Word Count: 3,990
Date: 05/27/05
Series: One
Rating: T
Category: Relationships
Pairing/Focus: Lee/Kara
Warnings:
Summary: Kara and Lee discover that time might just heal all
wounds and love might just help the lost become found.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: All of Season 1 (and Season 2
speculation.) Archiving: BSG2003, Cylon Dreams, Beyond Insane, Gate of Dreams;
all others please ask first. This is a not for profit work of fan fiction. I own
neither the characters or story concept for Battlestar Galacitca, but Ron Moore
said I could use them, so I am!
It wasn't the first frakking time she'd been welcomed back to Galactica with a medical gurney, but it was the first time she'd had a formal color guard and dignitary review, when she got back.
>From her half sitting/laying position on the rolling transport, Kara knew it had to be bizzaro world she'd jumped back into with Helo and their stolen Cylon transport, cause it sure wasn't the place she left. By all rights they ought to be escorting her sorry ass to hack- again, but instead, she was welcomed as a hero. The Lords must be laughing their asses off over this one.
The Arrow of Apollo had been whisked away and was now in the possession of Priestess Elosha, which was definitely for the best. Kara had seen enough of that thing to last her a couple of lifetimes. The only person she didn't see here to greet her was Lee. Stuffing her acute disappointment at his absence, she mused that maybe she had come back to the right place after all. Lee still wasn't speaking to her- what a damn surprise.
She also needed to tell someone about the Cylon traitor they had on board and so she quickly scanned the attending pilots for her face. No sign of the Cylon they knew as Boomer. It would have to wait, this wasn't the time and chances were, that she didn't even know she *was* a Cylon yet.
The first hand to take hers was the Old Man's, his haggard face looking even more haggard than she recalled. Come to think of it, he looked downright ill. Lords that was just frakking great... now she could feel even guiltier over worrying him to the point of illness, because she was convinced after the way she left that was exactly what he'd done.
She wanted to tell him she forgave him, and she was sorry; and about Sharon and a hundred other things, that would have to wait until later, until all the suits and reporters and dignitaries were back aboard their ships.
Later she could confess that he'd done the right thing using any means possible to give the survivors hope.
She'd learned that lesson well during her three week stay on Caprica from the thousands of people who continued to fight because they had hope of one day returning to life as they knew it: life before the Cylons.
Kara Thrace now believed in hope with the zeal of the newly converted and had she not known that her surrogate father would never forgive himself, she might have just stayed on Caprica and fought along with them.
Right now all she could do was grip his hand in hers and try to communicate some of her feelings without words. The Commander's grimacing half-smile would have to suffice for comfort.
"We'll talk later, Lieutenant. For now, welcome home."
"Thank you, sir. It's good to be home."
Before more could be said, the gurney arrived at its destination: the end of Galactica's hanger bay. The President stood in front of the dais looking austerely presidential as usual. Helo stood between them.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Lt. Kara Thrace and Lt. Karl Agathon!"
The hanger deck, full of people, exploded in a riot of applause and cheering that made Kara wish she was any place but here. She might be the class clown, but she was very uncomfortable with public adulation. To make matters worse, she knew she was blushing and she hated that even more.
The President turned toward the newest of Galactica's heroes and added her applause to the multitude. Just as the noise began to abate, the Arrow of Apollo was held aloft by Elosha on the other side of the President causing yet another round of riotous applause from the on-looking crowd.
Finally to Kara's relief, the President held her arms up signaling her desire to get on with this impromptu ceremony.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to publicly thank Lt. Kara Thrace for not only a successful mission to recover the priceless Arrow of Apollo from behind enemy lines, but also for the rescue of Lt. Karl Agathon, a pilot believed lost during the attack on Caprica."
"Though we have had some difficult days recently, I can say with all sincerity that hope is still alive, we are still a people who live by the rules of democracy and we will, with the help of brave men and women like Lt. Thrace and Lt. Agathon, find our way to earth and live free from the threat of the Cylons!"
Cheering and applause erupted again morphing into the fleet's new battle cry, 'so say we all', 'so say we all', 'so say we all!'
*
Waking up in medical was never Kara's favorite thing as it was always associated with some part of her body being busted with pain. This was no different.
Although nothing was broken this time- that had to be some kind record- she was definitely suffering from the painful aftereffects of mild radiation poisoning, dehydration and, to make things even more special, her period.
The Commander's voice drifted through the curtain and it occurred to her that his voice most likely woke her to begin with.
"Well, Bill, all things considered, I'd say your recovery is remarkable. Not every man could take three bullets at close rage and live to tell the tale." Dr. Cottle's smoke-rasped voice said from the other side of the curtain.
