Word Count: 2,080
Date: 11/10/05
Series: Season 2
Rating: K+
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: none
Summary: What would happen if Kara and Lee don't get together.(don't worry,
that's not as bad as it sounds)
Spoilers/Disclaimers: none right now
Chapter 1
When he saw her standing there, it was as though the layers of time had been stripped away. A glint of sunlight from the window behind turned her hair to ribbons of spun gold. The first colors of evening backlit her beauty and he could not believe he had ever let her walk away. Today she was wearing red but she had been wearing blue on another night long ago. She was captivating. Time had been kind to her. Lee could still remember holding her close but he had not been brave enough to take her to his bed that night. He had regretted the decision almost immediately. Somewhere in the depths of his soul Lee knew that he would have loved her through the night and declared himself by morning. It was not the time or place though. They were in the middle of a war. Giving in to his feelings for her would have only distracted them from the fight. So he had controlled himself that night, knowing that he would have the opportunity again. Kara had not been willing to wait though.
Lee was so overwhelmed with jealousy when he discovered Kara had slept with Gaius that he drove her away. When she came back from Caprica, he was relieved and overjoyed but it was too late, her heart was not there.
Lee had been stunned when she pulled away from his kiss. He was not sure what he had been thinking, kissing her like that, but her reaction was certainly not what he had expected.
Kara had changed during her time on Caprica. She was not the Kara who wore a sexy blue dress just to get his attention. Now she was a closed book and that was how they had left it. They still flirted and teased but she had carefully walled him out of her heart and there was nothing he could do about it.
Now, five years later, his feet carried him to her automatically. She had not noticed him yet, despite his stare. He held his breath waiting for the first glimpse of cerulean blue. Time slowed down as she turned and her face registered shock at his approach. She stood there, like a vision of the past and they could only see each other through the throng of people. "Kara."
Chapter 2
Kara Thrace could not believe her eyes. One minute she had been talking to several people and then Lee had appeared from nowhere, a ghost. All of the feelings she thought were gone came rushing to the surface and she was overwhelmed.
"Lee," Kara was helpless to say anything but his name. Even that single syllable felt foreign to her lips, though she had moaned it many times in her dreams. Here he was in flesh, drawn like moth to flame. He stopped in front of her, silent.
* * *
"Hi," The word was lost on Lee's lips as he looked around at her companions and she was embarrassed. She recovered her composure quickly though and moved away from the crowd.
"What are you doing here?" Kara's question snapped him out of his reverie.
"Uh." The answer took a while to come to him. "I'm on shore leave." His mouth was dry and he could not think of anything coherent to say to her. What do you say to the person you've hurt the most? How do you make up for doubting her? Lee could not believe he was standing here in front of her. He was stunned with indecision. Here was the woman he had always regretted. The one woman he loved the most and treated the worst. Five years had given him plenty of time for regrets and to realize the depth of his mistakes. He did not trust in her love for him and when the opportunity arose, he had not taken her to his bed and she had gone with someone else.
At the time, Lee had not truly realized how he felt about her. He was blinded to his true feelings by rage at Kara's imagined betrayal and by the time he realized it, she was gone. Even her defection to Caprica had not fully awakened him to his feelings. He could not face that he had been partially at fault for her loss. He had betrayed her, she loved him and he refused to own his feelings for her.
Kara's return from Caprica had not shaken Lee out of complacency. He had hugged her and even kissed her but he could not bring himself to admit he loved her openly, despite knowing that love to be the only sure thing in his heart. His joking admission of love took them both by surprise and Kara had looked mildly offended when he tried to laugh it off.
Realization dawned as Lee had watched her walk away five years ago. He could have spoken to her so many times but had stubbornly refused, making excuses to himself and finding ways to blame her. Even when he did speak to her in the locker room that day, he refused to acknowledge the very words he had said as significant. Admitting his love would have been weakness.
Now he knew the torture of life without her. He had suffered for five long years, trying desperately to put her out of his mind. She never left him completely though. She danced through his dreams, taunting him with his failure. He could see her laughing with a garden hose in hand, loving him all the while and he was oblivious to it. He was not sure when he had fallen in love with her but his love had never waned in the years without her. Now she was standing here, waiting for him to say something but he was frozen.
