Word Count:
Date: 7/7/05
Series: Season 2
Rating: M+
Category: Relationship
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: romance/angst
Summary: This fic is set one month after Kara jumps to Caprica
and Lee is having a hard time letting go of her fling with Baltar.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Season 1; I don't own them wish I did
Sequel to Second Chance....
Lee Adama was just going through the motions of living life. He was doing what was necessary but his soul had left him. Frak it. If soul meant Kara then yeah, his soul had left him. He'd just finished a night shift and was trying to catch a few hours of sleep when he heard her locker open. Lee's heart leapt into his throat, choking out the word "Kara?" as he flung back the curtain.
Some young rook stood in front of her locker with an empty box. "Sir, sorry sir it's Wells."
"What the frak do you think you're doing?"
"Sir, the XO asked me to clean out Starbuck's locker."
Lee glared at the rook, making the young man blanch. "I will take care of her locker, when I'm good and ready. Now leave her frakking stuff alone." The rook saluted and fled.
NO, no, no! This was just too much reality for Lee to cope with. Why hadn't she come home? The fleet was preparing for a jump later today and once that happened, Lee's thin line of hope would vanish. How could he appologise to her if she wasn't here? How could he win her back from Dr. Baltar if she didn't come home? Kara's huge soft hazel eyes saying,' would you miss me sir?', and 'Captain - I'm really sorry', spun around in his head, torturing him every time he shut his eyes.
Her locker door was left open revealing her picture of the three of them. Lee felt guilty. What would Zak think if he knew how bad Lee had let things get between him and Kara? How was it that Zak had managed to get things so right with her and Lee so very, very wrong? Lee put his head back down reflected a little on his past with Kara.
Lee knew Kara before Zak and their friendship had hit cement enduring faster than he would have thought possible. They always kept their romantic feelings at bay though. He would take a step back whenever he felt his heart start to pound out of his chest, she would get terrified and immediately try and distract herself with a meaningless warm body. He knew it was her defence mechanism, nothing ever got to the almighty Starbuck. He knew her childhood, the abuse, the scarring, it took a few years to slowly get that information out of her. His protective instincts always seemed to kick in around her and he knew she could see it. So it seems she used to go out of her way to fling casual relationships in his face, to numb him of the intense passion and protection that she would see flash across his face, burn through his eyes. It had worked. Lee locked a part of his heart away, the piece that couldn't live without her, that ached for her, that threatened to drown him.
Their friendship survived, somehow, but of course neither could stand to be apart from the other. Until Zak. Lee remembered feeling violently ill when Zak announced that he was in love with Kara. Of course he was. He remembered Zak trying to find out if there was anything going on between himself and Kara, that were they really just friends? Lee loved his little brother. He wanted his happiness, even if it meant crushing every possibility of his own. But he worried. Kara was such a player, he didn't want his little brother used as another object lesson to himself, to show him just how much he wasn't under her skin. Yet somehow, Lee could only guess, Zak touched Kara's heart. She completely changed, she was happy. Zak never smothered her, never tried to change her. Zak was safe, reliable and allowed her to lower her defences. She must have felt safe, that her heart was safe in his hands.
Kara's childhood had been abusive hell and Lee knew her need to be in total control so no one could hurt her. Zak must have had some quality that he just didn't possess. Zak wasn't competitive with her like he was, Zak didn't challenge her like he did, Zak didn't have the frakking punch-ups that he quite frequently had. Lee winced at the memories. He felt guilty about hitting her, especially because of her childhood, but he never hit first. She was the abusive one, always pushing his buttons. It was like she wanted it, maybe to have the passion smacked out of her and his own face.
Except of course for their last ugly little fight. Lee definitely pushed every button he knew that time. Even though she hit first, it was definitely his fault.
Anyway, Zak and Kara were going to be married and that was when Lee decided that he would try for casual, meaningless relationships. This probably had damaged him in some way. Was imagining another woman's face, nearly every time, going to damage you? When Zak died, Kara had retreated from him, then accepted a post with his father. That he couldn't believe. Kara knew how he felt, her betrayal of his feelings cut deep. They didn't speak for two years, until the decommissioning ceremony. Then the universe got ripped asunder. He was so glad to still have her and even, grudgingly, his father. Their friendship seemed to pick up exactly where it left off, before Zak. Oh there was extra baggage because of it, but nothing else mattered, he needed her too much.
