The Ace

By Nebulous1

Word Count:
Date:
Series: Alternate Universe
Rating: M
Category: Relationship
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings: A little cussing and some warm thoughts, but no real action just yet...Violence? Well someone gets punched, but I SAID Starbuck was in it, so you KNEW that, right?
Summary: The most effective usage of control is often overlooked, the knowledge of how and when you should lose it. I think this is pretty PG stuff, but there's still four more Chapters for me to play in before you're safe from smut! Actually, for the next Chapter all bets are off, so brace for a bumpy ride!"
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Well, I dunno...it's AU so some things might be different and some things might be current; it's kinda my own world, sorry... I'll do my best to make it worth taking your chances, but no guarantees. Ron Moore shares nicely with others! Thanks, Ron! Starbuck is the only buck' involved; no monies for me. So send me love and praises and I will be your slave... or at least think fondly of you often.

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The Ace - Chapter 1 - Wild Card

It was just another re-con mission among what seemed like thousands now, tediously routine. The three veteran pilots, Starbuck, Apollo and Hotdog (already aged beyond his young years) were brittle with repressed tension, itching to fight or flee or something, anything!

There was only so long everyone could remain hyper-vigilant before they had to be allowed to decompress somehow, lest they take it out on someone or something inappropriate. Activity was the most effective pressure valve to prevent edgy tempers from detonating. If you got tired enough, you just wanted to sleep, not cause trouble.

When they weren't repelling predatory Cylon Raiders there was always something that needed to be done, too many things. At the moment, the task at hand was scanning a nearby asteroid field for refinable tylium or anything else that might prove useful. The process was time-consuming and the results were often poor, but the rag-tag fleet had to scavenge what they could, unable to afford being picky about where they found precious resources.

Needing to jump away at any moment was a possibility that was never far from anyone's thoughts. Unfortunately, a small scouting party of six Vipers was all they could afford to spare from the patrol rotation, despite the urgent necessity. The remaining three pilots in the patrol were Kara's most recent nuggets," out on what she ironically referred to as a field trip" to fly assigned testing maneuvers and help with the resource scans.

Although she'd picked up a habit of calling them, boys and girls," Lee knew these three, at least, weren't completely raw novices. All of them had previous piloting experience on the slower transport ships, which was somewhat helpful knowledge...but there was nothing else like flying a Viper, so nothing could totally prepare you for it.

He fondly remembered the sims he had been trained in, and wished desperately that even one was still in existence. This was no sane way to train Viper pilots, but there was no alternative. Still, even with the children" along, he was reasonably secure in the knowledge that if Starbuck said they were ready, they could hack it. Ready" from her, meant impressive" by anyone else's standards.

Naturally, the Fates couldn't resist an opening like that...

Their first warning of a trap came when a blast fried off about a third of one of Apollo's wingtips, substantially impairing his ability to navigate. Firing reflexively fast in the direction of the attack, Apollo had the satisfaction of watching his opponent explode silently in the perpetual night.

Eat it, asshole!" he bit out, as the passage of his ship punched a clean hole through the debris cloud of its destruction.

Shouted profanities mingled on the com-channel as the various pilots reacted to what seemed like a veritable horde of Cylon raiders breaking cover from behind some of the larger chunks of tumbling rock and swarming to surround the small formation of Vipers with lethal cross-fire. No one had time to radio the Galactica of the ambush, but Apollo knew the Dradis in CIC would be going crazy now that the Cylons had ceased pretending to be asteroids. Pilots would be scrambling within minutes to come to their aid.

Without needing a command, the Vipers spread out to engage; the three good little rooks plunged suddenly to circle up behind the enemy just like Mama" Starbuck taught em. Meanwhile, the two vets buzzed past the enemy doing more difficult high speed spiral arcs to avoid the hail of incoming fire and provide a frontal distraction while the kids" snuck up from the rear. Perfect.

Boom - boom - boom.

Although lucky enough to avoid being blown out of the sky without forewarning, Apollo was still in serious trouble. He'd managed to break through the ring of Cylons when the first one had paid the price for missing him, but his reprieve was beginning to look alarmingly temporary as he fought the controls of his damaged Viper. He was barely able to maneuver to avoid the deadly rubble of the asteroids, much less attempt to fight back.

Apollo cursed venomously; he had no choice but to drop well under the main volley of fire and turn about, limping his crippled Viper back far enough to wait for the others to disengage. As he did so, he managed to radio Starbuck to take the lead on the main channel. He'd intended to contact the Galactica next to report on their status, but he didn't get very far...

Alarms chimed in his cockpit as the sensors registered a missile lock! Ohhh, shit!" he muttered grimly, pulling hard about, rotating his uncooperative craft to hunt frantically for both the missile and the aggressor. Although his precise steel-blue eyes darted quickly to identify any discernable threat, keenly tracking any movement, he couldn't find a Cylon or any sign of the missile anywhere below him. Even worse, against the backdrop of the firefight above, all the other trails crossing the blackness with fiery webs made it impossible to spot the tell-tale streak of the one deadly missile that was stalking him.

Frak - frak - FRAK!"

Without a source, he could only assume it was one that had missed its target above, locking on him instead as it fell. For all the difference it made. He was about to be toast if he didn't do something now! Hoping to confuse the missile's guidance system, he hauled on the stick hard, getting dangerously closer to one of the large chunks of rock floating nearby, but the proximity alarms continued and he knew it must be locked on his heat signature.

He was out of options; the stick was dead, and there just wasn't time for anyone to get to him now, even if he called for help. The blasted alarms had ceased in favor of a decreasing countdown to impact, nineteen - eighteen - seventeen - sixteen..."

There would be no last-minute save this time. With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes in resignation, gritting his teeth and bracing himself for the fire that he'd somehow always known would extinguish his life, sooner or later. A brief prayer to the Lords of Kobol crossed his lips for the safety of two people. Kara; Dad..."

He never even saw Starbuck's Viper leaving the fray above to streak down like an avenging angel; he just heard her voice screaming his name over the comlink, Leeeee!"

It tore through his ears, through his mind, his soul...but he knew it was too late...

He shouted, Break OFF, Kara!"

twelve - eleven..."

His Viper was abruptly flipped upwards, end over end in the displacement as she burned straight down between his ship and the missile pursuing him, plunging right through the wash of his afterburners faster than he'd ever seen anyone go. The stabilizers corrected his ship mere moments later, leveling him out in time to watch in sick dread as the missile followed her down.

What the FRAK?" He frowned; she was only performing limited evasive tactics. A stunned moment later he realized that her engines had stalled out as she hit his vapor trail; she had no thrust power! Starbuck was coasting only on the leftover inertial velocity from that blazing dive she'd used to reach him in time! The missile was on her tail so close now that even if he'd been able to move, he couldn't have fired without hitting her!

Oblivious to the battle raging above and behind him, he stared in horror, automatically counting seconds to impact in his head as she approached the surface of the asteroid he'd tried to use for cover moments before. He watched in cold terror, hopelessly expecting to see her die in his place - either detonated by the bomb, or scattered with the rubble of her ship as it collided with the asteroid.

Like he'd willed a miracle, the missile dropped speed suddenly, having lost the heat signature as her dead engines cooled nearly instantly in the frigid vacuum of space. His heart leapt back to life, even as he continued to hold his breath, hands clenched in fists. He winced as the brilliant explosion wrenched large chunks of rubble apart from the main mass to hurl spinning away.

There was no sign of her Viper.

He let out his breath on a sob and then called out for her. Starbuck...Starbuck, report-- STARBUCK! REPORT!" -praying- she would answer so he could threaten to beat her ass for scaring the frak out of him...but she didn't respond. Starbuck, REPORT! Starbuck, can you hear me? What is your location?"

With an explosion at that range, he knew she'd be scattered atoms unless she'd somehow managed to get behind the giant rock before the detonation. But he refused to believe she would go like that; not after everything she'd beaten before. His shouted curses drowned out the bleak voice in his head that was whispering that maybe she'd used up all her luck early...

Forcing himself to calm down, he tried to focus on what he COULD do to try to locate her, instead of freaking out about all the things he COULDN'T do to help her!

C'mon Starbuck -- where are you?" he muttered intently, visually searching the void around him in desperation. He was floating, unable to even fly over the rock to look for her wreckage - and afraid of what he'd find even if he could.

It had been SO close; by rights it should have been impossible-- but he almost could believe she -might- have pulled it off, maybe... It was the craziest save he'd ever seen or even heard of, but it wouldn't mean a damn thing to him to live if she'd killed herself accomplishing it.

Sir! Captain Apollo, where are you?" It was Hotdog's ebullient voice, totally jazzed with adrenaline, We got all ten of em! Woo-hoo!!!"

*Great kid...fine.* He thought absently as he focused on what was more important, *WHERE the frak IS she?*

Feeling dead inside; Apollo mechanically requested a tow and gave his position, assigning the rest of the patrol to search the area for Starbuck, since she hadn't re-established radio contact. He called off the re-enforcements from Galactica and then sat back, awaiting rescue.

