Balancing Act

How did things get so crazy….

When did it all begin……

Was it just an impulse…….

Only a minor sin

I knew it shouldn’t happen

That I was doing wrong

We had other commitments

To which we must belong

But this was stronger

Than either one of us thought

Our scruples turned to dust

Protestations came to naught

It was such a large step

Going from enemies to friends

Who would have thought

This is where it would end

I shouldn’t have let it happen

I knew that all along

For someone in my position

It was totally wrong

But it is hard to stand aloof

In the face of such temptation

Like running for the train

As it leaves the station

So much of my life

I’ve been the one standing apart

So often on the outside

With a cold and empty heart

 

I had many friends before

Some I’ve known for years

People with the same goals

Who shared triumphs and tears

Now I am left alone

Within the space of just one day

All I knew before

Death has taken away

Funny how things go

In all that has been lost

I find that those strong friendships

To me are the highest cost

Was that really the reason

I slipped, let down my guard

Was finding myself so alone

Really terribly hard

Or am I making excuses

Finding reasons to explain

Hiding from the truth

To avoid facing the pain

 

I find I spend my days

Surrounded by the crowd

Putting on a show

Unable to voice my fears aloud

So many of those who survived

Are so very young

Scared of this new world

Fate has left them among

Even those who are older

With wise and steady heads

Look to me with frightened eyes

Asking to be lead

I can not let them see

The turmoil I try to hide

I put on a brave face

And keep the uncertainty inside

He was the only one

To whom I could be honest

Even if we found ourselves

Players in a power contest

Is that perhaps the reason

I broke the unwritten rule

Or am I just making excuses

For being such a fool

 

In my present circumstances

I do not have the right

To let a relationship begin

Without putting up a fight

Given the political situation

We were natural foes

And then there was my health

Adding to my woes

We were total opposites

Or that is what I thought

He’s definitely not the kind of man

Whose company I’d of sought

It was a simple case

Of anger at first sight

Just as night follows day

It was inevitable we’d fight

Then the world we knew fell apart

Changing both our positions

Saving our people

Became our common mission

They say that danger

Can lead to heightened emotions

I never believed this was more

Than just some stupid notion

 

Neither one of us expected

At this point in our lives

To find our selves in charge

Of keeping humanity alive

I know we both accepted

We had to find common ground

Learn to work together

Given the dangers all around

So we worked together

Put aside the tension

Yes we still felt the anger

It something we didn’t mention

But it doesn’t just go away

All that unspoken friction

You can’t destroy your feelings

Just by making a decision

I guess it was inevitable

Our truce would finally crack

That something would happen

To bring all the feelings rushing back

For we are only human

No different from the rest

Funny just how life

Put us to the test

 

I never once imagined

What this would lead to

Sleeping together

Was the last thing I ever thought we’d do

Was it just the old adage

That love’s the other side of hate

Or just a cosmic joke

An unexpected twist of fate

It can never be repeated

Not the way things are

The bigger issues

Take priority by far

Neither one of us can afford

An involvement of this kind

Cannot take the risk

Of having a distracted mind

Even if unexpectedly

The pressure were to diminish

How can I pursue this thing

Knowing how it will finish

And yet for one brief moment of time

I no longer felt alone

Soul touched soul

And I finally found my home

 

We cannot avoid each other

Run and hide away

Our responsibilities demand

That we have to stay

So now we circle around

Careful not to touch

Once we knew to little

Now we know too much

So I live with this balancing act

Crazy about the man

Wishing I could change things

But knowing I never can