. Adama, so he's going to have to!"
She giggled. "We're going to take so much crap for this from the crew, Mr. and Mrs. Starbuck and Apollo."
He grinned at her. "I'm sure we can handle it, as long as you don't hit people, because I'm sure as hell not sleeping with you in the brig."
"Mmmmm, prison sex, might be fun!"
Just then the Commanders door burst open and William Adama's saying, "Who's having prison sex?"
Lee and Kara look at each other and burst out laughing. Lee claps a hand on his father's shoulder and directs him back into his room.
"Dad, there's something we need to tell you……………."
fin