A Working Relationship

By Littlestrawbaby

Word Count: 18,894
Date: 2004
Series: One
Rating: M
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee, Laura
Warnings:
Summary:
Spoilers/Disclaimers: “Bastille Day.” This is for my good buddy and partner in crime, Annie. Your help and support (and the “discussions”) have helped me finish this fic. I’m new. Please, be gentle. No one belongs to me they’re all property of Ron Moore and the other dude. I’m just borrowing them for the afternoon. Everyone will be returned in one piece, though maybe a little scuffed, some definitely feeling better than others. <evil grin>

---

Laura turned onto her back for perhaps the hundredth time, restless and unable to sleep. It had been an exhausting and emotionally draining day for everyone, but she felt the sting especially. She had asked Captain Apollo to assist her with understanding military protocols and he had agreed, neither of them foreseeing the Commander’s angry response. She had sent Apollo, Billy, Cally and Dee aboard the Astral Queen as a way of keeping up the morale of the prisoners and giving them something constructive to do but she had nearly gotten them all killed. She was angry with herself for the decisions she’d made, for putting the Captain in any kind of danger, but she would never admit this aloud.

She lay there, turning these thoughts over and over in her mind, like a kid picking at a scab. After what seemed an eternity, she sighed irritably, pushing off her blankets and sitting up. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and stood, fighting against the thoughts that still battled for her complete attention.

The room was slightly chilled but distracted by her thoughts, she did not put on her robe. She paced the length of her room like a caged animal, her mind still buzzing with thoughts and memories, the kind she kept restricted to the dark recesses of her consciousness. When they became too much and the pacing didn’t alleviate her restlessness, she began searching her meager possessions for something, anything, to distract her. She spied the spine of the novel Adama had given her, despite the wariness and confusion she felt in terms of his “gift,” and a triumphant cry escaped her lips.

She grabbed the book and crossed the room to her bed. She lay back down and made a cozy little nest for herself. She slipped her glasses on and opened the cover reverently, quickly locating the page where she had left off. She easily immersed herself in a world that offered her some degree of solace and escape from the harsh reality she currently faced.

The last thing she expected was a second rap on her door. Surprised, she glanced up from the text, searching for the scrap of paper she was using to mark her place. She stood and placed the book on the bed, starting toward the curtain that obstructed her private sanctuary from the rest of the ship, but a uniformed figure pushed open the curtain. Lee Adama stepped into the room, closing the curtain behind him. When he turned again, he found himself face to face with Roslin for a second time that evening.

“Captain?” she inquired, a gentle smile on her lips. “Is everything all right? I thought you were going back to the Galactica?”

“I’m fine,” he answered, his tone curt. He gestured toward the room and asked, “May I come in?”

“Of course.”

The edge in his voice took her aback, she felt as if he’d struck her. She watched him cautiously as he stepped past her and took a seat on the narrow bunk that served as a couch. Slowly, she followed him, taking in his set jaw and the determined look in his blue eyes; they scared her in their intensity but she took a seat beside him, worried by her inability to read him for the first time since she had known him.

She waited patiently for him to speak, her gaze focused on his profile, her hands clasped neatly in her lap. After a strained moment of silence, he spoke.

“Why did you tell me?” His voice was low and carefully controlled.

“Because I trust you.” Her answer was simple and honest. She attempted to pull her robe around her more tightly, to protect herself from the attack she felt was coming and was mortified to discover she had forgotten to put it on; she was facing Lee Adama wearing only a satin chemise and a smile.

“Bullshit. What was it, a warning? Don’t get too involved, too attached, too interested?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This can’t be happening.

Color rushed to her face and she looked at him defiantly; she was aware that lately there were subtext to her words and actions in her dealings with him, but she’d never dreamed he would be so perceptive. The hope that had always been in Lee’s eyes, hope that had vanished once he’d learned of her illness, returned suddenly and he grinned victoriously. She pressed her lips together, suppressing the smile threatening to erupt, something that always occurred when she was in Lee’s presence, breathing deeply through her nose to calm her racing heart. He can’t know. She wasn’t aware of showing any outward signs, no overt signals. But he knows! How can he know?

“The hell you don’t, Laura.”

He gently traced her soft skin, then pulled the strap of her chemise between his thumb and forefinger, rubbing the silky material slowly, his gaze piercing hers. She closed her eyes at the light brushes against her flesh, mortified by the sweet ache low in her belly at his simple touches. Stop it! she commanded her body, It’s not as if he hasn’t touched me before.

“Captain Apollo, I can assure you-“ she began, but he silenced her with a demanding kiss.

The moment his warm lips touched hers, reason retreated to a cobwebby corner of her mind and the feelings in her heart took over. She returned the kiss with equal passion, pushing away the image of a very pissed Commander Adama, allowing herself the chance to simply live in this moment, letting everything else to fall away, to merely exist without calculation of her next action or comment. It was not something she had not allowed herself to do for years.

She whimpered at the loss of the feel of his lips on hers, convinced that she didn’t need oxygen to survive, only Lee’s kisses and his soft touch. Without opening her eyes, she felt Lee turn, moving closer to her, and her heart began to pound with anticipation and a little fear. It had been so long, two lonely years since her last relationship, more like a series of sexual encounters if she was being honest with herself. At the moment, she didn’t care to try to answer the question honestly; she wanted more of him.

“Open your eyes,” he commanded softly.

Forcing her eyes open, she met his eyes, unnerved by the intensity she found in their depths. Lee was pleased by her reaction to him; the hitch in her breathing, her slightly dilated pupils, the attractive blush on her cheeks. His gaze never wavering, he lowered his head toward hers, this time gently brushing her lips with his own.

Scooting as close to him as she could, she tangled one hand in the hair at the nape of his neck and the other cupped his cheek tenderly. She traced his lower lip with her tongue, requesting permission, and he deepened the kiss, tasting her for the first time.

Encouraged by her response, he pulled her into his lap, so that she was straddling him. She broke off the kiss with a gasp when she felt his body stir against hers. She opened her eyes, her hands gripping his shoulders as if letting go would mean death.

“Lee, please,” she pleaded in his ear, saying his given name for the first time.

“Please what?” he teased.

His lips traced a delicious path along her jaw, to her chin and down her throat. She craned her neck to the side, allowing him better access as she steadied herself, gripping his shoulders when his lips found her collarbone. His hands began to explore; his touch feather light, he traced the outside of her thighs, moving almost to her knees. Upon their return north, his hands slid under her chemise and gooseflesh broke out over her skin. He chuckled against her skin and withdrew his hands, pulling the fabric over her head, discarding it.

“Lords, you’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“No one has said that to me in a long time,” she replied softly.

Lee pulled back slightly and met her eyes, catching the saddened look in them before she lowered her gaze, shutting him out. She’s been hurt. Badly. “You are, Laura.”

Desperate not to continue this serious conversation, she kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair. Picking up on her signal, he filed the conversation away for a later date. She took his hands and placed his palms against her breasts. He broke off the kiss and looked into her eyes, smiling at the wicked grin on her lips.

Caressing her milky skin, he asked, “Care to move this to your bed, Madam President?”

“Show me what you got, Captain Apollo,” she breathed.

Wrapping his arms around her, he stood, and carried her the short distance to the bed. He laid her down and removed his uniform, watching with amusement as she scrutinized his every move. As he removed the last of his clothing, her eyes widened slightly and a smile curved her lips; their eyes met and he was struck by the satisfied, feline expression, realizing there was more to her than met the eye. And only he would know it. Aren’t I one lucky son of a bitch.

Her bed, only slightly more roomy than a twin bed, gave him pause. In a small, rational corner left in his head, he pondered the wisdom of this encounter. He sat on the edge of her bed, thanking the Lords that it didn’t squeak in protest, and leaned forward to kiss her. Soon he was lying against her, their kisses deep and passionate and Laura was whispering in his ear, begging him to release her.

He obliged, making their bodies one, biting his lip hard to keep from crying out. He looked down, praying he hadn’t hurt her; he wondered how long it had been since she had been touched this intimately. He was pleased to see the rapturous expression on her face and he watched her closely as she softly cried out and arched against him.

As they moved together, he listened carefully to the muffled sounds she made and the words she spoke. When her thighs spasmed around his waist and her nails pressed into his back, he knew she was on the brink.

At the sound of her name, her eyes fluttered open, her grey-green eyes meeting passion-glazed blue. Removing one hand from his back, she pulled his hand from her hip and laced their fingers together, caressing his palm with her thumb. The simple pleasure from this touch pushed him to the edge as well and he found the place high inside her that would make her shatter.

With a sob, her body went rigid, her hands clenched and her legs drew his body closer. He watched her carefully, as if to remember the moment for the rest of his life, and knew he’d never seen her look so beautiful. It was the sight of her, lost in passion that wrought his own release.

He collapsed against her, as she planted soft kisses along his neck and shoulder. He lifted his head and combed his fingers through her sweat-soaked locks, meeting her eyes. A smile touched her lips and he lowered his head, kissing her softly. She returned the kiss, silently thanking the Lords of Kobol for bringing this remarkable man into her life.

Lee held her in his arms as he drifted off to sleep, thinking he had never been so happy. Laura lay awake for a long time feeling torn; the intoxicating emotions she felt for him were dampened somewhat by imagining the reaction from Adama that this new dimension of their relationship would surely bring. That aside, whom had seen him enter her ‘quarters,’ for the second time that evening? How obvious had their activities been? It was with an overwhelming sense of foreboding in her heart that she succumbed to sleep.

She was awakened a little over an hour later by Lee; who shook her gently and whispered her name in her ear. She slowly opened her eyes, rubbing then with the heels of her hands and stretched until she encountered cramped muscles due to unaccustomed activities. She smiled shyly at him, grateful that in the dim room he couldn’t see the blush on her cheeks.

“I hate to wake you, but I need to get back. My absence won’t go unnoticed, and I don’t think it’s gonna go over real well for either of us to come strolling outta here together in the morning.”

“That’s OK, I’m glad you woke me,” Roslin murmured, kissing him lightly. “We’re going to have to talk about this, you know. But not here, somewhere we can be totally alone.”

“I was thinking, Madam President, that I could take you to see one of the other ships in the fleet.”

“Which one?” she asked curiously.

“Who cares? It’ll get us away from prying eyes. Let me work out the details of which one and I’ll get back to you, OK?”

“All right. When are we gonna go on this little field trip?”

“Hopefully today. I’m off all day, and it won’t take me any time at all to find a ship that won’t be more than willing to receive a visit from the President.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Just let me know when to schedule this meeting of ours, I’ll have to cancel a few things.”

“As long as we’re going to be so cloak-and-dagger, why don’t we work out some code words?”

“Code words?” she asked skeptically.

“Yeah. If you need to see me or be with me, you’ll be ‘consulting with your personal advisor.’ How does that sound?”

“Honestly? Ridiculous, but unfortunately, necessary.”

“Good,” he said, kissing her soundly on the lips. “I’ll be back later today for our ‘field trip.’ It’ll be fun.”

“Uh huh. What if this is a really long conversation? How will you explain the time?”

“You let me worry about that. You just look great.”

“Finally, I get a break from the worry and stress,” she said dryly.

“It’s all a part of my master plan.”

Quirking any eyebrow, she asked, “Master plan?”

“Afraid that’s need-to-know, ma’am.”