In the infinite silence, he closed his eyes and prayed for her. Lords of Kobol, take the soul of your daughter..."

Holy gods...!" his com crackled excitedly, we found her, Sir!" Some female nugget's voice interrupted his prayer --he couldn't bring himself to care who. Sir? SIR! She's okay! I can't believe it! Wait'll you see her Viper! Great Gods, Starbuck! How'd you frak it up like that?"

Shutting off his mike, Lee Adama watched as Starbuck's Viper was towed into view, apparently unable to communicate. Frak! Scorched all to Hell! And he laughed and cried at the same time, knowing no one but the Gods could hear him swear to kill her himself.

They had barely come to rest on the hangar deck before he vaulted out, shoved Cally and her clipboard roughly aside and scaled Starbuck's wing to pound on her still-closed canopy with his clenched fist. He'd never been so furious in his life, and considering their turbulent history, that was really saying something. She didn't even look up at him. Oxygen hissed out as the seal was broken and the canopy was lifted.

The first thing she registered was Lee's hands biting into her shoulders as he bodily hauled her from the cockpit onto the hangar deck and wrestled her helmet off, looking murderous and shouting something at her.

Never frakking again; do you hear me, dammit, Lieutenant? I swear, I'll have you..." and then she punched the ungrateful bastard in the jaw.

As hands and arms struggled to restrain them both, she realized faintly that something felt really, really wrong... then she was swallowed up by swirling blackness...

-----------------------------------------

When she awoke, blinking to focus in the dimness, she sighed, Ah, frak it. Home sweet home," as she identified the familiar confines of the brig. Shaking her head in disgust, she rolled back over to sleep until someone --Lee probably, or Tigh-- came to chew her ass for this.

In his quarters, Lee tossed on his bunk, still too wired to sleep. Kara was going to be fine, it was just a delayed reaction from the dangerously fast acceleration speed; she'd passed out from spatial disorientation. All things considered, she was lucky she hadn't done it in the middle of the action. Worse, she -could- have had an aneurism or a heart attack.

Gods of Kobol! He was lucky HE hadn't had a heart attack just watching her nearly get blown to pieces to save him!

Once the doctor, who'd been paged to the flight deck for their landing, had medically cleared her, he'd allowed Tigh to have Starbuck dropped off in the brig; although not for the same reasons as the crusty old man. He was leaving her there overnight partially because he was a bit afraid of what he might be tempted to do to her until he cooled off a little...and to some degree, he could admit to himself, it was also because the silence of the brig was probably preferable to the incessant din of pilot's quarters or the controlled chaos that passed for sick bay.

He intended to make sure she logged some downtime before he signed off to send her back up again; but before that, they had some serious business to discuss! Yes, she had disobeyed his direct order. What she'd done was unforgivably dangerous and THEN she'd promptly decked him in full view of every flight crew member on-duty. But he figured combativeness due to medical trauma" was a convenient reason to excuse the punch, at least. In disobeying, she'd been correct, or just INCREDIBLY lucky - but she DID save him and managed not to die doing it, so that mitigated the disobedience... Especially since he knew damn well he had no intention of pressing charges anyway. Tigh could go frak himself! Considering the alternatives, Lee didn't care about a sore jaw.

What REALLY scared him through and through was that he KNEW, without any doubt whatsoever, that Starbuck hadn't expected to live through saving him.

There was NO possible way she could've known that flying down between his Viper and that missile with only about ten seconds to impact would disrupt the lock it had on him. There was no data on that, anywhere - and he'd already looked. Not surprisingly, it simply hadn't been attempted, ever -- PERHAPS because it was almost certain suicide. He'd added the almost' only because SHE'D somehow made it, although the Gods alone knew how.

She shouldn't even have been able to reach him in time! Going that fast in a straight trajectory through an asteroid field would have given her zero time to swerve away from any rubble that might have entered her path, like the stuff that'd nearly taken him out. If she'd hit anything at all, it would likely have been lethal. There were FAR too many ways she'd nearly died in a space of minutes.

She could easily have passed out from acceleration stress; she might have been incinerated by either his wake or being hit by the missile itself. When her engines choked, the missile could have caught up to her and detonated; she could easily have hit the asteroid instead of just barely getting behind it in time. There were SO many reasons why one or both of them should be dead right now! She should -never- have taken that gamble.

The cold hard truth was, she hadn't thought past getting between him and the missile --and probably letting it blast her into the void along with shrapnel-sized remnants of his soul. Alone, flying that close in his wake could have, probably SHOULD have and damn near DID, blow her up, according to what he could make out in Chief Tyrol's impassioned rant. Her Viper really was scorched nearly beyond recognition.

That her velocity would get her through his wash quickly enough to simultaneously avoid being cooked by the heat of his afterburners and hit by the missile was an incalculable risk, even now upon due consideration.

It was sheer, dumb luck that her engines had stalled in his wake, giving her just barely enough time for them to cool down before the missile could catch up to her heat signature.

Bare coincidence that her velocity from that suicidal dive would carry her just fast enough, and just far enough, for the asteroid to take the brunt of the blast as the missile hit it, instead of her Viper.

She'd had mere seconds to react --no time to THINK at all-- she'd simply flown between him and death, and offered herself in his place!

The most humbling thing was that she so obviously counted his life to be more valuable than her own - to the squadron, to his Father. Possibly, it was because she couldn't allow him to die on her watch, like Zak. She had intended to save him, at any cost - but for both of their sakes, it -couldn't- happen again. He knew that if she were to be killed, the protection of humanity aside, he wouldn't want to live.

Yet he found himself at a loss for anything he could do or say to prevent it from happening, over and over, until one of them lost the gamble. At times like these, he wished like Hell that he -could- emulate his Dad, at least in ONE thing... He was the only person alive Lee had ever seen who could argue any sense into the obstinate woman! In fact, much as he hated to admit it, he was tapped out of ideas. Perhaps it was time to absorb some tactics from the old pro... No time like the present, Captain," he told himself decisively. Hopefully he's still up!"

--------------------------------------------

I swear, Dad - I've tried everything they ever taught me in war college, but I don't think anyone has ever had to contend with someone like her! What good is all that theory if none of it seems to apply? Besides, she's had the same classes; there's no fooling her!"

William Adama noticed Lee was upset enough that he was actually gesturing with his hands as he spoke...the master of body language control was THAT rattled. Trying to calm his son, he spoke reassuringly.

The thing about the strategy of psychology, son, is that in the situations where it seems least applicable, that's generally when it's most needed. It may not seem like Kara would respond predictably to standard methods, but I think she would, providing you're using the right frame of reference. The angle you tackle it from makes all the difference in the world."

So what do I do?" Lee pleaded, completely at the end of his rope.

In my experience, the best way I've found to control Starbuck has always been to allow her to control herself. She has to understand the importance and agree with the reasoning behind what you want her to do, or you'll never get her to go along with you. She has to feel like she's got a choice, that she's in control."

That might seem contrary to what you're trying to achieve, but oftentimes the most effective usage of control is overlooked - the knowledge of how and when you should lose it. Sometimes the best way to manage a situation IS to lose it a little bit, like when we were sparring, remember?"

You bet I remember, and I'm not likely to forget it anytime soon!" Lee bitched good-naturedly, rubbing his jaw. That was dirty! Why does everyone go for the face?"

Yeah, but it worked, didn't it?"

I suppose, but how does that help me with her?" Lee remained uncertain whether the old man was explaining the method to HER madness or advising that he consider utilizing that particular element of surprise himself, because he was to embarrassed to admit that punching her in the jaw hadn't worked already!

The secret is giving her what she needs to feel in control of herself. I remember watching Kara and Zak together way back then and thinking how perfect they were for each other. She always motivated him to do better than he ever believed he was capable of. It was only a stupid, senseless accident that deprived her of her justifiable pride in Zak's accomplishments. It could've happened to anyone; it's just that it happened to him at the â?"worst- possible time and she's blamed herself ever since."

Lee watched his Father shake his head regretfully, pinching the bridge of his nose the same way Lee, himself, often did when considering something difficult. The common gesture and the subject of their mutual concern combined to give Lee a seldom-felt sense of connection with his Father.

What Zak gave her was acceptance. She needed that more than anything else. I know I didn't always seem to understand you boys, but if there was one thing I always knew and respected about Zak, it was that he was a gentle and kind man, and that's a strength all it's own. I know you probably won't believe it, but I was proud to see that in him. It was exactly what she needed after her harsh upbringing, someone who would love her unconditionally, tell her she was beautiful, talented and smart. Zak brought out the sweetness in her and she learned to trust that he would never intentionally hurt her."

Thoughts like these were something Lee had never credited his Father with; they didn't belong to an impersonal, unyielding man, they were the thoughts of a Father, a loving one, who just didn't always know how to say it.

If you think I believe Zak was a failure because of the way he died, it isn't true," the elder Adama continued, because I believe he served a purpose in HER life and that, alone, is an accomplishment to be proud of. Not everyone can say that they held such a necessary role in the life of someone so special, someone who would become one of the saviors of humanity. Her potential was always there, but he taught her to accept that value and to have confidence in herself. He helped make her strong."

