Word Count: 5,564
Date: 02/02/05
Series: One
Rating: K+
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee, Kara
Warnings:
Summary: What was going on in Kara’s head when Lee was wearing nothing
but a towel? Lee/Kara, Kara’s p.o.v. Angst ensues.
Spoilers/Disclaimers:
Lords of Kobol help me… Lee is in the same room as me, wearing nothing but a towel. Sure, he and I have had our…differences. And sometimes I think of him as a brother. Well, I did when I was with Zak, anyway. Other times, I want to knock his lights out. And sometimes, I want…more.
But Zak’s been gone…what, two years? And it’s been a long time since I’ve had feelings for someone other than Zak.
But Lords, why does it have to be Lee? I’m trying to think back to when these feelings started and I’m beginning to wonder if these feelings are really feelings, or just lust for a man and because Lee has been around me the most lately, somehow he’s become my target. Frak. Nothing makes sense when it comes to my feelings for Lee.
The fact that Lee is standing behind me, talking to me, in nothing but a towel doesn’t help matters much.
I suppose it might have been when Tyrol told me in so few words that Lee was dead that these feelings “awoke” inside me. I was devastated and angry and alone…sad beyond comparison. Much as I was when Zak died. But damn it was I thinking of Lee as a possible lover and not a friend anymore? I just don’t know.
I can smell him. Frakking Lords, I can smell him. He smells like water and whatever that crap is that they give us that is supposed to be soap. And he smells like Lee, the way Lee has always smelled—clean and orderly. I take in air like I’m suffocating and hope to lords Lee doesn’t notice what he’s putting me through. Shutting my eyes, I can almost see Lee coming up behind me and wrapping his muscular arms around me, telling me he loves me and has always loved me for years and how he wants to show me he loves me. My eyes open, and Lee is still talking to me, oblivious of my fantasies.
I’m surprised that I talk to him as if none of this is going on in my head right now. I pretend I’m not thinking of grabbing that towel and laughing in his face, running around holding on to that towel just to see Lee naked. But is it more than that? Hell, I’ve never needed things defined, but somehow, when it comes to Lee, I want things defined. And I think I want him. At some point, I actually see him at his locker, grabbing clothes and talking to me at the same time. I answer appropriately but my mind is swirling as I take in both his scent and the view.
I think his arms drive me the most crazy. Even in uniform, its clear he’s fairly chiseled. But now barely clothed? The guy is ripped, beautifully and elegantly in god-like fashion. And for the first time, I feel like I’m really seeing him in a different way. Not like some thing, to be broken down into parts—an object of the perfect man, no. No. I see Lee for who he is; emotional, stubborn, and…vulnerable?
Where in Hades did that come from? Vulnerable and Lee don’t seem to belong in the same sentence. And yet to me, Lee is always vulnerable. Vulnerable to me.
And that just scares me, more than the end of the world, and more than any cylon attack. With Lee, my guard is down. Only with Lee, and always with Lee.
~ FIN