“You’re so getting off on this, aren’t you?”

“I’m certainly having fun. And you can’t say that you’re not having some fun, after the way you nearly broke my hand an hour ago.”

“Hey, that’s privileged information.”

“Yes’m, and it’ll stay that way. If the guys ever found out what a wildcat you are…” he trailed off, grinning mischievously

“Why don’t you say it a little louder? I don’t think they heard you aboard the Galactica!”

“It’s one in the morning, whom do you think heard?”

“You never can tell who’s up and roaming around these days. And how good would it be for either of us if this gets out before we’re ready? If we’re ever ready?”

“OK, I’ll be good.”

“Thank you.”

She grinned and climbed out of bed, pulling him with her. “How about a shower before you go?”

“I’d love to, but I can’t risk being gone for too long. And like you said, if there is anyone up roaming around, they’re going to wonder why I’m freshly showered and coming out of your quarters.”

“Hmm, good point.”

Seeing her disappointment, he tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear and kissed her softly. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too, but we’re going to see each other in a few hours.”

“I know, but…”

“I understand. Isn’t it odd, how quickly we’ve come to depend on each other and we’ve known each other for what, a week?”

“Maybe we were meant to be?”

“As in this was preordained?”

“Do you believe that the Lords already know everything we’ll ever do in our lives, before we’re even born?”

“I don’t know. On one hand, I do, but on the other hand, the Lords also gave us free will, to make our own choices and suffer the outcome.”

“Why couldn’t it be both? We’re still given the options, but the outcome is already what it is, because they already know what we’re going to do, even if we don’t.”

“That makes sense and validates both perspectives.”

“Yeah.”

“You need to go, Captain Apollo.”

“I know, but I don’t want to.”

“I know you don’t, you’re so obviously stalling,” she teased,

patting his cheek affectionately.

“OK, I’m going. Don’t forget. I’ll radio over with the final plans later this morning.” “I’ll be eagerly awaiting them.”

He drank in the sight of her one last time and kissed her goodbye. When the kiss ended, each was breathless and dangerously close to dragging the other back to bed. Laura gave him a stern look and pointed toward the curtain. He left without argument, only a lecherous look and a final comment; “I like you much better like this.”

She paused, unsure to what he was referring, until she realized she was standing in the middle of the room, completely nude. She grinned for a moment, completely unselfconscious and feeling freer than she’d ever felt before. She decided, as she pulled on her chemise and settled back into the soft sheets, it was a feeling she could get used to.

In the midst of her mid-morning meeting with Dr. Baltar regarding his new ‘Cylon identifier’ theory, an assistant, whom had volunteered her services by simply being a gopher, quietly made her way to Roslin’s side, handing her a short message. Roslin took the note and quietly thanked the young woman. Her heart pounded in anticipation and she forced herself to read it in her usual calm manner. After briefly scanning it, she called Billy over.

“Billy, I need you to cancel my next three meetings. It seems there’s an issue aboard the Halcyon that Captain Apollo feels only I can resolve.”

“Will two hours be long enough?” he inquired.

“I’m really not sure. If not, I’ll send word and let you know how much more time we’ll-I’ll need,” she corrected, cringing mentally at her slip, “Thank you.”

“Yes, Madam President.”

Billy was far too perceptive regarding Roslin and she knew instinctively that her tiny slip had not gone unnoticed. She would have to be extremely careful in the future when speaking about Lee now that she had inadvertently piqued Billy’s curiosity.

“Dr. Baltar, I apologize for the interruption, would you please continue?”

“Yes, as I was saying, I had a meeting with the Commander last evening and he’s agreed to give me the nuclear warhead I’ll need to test for Cylon sleepers hiding in our midst.”

“Excuse me, a nuclear weapon?” “Yes, Cylons, when exposed to certain types of radiation-”

“Please, Dr. Baltar, just tell me how humans are going to be affected by the radiation.” His explanation, even in layman’s terms, was going to be too much for her to wrap her mind around because seeing Lee so soon crowded everything else out.

“Well-” he began, then stopped.

Roslin watched in dismay as Baltar’s eyes slid to the empty seat beside him and took on the strange, faraway quality that seemed to plague him more and more. Waiting patiently for him to snap out of it, as she had become accustomed to doing, she wondered if the stress of recent events wasn’t too much for the doctor’s mind. Some human beings simply weren’t up to the task the surviving Colonials now faced, they were simply too fragile. She hoped this wasn’t the case; they desperately needed Baltar.

She was pulled from her musings by a sneeze from a nearby passenger and she glanced at the clock on the wall, stunned that fifteen minutes had already passed. She had to meet Lee on the flight deck in ten minutes and Baltar was still in La La Land. Without bothering to suppress a sigh of irritation, she stood, motioning for her aide.

“Billy, I have to go meet Captain Apollo. If Dr. Baltar ever returns to reality, please tell him I want a detailed brief explaining how humans will be affected by his proposal. And I am outta here!”

She grabbed her jacket and slid it on, still resentful that the three suits she had brought with her would be her only clothing for the rest of her life, unless they came across the first-ever shopping mall in unexplored space. She gathered several folders of priority paperwork, a blank notepad and an ink pen, then set off for the deck. When she arrived, she spotted Lee climbing out of a shuttle. Wearing her usual agreeable smile, she approached him.

“Good morning, Captain Apollo.”

He turned, a boyish grin on his lips and replied loftily, “Good morning, Madam President.”

“You’re looking refreshed today. Did you sleep well?”

Her question was spoken innocently but her eyes twinkled with mischief. Her smile broadened at Lee’s stunned expression and she suppressed a chuckle, keeping her expression pleasantly curious.

“Yes ma’am, I-I did…thank you…for asking.”

“You’re quite welcome. I’m glad to see that at least some of us are getting back to normal sleep patterns. I myself was up half the night last night.”

His cheeks were crimson and he stared at her, speechless, his mouth open.

“You should close your mouth, Captain. You look stupefied.”

“You are so evil,” he muttered, regaining his composure.

“Oh, I do love a good prank now and then.”

“Laugh it up, I’ll get you back.”

Laura laughed quietly and whispered, “Oh I’m counting on it, Captain Apollo.”

One corner of his mouth lifted in a smile and he announced, “If you’re ready, Madam President?”

“I am, thanks. Can you give me some insight on the Halcyon matter?”

“I’ve got a lot of insight for you,” he murmured, his eyes watching her appreciatively as she boarded the shuttle.

“I didn’t hear you, Captain. What did you say?” Apollo had accompanied Roslin on several different occasions, acting as her shuttle pilot, when she visited other ships in the fleet to attend to various issues. He waited until they were both on board and seated in the cockpit before answering her question.

“I said, ‘I’ve got a lot of insight for you.’”

“I’d love for you to share,” she teased. She placed a hand on his upper thigh, squeezing gently. “I’m sure I have so much to learn from you.”

“All in good time, ma’am. But I’ve gotta concentrate on getting out of here first.”

“Of course, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was so happy to see you again, I nearly kissed you right there on the deck.”

“We’ll save that for later.”

“Damn skippy.”

Roslin retreated into her own thoughts, half-listening to the radio chatter as Lee maneuvered them off the deck. It wasn’t until they were on their way that she spoke again.

“Are you ready to talk now?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to fly us around the fleet, giving the appearance that we’re actually on official business.”

“I thought you said…” she trailed off, confused.

“I told my father that we were going to the Halcyon. I spoke with Lt. Gaeta and told him I was taking you out to show you the fleet and give you a little break from your duties.”

“Lee! He’s going to think I can’t handle the pressure!”

“No, I explained that you’re a civilian and not used to being so confined. He was more than happy to help. So we have clearance for however long you’re free.”

He omitted that he, Gaeta and Dee had all conspired and worked out a plan that if anyone were to inquire as to the reason they were merely drifting, it would be advised that the shuttle was experiencing a technical malfunction that Lee was repairing. Gaeta and Dee were happy to help, much to his surprise, but they liked and admired the new President and were not hesitant to share their thoughts with him.

“You’re wonderful,” she murmured, squeezing his hand quickly, then releasing it.

“Yeah, I know,” he paused, his expression growing serious. “I don’t regret what happened last night, Laura. I don’t doubt the feelings I have for you.”

“Neither do I. But there is more to consider than our feelings and we can’t simply dismiss that.”

“If you’re talking about my father, about public opinion, frak ‘em.”

“Actually, I was referring to the fact that I have cancer. My prognosis is doubtful. It’s easy for me to care for you and to be with you for whatever time I have left. But you’re young and healthy with a real chance for a long life. What can I give you? How can I say I care for you and let you watch me die? It’s slow, it’s inevitable, its…”

“You can’t. I’m the one who ultimately makes the decisions in my life. I don’t take intimacy lightly. I’m not the kind of guy who carves notches into his bedpost. I care deeply for you and I want to make this work.”

“Lee,” she whispered, choked up, “Of course I want to make us work. But I’m scared, I’m so damned scared that you’ll be the one hurting most in the end.”

“I understand that, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Laura nods, unable to speak, tears welling in her eyes. He smiled lovingly, wanting desperately to touch her but resisted the impulse. They couldn’t risk the possibility of someone from another ship seeing them.

“Hey, why don’t you make yourself comfortable in the back? I’ll get us a good distance from the other ships and be with you in a sec.”

“All right.”

She stood and touched his shoulder once, and innocent gesture that meant much more than it seemed. She disappeared through the door, closing it behind her, leaning her head against the rest.

She settled herself in one of the seats, closing her eyes. She allowed herself to wonder if there was a possibility of a future for them, then dismissed the thought, choosing to concentrate on the present, the tangible, the only happiness currently in her life.

A few moments later, Lee appeared, leaving the door partially open in the event of an emergency transmission. He had chosen a small shuttle because it’s lack of windows provided them with complete privacy.

He paused at the sight of her, reveling in the vision of complete calm she presented. He was constantly surprised and impressed by her gentle and patient nature, how she quickly put people at ease… everyone but his father. That thought troubled him greatly but he was at a loss to help either of them understand the other. He’d known his father for 28 years and still couldn’t relate to him.

It was Roslin who pulled him from his thoughts, murmuring huskily, “Are you gonna stand there and watch me all day or are you going to come over here and make out with me?”

He grinned, realizing something else he loved about her: her way with words. “I’m going to make out with you.”

“So get over here already!”

He pulled her to her feet, kissing her deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him desperately. She needed him more than she was willing to admit and it terrified the hell out of her. She had never needed anyone before; she had never wanted to need anyone…until now. Until Lee.

He sat down, pulling her with him. She kicked off her heels and moved closer, her legs resting between his. His hand touched her cheek, tracing her lips with his thumb, wistfully wondering what it would be like to be by her side every day, to hold her in his arms every night and watch her sleep, to watch her belly swell with their children.

“Hey, where’d you go?” she whispered, brushing his cheek with her fingers, her eyes searching his.

“I-I was thinking. About the future.”

“Oh. And what did you see?”

“I was thinking about what it would be like, to fall asleep holding you, to wake up to your beautiful face every day, to watch…” he trailed off, flushing.

“To watch what?” she gently prompted.

“To watch you bloom with pregnancy.” He looked up cautiously, praying she wasn’t furious with him for dreaming something that wouldn’t come true.

Tears oozed from her closed eyes, sliding silently down her cheeks, a smile on her lips. He brushed away her tears and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“Please look at me, Laura.”