Lee wondered if the man facing him sometimes regretted the things he'd said, probably off the cuff, that had become the tenants of his children's goals so tragically. *A man isn't a man until he wears the wings of a Viper pilot."*

Looking at the man in front of him now, it didn't seem like any of this had ever been his intention - or perhaps losing his son had taught him that lesson the hard way - but he HAD learned it.

His Father's voice continued the difficult topic with determination. But Zak is gone, and everything has changed now. Our Kara isn't the same person who was in love with him. She has something else to learn. Zak may have helped her to free her emotions, but now she needs someone to teach her how to -direct- them. Back then, she needed any spark of hope at all, now she needs the focus to direct that fire or she'll burn herself out far too soon.

It's not a matter of discipline; I honestly don't believe she's deficient in that. In every way that matters, she's perfected her skills, and it wouldn't even occur to her to shirk her duties. She knows every reg backwards and forwards, even if she doesn't always adhere to them." He smiled softly, lost in thought.

No...I think what she needs is something that makes her feel alive, a reason to live, and to enjoy itâ?¦Still, you and I both know that just because it's what she NEEDS, it doesn't mean she's going to be cooperative!"

They both laughed, sharing this peculiar bond - two men who loved her for different reasons, and a lot of shared onesâ?¦

I'd expect her to put up one â?"unholy- fight, but then, that's Kara," said Adama affectionately.

Either love her or toss her in hack?" his son suggested wryly.

Sometimes it's the same thing," his Father smiled back, in perfect accord. She never had someone who loved her enough to set firm limits. Growing up, whenever she needed good advice to keep her from getting hurt, her mother never paid her any attention. The woman just didn't care." He shook his head uncomprehendingly.

Kara had plenty of discipline, too much even, but it was all about punishment. It's time for her to learn to equate limits with security. When someone says No.' to her and makes it stick, she needs to see that there are times when it's because she's important to them; because of love, not a lack of respect for her abilities. She expects too much of herself, more even than any of â?"us- would ask of her; but she blasts forward anyway, even when the limits are there for her protection."

She doesn't seem to realize that she's FAR too important for us to risk losing; and I daresay...for you and me personally, that's even more the case. Perhaps you'll forgive an old man for meddlingâ?¦ but I have to say, Lee, I truly do have faith that you WILL be able to give her what she needs; the very fact that you're considering this so carefully assures me of that, if it's any help," Adama said kindly.

You know something? Actually, I think it is!" Lee's smile was touchingly relieved. Thanks! Well, goodnight then - it looks like I have a lot to think aboutâ?¦" Spying the time, he started in surprise, Oops! Actually - I have a briefing to give; I've gotta go!"

As the broad shoulders of his eldest and only remaining son hurried from the room, William Adama softly wished him, Good hunting, son."

Then he leaned back into his chair and smiled to himself, thinking about a tiny blonde spitfire who fairly existed to set the rank structure on its ear and who saved his son's life on a pretty frequent basis for reasons that were glaringly apparent to everyone â?"except- the two of them. It would almost be amusing if the situation were less dire, but there wasn't time anymore for people to pretend to each other that they DIDN'T care; tomorrow was not a guarantee.

As a Commander, he hoped they would figure it out reasonably soon, because their little clashes were murder on the Viper repair schedule! Plus, friend or no friend, his XO could only be persuaded to overlook so many fistfights to allow them to work it out themselves before he rightfully insisted that they â?"both- be tossed in the brig as an example to the rest of the crew. It didn't help that a potential relationship between the stern CAG and their wild-child pilot had become an object of such speculation that it had spawned the largest known betting pool since the world ended!

William Adama chose to overlook the activity because he knew rumors like that could NEVER be prevented; people needed something other than death and Cylons to talk about. At least romance was a â?"hopeful- topic. Plus, he could hardly fault his crew when his conscience smirked inside his head at the fact that he'd allowed Saul to goad him into a little side-wager of their own on that very subject. He looked forward with relish to taking the XO's cubits someday soon! You â?"never- wanted to bet against those two, it just wasn't done!

As a frustrated Father, tempting though it might be to lock them up together and let them hash it all out sooner rather than later, the Commander in him counseled patience, knowing from experience that non-interference was the best idea. Even if he admitted, to himself at least, that he would appreciate at least one grandchild before the end of his life, he knew them both well enough to suspect that if either of them sensed any sort of contrivance, they'd be off in opposite directions ASAP, just to be contrary.

---------------------

A hand over his mouth to cover a staged cough was the best the Marine on guard duty could do to suppress a grin when the CAG suggested' that he patrol -outside- the hatch to the brig for a while. With all due alacrity, he reported to his new post, firmly closing the portal behind him. The young man found himself grateful that the room at his back was soundproof, because there were â?"some- things you wanted to be able to truthfully deny ANY knowledge of - and a confrontation between those two definitely qualified.

Inside, Captain Lee Adama considered his options carefully before quietly approaching the bars that housed his favorite leadership challenge. Lying curled on her side and facing away, she was apparently hibernating quite nicely, burrowed under the standard issue wool blanket with only the top of her dirty-blonde hair visible.

Lt. Thrace," he drawled sarcastically, fancy meeting you here."

Dragging the blanket down off her face, she shot him a belligerent glare over her shoulder but didn't even sit up, much less stand when addressed. Not that he'd really expected any better; this attempt at a treaty between them promised to be challenging.

Kicking the blanket messily to the floor, she turned to sprawl on her back with one arm folded over the towel behind her head. Pointedly ignoring him, she stared upwards at the ceiling with a quirk to her lips that was the very definition of aggravating.

He couldn't help wondering to himself why delinquent" just HAD to be one of her hottest looks, even sexier than that heavenly blue evening dress she'd worn for Colonial Day. Come to think of it, nearly -every- look on her made him hard as stone: filthy dirty, insubordinate (definitely a favorite), completely frakked drunk, damp from a shower, sweaty, teasing, pissed as Hell... The list just went on and on. But SHE didn't need access to that knowledge just yet...

It was time for him to be the bad guy. Eyes narrowed with icy disdain, he growled stiffly, On-your-feet, Lieutenant!"

Casually, she gestured with a middle finger in his general direction. Toss me in hack, Sir," she retorted, sounding bored.

And let you keep enjoying private accommodations while the rest of us live like sardines? Oh, I don't think so, Lieutenant. I was considering something more along the lines of Raptor maintenance until further notice. What do you think?"

That tight-ass tone of voice of his was just as infuriatingly smug as usual, but when she sat up with an indignant gasp, his eyes held a gleeful twinkle that warned her he was in the mood to yank her chain.

Springing to her feet and snapping to exaggerated attention, she popped off a razor-sharp salute reporting, SIR! Yes, SIR!" in a guttural bark that was a dead-on impression of the Marine guards. It was disarmingly cheeky and frankly hilarious, but she wasn't going to get around him that easily. As a battle tactic, she wasn't the only one who could roll unexpectedly; that was one of his favorite moves too.

At ease, Lieutenant," he granted with imperious condescension and then transformed before her eyes from her stern superior officer to Lee, grinning boyishly. Yeesh, Starbuck; it's kinda scary seeing you render proper military courtesy!" he mocked.

Yeah?" She raised her eyebrows pointedly, nearing the bars and leaning forward to peer impishly up at him from the opposite side. Speaking of due courtesy... You're welcome, for me saving your ass - AGAIN!"

Knowing it would throw her, he leered back, purring suggestively. Hey, I can think of LOTS of ways to thank you, Starbuck. It's not my fault you're too chicken to take me up on them."

And then, like flipping over a card, his dead-serious CAG persona was addressing her again. So, I just had to settle for not pressing assault charges."

After a heartbeat's heavy pause to let that sink in, he continued in a voice that started frost-bitten and built to an avalance's roar, Lady, you are frakking -beyond- insane! And just so you know, I'll be having nightmares from NOW ON about my Viper being dead in the water and watching YOU blow yourself to Hell for no damn reason, and I can't do anything to stop it!!! Sure; THANKS! Do you have any IDEA what that does to me? How that makes me feel?"

Her face had gone rigid, but her eyes glowed with misery as she answered him tonelessly. Yeah, Lee; I think I WOULD know how it feels."

ARRGH!" he vented in frustration, yanking himself away from the bars and rubbing his palms over his face as he began pacing irritably. He forced himself to stop in his tracks and he closed his eyes, inhaling slowly, holding it in a moment and blowing it out slowly with a sigh.

When he opened his eyes, she was still standing, hands clutching the bars, but her head had dropped and her gaze was fixed on the dusty floor of the cell. His heart involuntarily softened at the sight of her adorably messy bed-head resting against the bars, wishing she would lean on his chest that way sometime so he could just enjoy holding her. Contenting himself with a light kiss to the top of her head, he met her eyes seriously as she looked up at him in confusion.

You know what, Kara? I'm through having you bring Zak into this." As she opened her mouth to interrupt, he risked getting bitten by placing two fingers firmly against her lips until she stalled in place, uncertain. Shhh; just listen...please?"