"Good thing I'm not just any man," Adama quipped with his usual bravado.
Kara reeled; the Old Man had been shot? What the hell? No wonder he'd looked sick yesterday, he'd just gotten out of medical himself.
The conversation on the other side of the curtain drifted away as her mind began to unravel the implications of the fleet's Commander being shot at close range. When the truth hit her, her heart plummeted through the floor.
Oh Lords. That frakking Cylon, Boomer, must have shot him. She'd gotten back too late to stop it from happening.
This really could be considered her fault and suddenly it was all to much, the guilt over defying Adama, her highly stressed stay on the planet, their costly escape back to Galactica and now this. The man she looked up to as a father, shot because of her.
First one tear, then another and another, till it was all she could do to keep herself from sobbing out loud. She could still hear the two men talking and she definitely didn't want anyone to know she was bawling like a little girl.
"Are you sticking to your physical therapy schedule?" When there was no answer the crusty ship's doctor went into full nag mode. "Damn it, Bill, stick to the schedule."
"There hasn't been time," the Old Man mumbled back.
"I could put you back on medical leave, then you'd have plenty of time," the doc threatened.
"You won't do that."
"The hell I wouldn't!"
"You made your point, Doc. I'll try to make more time, that's the best I can do. Now about Lt..." Commander Adama stopped short and without warning, the curtain separating them opened.
Kara's little cry-fest had been louder than she thought. Adama turned to Dr. Cottle. "Could you excuse us, Doctor."
Doc's answer was an unintelligible grumble most likely cursing stubborn commanders and sissy-girl viper pilots.
Ignoring her tears, the Old Man stood stiffly at the side of her bed. "You look good Starbuck, how do you feel?"
"I've been worse, sir." Kara tried for a little half smile, grateful that her tears had slowed to small random hiccups.
"Don't blame yourself, Kara, the shooting wasn't your fault."
Fresh hot tears trickled down her cheeks even though she tried hard to hold them back. Lords she hated crying in front of this man.
"None of us suspected that Lt. Valerii was a Cylon copy, she could have been activated at any time and there's nothing any of us could have done."
"How..." she took a deep breath to calm her racing nerves, "how- when did it happen?"
"The witnesses said that, Lt. Valerii entered CIC after completing her mission to destroy the Cylon Base Star orbiting Kobol. When she approached to shake my hand, she drew her firearm and discharged three shots at close range."
Starbuck felt the chill of pure evil race up her spine. It was all so surreal. This was Sharon Valerii for frak's sake! But it wasn't her, it never was. Not the one she flew missions with, or the one Tyrol loved, or the one Helo loved on Caprica. Those women were all frakking Cylon illusions, some sick twisted experiment to make new little toasters. Kara wanted to be sick.
"I'm so sorry, sir," Kara whispered.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry, Kara. I never should have lied to you about Earth, but if it makes you feel any better, I never told Lee either. The President and I were the only two who knew," Adama said, stepping a bit close to grasp her hand.
At the mention of Lee's name, a few more of those wretched tears tracked their way down her cheek. Lords! Would there ever be a limit to the amount of things she could completely frak up?
"A lot happened after you left. The Doc wanted me to wait to brief you till you were back on your feet, but I think you have a right to know and I didn't think you'd want to wait."
The Old Man wearily lowered himself to sit on the side of her medical bed. He seemed to her to age ten years in mere seconds. As bad as things already were, it looked like they were about to get much worse.
"You should know that Lee's been arrested and placed in hack pending court-martial."
Of all the frakked up things Kara expected to hear the Commander say that was not even on the list. Her thoughts from yesterday about being in bizzaro world came flooding back to her.
Lee was in hack. Rule quoting, line towing, perfect officer and gentlemen, Lee in hack and not just for the lame ass stunts that she liked to pull. He was facing a court martial.
"I'm sorry, sir, I don't think I heard you correctly, because I thought you said that Lee Adama was in hack." Kara's normal humor and sarcasm resurfaced with a vengeance and she waited for her old mentor to tell her the punch line, only it never came. Adama didn't crack so much as a grin.
"Lee disobeyed a direct order and pulled his firearm on a superior officer." The commander's voice sounded beyond tired, it sounded defeated.
Kara was stunned. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't wrap her mind around Lee frakking up to that extent. It just wasn't like him. "Oh, Lords, sir. I can't believe Lee would do something like that. What would make him do something like that?"
"After you jumped to Caprica, I called for President Roslin's resignation. I felt she overstepped her authority when she ordered you to retrieve the Arrow. When she refused to resign, I sent Tigh and Lee with a squad of Marines to place her under arrest."