“That’s a beautiful future, Lee,” she murmured, opening her eyes. “I’d love to be there for it. But even if I were completely healthy, I don’t know that I could have children at my age.”

“Don’t give up! You promised me you’d fight. So fight for our future.”

“I’m going to keep my word to you, I am going to fight. But I’m a little too jaded to believe that sheer will is going to defeat this.

Your dream…Lords, it’s beautiful but… I can’t let myself be naïve. I watched my mother fight the same battle and lose. She had the benefits of an oncology ward and still died. I can’t-I won’t let you plan for a future that isn’t meant to be, no matter how much we want it. I won’t be complicit in that.”

Lee’s breathing is shallow as he fights against the tears threatening to fall. He knew she was depending on him to be strong and if he lost it, she would too. He nodded his agreement, but it was a lie to appease her; he would never lose the dream of a future with her.

“Thank you.” Placing both hands on his face, she kissed him ardently, pushing down her feelings of grief and desperation, focusing instead on seducing him. “Thank you.”

This time when they made love, it was tender and sensual. When Laura collapsed against his chest, her forehead resting against his shoulder, he wanted to rage against the Lords for bringing her into his life, only to take her away so cruelly. He wanted to shake her and tell her that she wasn’t her mother, perhaps it wasn’t her destiny to die of this disease and she should not resign herself to that fate.

She lifted her head and ran her hand through his hair, her eyes soft with emotion. She bit her lip, debating something with herself, her expression unsure. He ran his palm lightly down her bare back and her eyes darted to his, her decision made.

“I want to tell you something, Lee. Something I’ve never told another living soul.”

“I like secrets,” he teased, then sobered holding her gaze, “Please, tell me. You can tell me anything.”

“I’ve been alone my entire adult life. I’ve never been married, never really had a real relationship. I never wanted one, honestly. I’d never met a man who excited me that way that you do and I don’t just mean sexually. I have trouble concentrating because I can only think of you. I get through the day only on the hope that I’ll see you, even if only for a moment. I’ve been distracted all morning thinking about last night and I don’t want that to ever end. I’ve never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone. But, Lord’s forgive me, I can’t help myself where you’re concerned.”

His heart soared at her words. She’s falling in love with me! He beamed and said, “I thought I was in love a couple of times but until now, I’ve never known it so completely in my soul.”

“Why, Captain Apollo, whatever are you saying?” she teased. She pulled him close and murmured in his ear, “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“I second that. Let’s take the shuttle hostage and hole up out here.”

“Nice fantasy but an impractical plan. We have nothing to survive on and your father would personally storm this shuttle and put a bullet in my head.”

“I wouldn’t let him do that. There might be a lot of yelling and blaming, but no violence.”

“I was only kidding about the shooting part.”

She remembered the time and glanced quickly at her watch, surprised that they had only been gone an hour.

“How much longer have you got?”

“Another hour. But I think we’d better get dressed and appear to be doing something productive.”

“Good idea. No point tempting fate.”

They quickly redressed and shared a last lingering kiss until Laura released him, advising him to return to the cockpit while she freshened up. Some time later, she rejoined him, taking a seat in the co-pilot chair. He glanced over and nodded respectfully, smiling slightly.

“Hello again, Madam President.”

“Captain Apollo,” she answered, quirking an eyebrow.

“I just checked in, apparently no one is the wiser. Lt. Gaeta has requested I ask if you enjoyed your outing?”

“Tell him it was delightful and I’m very grateful to him for his assistance and discretion.”

“How grateful?” Lee asked with mock suspicion.

“Not that grateful,” she chuckled.

“I guess you want to head back?”

“Not particularly, but we’d better.”

“Can I see you tonight?”

“I’m sure we can think of a plausible reason for meeting tonight. Perhaps further military study is needed?”

“Extensive study.”

“I wanted to tell you, I’ve got an appointment with Major Cottle in two weeks to discuss beginning my chemo treatments. He said he’s going to run a few simple tests, blood work, though I don’t know what he’s looking for.”

“He’s the doc, Laura,” Apollo shrugged, “I’m here for you, whatever you need. You know that.”

“I know. It means a great deal to me.”

“Are you scared?”

“Terrified. I remember the nausea, hair loss, weakness, being tired all the time…Lord’s, it makes me ill to think about it. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t worth a try…I don’t want to die, Lee.”

The barely concealed panic in her voice alarmed him and he turned to her, his desire to hold and comfort her battling against the knowledge that they were now within view of prying eyes. Frantically searching for a topic, any topic of conversation to distract themselves from the difficulty of this conversation, Lee asked, “When would you like me to come by tonight?”

“My schedule is clear after 21:30 hours, so let’s say you come by around 22:00?”

“I’ll be there.”

“I know you will.”

For the next five weeks, life for the fleet continued on with little deviation from what was quickly being considered ‘normal,’ with the exception of Laura Roslin and Lee Adama. While around them, everyone seemed to be coping and adjusting, they were creating a haven for themselves.

They kept to an established routine, they met officially twice a day for one hour at 09:00 and two hours at 22:00 hours, unless an emergency situation arose.

Presently, it was one minute to and Roslin was waiting for Lee, impatiently as always. She had finally had a chance to see Major Cottle again at a time when they had both been free and had set up and appointment to begin her treatment. While depressing to think about, she found herself eager to tell Lee, to demonstrate that she was keeping her end of the deal.

A knock at the door brought her to her feet. She hurried across the room, flinging the curtain open, and spoke without bothering to look.

“It’s about frakkin’ time! I thought you weren’t coming!”

She looked up, finding herself faced with the last person she expected to see. He looked down at her, his eyebrows raised at her lapse in decorum.

“Good evening, ma’am.”

“Major Cottle. I’m terribly sorry, I was expecting someone else.”

“So I gathered. I’m sorry to disturb you at this late hour, but I have something important I need to discuss with you.”

He noted her less-than-formal appearance; the jacket of her burgundy suit was unbuttoned and open, exposing the form-fitting white top beneath it, her feet bare and her long hair pulled up loosely away from her face. He realized that she was an attractive woman, even more so to see her this way, when her guard was down and she was just being Laura Roslin.

“Please, come in,” she replied, moving aside so the doctor could enter. “If you’ll wait a moment, I had a meeting scheduled that I really need to cancel.”

“If you’re referring to Lee Adama, I ran into him on the flight deck. I took the liberty of canceling for you.”

“Thank you, Major, but that really wasn’t necessary.”

“Don’t get snarky. What you do is your own business, I don’t wanna know, and I don’t care. But I know that once we’re finished here, you’re not going to want company.”

“Thank you, doc, for making that diagnosis. And for the record, it was an official meeting between myself and Captain Apollo,” she retorted, taking a seat. She quietly congratulated herself for remaining calm and telling most of the truth; it was a scheduled meeting that only took ten minutes of their time. The remaining hour and fifty minutes were devoted to other things.

“I’m serious, Madam President. Things have just become a lot more complicated.”

“How could things possibly get any more complicated?”

“As I said, I’m afraid they have, ma’am. May I call you Laura?”

“Yes,” she answered, taken aback.

It seemed to Cottle that Roslin was a person whom appreciated honesty and the direct approach. However the news he was going to impart was sensitive; he gentled his tone and said, “Laura, you’re pregnant.”

When her mind allowed her to absorb the word ‘pregnant,’ she blanched and heard a loud buzzing in her ears. It was as if he were speaking to her from far away; she could hear his voice but not his words and she did not resist when she felt him carefully lean her forward, tucking her head between her knees, until the vertigo passed.

Several moments later, she recovered enough to sit up. Neither spoke for a long time, though Cottle watched her closely as she stared at the wall, unseeing. Finally, she broke the strained silence, her voice trembling.

“How-at my age-I didn’t think I could-how far along am I?”

“I’d say about four weeks.”

“What are my options?” she whispered.

“You’ve got two. Have this baby and enjoy the time you have left or terminate and begin treatment.”

“And if I being treatment, there’s no chance of ever having children?” she mumbled, almost to herself.

“That’s correct. Unless prior to treatment, we harvest some of your eggs and let a surrogate carry a child.”

“Hypothetically, if I chose to carry the baby to term, what are my chances?”

“You will die, Laura,” he said with certainty.

“And the alternative treatment? Will it-”

“It will kill the fetus.”

“I see,” she whispered. “How long do I have to make this decision?”

“I won’t do a termination beyond the first trimester.”

“I’m rather ignorant of the obstetrics side, Major. Exactly how long is a trimester?”

“Three months.” Another long silence passed between them. “If you’d like, I can give you time to think, to discuss the options with the father.”

“Yes, thank you, Major. I need to think.”

Cottle stood and said, “May I speak candidly?”

“Please do.”

“Whatever you choose, it will be the hardest decision you will ever make. Regardless of your decision, I will give you the best possible care. I just want to say it’s a hell of a thing. I hate this damned disease.”

He turned to go, but as he reached the curtain, Roslin softly spoke, stopping him, “Major?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“Thank you. For your kind words and for coming to tell me. Personally.”

“You’re welcome.”

“One more thing, please?”

“Of course.”

“My prognosis, at this moment, can you tell me what it is?”

“It’s still doubtful, Laura. But given your age, especially in the first trimester, there is a high risk of miscarriage, though I doubt that makes things any easier.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, again withdrawing into her own thoughts.

She did not see the look of pity Cottle gave her before leaving her quarters and he knew he was fortunate she hadn’t. He slowly made his way back to the flight deck suddenly feeling old and weary. It was at times like these, he wished he had given in to his father’s wishes and taken over the family farm.

He had to admit; he felt a growing respect for Roslin. He had once thought her a fool, given her family medical history, but after seeing her, witnessing her strength and intelligence, he found his opinion of her changing. He understood her resistance, her avoidance of doctors and testing; what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. He still meant what he said; it was a hell of a thing. The joy and wonder of finding she is creating life was badly overshadowed by the terrible disease she harbored.

Upon reaching the deck, he was surprised and amused to find Lee Adama still aboard Colonial One. When Lee spotted Cottle, he hurried over, his expression concerned and slightly fearful.

“Major Cottle? I was wondering if we could speak?”

“Of course, Captain. But if you’re going to ask about President Roslin, you’re only going to be disappointed. I cannot discuss anything with you.”

“But-is she-all right?”

“She’s fine,” he hedged.

“So she’s not ill?”

“I can’t-”

“Major, please,” Lee pleaded.

“I’m sorry. And if I were you son, I’d leave her alone tonight.”

Startled by the double meaning of Cottle’s words, he stuttered, “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I meant exactly what I said. Talk to her in the morning.”

Choosing his words carefully, he softly asked, “Did she…say anything?”

“She didn’t say anything and I didn’t ask. It was a hunch that you just confirmed. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything, it’s none of my business.”

“And knowing that, you still won’t tell me?”

“She hasn’t given me permission to speak with anyone regarding her condition and so I’m bound by confidentiality.”

“But she’s all right, isn’t she? She’s not…ill?” “No, she’s not. That’s it, Captain. As I said, leave it be tonight. Talk to her tomorrow.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now, how about giving me a ride back to the Galactica?”

* * *

Roslin and Lee both had a sleepless night. By 08:30, Lee was already aboard the Galactica, pacing the deck, willing time to march on more quickly. After only two minutes had passed, he quickly hurried toward Laura’s quarters, all but pounding on the doorframe.