She nodded with an obvious attempt at patience, but he knew he'd better make his point...

Speaking softly, he began. Look, Kara, all of us loved Zak, and I'll always miss him; he was my brother --but I've finally gotten to the point where I can -accept- the fact that he's dead. Maybe it's because a LOT of people are, people we cared about that we'll never see again. Most of them, we'll never have any idea what happened and there's not ever going to be any feeling of closure. But I KNOW what killed my brother - and it was AN ACCIDENT."

Kara bowed her head again, closing her eyes as if it was all she could bear to stand and hear this.

Willing her to LISTEN and to -believe-, Lee continued. Maybe he -wasn't- ready, but YOU didn't make him want it, you just tried to help him get there. If anyone could've trained him into being a good pilot, it would've been you, Kara. But you can only take responsibility for the information you covered with him in class and what you taught him in the simulator; you couldn't make him understand it, feel it in his bones, that was HIS responsibility."

Hesitantly, she was now looking deeply into his eyes, as if she was searching for some hint of doubt, or a ragged shred of blame that he wouldn't admit to her, but he -knew- it wasn't there; it was finally cleared from him.

I knew right away when you told me about what happened that it wouldn't be right to blame YOU for it. I couldn't hold it against you because, for one thing, HE would never have WANTED me to. That meant it was also unfair of me to blame my Dad for being someone Zak wanted to emulate. Dad's a good man; he didn't deserve for me to punish him on top of losing Zak."

"The point is; I make mistakes too," he admitted sadly, "really BIG ones, and I'll -always- be sorry for that one. Although it's never been easy being his son, I'm proud of Dad, even if I really HATE being compared to him." He rolled his eyes.

He actually got a small grin out of her for that. It was progress!

Hell, I'm just as much to blame as anyone else. Being SO proud to go to the Academy; eating, sleeping, talking and dreaming Viper specs. He was my kid brother; of course he'd try his best to keep up. He always wanted to be wherever I was, whether he belonged there or not. But blaming ourselves won't bring him back and we shouldn't let it push us away so we lose each other too."

There was something he felt the need to get off his chest, or maybe to confessâ?¦

In the end, I can't help thinking that what's -really- not fair is to remember him that way, as someone who didn't have what it takes'. I know that's just not right, not when so many others manage it through sheer determination and just a little more luck than he had. They pick up the feel for it eventually and become solid pilots anyway; whether they fly a Viper or a Raptor, even without having a natural gift' for it. What really matters, Kara, is that he died trying his best to become what he wanted most to be, and he was happy. That's all that counts.

Zak was a grown man; a young one, maybe, but responsible for his own actions and fully capable of making his own decisions. He froze. It happens - people make mistakes, and someday a mistake you or I make might get us killed... but we do it anyway, because we love flying and because they need us. That's just one of the risks you accept when you choose to be a Viper pilot, that you might screw up and that will be IT, you're done. The only thing you can ever do is try your ultimate best at the time, and if you live through the mistake, you learn from it and try not to frak up like that again."

Lee could tell in her eyes that Kara WANTED to believe him, was reaching for the forgiveness he was offering...but she looked down again, hiding.

I guess, just this once I wanted to -really- clear the air with you about this. I don't WANT that pain between us anymore, so I'm going to tell you now... I don't blame you and my Father doesn't blame you, and I think you shouldn't punish yourself for Zak's death anymore. He loved you very much and he would -never- have wanted your memories of him to hurt you like this."

One of his fingers lifted her chin gently back up to look at him. There's just ONE more thing and then I'm done with this subject, I promise... You okay with that?"

She nodded wearily, but a wan smile flickered over her lips before fading.

I just think... maybe the best way you can remember Zak, is to keep -yourself- alive. We can't make our jobs low-risk, that's pretty much the opposite of the point, but he would want you to be as safe and as happy as possible. I want that too. You and Dad are the only ones I have left to remember Zak with, the only family I have, and I'm discovering lately that it means more to me than I ever realized.

I really -don't- want to know what I would do if I lost you; so please, please think about that before you do something totally nuts again, okay? It's not that I'm not grateful that you managed to save me; I don't want to die - but you can't EVER leave me like that either."

Is it MY turn now?" she asked bitterly. Well just tell me then," she demanded, dashing away angry tears escaping from her eyes with impatient hands. You tell me how I'm supposed to deal with the idea of watching you flame out and having to TRY to tell your Father that you're gone; his ONLY remaining son, his pride and joy. You're never coming back; he won't -ever- have grandchildren. You died, and it's MY fault, AGAIN! Because I couldn't stop it! I don't think I could do that to him, Lee!"

His hands came through the bars to rest on her shoulders warmly, trying his best to soothe her jangled emotions.

You won't have to, Starbuck. I promise, you can save my ass every time we go up for all I give a frak, as long as you don't get yourself killed doing it. I KNOW I can't ask you not to try your best if I need you, especially if I can't manage to do the same when it comes to YOU, but I can't lose you. I wouldn't WANT to trade for my life at the cost of yours!"

"We should ONLY try to save each other if there's a reasonable chance of doing it without putting ourselves in needless jeopardy. You KNOW that's the way it's supposed to work, we ALL do - and there's some very good reasons for that. Now, if you PROMISE me, I'll believe you, and I'll do the same... deal?"

Okay, deal." Her tentative smile sweetly warmed him from the inside out.

You swear it?" he gently teased her.

Yeah, Lee - okay, I SWEAR!" Despite her flippant tone, she held up her right hand to signify a solemn pledge. So..." She cleared her throat. ...if you're not pressing charges, does that mean you're letting me out, Sir?" She grinned up at him winningly through the tousled gold bangs framing her expressive hazel-green eyes.

I am, but..." As she turned towards the locked cell door, one of his hands darted through the bars to rest firmly on her shoulder again. BUT... There's still something I need to tell you."

She groaned, but obediently stayed put. All right, Lee; what?"

Well, since I have you where you can't kick my ass for the moment." He chuckled at the dirty look she aimed his way. We need to talk about keeping discipline..."

Ah FRAK, Lee! I think we've had ENOUGH heart to heart for one day, don't you?"

Just let me ask you this, Starbuck; do you remember -anything- at all after you passed out on deck?"

No, I just woke up freezing my ass off in here...why?"

When the doc medically cleared you, the XO ordered you brought here to cool your heels until you woke up and we had a chance to talk."

Typical," she snorted. SO...?"

When they loaded you on the stretcher, every single pilot there AND quite a few of the crew found some excuse or other, any small reason, to touch you at least once before you were carried out. It was discreet, but I noticed. What do you think it means?" he asked, knowing the answer already, but wanting HER to think about it.

Hell if I know. So what?"

They -touched- you as they passed, just like everyone does with the picture by the briefing room door before we go out to burn Cylons. You're their good luck charm, Starbuck --their Ace. I think they REALLY believe that you can do damn near anything! To them, you must seem to have some supernatural ability to cheat death and still be back in time to whomp em all at cards, and I can't blame them because sometimes... I think I might believe it a little, too," he admitted with a slightly shaky laugh.

Ooooh! Spooky!" she wiggled her fingers at him mockingly. That's crap, Lee!"

No, really, dammit, listen to me! I'm serious - YOU may not think it matters if you go out like a supernova, but you have to THINK about what it would do to them! I REALLY don't know if we could hold it together without you to help them face it!

After all, you trained MOST of them as nuggets, and the others fought alongside you as the worlds ended! They look to you for guidance, depend on you to help them when everything is frakked and it looks like they might not make it back - and that's REALLY the reason why you need to be less reckless, Kara!"

I'm NOT...!" she began to protest, but he kept on talking...

It's not just for ME or for Dad, but because the other pilots follow YOUR lead! If YOU disobey orders, even if you think you have a good reason, they see that... and YOU might be able to make it work, YOU may have the favor of the Gods themselves - but they're NOT you! They DON'T have your talent, your instincts, your experience! I know if just -one- of them dies trying to pull off one of your stunts that you'll never let it go!"

"They may obey the orders that come down from their President or the ones issued by the Commander and the XO, and I might be their CAG - but for those pilots, YOU are their leader!"

Backing up a step with her hands up as an additional barrier between them, she protested loudly, No! I am NOT their leader, and I don't -want- to be!"

He yells right back, but louder. Well, TOUGH, lady! Being CAG to a crazy like YOU wasn't at the top of my list of things I'd like to do after the apocalypse... but HERE I AM! You're a leader - because your Commander -says- you will be, because -I- say you will be, and it's your DUTY, dammit! Now suck it up and DO YOUR JOB, because people follow you, even when you frak it up - so take some responsibility for the Gods' sake, before someone gets dead!"

Kara sucks in a breath, mentally resets herself and slaps on her military demeanor like a shield.

Sir, yes SIR!" she snaps back, standing at attention. Internally though, she's exasperated to feel her stomach fluttering nervously as her blatantly illogical body reacts with predictable appreciation for his close proximity and authoritative tone.