By this time Kara was incredulous and racked with guilt over the ramifications of her decision. She wanted to scream with rage and frustration that one moment of angered disillusionment had caused such a chain of events. Dropping her head to her hands she struggled to hold it together while Cmdr. Adama finished.
"In the end, Lee sided with the President and challenged Col. Tigh at gunpoint. If the President herself hadn't intervened I'd probably be looking for a new XO."
They were both silent for a long time, neither knowing what to say. It was Kara who finally whispered into the void.
"But, it was my fault. I'm the one who should be in hack."
Adama cleared his throat. "Believe me, Lieutenant, had you been here three days ago, you would've been. As it stands now, the Civilian government has been re-instated because to do anything else would have caused anarchy throughout the fleet."
Kara mutely nodded her understanding.
"By acknowledging that, I had to concede that the President *did* have the authority to countermand my orders and send you to Caprica. You can't be put in hack if you were following orders."
"Hurray for me," she said glumly. "If I'm off the hook, then why not Lee?"
The Old Man's lips thinned to a hard line, this was the crux of the whole thing. "Apollo was under my direct orders, you were not."
Kara opened her mouth to protest further but was denied the opportunity.
"Not now, Lieutenant." Adama stood to leave. "Not now. Just get some rest, we'll talk again later." With that the Old Man left her to herself.
Kara lay despondently on the medical bed as her thoughts chased around in her head. She'd never had the world's best judgment, even on a good day, just instinct. Now it seemed she had no judgment at all.
What the frak was she supposed to do? If she thought Lee was pissed at her before, there was no telling what he'd be like now. She'd be very lucky if he ever wanted to be in the same room with her.
That thought alone was enough to take her despair to new lows. The thought of never seeing Lee again was just too much to bear and if she were honest with herself, she came back from Caprica as much for him as she did his dad.
The idea that she had to fix things between them drove her relentlessly on in the face of death and the impossible. She just couldn't die knowing that Lee hated her: and now this. Sometimes her life sucked beyond the telling of it.
*
Being flat on her back for seventy-two hours had given Kara plenty of time to think about what happened with her and with Lee. The Old Man had dropped by a couple more times but was as reluctant to talk about his son as the first time and she began to realize this went much deeper than disobeying orders for him.
Lee had chosen the President over his own father for no reason that made any sense to him. He felt betrayed plain and simple and Lee was going to feel the effects for quite some time unless she could find a way to heal the breech. She'd done it before; she just prayed to all the Lords of Kobol that she could do it again.
As for the other issues between Lee and herself, she had no frakking clue.
*
Several days had passed since she'd gotten home and back to work. It felt liberating to be back in the pit of her viper, it was her second favorite place to think and plan her strategy for getting Lee out of hack and back into her life. Strangely enough in the beginning, it had escaped her memory that with Lee in the brig, she was CAG; the one upside of that position was private quarters while not on duty. That was her first favorite place to think.
Initially, Kara planned to see Lee as soon as possible, however she soon discovered that under arrest or not, Lee was in the CAP rotation. Galactica was just too short on qualified pilots to leave him in the brig, that meant that when she was on duty, he wasn't and vice versa. Great for fighting Cylons, not so great for fixing the mess she'd made.
She needed to talk to Lee alone so she could tell him about her plan to get him released, she needed to look in his eyes and hear his voice, to know that he might someday forgive her for being a screw up and for making him chose between his ideals and his father.
She'd already talked to President Roslin and she was willing to give Lee a full pardon, now all she had to do was get the Commander and Lee to agree.
That's why she found herself nearly asleep standing up waiting for the guards to bring Lee back to his cell at the close of Delta shift.
"What's the matter, Starbuck, you lost? Or just homesick?" Lee's caustic remarks jerked her out of her semi-slumber.
"What?" Kara shook her head again, she really need to wake the hell up- now. "Oh... funny, Lee."
"I thought so," he snipped as the guard removed his restraints and opened the cell door.
When the door was secure, Kara dismissed the guard, telling him to take a walk and come back in fifteen.
"So, you're actually talking to me. I wasn't sure if you would." Kara shoved her hands nervously in her pants pockets and tried to look nonchalant.
"Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you, being conspicuous by your absence and all," Lee said pointedly, his direct gaze connecting with hers.
"What are you talking about? This is the first chance I've even had to see you!" she shot back quickly.
"So you expect me to believe that in the week that you've been back, you haven't had five minutes to spare?"
"Frak you, Lee," Kara exploded. "I spent four days in medical trying to get well and the remaining three flying double shifts for the frakking privilege of shooting Cylons out of the sky! So, no I guess I didn't."