Slowly, Laura pulled the curtain open, her expression weary and dejected. Upon seeing him, she seemed to implode, her shoulders slumping, her face tightening as she willed herself not to throw herself into his arms and burst into tears.

Tiredly, she said, “Captain Apollo, what can I do for you?” “I need to speak with you. Now…please.”

“Come in.”

She turned away, choosing to take a seat in the only real chair in the room. Lee received her message loud and clear. He took a seat on her makeshift sofa, looking at her expectantly.

“Laura, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” she said, avoiding his eyes.

“You’re a bad liar. What’s going on?” She hadn’t really expected him to call her bluff. Her obvious miscalculation irritated her and she bristled, barking, “I said, nothing was wrong, Captain.”

“Fine, have it your way.”

Lee stood and started to leave the room, but stopped at the sound of her voice, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean to snap at you. And you’re right I am lying to you. It’s…not really good.”

“What are you saying? Has the cancer spread?”

“No, but I never should have let ‘us’ happen. It would probably be a blessing, though, if it had spread.”

“A blessing! Laura, what-”

She raised a hand, silencing him, and stood, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. Lords, this is much harder than I thought it would be.

“The Major didn’t come to see me about the cancer, he…he came to tell me…I’m pregnant, Lee.”

“Pregnant?” he echoed in disbelief.

Laura’s heart sank at the tone of his voice. She pulled her hand free and stood, crossing the room, keeping her back to him. She took several calming breaths, willing herself to remain composed when all she wanted to do was fall apart. She couldn’t believe that she had nearly risked everything for things to end this way.

Pulling himself from his stupor, Lee realized she had put as much distance between them physically as the small room would allow. He stood and started toward her, pausing when she stiffened, shrinking away from him. He dropped his outstretched hand but did not back away.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey,” he murmured, shifting his weight, “Please don’t shut me out. Have I said or done something?”

“You don’t want a baby. I understand that.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. The look on your face, the tone of your voice…it said everything.”

“I was shocked-I couldn’t believe-”

“I said it’s all right, Lee. I’ll have the pregnancy terminated and-”

“It’s not that easy, Laura. We have to talk about this.”

Laura whirled, her eyes flashing with hurt and anger. He stood his ground and she let him have it with both barrels. “You painted such a pretty picture, Lee. You told me you dreamed that we would be together, that you saw me carrying our child. Was that only because you thought I couldn’t get pregnant? Was it just a line to keep me on the hook?”

“I’ve never lied to you. Everything I said came from my heart and it was all true. Honestly, no, I didn’t think you could still have children, but I still dreamed of us having a child together. I would never be so cruel to do what you’re suggesting. I think you’re trying to push me away to make things easier on yourself.”

“I’m pushing you away?” she demanded, her voice raising an octave.

“Yes.”

“That’s bullshit,” she snapped, poking him in the chest with her index finger, “If I were pushing you away, I wouldn’t have bothered to explain myself. I wouldn’t have told you about the pregnancy, I would have simply gotten rid of the problem. Apparently I was a fool for trying to be the grown up in this rel-”

“Excuse me, Madam President?” Billy interrupted suddenly. He glanced up from the papers he carried and noted the tension in the room, sensing the distance between the two, despite their close proximity to one another. “I’m sorry, would you like me to come back?”

“Is it urgent, Billy?” Her tone was impatient.

“Just your schedule for today, ma’am.”

“It’s fine, I was leaving anyway,” Lee said curtly.

“This discussion isn’t over, Captain,” she replied coolly.

“Yes sir.”

Billy, taken aback by the hostility between the two, turned to Roslin in surprise. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, murmuring, “Let’s get started, OK?”

“We don’t have to do this now, ma’am. If you need to, uh, y’know, attend to other matters?”

“It’s nothing that can’t wait.” She sighed wearily and took a seat, motioning for her aide to join her, “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

“I’ve blocked off two hours for you to confer with Dr. Baltar, he’s finally perfected his Cylon tracker. You uh, you have a meeting scheduled with the Major at 15:00 hours. Mother Elosha has also requested some of your time, I told her I would speak to you first and get back with her.”

“Mother Elosha? Did she say why?”

“She has been doing stress and grief counseling, and she would like to evaluate you next. She’s already spoken with the civilians, most of the Galactica crew and the Commander. It’s now our turn.”

“Are you saying I actually have a light day?”

“Yes ma’am, you should enjoy it.”

“Yes, it’s not likely this will come around again soon,” she muttered darkly.

“All right. Is Dr. Baltar ready to see me? I’d really like to get this one over with early.”

“Yes, he’s sitting in the passenger cabin doing…whatever it is that he does when he’s staring like a…well, he’s out there at any rate.”

“Thank you, please tell him I will be out shortly.”

“Yes ma’am, thank you.”

“Oh and Billy?”

“Yes?”

“Not a word about anything you may have just seen or heard, am I making myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am, crystal.”

* * *

22:15 hours

“If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll show up,” Roslin muttered, scowling at the clock.

Lee was fifteen minutes late for their regularly scheduled meeting and there was no word from him. She was furious and heartsick over the morning’s events. She hated not knowing what he was thinking; it had been a distraction for her all day.

The curtain to her room drew back.

“Hey,” Lee said softly.

“Hey yourself. I was beginning to wonder if you…well, if you were going to show up at all.”

“Sorry, I really am. I got held up on the flight deck. Pilots and their stupid hot-dogger stunts.”

“Oh, I see.” She didn’t really, but she honestly didn’t want to talk about the pilots and their juvenile stunts.

“I’m sorry about this morning, OK? I know I must have come across like a real jackass, talking about dreams and then acting like a total moron when you told me you were pregnant. I can understand why you’d think I was stringing you along.”

“I was to blame too, Lee. I overreacted and didn’t stop to ask you what your thoughts were, I just assumed…well, I honestly thought you were acting just like your father.”

“That was a fatal stab to the heart,” he said wryly.

“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry too. Because I was acting like him too, making judgments and assumptions without clarifying anything first.”

“Forgiven. I’m just glad Billy interrupted that argument before we both really lost our tempers and said something we couldn’t take back.”

“Me too.”

“Are you feeling all right? You don’t seem yourself.”

“I’m just tired, Lee. And still feeling a little tender-hearted from our earlier conversation.”

“Laura, I’ll never leave you and you’ll never have to cope with this alone, I swear. I love you,” he said gently, taking her hand, squeezing gently.

Laura’s throat tightened and tears threatened when she heard his words; it was those three little words she had been hoping to hear, to gauge how he felt for her. Those words that they each guarded so carefully and rarely used, proved the depth of his commitment to her. Overcome, she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I doubted you,” she mumbled tearfully.

“I know, it’s all right,” he soothed, pulling her flush against him, tangling a hand in her hair.

“I was scared you were leaving me…this morning, you left and didn’t come back, then you were late for our meeting…”

“I will never leave you, either of you,” he swore, kissing her temple.

“I love you too, by the way,” she sniffled.

He pulled away slightly and looked into her eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. They looked at each other for a few beats then burst into laughter.

It was Roslin whom sobered first, realizing they had jumped one hurdle together, but there were still more to come.

“We really should talk about…”

“Let’s sit.”

Once they had settled side by side on her sofa, he asked, “So what did Cottle say? I want to know everything, Laura, so don’t leave anything out.”

“He said I have two choices. I can have the baby and enjoy the time I have left or terminate immediately and start treatment.”

“That’s it?”

“There’s more, but it’s no better. I’m about four weeks along and I’ve got until the end of the first trimester to terminate the pregnancy. If I terminate and start treatment, I’ll never have children. I can have my eggs harvested prior to treatment and let a surrogate carry them. If I choose to carry the child to term, I will die; there is no question. If I try the alternative treatment, it will kill the baby. And there’s also a distinct possibility I could have a miscarriage, they’re quite common in the early months of pregnancy, especially for women my age. Cottle believes my prognosis is doubtful even with treatment.”

Lee listened carefully; trying to find even the tiniest shred of hope in her words. “So basically, even if you get the treatment, he thinks it might not work.” I can’t bring myself to admit that you might die.

“Yes, my condition’s too advanced to be sure.”

“Lords, did he offer you any hope at all?” His words were spoken angrily, though he was trying to hide it from her, he didn’t want to think his anger was directed at her. How could Cottle have been so cruel? He’s taken away the tiny amount of hope she did have! “What are you thinking? What do you want to do?”

“Hear me out before you start yelling and calling me a fool, OK?”

Warily, he said, “All right.”

“Cottle thinks I’m terminal, there is no hope for my survival. So, I want to have this child. At least then a part of me will go on and we’ll always be together in our child.”

“You’re-you’re sure this is what you want?”

“I’m going to die whether I have this baby or not, Lee,” she whispered, touching his face lightly with her hand, kissing him softly. “So why not be happy for the time we have left? At least for a moment, your dream will be real.”

“Just-please, promise me you’ll be open-honest, with me about everything. If you’re in pain, any kind of pain, I want to know.”

“I promise.”

“This is supposed to be the happiest moment in our lives. So why does it hurt so much?”

“It’s life, and that’s what living means sometimes, to hurt, to ache.” She did not tell him that this was what she had feared all along, that he would suffer the most in the end. For a moment, she regretted her decision, wondering if the child would only serve as a painful reminder of what took her away from him, but then realized that it was cancer that would ultimately end her life. “You just have to let yourself feel, no matter how difficult it is.”

“What am I going to do without you?” He got to his feet and moved to stare out a window.

“I’m not gone yet,” she replied gently.

Lee forced himself to smile, making a quick decision. He was going to make sure their time together was the happiest of her life, if he had to kill someone to make it happen. He was already formulating a plan in his mind and didn’t hear her speaking to him until she playfully nudged him, now standing beside him.

“Huh? Sorry, I was…”

“That’s OK,” she chuckled, “I said, I want to wait until I get through the first trimester before I announce my condition and resign the Presidency. If something were to happen and I lost the baby…”

“And how long is a trimester again?”

“It’s three months. So we’ve got two to go.”

“What will you do if you start showing? How are you going to explain morning sickness and crazy food combinations and weird emotions?”

“Morning sickness I seem to have been spared. Food cravings really aren’t going to be that much of a problem, since we don’t have a lot to choose from any more. Roller coaster emotions are easy; your father already thinks I’m a basket case so I’ll just play into that if need be. I will gain some weight, but I shouldn’t start showing that early.”

Lee pulled her close and nuzzles her neck, whispering, “You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”

“I’ve had more time to prepare,” she teased, touching his cheek, thinking of the extensive research she had been doing off and on all day. “Besides, I’m a teacher. You can’t survive kids without a plan.”

He kissed the elegant line of her collarbone and asked, “Do you think us making love will hurt the baby?”

“We’ve made love for the past four weeks. If we were doing any damage, I think it’d be done by now.”

“Just out of curiosity,” he asked, dimming the lights in the room before he slowly started to undress her, “Does pregnancy do something to a woman’s-y’know, urges?”

“Oh yeah,” she sighed, “The sudden flood of hormones and all.”

Lee grins mischeviously. “So, does this mean I need to start getting more sleep?”

Chapter 4

“OK, so just to make sure we’re on the same page, we’re talking to Mother Elosha first?” Lee inquired as he piloted their shuttle to the Galactica. She’s visiting a few patients in sickbay and agreed to meet with them after she had made the rounds.