* * *
Kara was unsuccessfully trying to think of a way to reassure herself. The man she had always loved was standing here and for once, she had nothing to say. Her heart had warmed at the sight of him but she shut it down. Kara Thrace was not going to be hurt again. In her mind, Lee had let her go five years ago and that could only mean he did not love her. She resigned from the Fleet knowing that it was their only chance to be together but it had been for naught, it was obvious Lee still had no clue why she left. So she walked away for good, thinking she had buried her feelings once and for all.
Kara was surprised to see him in uniform. In an act of defiance, Lee had enlisted in the Colonial Fleet Reserve instead of the full-time fleet. The war had pulled him into the military he hated and yet here he was, five years after war's end, wearing the uniform. The situation should have been reversed in Kara's mind. I should be the one in uniform, not Lee. The Fleet had been her life, her family. It had been shelter from the storm of her past. A place to hide from the pain of being Kara Thrace. Belonging to the Fleet had not meant the same thing to Lee, or so she had thought Yet here he was, still in uniform after she had walked away.
"Can we go someplace else?" Lee's question jarred her.
"Yeah," she led the way out of the room to an alcove. Kara hated these parties but being a 'war hero' necessitated her attendance. It was surprising that she had not run into Lee before now. She had attended many of the celebrations secretly hoping to see him but she never had before now. He probably still doesn't understand why I left but damn it, I can't make him. Giving up had been the hardest part. Kara Thrace had never really been in love until she
met Lee Adama. Sure, she had loved Zak but it was different with Lee. With Zak, she
wanted affection and companionship. Kara had connected with Lee on a much deeper
level. He seemed to understand how she thought. Maybe it was the ethos of the pilot.
And face it, she thought, Zak was never going to be a pilot. Her relationship with Zak
had been kind but it had never held the intensity of her connection with Lee-passion
smoldered just beneath the surface, ready to explode the moment either of them lowered
their guard.
Chapter 3
The day she met Lee Adama, Kara Thrace was not having a good day. A nugget had nearly downed a viper-trainer and there was no way the kid was going to ever be a pilot in the Fleet. She was strict with her nuggets but she did not want to fail any of them and telling the kid he had washed out had not been a pleasant task for her. Kara had cancelled her afternoon class and all she wanted to do was go back to her apartment and forget under the spray of a shower.
* * *
She threw her jacket and keys on the counter next to the door.
"Zak!" She was shocked to see Zak and another man sitting in her cluttered living room. Shit, I'm glad I didn't get undressed! It was common practice for her to be out of her overshirts by the time she got to the couch.
"Hey, Kara," The two men stood. "This is my brother, Lee." Lee held out his hand to her and she moved to take it, embarrassed at the state of her apartment. Her paintings were everywhere and this was not exactly something she wanted other people to see. It had been hard to enough to show this to Zak the first time. This was her private lair, where the real Kara could come out and here was her boyfriend-with his brother! She took Lee's hand, resenting Zak's imposition.
"Nice to meet you," Kara was hacked but that was no reason to take it out on a stranger, she would have to kick Zak's ass later. He smiled up at her and she returned the smile, shooting daggers at Zak the whole time.
* * *
"Likewise," Lee looked a bit uncomfortable, he could tell Kara did not want him here.
"Look, I'd offer you something to drink." Lee felt bad at her obvious discomfort. His brother had put them both in an uncomfortable situation and did not seem to realize it at all. Lee wondered at how Zak could miss the embarrassment written on her face. He had known her for about five minutes and he could see it.
Lee was hoping this one got away for her own sake. Zak was a good kid but he had dated a string of women and Lee did not want to see this woman end up like the rest. She did not look like she could stand much more hurt in her life. The apartment around him spoke of a woman who had seen a great deal of pain. Lee could almost feel the anger and energy in her paintings and he silently wondered if Zak really knew Kara.
* * *
Kara stepped back and sat down in the chair behind her. She had made the offer of a drink but was glad they had not taken it. Living on the edge of survival for several years meant that she rarely kept any food in the house that was not going to be eaten immediately.
Kara still could not believe Zak had done this to her. Lee seemed to feel genuinely sorry for her. Why was it that he had only known her for a few minutes and he understood her in a way that Zak did not?
"Look, it was really nice meeting you but I really need to get a shower." She glared at Zak again and disappeared from the room.