Lee looked away then his head sagged to his chest. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"Why do you care anyway? I thought you hated me."
His head snapped back up and he looked confused as hell. "How could you even think...oh... yeah..."
"Yeah..." Now it was her turn to look away.
"Lords, that seems like lifetime ago." He breathed out, sounding as tired as she felt.
"But it's not just that, Lee, what about you being here, under arrest? How can you not hate me for that?"
"You did create one hell of a mess, Thrace, I'll give you that." Lee laughed lightly. "But seriously, you didn't create the tension between the Old Man and President Roslin any more than I did."
When Kara was silent he continued, stepping closer to where she stood just outside his cell.
"Kara, this thing has been building since the day Roslin was sworn in and there's no way we could have stopped it from happening eventually."
"She wants to give you a full pardon," Kara blurted out.
"What?"
"Roslin. I talked to her today and she said it was wrong for you to bear the responsibility for her mistakes. She wants to pardon you."
Lee just shook his head and smiled ruefully. "Tell her thanks, but no. My dad is going to have make peace with my decision to back her first, otherwise, it will all happen again."
"I knew you'd say that," Kara smirked. "That's why I told her I'd have to convince the Old Man it was his idea."
"No. No way," Lee said emphatically. "I don't want you involved in this."
"Well, sorry, Lee," Kara said, mimicking his tone and inflection, "I'm already involved whether you like it or not."
"Kara, don't fight my battles for me." Agitated, Lee got in her personal space as closely as the bars between them would allow. "Especially with my dad!"
He was close enough for her to smell his shower soap and her over-tired senses flared at his nearness. She didn't need this right now.
"Why?" she asked a little too breathily. "Why can't I help you?"
It was so nice to stand next to him this way that it was making her crazy. His eyes flashing blue fire, his hair mussed from the shower he'd just taken, his muscular arms flexing as his hands grasped the cell bars.
Lords, she really did want him in the worst way.
She was woman enough to admit that now. Considering her little fantasy session with Baltar, it seemed only fair that she did. There were other things though that she wasn't ready to admit, this one was safer. And at this point, safer was better.
"You just can't, okay? Let's leave it at that." Lee rested his head on the bars near hers and sighed heavily. "Just this once, let me do it my way. Please?"
She held his gaze, wondering if he felt the rush of heat that she did, that same surge of excitement tingling along every nerve ending, dancing up her spine like flashes of warm intense light. It swamped her senses to the extent that she couldn't refuse him, couldn't even remember why she'd wanted to in the first place.
All the fight went out of her and left her longing to be with him on the other side of the bars. She settled for placing her hand on his chest through the opening between them. "At least let me talk to him, Lee."
He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes before answering her. "Yes..." Then as if pushed, he took a step away from the cage. "I mean no." He ran his hands through still damp hair. "No, this needs to play out, Kara, I-" Lee stepped back to her again. "Promise me you won't talk to him about it."
Kara sighed in resignation. "I promise." There seemed to be nothing else to say, so she turned to leave. The guard would be back in a minute or two anyway.
"Kara," Lee called tentatively.
She turned back around to see that he was leaning on the bars again, resting his forehead on his upraised arm.
"About the other thing...I ah ... I just wanted..."
She interrupted him because she just couldn't deal with any of his questions right now. As tired and strung out with attraction as she was, she might just tell him the truth. Neither of them ready for that. "Lee, it's over with okay?"
"No, it's not okay," he said, lifting his head. "I was out of line before and I just wanted to say that ah, I was sorry."
Oh, Lords she really didn't need this true confessions shit right now. "It's no big deal, forget it."
Kara tried for her best nonchalant expression knowing he'd probably see right through it and press his advantage.
Lee turned partially away from her so that she couldn't see his face. "I'd just assumed that there was... that we were..." He turned and focused that searching blue gaze of his on her full throttle till she just about couldn't breathe. "Well I was wrong and I'm sorry. I had no right."
Shit, shit, shit, she couldn't do this again, not yet, maybe not ever. Frakking Baltar and thinking of Lee was one thing, there were no strings, no commitment, -no feelings. But this - Lee looking at her with his heart in his eyes stirring up all kinds of emotions she couldn't control was just too much. "I can't do this," she whispered under her breath.
Kara couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't pull her deeper into the vortex of her feelings so she did what she'd always done, she walked away.
She should have known he wouldn't let her off so easily.
"Kara?" Lee called again, his voice confused and concerned.
She didn't turn around again, but before she could stop it, a small slice of truth slipped out. "You weren't wrong, Lee." This time she ran before he could say anything else, leaving a very surprised Lee Adama standing alone by his cell door.
End Part 1