“Yes.”

“Then we’re meeting with my father?”

“It’s nothing personal. Mother Elosha was free first. It was the only thing that made sense.”

“To us, yes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He wants to be the first to know everything. He can’t let go of commanding, even with his family. He’s going to assume telling him was an afterthought. That’s really gonna hack him off, you know.”

“I can only imagine how hard it was growing up with him,” she sympathized.

“I didn’t really. Grow up with him, I mean. His first loyalty was to the fleet. We always came second.”

“He loves you, Lee. It would be difficult for any child, particularly one whom adores his father.”

“Yes it was-it still is,” he murmured softly. “But I really don’t want to talk about this, especially today.”

“Affirmative, Captain Apollo.”

“Have you thought any more about my pro-”

“Lee, I don’t want you to think you owe me something.”

“Why would I think that?”

“Just because you got me pregnant doesn’t mean you have to commit yourself to me.”

“I don’t think I owe you anything. Besides, the pleasure was all mine. Each and every time,” he grinned.

“Hey!” she cried, punching his arm.

“Easy on the goods. I bruise easily.”

Laura rolled her eyes.

“Here we go. We’re fixing to land, so pull yourself together.”

“Me! You’re the one reliving ‘each and every time,’ remember?”

* * *

“Thank you for seeing us, Mother,” Laura said warmly, squeezing the Priest’s hands lightly.

“You are both quite welcome. So, what may I do for you today?”

“We have an announcement to make and we’d like you to help us prepare for it.”

“Of course. I’ll be happy to do whatever I can.”

“We also require your services in a professional capacity.”

“Lee! Stop it,” Laura scolded affectionately.

Lee? Elosha wondered curiously, her gaze flitting back and forth between the two. She hadn’t missed the easy intimacy and good-natured squabbling. Ooh, there’s something going on here, I can feel it!

“…grateful, Mother.”

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“This is a delicate matter that requires some discretion at this time, for which we are grateful,” Roslin repeated.

“Uh, OK. But I still don’t know what I’m agreeing to help with.”

“Go ahead, she’s a Priest. Tell her,” Lee urged, excited.

“I need your help because I’m stepping down as President at the end of the month. I would like you, Captain Apollo and Commander Adama to help me locate a suitable replacement.”

“You’re what?” Elosha cried. “You can’t step down now, people are starting to settle in, to truly believe this is a livable situation! If you resign, we’ll have a panic on our hands!”

“I’m completely aware of that, Mother. That’s why I want to find a replacement that the people can trust. But under the circumstances, I cannot continue to lead the Colonies.”

“Circumstances! What does that mean?” Summoning her courage, she took a deep breath and replied, “I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” Elosha echoed with surprise, grinning broadly, “That’s wonderful! How far along are you? Who’s the lucky daddy?”

“Thank you, Mother, we’re very excited. I’m thirteen weeks, well, a little over.”

“This is wonderful news, Madam President, I’m so happy for you! But I wasn’t aware you were in a relationship with anyone.”

“That’s because it’s been well-concealed,” Lee piped up. “We certainly don’t need any political scandals right now, do we?” “Of course, I understand that. Why, may I ask, are you resigning?”

“It’s a high-risk pregnancy-”

“I apologize, Madam President, but I’m dying of curiosity. Who is the father?”

Laura laughed and replied, “You’re looking at him, Mother.”

“Oh…wow,” she murmured in shock, “You’re both lucky people. May the Lords of Kobol bless you.”

“Thank you, Mother,” Laura murmured, smiling tearfully.

She took Lee’s hand and he lifted their linked hands to his lips, kissing the back of hers. She turned and smiled at him, kissing him softly on the cheek.

“Well, I hate to break up a beautiful moment, but I must go. I will certainly make myself available as much as I can for anything you two might need. And seeing that I am your spiritual advisor, it is my duty to ask, will the two of you be getting married?”

“No,” Roslin replied in chorus to Lee’s adamant “Yes.”

“OK then. This is a first.”

“What is?”

“Usually the ladies are pressing for marriage and the gentleman are resisting.”

“There are some other issues involved here, Mother.”

“I see. Would the two of you like to schedule an appointment and discuss this further? I hate that I can’t continue now, but I have previously scheduled appointments.”

“That’s quite all right. But yes, we do need to speak with you further. Can you tell us when a good time would be, or should I contact you later?”

“I have my appointment setter with me,” she replied, pulling out a small electronic device and tapping on the screen. “I’ve got a free time slot tomorrow evening at 19:00. Is that good for you?”

“Yes, as far as I know I’m free. What about you, Lee?”

“I’m free tomorrow, except for my duties at CAG,” he grinned slyly and mock whispered, “But don’t tell my boss, OK? She’s a real slave driver.”

“You’re terrible!” Elosha scolded, good-naturedly. “I’ll see you in my office then, tomorrow at 19:00 hours.”

“That’s wonderful. We’ll see you then.”

They said their goodbyes to the priest and turned to each other, smiling. Lee gently squeezed her hand and she steeled herself for their next meeting. It wasn’t going to be easy, telling the Commander. He was going to be furious with both of them, but she had a gut feeling she was going to bear the brunt of his anger and blame.

“Are you ready?” Lee asks.

“No point in delaying the inevitable. Let’s get this over with.”

“Don’t try to foresee what he’s going to say or do. It only makes things worse; believe me, I know.”

“I’m trying not to, but I want to prepare myself.”

“Prepare yourself for this: yelling, blaming and threats. Directed at both of us, mind you. I can withstand it, I’m used to it. And while I know you can take care of yourself, I’m still going to try to take most of the heat, OK? You don’t need his crap in your condition.”

“I’ll be fine. If I start to feel ill, I’ll let you know, all right?”

“That’s the best you’ve got?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. I’m just glad you’re not objecting to this particular proposal.”

“There’s no reason to. I’m not willing to risk the baby to make a point.”

Lee pulls her into his arms, burying his face in her hair. He wonders briefly how her hair always manages to smell like the wild roses that grew on Caprica but dismissed the thought, remembering where they were and why they were there. He pulls away and meets her gaze, cupping her face.

“Let’s go. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get this over with.”

“I’m all for that,” she muttered.

They released each other and left the windowless conference room together, walking at a respectable distance from one another, forcing casual expressions and meaningless small talk. The sight of them together raised eyebrows and sent tongues wagging, though only after clearing sight of the two. It was visible to everyone aboard Galactica that something between them had shifted within the last few months.

They stopped outside the hatch to the Commander’s quarters, hesitating for a moment. Neither of them wanted to go inside and wake the sleeping dragon that lived behind the door. They glanced at each other, nodding just once, and Roslin rapped on the door. After a moment, they heard a muffled command to enter.

“Oh no, you’re here together. This can’t be good,” he muttered, taking a seat on the couch.

“Commander Adama,” Roslin said cordially.

“Madam President, Lee.”

“Hello, sir.”

“All right, kill the forced respect. What’s wrong and why did you both have to see me so suddenly?”

“It’s an important matter, sir. One you’re going to want to hear.”

Roslin made herself comfortable in a wing-backed chair, “We have some news that may come as a bit of a shock and you need to hear it from both of us.”

“Go on,” he replied, suspicious.

Lee took a seat on the arm of her chair, preparing to intervene at the first sign that Adama was going to go off the deep end.

“I’m-” Roslin began, her voice pitched higher than normal. She cleared her throat and began again, “I’m resigning from the Presidency, Commander.”

“You’re what?” he demanded, his voice dangerously low.

“I’m resigning.”

“Why?”

“I took my own advice.”

“Your own advice about what? You’ve doled out a lot here lately.”

“Do you remember when I advised the civilian members of the fleet that they must begin having babies, in an effort to rebuild our race? Well, I uh, I took my own advice-I’m pregnant, Commander.”

Adama sat completely still, staring at her, speechless. Roslin glanced up at Lee, her eyes reflecting her insecurity and growing fear at Adama’s maintained silence. He hasn’t even heard the worst part of the story yet and he’s already freaking out? She turned her gaze back to the elder Adama and found his eyes on her.

“How could you be so completely irresponsible? Who is he? Could things possibly get any worse for us? We’re running low on food again, we’ve still got Cylons running around looking human and now our very unmarried and unattached President has gotten herself knocked up. This is just great. Anything else?”

“Yes, there is.”

“Well let’s hear it. Throw some more dirt on my coffin,” he retorted.

Laura glanced at Lee from the corner of her eye, positive she didn’t want to tell Adama anything else. Lee rested his hand against the back of her arm, lending her his strength, reaffirming his words to step in should she not be able to continue. She took a deep breath and continued, “Commander, about the father of the child…”

“Who is it, Madam President? We’re going to need to do some major damage control. You’re going to have to marry him as soon as possible. At least have the child in wedlock. And there’s no need to resign the Presidency. We can appoint a Cabinet member to take your place until you’re able to return to your duties-”

“I won’t be returning to the position of President.”

“You’re going to be a full-time mom, then?” he scoffed.

“Yes, for the time I have left.”

“This is unbelievable! How could you be so frakking irresponsible? If you knew you could still have children, why didn’t you take the proper precautions?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like I’m some stupid kid! You have no idea what the situation was-”

“Laura,” Lee said quietly.

“Laura? When the hell did the two of you get on such intimate terms?” As the words left Adama’s mouth, the truth hit him like a two-by-four to the back of the head. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Is that why you asked him to be your ‘personal advisor?’ So you could seduce him?”

“Hey, watch your mouth,” Lee growled.

“You stay out of this!”

“What planet are you living on, dad? I’m more involved in this than you are. I’m not a child. Laura and I love each other. We’re going to have a child together. I’ve been pleading with her for three months now to marry me.”

“Three months?” Adama asked, incredulous. “How far along are you?”

“A little over thirteen weeks.”

“Thirteen weeks! And you’re just telling me now?”

“We didn’t want to announce in the event she lost it. There’s a higher miscarriage risk for her.”

“This is frakking insane. Do either of you see this?”

“Where is the insanity in loving someone, dad?”

“Love? Is that what you’re calling it?” he sneered.

“This is useless, Lee,” Laura said softly, standing. She faced Adama and said in an icy voice, “I’m leaving. I won’t listen to any more of your bullshit. As soon as Lee, yourself, Mother Elosha and I can settle on an appropriate candidate to assume my office, I will resign. I’m leaving at the end of the month, regardless. Tomorrow, I will be announcing my condition and my plans to appoint a new leader.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I can’t believe you, dad. You won’t begrudge happiness to a senior officer and junior officer having an affair, but you would your own son. You’re the biggest jackass I’ve ever known!”

“Lee, don’t. You’re going to say something you’ll regret. Perhaps for the rest of your life,” Laura pleaded quietly.

“No, Laura, I’m not going to let him belittle our relationship and speak cruelly to you. It no longer matters to me whether he is involved in our lives. He doesn’t deserve such a wonderful opportunity.”

“Let’s go, Lee.”

She took Lee by the arm and led him from Adama’s quarters. She held onto him as they made their way through the corridors to the flight deck, fully aware of the stares and whispers as they passed, but in less than 24 hours, everyone would know anyway, so it was a moot point.

As they boarded the shuttlecraft, Roslin whispered, “Are you all right to fly?”