*Oh Lords, Starbuck,* she thinks to herself, *you ARE a pathetic case! Only YOU would have a kink for uptight control freaks when the -first- thing you always do at any sign of authority is proceed to defy it!*

She has to admit, to herself, if no one else, that with his warped combination of pristine looks, exacting standards and a temperament as competitive as hers; the man ignites her like nobody else! The Gods must positively delight in tormenting her!

Her attention recovers from the momentary trance as he closes the discussion saying, You told me to be the CAG, Starbuck; that's what I'm doing." He is appropriately abrupt, but there's a distinct look of satisfaction in his eyes as he unlocks the door to her cell.

Grabbing the towel she'd been cushioning her head with on the hard bunk mattress, she tosses it over one shoulder and takes one pace out the open cell door, turning to salute him.

As he returns it smartly, he notifies her, Your next duty is at 0600, Lieutenant. You have time to hit chow and get suited up. I'll see you on deck for patrol. DISMISSED!"

She turns to go and stops short when a loud -CRACK!- breaks the silence and her behind turns warm after the initial sting of impact!

*What the? Ohhh NO! He DIDN'T just...!*

As she whipped back around to glare at him, Lee's just standing there, holding the rolled up towel he snatched off her when she turned away. He shoots her an innocent look before offering it to her again. Lose something?"

Actually, no," she smarts back. I thought I'd leave it here, since I'll most likely be BACK very soon."

After delivering the none-too-subtle threat, she is grinning with bright acidity when she opens the door to the corridor outside so Lee can wave to the guard that she's free to go. Stepping through, the door doesn't close quite fast enough for her to miss the laugh he tries to smother, but she just brushes by the young Marine and keeps walking as if she didn't notice. At least he didn't revoke her flight statusâ?¦

He was right about one thing; it WAS time to find something to eat and get moving. Passing others as she walked, she knew her outer facade must look the same as always since no one looked at her strangely, but she felt curiously nervous, a bit off-balance.

*Might it have something to do with a certain uncharacteristically mercurial CAG?* she mused to herself disgustedly. *Gee, Kara, what else is new?*

Still, what was WITH the flipping between roles thing? Lee wasn't usually THAT moody! She could only dearly hope he got over it, because it was confusing as Hell not knowing which Lee she was addressing at any given moment!

To some extent, she supposed she'd have to get used to it; pretty much everyone anymore had tangled-up roles with each other that wouldn't normally occur. Nothing was normal, and the worst part was that it wasn't likely to change any time soon. The best they could hope for was a kind of uneasy pause periodically before all Hell broke loose again. But it still nagged at her...

*What the frak is he UP to? I know it's something.*

Lee seldom did -anything- without a goal in mind. Sooner or later, she was certain she'd find out - but for right now, she was definitely feeling the need for some space.

*When in doubt, run and hide, Starbuck...*

It had worked for her numerous times in the past and this time would be no different...

Chapter 2 of 5 - Full Colors

 

It all started with a card game.

Come to think of it, why the Hades DID so many frakked-up circumstances in her life begin with card games? Let's see... there was socking Colonel Tigh -who truly deserved it, mind you; some miscellaneous barroom brawls -but that happened to everybody- perhaps just a touch more often to her though... and now this.

Her mind was straining to catch up with what her mouth had gotten her into this time.

"Begin at the beginning, girl!" she mumbled to herself. "Get it together!"

Alright...it had all started with a card game; one just like every other game they'd played -hundreds and hundreds of them. It's not like there was much -else- to do after the small community library comprised of the paperbacks people had been traveling with before the war had been read and reread numerous times...

"Quit stalling and THINK!" she demanded aloud as she forced herself to quit pacing along the empty row of stalls in the head. "What the FRAK am I gonna do?!"

Closing her eyes and taking several deep breaths, she mentally played through the events of this ill-fated evening with a tactician's eye, looking for a loophole or a slightly different spin that might provide a safe retreat without losing face... and there just WASN'T one!

She'd been winning, frak it, all evening long! The cards had always been -more- than kind to her. Maybe that's why she'd gotten so cocky. 'It isn't bragging if you can back it up,' right?

But just this -once- she hadn't been able to pull it out at the last minute. This time she'd lost; but it was WHAT she'd lost, and even worse, to WHOM, that was humiliating beyond measure. Maybe she could just say it was the alcohol talking... but she was no lightweight, and tonight she'd only had a few, just enough to warm her up a bit. HE knew it too... better than anyone.

After all, he was usually the one to bail her out when she'd been too drunk to restrain her mouth and then had felt the need to reinforce whatever the frak she'd blurted out with her fists; sometimes he'd even had to be bailed out alongside her. It was almost enough to make her smile, if she didn't feel so much like she'd laugh herself hysterical and then cry about it!

Unbelievable, in the space of one game she'd frakked it up so badly that she was hiding out in the latrine, of all places, like it wasn't unisex and he wouldn't come in and ...well, tell her she was an ass, probably...

*Yeah,* she snorted to herself, *like Golden Boy has to stoop that low for a good time!*

She -ought- to be embarrassed at herself; not for what she'd said so much, but for even thinking he'd want her to...deliver on the boast she'd made --dear Gods!-- in front of everyone! She groaned in mortification.

Nobody would expect her to actually DO it, but they'd never let her forget it either! The pranks among flight crew and pilots were legendary for good reason; they were always superbly humiliating for the unfortunate soul getting taken down a few pegs, and entertaining gossip for the ship as a whole, starved as they were for things to occupy their leisure time.

*Oh FRAK it!* She'd probably never get the balls again to sit down at the Triad table she used to reign over like no one else!

The door opened and she almost threw herself into one of the stalls to hide, but Kat's voice carried in as she entered, calling goodnight to everyone leaving. Duly notified, Kara resolutely stood her ground and was washing her hands in front of the mirror by the time the other woman had rounded the corner to see her.

"Hey," Kara said offhandedly, trying desperately to act like she didn't feel like being sick. As she turned, drying her hands on her pants, she passed the unusually quiet young woman on her way to the door, but she hesitated once there, although it was -definitely- time to take this mental crisis somewhere a bit less public. What if Lee was waiting outside?

Kat spoke calmly, judiciously, still somehow making the words seem casual. "If you're looking for Captain Apollo, Sir, he played a couple more hands and then left for his office. We're all done for the night, so I'll see ya on shift."

And she heard a stall door close.

Smiling grimly, Kara let herself out and headed for her quarters, thinking about the subtle wealth of information hidden in the pilot's simple message. 'If you're going looking for Apollo...' Which she SHOULD be doing, to apologize, if she wasn't such a coward. 'He played a couple hands more and then left for his office.'

Read: 'He stayed just long enough to cover your ass by not ending the evening on that note and went home; so if you really don't want to see him right now, it's safe. He left already and now you know where he is if you want to go see him.'

'We're all done for the night.' Translation: 'Pretty much everyone is gone so you can probably walk out without seeing anyone that was at the table.'

'See ya on shift,' meant, 'Okay - so you frakked up; you're still one of us, you're -still- on shift tomorrow and this isn't the end of the world.' As nice as it felt to know that...too damn bad it still FELT like the end of the world!

She hurried through the corridors towards the flimsy privacy of the curtain drawn across her bunk, trying to avoid anyone she knew and doing her utmost not to meet -anyone's- eyes, just in case someone laughed. In this mood, she'd kill whoever it was, as horribly as possible.

A burst of hilarity from within halted her hand at the hatch to the senior pilot's bunkroom. It sounded lively in there, and she suspected they were probably laughing at her! *No way!* She couldn't deal with the inevitable remarks from a roomful of rowdy drunks as she tried to make her way into her bunk to hide, and the curtain wouldn't shut out the laughter. In fact, she didn't see how she could go in there again -at all- until she could blow it off with something that would -seem- to settle it...

Normally, in a pinch this tight, she'd rely on Lee to help her figure a way out of whatever frak-up she'd gotten into now; but what could she do if HE was the problem?

*Be honest, Starbuck - he's not the problem, it's YOU! You got yourself into this, now face the music and apologize to Apollo, take whatever crap you have coming and get it over with so you can go back to your bunk and die of humiliation like a big girl!* her internal drill sergeant barked.

Turning herself around, she headed towards the CAG's room and hoped Lee was feeling magnanimous...

As she walked, images from earlier played through her rapidly clearing brain. *Nothing like fear to sober you up fast,* she thought wryly.

It had all started with a game of cards...

Per SOP, she'd been winning all night, having a good time. Everyone was talking trash like always, her included - but really, no one could talk trash like her!

It was just her and Lee left, after a hard-fought hand with a great big mound of cubits and IOUs for favors written on strips of paper hanging in the balance...and she was on a winning streak. Lee's problem was that he was just so....honest; he couldn't bluff worth a frak. All night, she'd been taking his stakes, along with everyone else's, with a smirk and a sassy remark or two.