Yet somehow in a very short three months, Lee had managed to frak this up again and she was pulling the same old stunts in using another meaningless warm body. At least he hoped it was meaningless because the Vice President had seemed quite broken up about her somehow. What was it with Kara and ranking men? There is obviously the VP, who is also the resident genius, there was that Major, which Lee jealously brought up, and she was the golden apple of his father's eye. Now Lee is starting to feel pissed off and that's not what he wants. 'Would you miss me sir?' Guilt comes rushing back like a shock wave, making his chest feel tight and his head swim. He climbs out of his bunk and closes her locker, but not before he traces his finger over her image. Realising he's not going to get much sleep now he heads for the gym to burn away these feelings. Two hours later he staggers back to his bunk, body aching, feelings numb and finally falls into a deep dreamless sleep.
He awakens with aching muscles and sees he's been asleep for a solid eight hours. Lords, he must have needed it. He skips his run and heads straight for the showers. He stands under the warm spray allowing the water to ease his over stressed body. Depression starts to insidiously seep its way back in. He missed the jump. It would have happened at least three hours ago, it's late afternoon. He doesn't have a shift tonight as he's going back to days tomorrow. Lee doesn't want to turn the water off, he wants to stay in there forever. He doesn't know if he could stand the looks on peoples faces, especially his fathers, knowing they left Kara behind.
As he approaches the bunkroom, he hears a noisy bustle. He steps in and four or five pilots are all huddled around Kara's locker. Time slows down and Lee's feet turn to lead as he spots blond hair and hears that low sexy voice. "Kara," it comes out a whisper so he tries again. "Kara," only slightly louder. His blood is rushing so loudly in his ears and his heart is beating so fast he thinks he's going to pass out. This can't be true, it must be a dream.
The pilots melt out of the way and huge soft hazel eyes look up to meet his. Emotions are flickering behind them at a speed that Lee can't process. "Lee." Her voice is glorious but hesitant.
Lee can't take the onslaught of emotions and his voice becomes thick and his eyes moist. "Kara." Then they both start moving at the exact same time and embrace each other almost desperately. Relief. He is so relieved there are no words. She buries her face in his neck and he can't resist so he kisses her hair. She grips him tighter. He can feel her tears at his throat.
Then the pilots start leaving the room, patting Kara on the shoulder saying, "glad you're back Starbuck, good to have you home."
Lee can't quite let go of her yet and Kara doesn't seem to mind. She lifts her face up to his and he can see the flush of her fair skin and the dilation of her pupils. Her tongue peeks out to swipe her top lip like Lee's seen her do a thousand times before. "So, did you miss me sir?' Insecurity written across her whole beautiful face.
Lee can't hide from her anymore, she keeps giving him opportunities which he stubbornly keeps refusing to take, until now. "I need every pilot I have, especially the ones I can't live without." The flush of pleasure that sweeps across her features makes her look even more beautiful and Lee can't help but squeeze her tight. Then he places a full, soft lingering kiss on her slightly parted mouth. It takes her a couple of seconds to catch up to him and then he feels her respond by curling her fingers in the back of his hair and kiss him back with a gentle pressure, but definite shyness.
Then she breaks the kiss and lets go of him and tries to step back out of his grasp. Lee doesn't let her go, he wants to hold her forever, wants to kiss her again. The fact that she let him in the first place amazes him no end. He captures her mouth again, but with more force. He makes her open her mouth with his own and he kisses her deeply, lips and tongues mingling with hot, wet, intensity and passion. Lee can't get enough, her kisses set fire through his veins, her mouth is so hot, so perfect, like it was made for kissing. Those butterfly lips which taste so sweet, gliding and sucking so sensuously over his own becomes Lee's new drug. Panting breath and moans of desire as they sink into the kiss, engulfing one another. Lee has one hand bunched in her shirts and the other gripping her hip and her hands are wrapped around his neck. She breaks the kiss again, but Lee's mouth instinctively follows hers, so she gives up and teaches him what kissing is all about. Time stands still for them to the point that neither noticed that twice now pilots have tried to get back in the bunk room and have promptly turned back around. Lee finally allows her to catch her breath and places soft wet kisses along her jaw to her ear, then down the creamy column of her throat.