“I’m fine, Laur. I’m just pissed at him for being so insensitive, though why I expected anything else, I’ll never know. But I’m also pissed at myself for letting it go that far. He was upsetting you. I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“I’m fine, sweetie. We’re fine.”

He grinned at her, lightly resting his palm against her belly. She smiled and placed her hand over his. “You’re starting to show.”

“I know,” she chuckled. “Pretty soon I’m not going to have a thing to wear. What will I do then? Run around naked?”

“Hey, that’s perfectly OK with me,” he teased, kissing her forehead.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised.”

“I’ll ask around, see if I can’t get some of the guys to cough up some clothes. I’d share mine but…”

“Yeah, I know. We’re nearly the same height and roughly the same size as it is,” she replied morosely.

“Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something.”

“I hope so. I really don’t want to run around with my belly hanging out of my clothes.”

“I think that’d be a sexy look for you.”

“You would.”

“You’re in a mood suddenly. Are you feeling all right?” “I’m fine, Lee. I’m tired and a little upset about the way our meeting went with your father. Did you have to tell him you’ve asked me to marry you?”

“Why shouldn’t I? I want him to know how committed to you I am. I want you to understand it too.”

“I do understand it, Lee. I feel exactly the same. But do you realize that I’m going to die? How are you going to feel about being a widower?”

“The same way I’m going to feel when my girlfriend dies.”

Tears welling in her eyes, she said in a trembling voice, “That’s not fair, Captain Apollo. My hormones are in overdrive and whenever you say things like that, I burst into tears.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you cry.”

She smiled as a single tear trickled down her cheek and cupped his chin with one hand, pulling him close for a kiss. When they broke for air, he rested his forehead against hers and started to speak, when an irritated voice came over the radio.

“Apollo? Are you planning on spending the day here?”

* * * * * *

She and Lee had decided that since tomorrow everyone in the fleet would know she was pregnant, resigning the Presidency by month’s end and would be living with Lee, there was no harm in his spending the night with her.

“We’re going to need bigger quarters, Lee,” Roslin murmured, looking about her small sanctuary. “We can’t both live here and it will be worse when the baby’s born.”

“Well, this is something that isn’t going to please you, given your feelings regarding the military…” Lee began.

“What is it now? It’s against regulations to live in different quarters without Cabinet approval?” she retorted.

“Not exactly. No member of the military is supposed to be living with someone who isn’t their spouse.”

“Please tell me this is a joke. I’m not in the mood for any more military crap today.”

“Technically, they could court martial me.”

“I doubt it. We need you too badly.”

“Well, for tonight at least, the bed’s big enough for both of us if you lay half on top of me, but then again, you already know that,” he joked, gently squeezing her arm.

“I don’t remember you complaining about it.”

“You’ll never hear me complain about that.”

“Glad to know you’ve got your mind on your business. That’s always important,” she said wryly.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that we need to find alternative quarters. Big enough for the both of us and a baby. And when I’m…you’ll need enough room for a toddler and eventually a small child.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. We need to get serious about a few things.”

“Thank you. I think we can safely say your father isn’t going to be any help at all. Perhaps Mother Elosha will be willing to help us find new quarters.”

“You’re right about my dad; he’ll tell us we’ve made our bed and now we have to lie in it, no matter how cramped.”

“OK, I’m still the President of the Twelve Colonies. If I want a bigger room, damnit, I’m going to have one! I don’t care if we have to kick your father out of his room, we need more space!”

“Whoa there, Sparky. We’ll sort this out tomorrow, OK? That’s our focus,” he soothes. “C’mon, let’s get ready for bed. We’ve had a long, difficult day and you need your sleep.”

Roslin agreed and they got ready for bed in silence. Lee climbed in first, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He listened to her brush her teeth, humming a lullaby, the sound bringing a smile to his lips. She would make such a wonderful mother, he knew it in his soul and he couldn’t help but feel angry and cheated. It occurred to him, for the first time, that perhaps Laura had been right, maybe this was going to be too painful for him to bear.

Roslin switched off the light in the small bathroom and climbed into bed. Lee kissed her and she laid her head on his chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat, his fingers tangled in her hair. She listened as his breathing slowed, signaling that he was sleeping.

It was then that she allowed herself to think about Lee’s marriage proposal. She wanted to say yes to him more than anything. She wanted to be married to him when she gave birth to their child. She wanted to grow old with him. But it wasn’t meant to be that way, there was nothing she could do but accept it and grab what happiness she could with both hands.

It was then she made her decision. She lifted her head from Lee’s chest and replaced it with her hand, gently shaking him awake.

“Lee? Wake up, sweetie,” she murmured.

“Laura? You OK?” he asked sleepily, starting to sit up.

“I’m fine, Lee, everything is all right,” she soothes, pushing him back onto his back. “I have something I want to tell you. Something important.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking…about what you said, earlier. That whether we get married or not, the pain is still going to be the same. Did you-did you really mean that? Despite everything, you really want to marry me?”

“Of course. It may sound stupid and sexist, but I want you and our baby to have my name.”

“Then yes, I accept. I will marry you.”

“Do you really mean it? You want to marry me?”

“Yes, I do. I’ve wanted to since the moment you asked, but I had to be realistic, I had to protect you.”

“I wish you hadn’t kept this from me. I thought-well, that you were having second thoughts, that you changed your mind.”

“Never. I’m excited, I can’t wait until the baby’s born, I want to hold him or her so badly. It’s surreal; I never thought I’d fall in love, that I’d be getting married, that I’d be having a baby. I can’t believe that every secret dream I’ve ever had is coming true, and now it’s going to end like this.”

“I know there are things we have to put in order, that we have to plan for. But for now, let’s just live, let’s just be happy with everything we do have,” he pleaded.

“There are things that have to be done, before it’s too late for me to help you and tell you my wishes. We can put it off for now, but not forever. There are certain-” she broke off and gasped, her eyes widening and her hand fluttered to her belly.

“Laura! What’s wrong! Are you in pain?” Lee demanded, growing fearful.

“No! No, it’s not-the baby just moved! It’s-I’ve never felt anything like it!” she whispered, unaware of the tears sliding down her cheeks. “Now it’s all real for me. Now I know I made the right choice.”

Chapter 5

“Madam President!”

Roslin jumps slightly at the shouting of voices, the flashing of cameras, the rush of bodies toward her as she makes her way to the podium. After speaking with Adama and Billy, they had decided to hold the press conference aboard the Galactica to accommodate and appease the press corps. They had been complaining, loudly, of the limited space aboard Colonial One.

“Please, Madam President!”

She takes her position and looks out over the crowded room.

“If you’ll take your seats, please. I’m not answering any questions until I’ve finished.”

The crowd quickly falls silent, waiting impatiently for her to begin. She had sent a message to all journalists to appear aboard the Galactica for a press conference; it is also being broadcast, via radio, to all of the ships in the fleet.

“Thank you. I would like to begin this press conference by thanking everyone, military and civilian alike, for supporting me since I’ve assumed the office of the President. It has been a great privilege to serve you. However, I am here today to announce that I will be resigning my office…”

Roslin is interrupted by voices shouting her name and various versions of the same question. Again, she calls for silence, but her request goes unanswered. She glances to her left, seeking Lee’s eyes, finding strength and support there. He nods at her and she smiles slightly, turning back to the crowd. She raises her fingers to her lips and emits a piercing whistle, silencing the room immediately.

“Thank you. That’s an important skill for any teacher to have,” she jokes. “As I was saying, Commander Adama, Mother Elosha, Captain Apol-excuse me, Captain Adama and myself will be working diligently to determine who will be the best candidate to succeed me. Again, I would like to thank all of you for your support; I’m honored to have had this opportunity. Thank you.”

She laces her fingers together and places them on the podium, taking a deep breath to steady herself as the shouting begins again. She chooses a female reporter, Katya, to ask the first question.

“Madam President, why are you resigning?”

“Well, Katya, to put it bluntly, I’m pregnant.”

There is a deafening silence for a long moment. Roslin smiles happily, not caring what these people think because soon she will be ‘Laura’ again.

“Pregnant, Madam President?” Katya asks for confirmation.

“Yes.”

“Who is the father?” a middle-aged man in glasses named Robert asks.

“My husband,” she replies, smiling serenely.

The room erupts again and she grins broadly, enjoying herself for the first time in her press conference history. As the noise becomes louder, she refrains from laughing; she is reminded of her teaching days, how the slightest hint of a treat would work the children into frenzy, much as her news was doing to the adults before her.

“Ma’am, I wasn’t aware that you were married. I don’t recall ever seeing your husband with you, I don’t recall ever seeing him period.”

“You’ve seen him on countless occasions, Katya.”

“Who is it?”

“Captain Lee Adama.”

“Lee Adama!” several reporters echo in disbelief.

“May I ask when the baby is due?” an older woman named Greta asks, her warm smile relating her support.

“The doctor tells me mid-August.”

“How wonderful! Congratulations to both of you!”

“Thank you.”

“Madam President! How long have you and Captain Adama been married?” Katya shouted above the din.

“Nearly two months,” she lied with ease.

“Who in positions of power knew about this?” two reporters shouted at once.

“Before or after we were married?”

She glanced at Lee, who was chuckling at her coy response.

“Both,” Robert demanded.

“To my knowledge, no one knew about our relationship prior to our marriage. That aside, Commander Adama knew we were married, as did Mother Elosha, who performed the ceremony.”

“So are you saying that your relationship effectively began after Captain Adama became your personal advisor?” a tall, thin man, known as Bear because of his ferocious personality, asked.

“It did not. We were already friends.”

“Excuse me, ma’am, are we splitting hairs here?”

“Bear, remember the line we discussed? You’re about to cross it. OK, Greta, Bryce, then Sam.”

“Where did you hold the ceremony? Can you tell us who was in attendance?” Greta inquires.

“It was aboard the Galactica, Greta, in the conference room. Only close friends and family attended.”

“Why did you keep your relationship a secret?” Bryce wanted to know.

“In all honesty, it really wasn’t anyone’s business. Lee and I are both adults, we don’t owe anyone an explanation for our actions. We fell in love. It happens.”

“Do you know the sex of the baby yet?” Bear inquired.

“No we don’t and we’re waiting until the birth to find out.”

“Madam President, if you are due in August, and you and Captain Adama have been married nearly two months…you were already pregnant when you got married.”

“I was, Sam,” she confirmed.

“Is that why you married the Captain, ma’am?” Sam called.

“No, it isn’t. A woman doesn’t need a man with her to raise a child. I could’ve raised this child alone if I’d had to. Thankfully, I don’t.”

“So you’re saying you didn’t marry him because he’s the father of your child. Did you marry him to protect your reputation?”

“Sam, I’m resigning the Presidency. I’m standing before you, airing my dirty laundry and you’re insinuating I’m trying to protect my reputation?” Roslin smiles wryly and shakes her head. “Thank you all. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a government to run and a new President to appoint.”

The press corps thanks her, many of them wishing her well. She turns to Lee, whom takes her hand and leads her from the room, both ignoring the cameras and questions being called after them.

They start down the hallway, their hands still clasped, fingers loosely intertwined. They are quietly talking, making plans for their upcoming nuptials, and per Adama’s request, they had announced that they were already married, to give the press a less sensational story. They had agreed on a strict family-only ceremony, meaning that Kara and Billy would be the only attendees. Adama had been invited, but whether he would appear was anyone’s guess.