She had a pair and three of a kind; not her highest hand, but decent. The way Lee had been playing all night, like he was tired or distracted, she was willing to bet that he had nothing much. She raised him. With his so-serious face, he asked her if she was SURE - so she'd made some remark about how she didn't think he was man enough or something... She didn't even remember exactly what she said, because the words that came -right after- were what got her where she was now.

At her remark, he unexpectedly showed a little tension...and everyone got quiet because he'd been -so- moody lately. She had a fairly good idea why; she hadn't been too subtle about avoiding him since he'd been so -flaky- with her before letting her out of hack a week ago. She waited for him to toss in his hand and maybe even storm off - but a second later, he merely flipped her the bird and said, "Yeah? Blow me, Starbuck!"

Okay, it was a -bit- more suggestive than their usual repartee, but not so strong that it was out of hand; so amid the ribald catcalls from the others at the table, she offered to sweeten the pot for him...

"Ooooh, tempting offer... and I just might, darlin', IF you actually had somethin' better than I do to prove to me you could handle it!" she sweetly mock-flirted back, confident that he couldn't beat her to save his life, not tonight anyway.

*Hell...NEVER!* she snorted deprecatingly to herself; the man was a -notoriously- bad card player. Sometimes she wondered why he even bothered. He hadn't really been paying attention, so it felt good to twist his crank a bit, rattle him out of his daze and back to the land of the living. But she -knew- he didn't have the cards to take her. *Come ON, Lee...just FOLD!*

He frowned and muttered, "Don't you think you've bet enough already, Starbuck?"

She smiled at him sunnily, saying, "It doesn't matter what I bet, Lee, 'cause I'm gonna win and you KNOW it! The pot stands! C'mon! Fold, suck-er!"

But he -didn't- concede.

*What? He should know by now that she MUST have something good; so what the Hell was he trying to prove?*

He cast her a funny look, hesitated one beat, then flashed her a typically infuriating smirk. "Nope; I'm calling you, Thrace. Flash 'em or fold!"

Grinning back defiantly, she flipped her hand over, holding it like a Southern Belle uses her fan, with her sparkling eyes glinting triumph at him over the tops. Everyone laughed, expecting him to curse and shove the pot in her direction, but he just calmly turned over each of his cards on the table, one by one. Full colors! HER killing stroke... but this time the victory was his!

In the ensuing awed silence, she laughed abruptly. "Oh, FRAK it, Lee - you suck!"

Everyone cheered and swatted them both on the shoulders. She realized gratefully that almost everyone else had -more- than just a few down them, so they probably didn't even catch what had just gone on; and those who were a little more sober were mostly just relieved to not have to pry the duo away from each others' throats.

*Strategic retreat, Starbuck - Go! Go! GO!*

She'd moved instinctively, getting up and tossing an excuse over her shoulder. "Hey, I gotta visit the head; deal me out!" and disappeared through the hatch.

A couple of hands later, evidently no one had noticed -too- much that she still hadn't reappeared and people began wandering off to catch some sleep before next shift. Then Kat had come in to give her the all-clear and....

Well, here she was...standing in front of his door. Her heart was pounding away like a sledgehammer, her cheeks were stinging, and she could SWEAR her stomach was trying to do victory rolls!

But she -hadn't- WON; she'd lost, dammit! He -wasn't- bluffing because he didn't -have- to; he'd actually had the cards to beat her! She hadn't accounted for luck choosing -that- particular moment to betray her. In fairness, he'd tried to warn her off, but she'd been so busy trying to intimidate him into folding that it never entered her head she might be underestimating him.

This HAD to rank right up near the top with her most humiliating moments ever. She'd shot her mouth off and now she not only owed Lee an apology for pushing it too far and embarrassing him, but as her long-time friend, she had to ask him to help her figure out what she could say when people inevitably brought it up. Together, they had to minimize the speculation she'd so willfully caused about both of them, in spite of his best efforts to defuse the situation at the time.

*Ohhh, GODS! I'm SUCH a screw-up!*

Hesitantly, she knocked - flinching at how fast the door opened. He'd been waiting for her. She stepped inside, not sure whether to expect a chewing-out or a thorough razzing, but afraid they'd be equally embarrassing.

After opening the door for her and closing it behind, Lee sprawled out on the rumpled bunk again.

Her eyes took a few moments to adjust to the dim light; only the desk lamp was on, casting a faded golden glow. Then her mouth went dry as she surveyed his slightly mussed hair, tank shirts off, pants zipper half-undone, barefoot... Her eyes swept the length of his figure, returning quickly to his face with uncertainty.

"Hey, Kara; what took you?" he said calmly.

"Huh?" she asked, dazed by his casual manner and half nudity.

"I said, what took you so long?" His blue eyes were focused on her like lasers, but his voice and his mood didn't match them; in contrast they were...lazy and somehow... inviting?

Disregarding his somehow confusing question, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and plunged into her apology. "Listen, Lee - tonight got out of hand and I said some things that weren't appropriate -at all- and I'm REALLY sorry if I..."

But he didn't let her finish. "Why are you apologizing?" He sent her an easy half-smile. "Unless...you don't intend to keep your promise?"

"What?" Her eyes were open wide now.

"Are you going to honor your bet or not?"

"Lee! You CAN'T be serious?" But he only looked at her like...dear Gods! Like she was... dessert! "Are you frakking drunk or just crazy? You knew damn well I didn't really mean it. That I wouldn't..." Finally she managed to spit it out, "We -can't-, dammit! You know that!"

"So...you're going back on your bet? What are you going to tell people?"

She spluttered. "Well, I was -hoping- you'd HELP me figure that out, because we're friends and I never meant to... Frak! I don't know what to say...Lee?"

"You never meant to what? Promise me something you had no intention of delivering on?" He raised one eyebrow inquiringly.

"Well, no. I just... Look, it got out of hand. Besides, we're not -like- that; we're friends."

"I see. And it's okay to break your word to a friend?" His voice was coolly, frighteningly logical.

"No! Of -course- it's not! But I already -said- I frakked up and I'm really sorry for that and anything else I managed to screw up and say wrong tonight!"

"Like... 'I'm not man enough to teach you a lesson?' Right?"

*Oh Gods!*

"Um... yeah, that. I'm -really- sorry, Lee." She thought she'd faint; her face was so hot, her breathing was fast and shallow. Somehow he wasn't getting what she was saying, or she didn't understand him.

"I -said- you don't have to be sorry, Kara."

"But I am! I embarrassed you and I don't know -what- I was thinking! What can I do to fix this?" She was panicked in the small, suddenly intimate space of the room.

"It's okay. Just keep your word and I'll consider us even," he answered reasonably.

"WHAT the frak did you just say?! NO WAY! I can't believe you'd expect... Gods, Lee!"

Sprawled on his bunk, he just looked up at her steadily. In the pale gold glow from the lamp, the angles of his face were highlighted softly. Yet somehow, with his stubborn jaw and his sculpted chest, she felt like -he- was the one with the advantage, even though she was the one standing.

At his silence, she laughed harshly. "Oh funny, Lee! Like even if I did, I could just say: 'Hey, everyone; I kept my promise!' Riiiiight! You -can't- be serious?! Can you say 'fraternization'? You're the CAG! This isn't funny; now you're just being an asshole!"

"Actually, Kara," he said smoothly, "this is temporarily privileged information, but after the problem with Boomer and the Chief, the Commander and the President have agreed upon a 'Genesis Concession.' Under these extenuating circumstances, and in the interest of repopulation, the fraternization policy no longer applies unless it engenders favoritism or conflict that interferes with people's work. It's going to be announced at the next Ship's Assembly. It'll probably make -quite a few- people VERY happy!"

"But to tell you the truth..." He stretched lazily, arching his back. "I've gotten to the point now that I really don't give a frak about what other people think. I didn't think YOU did either, but if you do, you shouldn't have made a promise like that in public."

She was completely stunned. "All -right-, Lee; enough! I GET it already! I really frakked up and you ARE man enough to teach me a lesson and I DAMN sure m'gonna watch my mouth around you in the future. I'm sorry, I just want to be sure that we're -still- friends!"

She licked her lips nervously as he sat up slowly; his smooth-muscled arms gliding and the taut muscles of his abdomen --made illicitly visible by his lowered zipper-- flexed and tensed. Her knees weakened and her mouth opened a little to accommodate her suddenly constricted breathing.

"Of course we're friends, Kara," his warm voice promised. She twitched as he took her rigidly tensed hands in his larger, warmer ones gently. As long as he remained sitting, they were fine... He held her eyes with his unflinchingly honest gaze. "And we're officers, and fellow pilots, and we're under more stress than any pilots have -ever- faced, in the entire history of mankind..."

"We've showered together, slept by and -on- each other, saved one another's asses and field-dressed each other's injuries! I don't think you've -ever- felt like I didn't respect you professionally as much --more even-- than any of the others, despite our disagreements. We're all together in this...and we'll just have to trust each other and back each other up. As I recall, that's never been a problem; you and I -always- have, just naturally!"

"I didn't want this because I -don't- respect you, or to -punish- you; it's because we ARE friends! You don't understand... It's been SO long since I was close to anyone; since anyone touched me in a way that wasn't cold and impersonal, and I -need- it." He closed his eyes as he admitted it, "When you offered..."