Oddly, someone knocks at the hatch. Lee releases Kara with great reluctance and opens the hatch. It's one of the pilots, Jones, and he's nervously apologising. "Sir, sorry sir, I've a patrol in fifteen minutes and I need to get to my locker." Lee blushes slightly and lets the pilot in. Kara is sitting on her bed. She looks up at him with sparkling eyes and slightly swollen lips and a smile so sweet that Lee's sure he's never seen before. Something primal stirs inside him, like he can never let her out of his sight again. He tries to smash the feeling down. Of course she'll be back to flying vipers, teaching classes, living her life as before, but maybe, just maybe, she'll have more time for him, if he's lucky.
He takes her to the mess, suddenly he's famished, so they can eat and talk and he can find out what happened on Caprica. Did she get the arrow? What's happened to their home world? How did she escape the Cylons? They are there for quite a while as people keep interrupting to welcome Starbuck back.
Lee gets called away, some scheduling problem he needs to adjust, and when he gets back he freezes, gut twisting immobilising his legs. Sitting with her at the table is Gaius Baltar. Lee's not sure what to do. Apart from trying to ignore his blinding jealousy, he doubts himself, his worthiness and questions if she would really want him to intrude. Looking at them side by side, Lee can't help picturing them together, like that, in that way. Kara actually let that sick bastard touch her - everywhere. Just then she looks up and spots him standing immobile in the doorway. Lee sees the flash of guilt in her eyes but he can't stand it, it's too much for him. So for the second time in a month, Lee Adama abandons Kara Thrace to the company of Gaius Baltar.
Too much was happening to Kara all at once and she starts to shake. Then the unthinkable happens and she bursts out crying. Gaius looks shocked, not sure what to do with her. Her sobs get louder, coming out in uncontrollable bursts. He puts his arm around her in an attempt to comfort her while trying to ignore Six. Kara tries to back away from him because he's not who she wants.. Six taunts Gaius at his inadequacy.
Dee walks into the mess and sees Kara's emotional state but trying to free herself from the Vice President between heartbreaking sobs. Dee hesitates briefly before intruding. Somewhere in the back of Kara's mind she feels humiliated at the weakness she's showing, but all of the trauma of the past month poured out as she saw Lee's look and retreating back. She clung to Dee as the woman helped her to sickbay. Kara could hardly see through the blinding tears when they got there someone must have notified the Commander, because he was already waiting there. The sight of William Adama just made her cry harder. Every Adama just broke her heart. Yet his face was full of concern and he instinctively reached out to her and folded her in his arms. This helped. She started taking deep breaths and the sobbing slowly subsided. Doctor Cottle was hovering, ready to step in. The Commander gently led her to a hospital bed and dismissed Dee with a word of thanks.
Kara felt so tired like she could sleep for a week. She could hear Doc Cottle telling the Commander that it was probably nervous exhaustion. Even though she already had a short debriefing, no one had yet addressed the emotional turmoil of what she must have experienced on Caprica. Kara's thinking that Caprica was bad but it was Lee who pushed her over the edge. She desperately needed him. Kissing her like that, making her feel like he had forgiven her, wanted her, after the way they had parted a month ago. Then in the space of an hour turning his back on her like she was trash had been the last straw for an over stressed, sleep deprived mind to bear. She started to feel the shaking to start again, then the frakking tears started sliding down her face once more.
Doc Cottle took the Commander aside and said he could give her something to make her sleep but that probably wasn't the best for her. She needed to be taken somewhere safe and comfortable and have friends or at least a friend around her, just to give her support. Nightmares were a definite probability. She would just have to ride this out. It may take a while.
William's thoughts were quickly making decisions. He picked up the phone and ordered the CAG to sickbay at once. Lee was the one person who could help Kara through this. He knew they were close. Plus the Commander knew Kara's friendships with the crew in the last two years were a little on the superficial side. She always kept plenty of walls up with smirks, barbs and punches. He wished he could offer her this support himself, but that just wouldn't be appropriate. Besides, he was still recovering from his injuries and simply didn't have the strength to deal with her trauma and grief in a satisfactory way. He walked back to her bed and stroked her hair and held her hand. Her shudders subsided again at his fatherly touch. It broke him to see her like this, like a frightened child.