As they approach the mouth of the corridor, they spot several of Galactica’s pilots, all standing at attention. Roslin and Lee stop, glancing warily at each other, at a loss as to the intentions.

“Madam President, Captain Adama,” Kara Thrace greets. “We’re here to offer our congratulations.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant Thrace,” Roslin says, her voice trembling slightly, her eyes bright, “Cap-Lee and I appreciate this.”

“You’re welcome, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Starbuck. Thank you all. This means a lot to us.”

“You’re welcome, sir, ma’am,” she replies, a trace of a grin on her lips. “If there’s anything we can do, please let us know.”

“Thank you, we will.”

Lee smiles at Kara and the crew parts, allowing them to pass. Roslin smiles and nods to Kara as she passes. Kara winks and watches as they disappear, pleased that Lee has finally found a good woman, someone who is his equal in every way.

As they stand on the deck, waiting to board the shuttle to Colonial One, Kara sidles up beside Roslin, tapping her arm.

“Hello, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Laura. I’ll only be ‘Madam President’ for a little while longer.”

“Thank you, uh, Laura. Wow, this is weird. To be on a first-name basis with you.”

“Funny, it’s strange for me to never have anyone call me by my first name.”

“Y’know what’s weird for me?”

“No one cares,” Kara and Roslin chorus, teasing him.

The two women exchange a glance and burst out laughing. Lee rolls his eyes and groans; now there were two of them to contend with.

“So, I’ll let you go. The thing-it’s tonight at 19:30, right?”

“Yes and don’t be late,” Lee warns.

“I’ll be there early, Lee. This isn’t something that happens every day and I wanna get a good seat.”

“C’mon, Laura, Lieutenant Thrace needs to get back to work. She’s one of those types that if you don’t keep her busy every second, she’s goofing off somewhere.”

“Frak off, Lee,” she grins.

“’Bye Lieutenant, see you tonight,” Laura calls over her shoulder, grinning, as Apollo hustles her aboard.

“Call me Kara…or Starbuck.”

“Kara…” Lee warns.

“OK, OK, I’m going. It was nice to see you again, Laura.”

Roslin pokes her head over Lee’s shoulder and says, “You too, Kara.”

They make themselves comfortable aboard the shuttle, seated side-by-side, holding hands. Roslin’s head is resting on Lee’s shoulder, his temple against the crown of her head, neither feeling the need to say anything; they have their own unspoken form of communication.

The door to the cockpit opens and they glance at the Captain, neither moving from their position. Their pilot, Captain Leah Wood, stood a few feet away, a gentle smile on her face at the sight of them. Roslin returns the Captain’s smile.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, ma’am, Captain, but I wanted to offer my congratulations to you.”

“Thank you, Captain Wood.”

“You’re welcome. I won’t disturb you further. If you need anything, please let me know.”

“That’s very kind of you. We appreciate it,” Lee said.

Wood smiled and nodded, disappearing through the door into the cockpit. Lee lifts his head and kisses Roslin’s temple and she snuggled into him, raising her face for a kiss.

“Let’s not start something we can’t finish,” he warned gently. He brushed a lock of hair from her face, touching his forehead to hers. “We have to see Mother Elosha, remember?”

“Can’t I just want a kiss from my husband-to-be?” “Sure. But it never stops there.”

Roslin pulled away, her eyes reflecting her hurt. She swallowed hard and forced a smile, asking, “Are you getting tired of me already?”

“No! No, of course not!” he cried, cupping her face in his hands. “I love you, I’ll never ‘get tired’ of you. Believe me, there’s nothing I’d rather do than be with you, but we’re meeting with a priest in fifteen minutes. I’d rather not be distracted, if you catch my drift.”

“I know I just-I’m having trouble keeping my hands to myself and I can’t wait for my life to be my own again. I’m ready to have my privacy back. I feel at a loose end and it’s driving me crazy.”

“I know and I know how much pressure you’re under. I just wish you would…”

“You wish I would what?”

“I wish you’d let me in a little more. It drives me crazy when you shut me out and won’t tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. Do you regret the decision you’ve made? Are you trying to tell me you want out?”

“Gods no. I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made since I met you,” she whispered, taking his hand. “There has only been one person I’ve ever told my secrets to. And as he promised, he took them with him. It isn’t that I distrust you, sweetie, I just don’t want that bringing a cloud over us. I want to make you happy, not bring you more sadness.”

Lee sighed, closing his eyes; he never could refuse her anything. “OK, you win. We’ll leave the past alone.”

“Thank you. And you will thank me some day; when our child asks you something about me, you can give an answer from your heart, not a prettied up version of the truth.”

His eyes narrow and he searched her face for answers but found none. He knew they would never come; when she set her mind to something, she was impossibly stubborn and she would have her way, come Hell or high water. He let the subject drop and a heavy silence fell between them that neither could break through.

“Madam President, we will be aboard Colonial One momentarily,” Captain Wood announced.

* * *

“Come in! Please, make yourselves comfortable,” Elosha said, ushering them into her office, which doubled as her quarters.

“Thank you, Mother, for seeing us.”

“My pleasure, Captain. I have a feeling there is much for us to discuss.”

“Good instincts,” Laura muttered.

Lee and Elosha watched her with surprise as she flopped into a chair, slouching. They exchanged a glance. After a moment, Elosha inclined her head, gesturing for Lee to take a seat beside Roslin. For a moment, Lee was unsure how to proceed. Then he scooted the empty chair closer to her and took a seat. Laura took his hand, holding it tightly and it occurred to him suddenly that she was scared. But of what?

“So, Captain, Madam President, where would you like to begin?”

“Please, just Lee and Laura,” he said.

“Thank you. You may call me Mother or Elosha, I’m flexible,” she grinned.

Apollo returned her smile but Roslin clung harder to his hand and retreated further into herself, her gaze focused on her lap. Lee looked at Roslin and then Elosha, his expression troubled.

Elosha shook her head and began, “Lee, why don’t we start? Would you like to tell me why you’re here this evening?”

“Actually, last night, Laura changed her mind. She’s agreed to marry me,” he beamed.

“That’s wonderful! Congratulations! You’re going to make a wonderful husband. She’s lucky to have you.”

He frowned at the Priest, surprised that she was ignoring Laura, almost pretending she wasn’t sitting right there, listening to every word. Elosha glanced at Roslin, whose head was bowed, her long hair nearly obscuring her lovely face and the Priest quirked an eyebrow. “So what are your plans for the future?”

“Well, we’re-”

“No, Lee, your plans.” “My-”

“Yes, your plans,” she said emphatically. She glanced at Roslin, then back to him, mouthing, Ignore her.

Startled, Lee said, “Well, we have a plan to locate Earth. My father, Colonel Tigh and I are working on a strategy-”

“Those are wonderful plans, no doubt, but I mean in terms of your private life.”

“I’m working on locating new quarters for us. My quarters are small, hers even smaller and that won’t do. At this point, I’d be willing to share the big conference room.”

“Have you asked your father for assistance?”

“No and I won’t. He was horrible to Laura yesterday and I’m not going to tolerate it.”

“Laura can take care of herself.”

Her eyes slid to Roslin and was pleased to see that she was sitting up straighter, her face now mostly visible.

“What else?” she prompted.

“I’m making plans to care for our child after-Mother, I don’t know if Laura wants-”

Interrupting, Elosha snapped, “I don’t care what Laura wants, I’m talking to you.”

Harshly, Roslin said, “I have cancer, Elosha. I will die.”

“But you said-”

“I am pregnant. I’ve chosen to have the baby and die.”

“I wondered why you were giving up the Presidency. I had a feeling there was more than motherhood involved in your decision. How long have you known?”

“Officially? I learned about it the day of the Cylon attacks.”

“And unofficially?”

“The moment I found the lump.”

Elosha nodded, “I see. Have you spoken to anyone about your experience? Your doctor, Lee, the Major?”

“No. There’s nothing to discuss.”

“And you don’t see the necessity of talking to someone about your feelings?”

“What necessity? Talking about my feelings isn’t going to save my life, so what’s the point?”

“No, it isn’t. But if you are going to marry this man, you must give your whole heart to him. You can’t shut him out of certain places because you don’t want to deal with it. Has it occurred to you that he wants to know how you’re feeling? What you’re thinking?”

“All he asked was if I was in pain. I’m not.”

“Don’t be obstinate. You know he means more than physical pain!”

“Fine,” she growled, “I’m heartsick about the whole situation! Is that what you wanna hear? Gods! I wish I’d backed out of the decommissioning, I should’ve told Adar that I couldn’t go. I should’ve told him my final secret, my diagnosis. I should’ve insisted on staying behind with him. He was my friend and I said nothing, I just got on the transport. I’m dying! He still had life before him, why did the Gods choose me to live? I should’ve died on Caprica, not him!”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to know,” Elosha answered gently.

“Laura, is this true?” Lee asked, crushed.

“I never should have allowed our relationship to begin. Now I’m going to leave you with a child and a lot of pain. That’s all I do is cause pain. That’s my legacy.”

“How can-”

“Lee, please. We’ll get to that in a moment. For now, I want to focus on Laura. What do you mean when you say you only cause pain?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory,” Roslin retorted.

“No, it’s not.”

Scowling, Laura said coldly, “My mother nearly died giving birth to me. My father and sisters were killed in a car accident when I was fifteen. If I hadn’t stayed late after dance practice, talking to boy I liked, my father wouldn’t have gone to pick up my sisters first and then come back to the house for me.

“My mother blamed me. Either she didn’t know, or didn’t care, that I blamed myself enough for both of us. After the funerals, she had a breakdown. I took care of her. When I was twenty-three, she was diagnosed with cancer. Caring for her was already my whole life…so I stayed. I was with her, to the end. I held her hand in the hospitals, I bathed her, gave her the medications, took her to all of her appointments, I tried to keep her spirits up, and she sucked away my youth. I loved her, but Gods, I wanted her to die,” she sobbed, covering her face in shame.

Lee wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close as he could, whispering words of comfort in her ear. From the corner of his eye, he saw Elosha get to her feet and walk around the desk, standing before them. He glanced up and saw tears in her eyes. She smiled at him and nodded, quietly saying a prayer for them.

* * *

“Gods, I can’t believe you’re really doing this!” Starbuck grinned, lightly punching Apollo’s arm.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing…I just, well, never thought you’d get married so soon. I always thought you’d be older, more…distinguished, when you got hitched.”

“You never thought I’d marry, did you?” he laughed.

She flushed and grinned, “Well, no, really. I thought you’d be a terminal bachelor.”

“Thanks a lot!”

“I don’t mean to be ugly about it…”

“Yeah, I know. There are a lot of reasons why I would avoid it…but Gods, Kara, I love her. I never thought I could feel this way about someone.”

“I know. You’ve never acted this way with any other woman. I’ve never seen you so happy. I’m really pleased for you, I am.”

“Thank you.”

They embraced and neither noticed Laura enter the room with Billy in tow. She lightly elbowed the younger man and gestured to the two pilots.

“Hey, are you trying to steal my man?” Roslin teased.

“Who’d want his sorry ass?” Kara chuckled, pushing him away.

“So, are you two ready to get married?” Billy asked.

“Yes,” Roslin and Lee chorused, their gazes locked.