"But I didn't -mean- it!" she yelled at him. "You really MUST be frakking desperate, Captain!" Her upper lip curled in disdain, "Sir, why don't you find a civvie or maybe some awestruck little enlisted girl to spread for you, since apparently that's A-Okay now? You don't need ME, just an easy lay!"

He noticed how she habitually took advantage of the distancing effect of their differing titles, knowing it was a cheap shot; while at the same time she tried to convert the new policy to her advantage to convince him that now he could have anyone - but HER!

*Can't have it both ways, sweetheart. And you -still- haven't actually said you don't want me; you're just upset about how this happened!*

He'd actually thought she'd -prefer- to ease into anything with him casually...and to his surprise, her feelings were hurt and 'Miss MUCH Faster Than Thou' had panicked at how quickly he'd been willing to take her up on it!

*Alright, idiot, slow it down before she thinks you just want to screw her; remind her that this isn't really so sudden, after all; you've known each other -how- long now? Was it so wrong that he wanted her to begin to notice when he was around, not just as an old buddy or a pilot or her boss...but just, as an attractive man? Gods! He -hoped- he was attractive to her; she certainly had HIS attention!*

"Maybe so, Kara, but I don't -want- them; I can't be intimate with just anyone! You, of all people, know I don't trust easily. I don't know any of them like I know you. I can't understand why this so shocking to you. If sleeping with Baltar was no big deal, why is keeping your promise to ME so hard?" His eyes were perfect mirrors of every word he said, they were vulnerable, needy, frustrated.

"Shut the frak up! Baltar is none of your business!" she hissed dangerously.

*SHIT! Bad move to bring -that- up again! Have you -completely- forgotten how to talk to a woman?* Yeah well, most women didn't have these extensive minefields of history between them which had to be negotiated before they could even be close!

"That's NOT what I'm saying, Kara! I just meant that I -understand- that need! But if you just needed to be with someone, dammit... I didn't think I was...unattractive to you." Okay, that was laying it on the line; he'd just admitted he wanted her and hoped she found him a reasonable prospect.

"Oh, Lee," she groaned, looking down and shaking her head, looking more confused than denying. She pulled one of her hands away from his to place it over her eyes, like her head was hurting. "No, OF COURSE you're not unattractive; you should KNOW that! I just..."

But he had released her other hand now, and his hands were stroking softly up her forearms. On the way to her shoulders, his thumbs just barely brushed the undersides of her breasts, and she stuttered to a stop...swaying in his hands.

"Then don't chicken out now, Kara; it's just me." His eyes belied that assurance with a spark of challenge. "I'm not asking for -everything- from you, just...a little playing around, this once. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Please," he said, beguiling her as he bit his bottom lip before continuing. "Kara, I need you."

"Okay, fine! Just...once," she finally gulped out, unable to even -grasp- how she'd ended up agreeing to some 'friendly' oral sex with Lee! "But I swear, if you ever say a frakking thing..."

"You -know- you don't have to worry," His smile was slow and sweet. "haven't I always kept your secrets?" He tugged at one of her hands lightly until she sat down next to him on the edge of the bunk, where he gave her a one-armed buddy hug, just to remind her that they -were- still friends. "We'll just tell anyone who asks that I've made you pay up in some other top-secret embarrassingly stupid way that you're not going to tell anyone and I promised not to... They'll believe us eventually if we keep saying it and it'll blow over. Just act natural for several rotations and tolerate the razzing. As soon as someone else does something interesting, it will all go back to normal for us."

"I hope so," she muttered. "I guess this won't be the-first- dumbass thing I've ever said, and it probably won't be the last. I really am sorry, Lee. I don't -mean- to be such a pain in the ass."

"Don't be sorry." He half-grinned at her like always. Same old Lee... but his blue eyes were dilating darker even as he looked at her, and the visible muscles of his chest and shoulders were tightening with arousal, taking on a golden sheen in the warm lamplight. "Just...please, keep your promise?"

His husky voice caused shivers to trace her body.

Equally softly, she clarified, "Now? Umm...Did you want me to...?"

He swallowed. "Gods yes, please! Anything you want, Kara, just... touch me." His voice was strangled and the sound of his breathing was harsher now. Overcome, he lay back on the mattress; his eyes were closed as if he didn't think he could handle watching. This achingly aroused man was so obviously at her mercy that, where she should perhaps feel angry or used, she just felt... powerful.

He wasn't really -making- her touch him; there was no threat. She'd just shot off her mouth and he was daring her... No, just ASKING her, to back it up... Between pilots, this was how it was done; if you made a bet, you paid up no matter what. Hell, it wasn't even the naughtiest bet she'd heard of by far. Even in flight school, many a night of passion was provoked by a little ambrosia and a game of cards or 'Honesty.'

He was giving her permission to choose what she wanted to do for him...but she knew he was hungry enough for it that he'd happily oblige if she wanted the full ride. However, a devious part of her whispered that she should -only- give him what he'd won, just to teach him a lesson. *You get what you play for.*

He'd played for this and he'd won fairly, but if he wanted any of the -rest- of her, even just a kiss... He'd have to risk a lot more of himself next time to even be in the game and then it would be her rules... There would be no short-cut to be with her if -that- was his game; this little gambit had lost him ground, just on principle.

The scary thing was just how turned-on she was getting, thinking about touching this tightly controlled man who was secretly so...passionate. Typical flight school shenanigans aside, she honestly couldn't see him being comfortable acting like a playboy fighter jock; he was so private, so reserved - almost shy, if you knew him. But like this...so open, so hungry...he was positively incendiary! Given free rein with a willing woman right now, the man would be explosive! It was -almost- enough to ruin her resolve...

Hardly breathing, she reached out with one finger and firmly traced the long bulge half-concealed by his pants. A fine shudder that tightened his arm muscles and made his hands tremble was her reward. She drew her fingertips softly down his stomach and sucked in her breath as it trembled under her hands. As she looked down at his face, he was biting his bottom lip hard enough that she brushed her fingers over it to remind him to relax.

A sharp nip on a fingertip startled her out of her trance to see his eyes half-open and looking at her with a hunger that turned her on -almost- as much as it scared her.

He took one of her hands in his and slid it down into the open zipper of his pants and underneath the band of his underwear, hissing in reaction to her touch on him. She tightened her grip and swept her thumb over the slickness of the sensitive head, and his hips rose to meet her with unashamed sensuality as he groaned, panting through his mouth.

As she bent forward to taste him, she slid down his legs to kneel on the floor between his knees. Looking very like a certain sun-god; he was all golden skin in the lamplight, writhing under her hand with barely controlled urgency. His eyes had closed again, but when she stopped moving for a moment, he opened them to find her lips a breath away from his aching erection. He could feel her exhalation tease his flesh with a hint of the warmth within that beautiful, argumentative mouth. He held his breath...

She looked up at him and then her eyelashes fluttered closed as she slowly slipped him through her lips and held him within the heat of her mouth. She began to slowly push her mouth down his aching length and withdraw it just as slowly, tickling the underside on the way out with the tip of her sharp little tongue which felt like heaven right now... and he was completely under her thrall, moaning softly.

He -had- to sit up; this slowly sensual pace was driving him frakking mad! As he did, she looked up at him and saw sheer dominant male, all sweat and arousal and hard body and she felt heat flooding between her legs. His hands brushed through her short, recklessly styled hair and cupped her face, bringing it back to his burning flesh and thrusting slowly inside. This position should have seemed wrong, subservient, which she definitely was not, but his control was oddly thrilling. A naughty little part of her complex psyche was excited by 'servicing' him this way.

His thrusts were getting a little harder, but she was fine with that; he seemed to be trying his best to hold back and keep from hurting her... and he was SO close now that she could feel him pulsing in her mouth... He wasn't making -any- sounds now; at some point he actually seemed to have stopped breathing! She almost felt that to stop now would probably kill him! She pulled his hands away from her hair, and slid hers to cup his ass as she pulled back to suck -hard- on just the tip.

His breath released in a groan of agony and ecstasy and his hips thrust once more, deeply, and his sperm flooded her mouth. She sucked him until he was completely depleted, swallowing it, knowing that she didn't have to, but it felt right.

"Ohhhh, Gods," he sighed, blissfully slumping back down on his back. "You're SO frakking good, Kara!"

His alarm went off and they both groaned as they realized that they'd used up ALL the time when they -should- have been sleeping and they both needed to get up for a security patrol.

"FRAK-frak-frak!" she muttered fiercely, getting up.

His grin was a little loopy, but he looked frankly delicious, sleepy and slightly mussed from sex, but she probably looked like the living dead and felt a sneaking sense of shame at being so damn -easy- that undermined anything she might have gotten from the experience.

He dressed quickly, and she had never undressed to begin with, so they were out the door within minutes. She jumped a little as his voice stroked her ear at the door. "Sorry about the rush, but I promise to repay the favor later." She turned around like a snake striking with a fiery blush scalding her cheeks. She informed him in a feral growl that he would be doing no such thing - later or EVER!