Lee came hesitantly to the door, confusion obvious in his face as his eyes took in Kara. William nodded towards outside and he kissed Kara's hair and regretfully left her to speak to his son. Lee's jaw was in a stubborn set but concern was in his eyes. "Lee, Kara's completely traumatised and broke down in the mess. Dee brought her in. Doc Cottle thinks only time will help her but for now she needs a friend and support. She'll probably have nightmares and she shouldn't be left alone. She needs comfort son."
Lee's jaw tightened. "What does that have to do with me ,Sir?" A sort of incredulous look flashed in the Commander's eyes and he can't believe his son isn't pushing past him to get to Kara's side.
"You're going to have to take one of the separate living quarters and spend a couple of days there with her until she is past this initial hurdle."
"I don't think I'm the person for that job, Sir," avoiding his father's gaze.
William's eyes narrowed. "Oh, and why not?"
"I, I don't think she'd want me there, Sir," eyes still firmly fixed to a spot on the wall.
"I find that hard to believe, but who do you think I should put with her?"
Lee swallowed. "Maybe the Vice President, Sir."
Adama looked confused for a second. Then he vaguely remembered a rumour about Starbuck and the VP after Colonial Day, but world shattering events had taken place shortly after that and no one had time for idle rumours and gossip.
William looked at his son. "Lee, she doesn't need a lover right now, she needs a friend, someone who genuinely cares about her. You're her oldest friend on Galactica, and I know you care about her. You've been barely functioning since she left." A sudden thought occurred to William in a blaze of clarity. Jealous. Lee was jealous. He gave an inward sigh. This was too much to deal with right now. Kara needed support and Lee was going to give it to her, he'd make it an order if he had to. "Son, are you seriously saying no?"
Lee's eyes finally shifted back to his father. "I'm not saying no dad, but truly, I don't think she'd want me with her."
William gave his son a stern look and quietly said, "I thought you had more courage than that. Dismissed."
Lee saluted and turned to go. William decided to sit with Kara himself and offer her what support he could. As he entered her room, she looked up at him with a look of pure vulnerability, which pained him. She was usually so fierce, what's happened to her? She spoke softly, "was that Lee before?"
"Yes. Um, I just had to speak to him about something."
"He didn't want to come in, did he?"
"Sorry Kara, no" William thought she was going to cry again, but he watched her pull herself together, a look of resignation on her face. Lords, she should have been his daughter, he loved her a great deal. He just couldn't understand his very stubborn son. Once Lee got an idea in his head, no one could tell him otherwise as William knew from very personal experience. So he and Kara talked quietly for a couple of hours, resolving their problem with earth and the arrow. He managed to get a few details out of her about Caprica. She finally drifted off to sleep, but the Commander couldn't bring himself to leave just yet. So he has some paperwork sent down so he can at least be useful while watching her.
She started twitching in her sleep and moving restlessly. She looked like she was trying to get away from something or someone. Choked off sounds escape her throat and her head flipped from side to side. Then he heard it, imperceptible at first, "Lee." Tears started to leak down the side of her face. "Lee, Lee. Wait Lee." Then she started to thrash in her bed. William shook her awake. She woke up disorientated and took a shuddering breath.
"Calm down, it's okay, you're home now, safe." She looked up at him with a tear streaked face, inhaling deeply. "Can you tell me?" he asked.
She broke eye contact. "The Cylons were chasing me and Lee was reaching out his hand for me to pull me to safety and then he withdrew and left me. No matter how hard I ran I couldn't keep up to him." She let out a painful sob and balled herself up.
William suddenly felt very angry at his son, even though he knew Lee would never leave Kara to the mercy of the Cylons, he was refusing to be here for her now.
Lee found himself in the gym yet again. Beating the crap out of some defenceless punching bag, still not able to get a hold on his emotions. He desperately wanted to be there for Kara. If his presence wouldn't do her any good, hers would definitely do him some. Yet she had kissed him. Lee felt utter weakness steal through him as he relived what her mouth did to his body, what her responses made him feel. Yet she had said not a single word of encouragement to him. He had told her that he couldn't live without her, and she had repeatedly tried to get out of his arms. He had known her for years, loved her for years, yet one night of dancing with the Vice President and she was on her back, spreading her legs.