Starbuck and Billy smiled as Lee crossed the room and wrapped his arm around Roslin’s thickening waist. It was apparent to both of them that the two were deeply in love. Billy recalled the day she had sat down with him, three weeks ago, and confessed her pregnancy. She made him promise to help Lee when she was gone; help him cope with her death and get on with living.

* * *

Their wedding was a moment he would remember until he died. He would never forget how beautiful she was, wearing the lilac suit he’d only seen once before, her love for him shining in her eyes.

Later that evening, she whispered how handsome he had looked, that she’d always had a weakness for a man in uniform. She would never forget that moment, when they entered the big conference room together, walking hand-in-hand, toward Mother Elosha, who stood before the bank of Colonial flags.

Roslin and Lee quietly spoke the words of the marriage ceremony, their eyes never leaving each other’s. They had no rings to symbolize their union, but that seemed superfluous to them; the words they had spoken were all they needed. It wasn’t until they had turned to face their friends, their honorary family, that they spotted Adama sitting beside Starbuck.

Eyes bright with tears, Laura looked up at Lee, whose jaw was tight with emotion, and watched as he nodded to his father. The elder Adama smiled at them and nodded in return. Roslin returned his smile, and they walked arm-in-arm, as man and wife, toward their small audience.

“You look beautiful, Mrs. Adama,” the Commander said softly, “I see now…I’ve been foolish. I apologize. Can you forgive me?”

“Forgiven. Thank you, Commander. This means so much…to both of us.”

“You’re family now, call me Bill.”

She grinned and said, “Bill, call me Laura.”

Starbuck laughed and said, “Lee, I think the old man is mackin’ on your wife!”

“I know; he’s such a ladies’ man. I haven’t even been married ten minutes yet and here he is, oozing the Adama charm,” Lee teased, lightly punching his dad’s arm.

“Hey, at least he’s got good taste,” Roslin replied, patting Lee’s arm.

“Where do you think he learned it?” Adama said, chuckling.

* * *

“I have a surprise for you,” Adama said quietly.

“A surprise?” Lee asked, curious.

“What sort of surprise?” Laura asked, glancing at her husband.

Adama took Laura’s arm and led her down a corridor, Lee close behind. Apollo was curious about this secret his father was so eager to show them, but couldn’t help feeling a touch apprehensive. He and his father had been estranged for so long, it was his natural inclination to distrust him.

“Here we are. Please, go inside.”

Laura and Lee looked at each other warily. It was difficult to say what the Commander might have up his sleeve, but after taking a second look at him, Laura determined that whatever waited beyond the door seemed to please her new father-in-law. She smiled at him and opened the hatch, gasping.

“Oh my Gods,” she whispered, turning to Lee.

“I-Dad?” he asked softly. He turned to his father, stunned. “How-”

“Congratulations to both of you. This is my wedding-slash-forgive me gift to you. I was wrong, horribly wrong. I never should have said the things I said. It wasn’t my place to judge either of you; I should never have presumed that you were both irresponsible. I hope you both forgive me.”

“Dad, how did you know we needed new quarters?”

“Hey, this is my ship. I hear everything.”

“Thank you, Com-Bill,” Laura whispers, kissing his cheek.

“You’re welcome.”

“Dad, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to both of us,” Lee said, hugging his father.

Adama returned the hug and then pulled away. He smiled at his son and clapped him on the shoulder. He turned to Laura and took her hand, kissing her cheek. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

“Well, I’ll let you two get settled in. We were able to move all of your things over, Madam President; Billy was kind enough to help us out. We also brought your personal effects from your quarters, Lee. You’ll need to clear out your desk though; we’re going to give your quarters to a couple from Tauron who’ve been living in, well, basically a storage closet. You won’t have an official office any more, but I thought you’d think this more important.”

Lee nodded at his father and wrapped his arm around Laura’s waist. Adama nodded at the two and exited the room. When the door closed behind him, they turned to each other, smiling.

“This was the last thing I expected,” Lee murmured.

“Tell me about it,” Laura replied with a smile, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I just don’t know what to think. Yesterday he was yelling at us, calling us fools and today he’s worked out larger quarters for our needs and apologizing for his behavior?”

“Don’t analyze it to death. I think he’s making a genuine gesture, Lee. I know it isn’t easy for you to trust him, but he is trying,” she said softly, kissing him.

“I want to trust him, but it’s hard…I keep remembering all the times he let me down, made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.”

“I know, sweetie and I don’t blame you for feeling that way. Your distrust is understandable, but it’s a good sign that you’re trying to overcome it.”

He smiled down at her, cupping her face. He kissed her, tangling his fingers in her hair. She whimpered in response and returned the kiss, holding him tightly. He broke off the kiss and looked into her mercurial eyes, his thumb tracing the line of her jaw.

“I love you, Laura,” he whispered against her lips, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she replied, kissing his chin, then his jaw.

“You’re shameless. You’ll say anything to get into my pants.”

“Give me a break. My hormones are raging and you’re not sleeping more like you promised.”

“Hey! That’s not my fault! You wake me at all hours, you corner me in the shower for Gods’ sake!”

“You’re just that irresistible! Besides, I told you I can’t keep my hands to myself.”

She grinned at him and grabbed the front of his uniform, pulling him close for a passionate kiss. He grinned and allowed her to lead him to their bed, unbuttoning her lilac jacket and tossing it aside as they crossed the room. She quickly divested him of his own jacket and was running her hands under his t-shirt, against his bare skin. The backs of his knees hit the bed and he collapsed onto his back.

“I love it when you get all bossy,” he growled.

“Don’t talk,” she whispered, straddling him.

“You’re so beautiful, Mrs. Adama.” He stared up at her, burning the sight of her into his memory forever.

Grinning down at him, she touched his cheek and replied, “I love the sound of that.”

“So do I…and soon we’re going to have a little Adama.”

A sunny smile broke out across her face and she said, “Do you have a preference?”

“Preference?”

“Yeah. Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“Hmm…no, I don’t. I want a healthy baby, that’s all I care about. What about you?”

“I’d like the experience of each, actually,” she confessed. “But yes, as long as the baby is healthy, I’ll be blissfully happy.”

After a long moment, Lee said, “It’s not fair. Laura.”

“I know it’s not.”

“Aren’t you angry?”

“Were you there for my meltdown this afternoon?”

“I’d take your place if I could.”

“I know you would. But I wouldn’t let you.”

“The baby needs you more than me.”

“Not true. I’ll give him or her life, but you’ll be the one to teach the child, you’ll shape their future.”

She smiled at him again and lay beside him, resting her head on his chest, one of her legs tangling with his. He gently placed his hand against her belly, rubbing lightly. She giggled and propped herself up on her elbow, kissing his lips softly.

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine.”

“I don’t mean physically, but I’m glad to know you’re not in pain.”

“Lee…” she warned gently, attempting to pull away.

He gripped her arm and gently pulled her to him. “Don’t run away from me. I’ve always let you have your way, but not this time. I want to know what you’re feeling.”

“I feel fine.”

“Fine? What does ‘fine’ mean exactly?”

“I’m OK.”

“OK doesn’t tell me anything.”

Laura jerked away from him and sat up, snapping, “Stop harassing me! I’m fine, all right?”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

“I mean it, Lee, stop.”

“I told you, you’re not running away this time,” Lee said firmly.

“There’s nothing to say! We covered everything in our meeting with Elosha!”

“No we didn’t! You finally told someone about your past. That’s wonderful, you have no idea how happy I am to know something about you pre-apocalypse, but it doesn’t tell me anything about how you’re feeling now.”

“How exactly should I be feeling?” Her tone was light, but her expression was agitated and she got to her feet and began to pace.

“I can’t tell you what to feel.”

“I…”

“Just say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

“Hungry.”

“Hungry? Are you kidding me? That was the first thing that came to mind?”

“No, it wasn’t. But I don’t see the purpose of this exercise. Why does it matter so much?”

“Why are you fighting me on this? Have I given you any reason to distrust me or to believe that I won’t understand?”

“No you haven’t. But I don’t express my feelings easily.”

“No one does.”

She stopped pacing, and turned away from him, her voice soft, “I feel like a failure.”

“A failure? Why?”

“The three biggest things that have ever happened to me in my life, and I’m incapable of finishing any of them. That’s my definition of failure.”

“You’re not a failure,” he murmured, moving to take her into his arms.

“Don’t, Lee, you don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?”

“I’m…is it really worth all of this? Am I really worth it to you? Is this pain and anguish worth the short time we’ll be together?”

“Of course it is. We love each other and we’re going to have a baby together. You know, a wise woman once said, ‘it’s life and that’s what living means sometimes, to hurt, to ache.’”

Laura smirked and muttered, “Yeah, maybe she should’ve kept her mouth shut.”

“Or maybe she should stop hiding and tell her husband how she really feels about her illness, about the choices she’s made.”

Laura turned her back to him, closing her eyes. She struggled to keep her emotions in check; it was getting harder and harder for her to control them and she cursed the hormones that were the cause of it all. The constant up-and-down, the extreme intensity of her feelings meant she was losing control of herself, and Laura never lost control.

“I’m pissed off is how I’m feeling! I don’t want to die now! Not when I’m finally happy, when I finally have everything I want.”

“This is a good start,” Lee murmured in her ear, wrapping his arms around her, kissing a sensitive spot just below her ear.

“Now you want to have sex? I’ve warmed up to the idea of baring my soul and you want to have sex?” she demanded, her tone shrill.

“I-”

She pulled away from him and turned, lowering the zipper of her skirt with some difficulty; it was already skin-tight and uncomfortable as hell, but it was the only skirt she could still wear. She let it drop to the floor. “No, that’s fine. I’d rather have sex than talk about this anyway.”

“That’s not what I meant by-Laura, I’d rather talk to you.”

“Oh, I see. So now you don’t want me anymore? I’m old and I’m getting fat! That’s great!”

“What the hell? I never said anything of the sort! You’re not old and you’re not fat!”

“I need to lie down, I’m not feeling well.”

“Gods, are you OK? Do you need me to find the doctor?”

“No, it’s nothing serious. I’m just tired…”

“C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

He put his arm around her and led her to bed, settling her first, then climbed in after her. He smiled when she snuggled against him, resting her head on his chest, lying half on top of him. He tenderly kissed the top of her head and smiled. Old habits die hard…

Live Like You Were Dyin’

He said I was in my early 40’s

With a lot of life before me

And a moment came that stopped me on a dime

I spent most of the next days, lookin’ at the x-rays

Talkin’ ‘bout the options and talkin’ ‘bout sweet time

Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end

How’s it hit ya, when you get that kind of news

Man what ya do

And he says,

{Chorus}

I went sky divin’,

I went Rocky Mountain climbin’,

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.

And I loved deeper,

And I spoke sweeter,

And I gave forgiveness I’ve been denyin’,

And he said someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin’.

He said I was finally the husband,

That most the time I wasn’t.

And I became a friend a friend would like to have.

And all the sudden goin’ fishin’,

Wasn’t such an imposition.

And I went three times that year I lost my dad.

Well I finally read the Good Book,

And I took a good long hard look at what I’d do

If I could do it all again.

And then

{Repeat Chorus}

Like tomorrow was a gift and you’ve got eternity

To think about what you do with it,

What could you do with it?

What can I do with it?

What would I do with it?

{Repeat Chorus}

To live like you were dyin’

To live like you were dyin’

To live like you were dyin’

To live like you were dyin’