* * *
From their first meeting, Lee had understood her in a way that Zak never could. Even when Lee was an insensitive clod, she had made a connection with him that could not be broken. Seeing him again made her realize that she had not buried her feelings as well as she thought. Just the sight of him brought them rushing to the surface. She had carefully numbed herself but now Kara Thrace was feeling again-and she could not do a thing about it.
Chapter 6
"Kara."
"Don't. It's over now and there's no use reliving it,"
she turned away from him.
Lee
followed her as she moved outside into the night.
"Kara,
stop." It was now or never.
Kara turned
to him, betrayal etched into her features. He hesitated a moment and
decided to go for it. The situation could not possibly be much worse
than it had for the last five years. Lee had seen her off that day, not
knowing exactly how much she meant to him.
Remaining on the Galactica after she left had been torture. Every corner
he turned reminded him of her. The ship seemed to echo with her laughter
and he could almost feel her presence in the bulkheads.
*
*
*
"It
was not what you think."
"And
just what is it I think, Lee?" She was beginning to get angry.
"It
wasn't like that with her. We were just friends!" Lee matched
the tone in her voice and she backed down, anger still shining in her eyes.
"Yeah,
friends. Why should I think anything else, right? Maybe the fact
that you made sure to flaunt her in front of me after we came back from
Pegasus. You made it very clear who you wanted, Lee."
"What was I supposed to do, Kara? Wait for you to quit frakking
around and figure out how it was between us?" Kara looked stricken
and Lee knew he had gone too far. Time stood still for a moment and Lee
could see the shimmering trail of a tear on her cheek in the moonlight.
He touched her shoulder tentatively and she pulled away, facing the gardens
below their balcony. Frak! She was suddenly fragile, ready to
shatter. If he was not careful, he would drive her away forever.
"I'm sorry."
Kara tilted
her chin up defiantly and Lee knew she was going to fight back. That's
more like it. He was confident. Kara only fought when she cared.
*
*
*
"Frak you, Lee! You have
no idea how it was between us! I didn't want to leave but
you gave me no frakking choice! Did you think I was going to stand by
and watch you with
her? You seem to think you have every right to judge me and you know
what, Lee?
You're full of crap!" She turned away and stormed back through the
well-lit halls, tears
streaking down her face. Lee Adama could go to hell.
Chapter 7
Lee stood,
awestruck for a moment. The shock wore off quickly though and he moved
through the corridor, determined to make her listen. He would be damned
if he was going to spend another five years without her.
Kara had
nearly made her way to the parking lot when Lee grabbed her arm, stopping her
cold. She spun on him viciously, ready to throw a punch, dress and all.
"Let
go of me!" she screamed at him defiantly, refusing to be
manhandled.
"Gods
damn it, Kara! I have waited five long years and you're going to
listen!" She glared daggers at him. "I let you go that
day because you didn't say anything, not one word! I'm sorry if I was
too stupid not to realize what we were to each other but you could have said
something!"
"You
wanted me to let you know I cared when all you ever cared about was who I
slept with?" The open wound of a long ago argument still smarted.
*
*
*
His eyes
followed her out of the room, suddenly aware of the undercurrents between she
and Baltar. The angry countenance of the doctor and Kara's apparent
guilt told the story. When she avoided him in the hall, Lee knew she had
slept with Baltar. She could not even control her hormones in the middle
of a war! Lee vowed not to trust her with his heart again.
"You're just a pilot.a pilot who can't keep her pants on!"
She had
decked him then and he realized now that he had richly deserved it for
refusing to listen to her. She had deserved at least that much but he
could not give her that at the time. He had been so blinded by his own
jealousy that he could not see how much he was hurting her.
*
*
*
Lee pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely, passion exploding from within.
Surroundings disappeared and Kara was only aware of the warmth of his arms,
the softness of his lips. If only you had kissed me like this before.
When he
finally lifted his head, Kara was speechless. The touch of his lips
reminded her how much she had loved him, still loved him. But you won't
make it together. A niggling voice in her head mocked that she could not
possibly be good enough for him.
"Lee." she was tentative, unsure. "I don't think we can.I
mean.I need to go." Kara turned to leave.
Lee grabbed
her hand to pull her back but dropped it as though he had been burned.
He looked down and a glint of metal caught his eye. She felt his sudden
withdrawal and turned to see anger. She could still taste him on her
lips as he walked away.