Lee punched the bag so hard he sprained his wrist. A sharp pain shot through his hand to his elbow. "Frak!"
Like a child, he stayed under the warm spray of the shower trying to ignore the fact that he needed to go to Medical and get this looked at. She was there.
Hesitantly, Lee walked into sickbay. The curtain around her bed was closed and he suddenly regretted not being able to see her. He had his wrist looked at. No flying until it healed. Damn! A tight bandage was to keep it in place. His father caught him on the way out passing through the waiting area.
"Lee, what happened?"
"My own stupid fault Sir. But it's just a sprain."
William gave his son a knowing look. "I need you to reconsider looking after Kara." Nodding towards the injury he said " looks like the only thing you'll be flying is your desk, so if it's in a room where she can rest and you can keep you eye on her, good!" Lee was about to object again, but the next words his father said cut him short. "She cried out for you, son. She had a damn nightmare and was calling out for you. When I woke her up she said the Cylons were chasing her and you were there but kept leaving her behind and she couldn't get to you. Are you hearing me, she needs you, she needs to know you're there, she wasn't calling for anyone else."
A glimmer of hope flashed in Lee's eyes. "Fine Sir, I'll do it, but she still may not want me you know."
William patted his son on the shoulder, Lee seemed to be even more clueless about women than even he was. "Take her now before she falls asleep again. You can both have your gear collected in the morning. And Lee, I don't exactly understand your reluctance with Kara, but you are the same man who was moving heaven and Caprica to find her when she crashed on that moon, are you not?"
"Yes Sir," he said looking at the floor. Lee took a deep breath and prepared himself for seeing the woman who held his happiness in the palm of her hand.
Kara wasn't sure how much more rejection she could take from Lee Adama. She was sure that if Caprica hadn't happened that she would have been able to school her thoughts and feelings and harden her shell. But Caprica did happen and she felt broken inside, weak, vulnerable, pathetic. Stupid, stupid hope rising in her again at his presence, how many chances would she keep giving this man.
"Hey." No smile this time.
"Hey." No smile from her either.
"So," Lee began, "you apparently need rest in peace and quiet and I have sprained my wrist, so the Commander has put us in private quarters until we're back in rotation. I am to keep you company unless you would prefer someone else."
"I wouldn't want you to spend time with me out of frakking obligation!"
"I meant what I said in the bunkroom Kara. And it would do me a world of good just to know you are near." Great job Lee, do you like constantly having your heart broken?
With big soft eyes she held his piercing blue. "I've missed you Lee." And with that Lee was completely vulnerable all over again.
They walked in silence to their new quarters. It was a decent sized room with a desk, a couch, a tiny bathroom, and a bedroom on the other side. "I'll sleep on the couch and I'm here if you need me."
Kara felt like she had been dismissed, so went into the bedroom and stripped down to her underwear and tank. She climbed into the icy bed. This is the first night she is going to spend in close proximity to Lee since she slept with Gaius. She wished they were in their usual quarters, because at least that way she would be able to see him. Yet this way, with no one else around, she started to feel a yearning for him that made her feel so weak. Her body, though exhausted, was on edge. She needed a distraction from the horrors of Caprica. She needed oblivion to forget how much she wanted Lee. The bedding was pulling at her skin in a way that was making her too aware of her own body. Her mind drifted to the searing kisses he had given her before, her skin flushed at the memory. Then remembering the look on his face and him turning his back on her doused her like a cold shower. Then she started to tear up again. Lords, she was an emotional mess. Yet, miraculously, she drifted off to sleep.
Lee was laying there staring at the partially opened door to Kara's bedroom. He had to use every ounce of will power not to go to her when he heard her softly crying. He was trying not to feel guilty about how he felt comforted to know she was really here, safe, alive, while she was crying herself to sleep. He was also trying to ignore the powerful need to crawl into that bed with her and hold her tight, kiss her lips, suck her breast, stroke her thighs, frak her slow and deep and long. Damn it! Now he was never going to get any sleep.