"I'm not your frak-buddy! Just remember, we're even, Lee. Keep YOUR word and shut the frak up!"

But as she stalked away, he watched her body move with a distinct air of possessiveness, determined that they weren't done with this by a long shot. She had ignited his blood and he wanted the chance to enflame hers so badly he could practically taste her! Just this little hint of the pleasure they -could- have had him absolutely -starving- for her and nothing else was going to suffice but complete and total surrender.

***************

Arriving just after the Assembly meeting had begun, three rotten days later, Lee found Kara waiting impatiently, standing facing forward just inside the door. He had a feeling that she'd take off like someone had fired a starting gun when she heard the word, "dismissed," and he -really- wanted to talk to her alone, even if he had to pull rank to keep her from bailing out on him. If he'd -thought- she'd been avoiding him before, now after their 'bet' was settled, he'd simply ceased to exist! She stiffened as he stood near her, blocking her path to the door, but she didn't look at him or murmur a greeting.

Yep, as if he'd had any doubts, she'd definitely been avoiding him. He was prepared for the surge of irritation that accompanied the confirmation of his suspicions, and even the rush of desire at the thought of pursuing her until she was forced to face what was between them -- but the cold, sinking feeling in his gut was new. They'd always fought and he'd felt amused sometimes, irritated or competitive most times, violent rage on a few memorable occasions... but this aching separation, even as she stood only a couple feet away, stunned him.

President Roslin's quietly firm voice was disclosing the particulars of the 'Genesis Concession' to all the people who had made the first assembly briefing of the day. She would be repeating it twice later to the other shifts so everyone would have the chance to hear the news first hand. Not that the news wouldn't be all over the fleet within thirty minutes of the briefing, but people would want to hear about this unprecedented change in protocol for themselves and he didn't blame them. This change would shake the very foundation of the rank structure and affect every single one of them.

As the President outlined the new policy, he couldn't help the half smile playing around his lips, for not only did he appreciate the ramifications for a potential relationship with Kara himself, but he saw a lot of people looking at others who until that moment had been out of reach, and now were anything ranging from an intriguing possibility to an obsession become suddenly possible. He knew exactly how they felt.

Tyrol and Helo carefully didn't look at each other; both were grieving Sharon as if she were dead, rather than thinking about the Caprican one still haunting her room in high security lockup, a known Cylon. He couldn't blame them; he didn't know what he'd do if it had been Starbuck instead of Boomer, and like everyone else, he didn't want to think about what it would feel like to find out that HE was one and had never known that he was a traitor to everyone he knew and loved.

Lee was far too focused on the furtive smiles various young crewmen aimed at Kara to register the flattering number of feminine glances cast his way, but it did wonders for his confidence to see how fast the crewmen in question averted their eyes from the coveted form of one certain blonde Lieutenant. The deadly glare she must have blasted the poor heartsick masses with had to have been something awe-inspiring, because some of the guys looked completely petrified!

For once, it wasn't anything HE was doing to run them off; he was relaxing in the knowledge that he was one of the very, very few with the balls to provoke Kara's wrath by making a move on her - and quite likely the only one with any chance of survival, much less success. That smug relief lasted mere moments until he looked up to find Gaius Baltar, apparently another exception, staring right at them.

Laying his hands firmly on Kara's shoulders from behind, he leveled the most condescending smirk possible at the batty supposed-genius and bent to calmly request that she stay to speak with him after the briefing. His tone was coolly professional in her ear, but as she turned quickly to protest she caught the tail end of the smile he'd sent in Baltar's direction. Looking from him to Baltar, he could see the evidence add up in her eyes to something distinctly -not- in his favor and definitely not to be trifled with!

Starbuck resolved that she would most certainly make him pay for that petty little show of possessiveness, but not until she'd convinced herself -not- to kill him in front of witnesses. She stepped stiffly around him and left the room, knowing he wouldn't flout regulations and leave until the assembly was dismissed, unlike herself. She, after all, was only a rowdy pilot and he was the CAG.

"And never the twain shall meet," she vowed belligerently, as she stalked away to find a little-used maintenance shaft to hole up in until she was on duty.

Wincing internally, though his bland outside mask was still in place, Lee let her go, knowing that the -very worst- thing he could do for his health or his pride would be to try to restrain her when she was like this. In fact, it didn't bode well for -anyone- who might cross her path... which began to worry him. Starbuck in this mood was likely to do damn near anything as long as it was self-destructive, disrespectful or dangerous. Thankfully, the assembly was dismissed as he'd come to that conclusion, so he could go cautiously in search of Kara in the direction he'd last seen her go - towards the maintenance bay.

Following his gut, he assumed she wouldn't go back to quarters; too easy to find her, and she wouldn't want to speak to anybody and risk doing something regrettable. She wasn't due on duty for a couple hours so he concluded that she would find someplace quiet to disappear into, someplace no one else would be likely to go. Luckily, he had a few good hunches where to look. He wasn't stupid enough to want to actually -catch her- and try to talk when she was like this; he just wanted to know where she went, and he also knew he might potentially have to rescue some poor soul from her wrath if they got between her and privacy.

Steadily but carefully, he rounded each corner in the thankfully still-deserted corridors, dismissing unlikely avenues of escape and trying his best to think like her. She was only about three minutes ahead of him, so he should be catching up right about...

"...don't understand why you seem so upset Lieutenant Thrace... Kara, I only wanted to say hello and to thank you for a lovely evening because I've felt so terrible about not having the chance since then to speak with you... I'm sorry I've been so busy, but you know how it is... official duties. It's all very new. But I -really- enjoyed being with you, and I thought we had such a connection..." Doctor Baltar's smarmy voice rambled on, self-importantly clueless.

Kara's voice cut through his oily babble with an artificially sweet sarcasm that made even Lee grimace in sympathy. "Lovely; now get the frak out of my way before I -connect- my fist with your jaw."

Lee could visualize her pseudo-sunny grin, the one with the acid afterbite that she saved for overconfident nuggets and hopeful would-be Romeos (Baltar included) who didn't heed the 'piss off!' body language and were too dumb to disappear when she fired off the glare that promised imminent destruction in 3 ... 2 ...1...

Lee grinned expectantly.

"Hey now, you don't need..." - THUD - and a strangled cough from Baltar. If he knew Starbuck, she probably had him jacked up against the bulkhead with her knee pressing none-too-gently into his crotch!

"Let me tell you what I -don't- need," she sneered. "I -don't- need some self-important, limp-wristed, man-slut following me around hoping I'll take him home and keep him!"

He protested. "See here! You didn't seem so -unwilling- at the Colonial Day dance to be seen leaving with me!"

She laughed contemptuously. "I was slumming, Baltar! Sometimes a girl just needs a little tune-up, and the way I hear you've been flashing your tool around, you looked like a mechanic to me... But if my little 'test drive' pissed you off that much, I promise to negotiate a fair fee beforehand in the highly unlikely event that I ever require your services again!"

"Slumming! How DARE you? I am the duly elected Vice-President of this sad remainder of the human race, and as such I am a -very- important man! If anyone was slumming, it was I! Perhaps in future you should stick to daddy's boy idiot fighter jocks who've had too much to drink!"

"In case you've forgotten," she hissed, "I happen to BE one of those IDIOT FIGHTER JOCKS, who are the only thing standing between humanity and extinction! YOU are replaceable, but as the TOP queen-bitch fighter jock of the ONLY battlestar in the fleet, at least I serve a valuable purpose other than providing deterrence to the assassination of President Roslin by being such a ridiculous alternative that no one would risk it!"

"Does Commander Adama's son know that you think yourself his superior, 'top bitch' fighter pilot?"

"CAPTAIN Adama is the CAG, I am a PILOT - as such, I do not compare myself to him. Apollo does his share as necessary in the cockpit, but YES... I do consider myself HIS best pilot and I -don't- appreciate your referring to him disrespectfully. I have known Lee and his father, Commander Adama, for..."

"Oh yes! That IS his name, isn't it? Lee?" Baltar laughs. "I imagine you must be carrying quite the torch for the Golden Apollo, poor girl, to be calling out his name during sexual relations with another man! Tell me, will he want 'sloppy seconds' or do you think he'd be up for a little threesome sometime?"

=CRACK!=

*groan*

WHUMP!

"Oh FRAK!" she swore.

Much as he was tempted to stroll casually around the corner, act surprised, and then help her dispose of the undoubtedly unconscious scientist out the nearest airlock, he knew he was more likely to be her -next- victim than the noble knight defending her honor, such as it was. So he wisely retreated in the opposite direction.

Walking back to his room, he smiled to himself, holding tightly to the sure knowledge Dr. Baltar had only made him suspect before - *HOT DAMN! She'd cried out HIS name!* In the arms of another, it was true, but still... she fantasized about him! This was useful intelligence in the war for her affections... Naturally, with Starbuck, love and war -would- be inextricably intertwined! Well, that was fine with him, he was in this battle to win!

 

-END- Chapter 2