Yet he must have fallen asleep because he woke up with a start as Kara screamed. He jumped off the couch and burst into her room, she was thrashing about and crying and calling his name. He sat on the edge of her bed and grabbed her arms and gently tried to wake her. She slowly came around and stared at him confused, then flung her arms around him tightly. "You're here, you're here," she kept repeating. "Please don't ever leave me!" Then she crawled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and let the nightmare slowly ebb away from her as he returned her embrace and kissed her hair.
When she was finally calm she went to get out of his lap, but he held her tighter. "No, let me hold you a bit longer."
"How about you sleep in here with me and we can both hold each other?"
Lee felt like he had been given a gift. He released her and watched her crawl back under the blankets. She raised her hand to him, so he took it and kissed her wrist at the pulse, then he crawled in after her. She immediately gravitated towards him and wrapped herself around his body, half laying on top of him. She put her head on his chest and arm around his waist. She hooked her leg over his and the heat he felt on his thigh made his blood rush faster. He could feel the softness of her breasts pushed up against his skin and her breath tickling the hairs on his chest. With his left hand, which wasn't his sprained one, he slid under her top and made big soft circles on her back to soothe her.
Lee couldn't sleep. Apart from his upside down work shifts, having Kara in his arms was causing a war in his body. One part of him was soothed and satisfied that she was here and safe. Yet his spaced frakked brain was spilling out jealousy at the thought of her and Baltar. Not being able to comprehend how she was comfortable enough to hold him, even kiss him, yet still act shy - but a few dances with Baltar had her slipping out of that dress to puddle at her feet. Lee was doomed to the role of friend yet his body wasn't willing to give up. Each time she shifted in his arms she kept pressing closer, her hand had drifted down his stomach to rest at the top of his shorts. He could feel her steady beating heart through his skin. This was like some special kind of torture for Lee. He had missed her so much that his usual control had simple abandoned him. His semi state of arousal at her nearness made him feel pathetic. One, this was her first night back on Galactica. Two, she's had one hell of a traumatic experience. Three, Lee is the oldest friend she has here, of course she would feel comfortable with him. Four, frakked up Lee Adama will grab any attention she is willing to throw his way. Yep, that about sums it up.
Kara slowly drifts back to consciousness with warmth spread throughout her body. Warmth. Not cold, rain and sleeping in the dirt. Warmth because someone has their arms around her. She glides her cheek over hard muscles enclosed in velvet skin. She breathes in that sexy male scent that she knows is Lee's. Lee! Kara stiffens. Yesterday flooding back in a rush. Embarrassment of her nightmare and needing him so badly.
She opens her eyes and lifts her face and he's staring back at her. She can see a kind of pain and hesitation in those summer blue jewels. She immediately disentangles her limbs from his and backs away from him. "I'm sorry Lee, I didn't mean to overstep our friendship like that." Kara's holding her breath because she doesn't know how to survive if he rejects her, again. If she can't have his love then she is going to fight tooth and nail to keep him as a friend, if he'll let her.
A veil drops over his eyes and he climbs out of the bed. "Please don't apologise, I was happy to be here for you. I still can't quite believe you're back."
His words allow her to exhale but the look in his eyes leaves her feeling sad, like she wants to cry all over again. She instinctively pulls the blankets to cover herself and she notices an almost imperceptible shake to Lee's head.
"I'm going for a run, do you want me to bring you back some breakfast?"
No, I'll go to the mess myself, but if it's not too much trouble, could you swing by my locker and grab me some clean clothes?"
"Sure, I'll see you in a bit."
As Lee closes the door behind him Kara flops back down and bites her lip to keep from crying. She feels like a mess, a wreck. Who would want to spend any time in her company? He didn't even ask her to join him in the run. She's the one that got him into running, he knows she loves it. She rolls over to face the wall and tries to go back to sleep.
Lee pounds Galactica's hard deck trying to burn away the feeling of a soft, warm and sleepy Kara wrapped around his body. Then the awkwardness of her feeling uncomfortable when she realises it's him who she's with and not obviously who she wants.
Lee opens her locker to grab her gear and again is mocked by her photograph. She'll always be yours Zak and I'll always be on the outside. Lee slams the locker receiving a couple of rude comments from sleeping pilots.
As he walks back into their new room, her door is still shut so he figures she must have gone back to sleep, She does have a lot of catching up to do. So Lee puts her stuff on the couch and grabs a shower himself. He then heads to the mess for breakfast and collects his paperwork to take back to the room.
He's trying to balance his stuff plus a cup of coffee for Kara with his sprained wrist, it's not easy. As he enters the room he hears her in the shower, so he cracks open the door ever so slightly and calls out over the rushing water, "I've brought you a cup of coffee."
"Frak Lee, I may just have to marry you!"
Dead silence from both of them. Kara's cringing under the water wondering if she'll ever learn to keep her trap shut and Lee can't process thought because he's feeling too much. He shakes it off and sits at the desk trying to get his mind off the naked woman in the next room and onto his paperwork.
She emerges two minutes later in nothing but a towel. She gives him an apologising smile saying "I left my clothes in my room." But as she passes his desk she sees her cup of coffee and simply must have some now before it gets cold.
So there she is standing in front of Lee Adama with a towel draped loosely around her luminous pale skin, making sounds of enjoyment as she sips her favourite hot beverage. Lee is positive she is trying to kill him.
"Get dressed Kara!"
"Frak you, Lee!" She turns on her heel and slams the door.
"Yeah I wish you would," Lee mumbles to himself and drops his head with a thud on his desk.
Later she emerges and they call a sort of truce and she helps him with his paperwork. She does the writing as his left handed scrawl is barely legible. The work helps them keep their minds off their inner turmoil's.
Later that afternoon, Lee simply can't help himself, so as casually as he can he asks her, "so, um, do you have any plans with Vice president tonight?" He thinks she may hit him but instead she hisses.
"What is your frakking problem Lee?"
"I don't have a problem. I just don't want you to feel you have to spend time with me when you must have other people you want to see."
"Did it ever occur to you that I'm spending time with the only person I want to see?"
"Stop playing me Kara. I know you. Good old Lee, reliable for friendship, not good enough to love. How could you let that sick bastard touch you Kara? How?"
"You abandoned me that night Adama, and don't pretend that you didn't. You made your feelings perfectly clear to me after all the trouble I went to, getting that dress, trying to be something you might desire. Two dances Lee, and whoosh, you were gone. So what I did that night and why I did it no frakking business of yours!"
Lee felt guilty. He did abandon her but not because he didn't want her, because he did, desperately. He thought he was doing the right thing, giving them space to work out their feelings. He didn't want a quick frak, he wanted to build something special between them, he wanted to get it right. He was going to fix things between them the next day, but by then it was too late, she had made her choice and it wasn't him.
"Desire you! Do you have any idea what you do to me? Yet you keep screwing up any chance we have by being so eager to give it up to who ever crosses your path. Except me of course!"
"That's low, even for you, and it's not like you haven't had your fair share of one nighters. In all the years we've known each other Lee, you've never once fought for me, for us."
"Is that what I'm supposed to do? Fight for you. Yeah well maybe I needed to know that you felt something for me, because a man can only handle being overlooked so many times." Lee's voice was trembling. "I need some air."
Kara sat there bewildered. How many times was she going to let him call her a whore! She can see the damage she has done to him. Her mother was right, she is a cancer that poisons everything she touches. The odd thing was that even though she had been half in love with Lee ever since she met him, it wasn't until this time with him on Galactica that she really felt that she could let herself fall in love. The soul wrenching, body shaking, gut twisting, heart pounding kind of love. She had let all her walls come down and was so sure he was in the same place as her that it was too much of a shock when he abandoned her to Gaius at the party. Her shame was what caused her to revert to old ways and find the next warm body. She was punishing herself, not Lee. Reminding herself she didn't deserved to be loved only used. She was so frakked up. Now she had lost him all over again, yet he still couldn't hold in his intense jealousy, proving to her that he just wanted to frak her not love her.
When Lee got back later that night he still hadn't worked out how he was going to apologise to her and try to work this out. As it was the situation was intolerable. He was still angry, definitely jealous, but he loved her with a passion that boarded on obsession.
Her bedroom door was shut and only a single small light was on in the corner of the room. Even though the air was chilly, he felt hot with swirling emotions and welcomed the cool air on his skin. So he stripped down to his boxers, laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes he heard her door open and she stood next to him not saying a word. He just stared back at her, not sure what to say. She then quite deliberately peeled off her tanks and stood there topless in front of him. Lee's heart started to pound. Then she hooked her fingers in her underwear and slid them down her smooth thighs and stepped out of them. She was so frakking gorgeous. Lee's swift erection was painful in its intensity. He sat up and pulled his own underwear down and tossed them on the floor.
He knew this was wrong and not at all how he wanted it to be with her, but his frakking need for her couldn't be ignored. He couldn't work out her expression as she took in his very obvious readiness for her, she just simply climbed on top of him and took a deep breath. She placed a hand on the top of the couch to steady herself and started rubbing herself along his stiff length until she felt sufficiently stimulated. Then she took him in hand and sunk down on him. Time stopped for both of them. Lee simply wasn't prepared for what it would feel like to finally be inside her. She was so very, very hot and wet and tight. She fit him like nothing else. He had the desperate urge to get as deep as he could.
Kara was trying to keep it together as Lee filled her completely. She just knew he would feel like this, but she bit back her moans as she started to rise and sink on him repeatedly, determined to keep herself in check and get this over with. She may let him touch her in the most intimate of places, but she was shielding her heart as best she could.
Lee was going crazy. He wanted harder and faster and deeper. When he finally met her thrust with his own a sharp cry escaped her, that nearly made him come right then. But he could hear her swearing softly under her breath, determination set in her mouth and she deliberately clenched around him so tightly that a definite growl escaped from him. That was when he realised she had no intention of coming herself, she just wanted to finish him off and be done with it. So as she started to speed up, to accomplish her goal, Lee reached out his sprained hand to help her balance and purposely reached up with the other to caress and squeeze her breasts that were bouncing, tauntingly in front of him. At his touch her back arched and involuntary changed the angle to one that obviously affected her more, but she was still trying to hold herself back. He was fast loosing control, so determined to bring her with him, he slid his hand down her stomach and expertly found that small piece of oversensitive skin and slipped his fingers over it with firm pressure. She jolted. He wouldn't relent and kept sliding his fingers up and down until she was overcome with a tearing orgasm. That was the last straw for Lee and he let go straight after with a final deep thrust.
They both stayed that way, panting heavily and glistening with sweat. Then Lee guiltily realised they didn't even try to kiss each other. This was just sex. And she was giving him what she thought he wanted, no emotions, just the physical act. He didn't want it to be like that, so he grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her down to him so he could kiss her and hold her. She wouldn't come. She pulled her arm away and climbed off him. She swayed slightly. Lee tried to reach out for her again saying, "Kara."
"Don't even bother, Lee. You finally got me, so now you don't have to be so frakking jealous all the time." She picked up her clothes and walked back to her room.
He lay there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to do. He cleaned himself off and determinedly followed her into her room. She was sitting in her bed with her face buried in her hands, trying to control her crying. She didn't even notice he was there. He gently stroked her arm saying softly, "Kara."
She looked up in surprise then hurt and anger flashed through her eyes and she launched herself at him, giving him a black eye. It was no less than he deserved. He grabbed her flying fists with both hands and winced at the pain in his sprained wrist. "Stop it Kara." She snarled at him and kept trying to break free. He pushed her back onto the bed and bodily laid on top her to stop her fighting. Seeing that they were still both very naked, each time she struggled it kept arousing their bodies as they locked into one another perfectly, so she stilled, looking caged.
Lee kissed her. He didn't have it in him at the moment to be gentle, just raw need and desperate love. She bit his lip, hard. He just kissed her harder. She bit his lip again and this time he tasted copper. "Shit Kara!"
"Bastard!"
"I love you!" She immediately went still. "I love you and I should have told you before and I'm sorry. I should have told you the minute you got back, I should have told you on the hanger deck that day. Damn it, I should have told you at the dance. I love you."
She just stared at him with wide eyes, not trusting herself to speak. He leaned down again and ignoring the pain in his lip kissed her again, while releasing her arms. There was still too much highly charged emotion to be gentle, but he kissed her as thoroughly as he could, loving her with his mouth. She didn't hold him, but lay there and let him kiss her senseless, thinking she will wake up any second now.
Lee finally got to make love to her the way he'd always wanted. He never realised that her responses to him would have such a profound effect on his soul. When she finally confessed that she loved him too, all his jealousy and anger leaked away, and it was just him and her, with nothing standing between them.
fin